The other day we stopped at Krispy Kreme. As we were walking up to the front door, I heard a man in the parking lot let loose with a very loud, disturbing phrase. I won’t repeat it here, but it shocked me to hear a man swearing in public.
My immediate thought was that he had gotten out of a vehicle and yelled at his wife before slamming the door, but I didn’t actually see that happen. That poor woman, I thought. My husband has never spoken to me like that. This guy must be a complete jerk.
We got our donuts and went on our way, but that situation came back to me later on. I wondered if I could have been wrong about that man. Maybe he was trying to cross the parking lot and the woman in the car had almost hit him. (It still would have been better if he hadn’t sworn, but it would have been more understandable.) Maybe he was a nice guy who was kind to his wife and just used his potty mouth when his life was in danger.
I really don’t know, and it was wrong for me to make assumptions.
When I went to Teens Encounter Christ (TEC) two weeks ago, I interacted with lots of smiling, helpful teens. Some were candidates, hearing the talks and participating in the activities for the first time. Others had been through TEC before and had come back to work behind the scenes. They prayed for the speakers, served the meals, and offered support in all sorts of ways.
I assumed they all had pretty carefree lives, but as we heard talks and discussed them, over and over we heard about difficult times. Some of these teens dealt with anxiety, bullying, depression, and suicidal thoughts. You’d never know it just by looking at them.
But TEC gives them a safe place to share their struggles. Once they voice their challenges, they can count on the TEC community to support them as they learn to trust God and thrive in spite of those hardships.
I cried several times during the weekend because I realized that people are hurting and I’ve often assumed they were fine.
We have to get better at picking up on clues that someone is struggling. We have to ask our friends how they’re doing and be willing to listen when they tell us the truth. We need to share our own stories so people know they’re not alone. Maybe they’ll get help if they know that someone else deals with the same things.
We really don’t know what’s going on in someone else’s life, mind, and heart. We can’t judge and we can’t make assumptions.
But we can pray for eyes to see and a heart that’s willing to walk alongside others.
“Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly.” (John 7:24 NIV)
Do you make assumptions about people you hardly know? How can focusing on God help you to stop judging and reach out in love instead?