Category: Mental Health

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Bruises

While on vacation recently, Gary and I went hiking in the Great Smoky Mountains in Tennessee. After hoofing it over six miles to Le Conte Lodge, we headed back down the same trail.

The girls taking our picture thought it was so cute that Gary helped me over the rocks by Rainbow Falls.

At one point, there was a big rock with some moss and a bit of water on it. As I placed my foot, I had the fleeting thought that maybe I should step down further to the right instead of directly on the rock. Just like that, my boot slid out from under me and I landed—hard—on my left hip and shoulder. Gary saw me fall, so he hurried back to make sure I was okay. “I don’t think I broke anything,” I moaned as I pulled myself up and sat for a minute. We continued down the trail. I was sore, but I could still hike.

Amazingly, I didn’t fall down this set of steps!

I figured I would have a bruise after hitting that hard, but we were amazed to see just how big it was the next day. A 6-by-8-inch purple rectangle graced my left thigh. It was still shockingly huge when we got home to South Dakota. I decided to go do my swim workouts, even though people would be able to see it.

“Whoa! What happened to you?” several people commented. I was able to tell them about our long hike in the mountains. I was kind of embarrassed that I had fallen, but I also felt pretty proud of my bruise. As I swam a couple more times this week, I came to think of it as a badge of honor. I had taken a fall, but I got up and kept hiking, and I had the bruise to prove it.

Taken two days after the fall. It got even prettier after this!

When you live with a mental health diagnosis, you sometimes end up with emotional bruises and scars. Sure, people usually can’t see them, but we know they’re there. The tender spots in our lives can be a badge of honor for us—proof that we’ve lived through something difficult and we’re still here.

When we see someone else struggling emotionally, let’s be quick to tell them about our bruises and scars. It may inspire them to keep going as they continue their own journey to better mental health.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV)

Have you ever had a bruise or scar you were kind of proud of? How can focusing on God help you be willing to share your emotional bruises and scars with someone who needs encouragement or inspiration?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Decluttering

I’ve been on a decluttering mission the last couple of weeks. I emptied one of my bookshelves so I could move it across the room, and then I ruthlessly weeded out a good chunk of my collection. I love books, but I don’t have enough time to reread most of them. It’s time to pass them on to someone else.

I keep looking around our home and thinking about what can go. I’m making a big pile. We’ll see if a garage sale is in our future or if I’ll make several trips to a donation center.

When I used to look at my overstuffed bookshelf, it would make me feel stressed. I knew there were quite a few books I hadn’t read yet (I moved those to a smaller bookshelf and I’m making plans to read them in the months ahead and then pass them on). Now my bookshelf isn’t even full, and I can see the titles of books I love and want to keep (at least for now). I feel a sense of peace.

Clutter in our minds isn’t good for our mental health. It’s stressful to hold on to negative thoughts. Maybe it’s time to declutter so we can focus on more helpful, positive ideas. Write down what you’re thinking and decide what has to go. You may need a counselor to help you learn skills for doing that, but it’s worth it.

I started going back to my counselor in Sioux Falls in July to work on a few things that were bothering me. This week we talked about my tendency to seek knowledge from lots of different sources. I read books and listen to podcasts, getting lots of interesting, helpful info. The trouble is, I let all of that good stuff clutter up my mind and I often don’t take action. For me, it can be a form of avoidance.

So my counselor suggested that I go for one week without listening to podcasts. We both had to laugh as my anxiety about that was clearly visible. She could see it all over my face, and I noticed that my right hand started scratching vigorously on my left arm. She had hit a nerve. “But what would I do instead when I’m out for a walk or something?” I asked. “You could listen to music…or just be,” she said.

Just be. What a concept. I don’t do that very well. My mind is constantly analyzing and excusing and chastising and celebrating and planning and wondering.

I think this week without podcasts is going to be good for my mental clutter if I allow the extra time and space to be something healing for me. Instead of filling my brain with more thoughts and ideas from others, I can sort through what I already know and believe. Then I can make sure I’m putting it into practice as I live this beautiful life God’s given me.

I won’t give up podcasts completely after the week is over, but I might be more deliberate about balancing my time, making sure I don’t just listen to tons of episodes and let it all become clutter again.

It all comes down to catching our thoughts, doesn’t it? Learning to focus on things that are excellent and praiseworthy (and true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable as it says in Philippians 4:8). We can get rid of any thoughts that don’t fit in those categories.

You can check out my free, private Facebook group: Catch Your Thoughts with Robyn Mulder (and my podcast with the same name) if you want some support and encouragement in your mental decluttering process.* You’ll feel more peace when your mind is clear.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:19–21 NIV)

Does clutter bother you? Which is easier for you to see…the clutter in your home or the clutter in your mind? How can focusing on God help you get rid of both types?

*If you want help with decluttering your home, I recommend watching YouTube videos by The Minimal Mom and The Life Tidy. (I’m sure there are lots of other great resources out there, but these are two that have inspired me as I’ve started decluttering.)

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on When We Can’t Make It up the Mountain

Gary and I recently attended Rocky Mountain High—a youth event out in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. For my premium rec activity, I attempted to hike Hallett Peak. The summit is 12,720 feet. I had climbed it a couple of times before, but I wasn’t sure if I could make it this time. I was nervous because I knew I wasn’t in tip-top shape, but I really wanted to experience that mountaintop view once again.

The first couple of miles went okay, but I began to struggle. It felt like I was going in slow motion and I started to feel sick. The last people in our group caught up to me and I expressed my desire to make it to the top. “No problem,” they said. “If you keep up this pace, you’ll make it!” I fell in behind them and kept up for several steps, but then I watched them quickly widen the gap between us. I kept plugging away, but when I got to the snow I decided to turn around. I didn’t have the time or energy to make it.

So, I sat on a rock and ate my lunch, gazing longingly at the summit. I could see lots of people from our group moving around up there. It was so tempting to try to push on and make it, but I just had someone take my picture before I headed back down the trail.

My long walk gave me lots of time to think about how I was going to handle this “failure.” Was I going to cry all the way down? Was I going to beat myself up for even attempting it?

I didn’t do either of those things. Sure, I was disappointed that I hadn’t made it to the top, but I tried to be proud of how far I went. With a little more time, I’m sure I would have made it. I got to see some beautiful scenery. I did the best I could, and that was good.

I can’t help but compare my hike to how we can handle our mental health journeys. We might have a goal in mind. Under the right circumstances, we can achieve it. Sometimes we need to be happy with something that falls short of our goal. As long as we’re doing our best, we can feel proud of ourselves and everything we accomplish.

After my hike, I talked to my husband. We figured out that I still had lots of water in my backpack. I hadn’t been drinking nearly enough on my hike, which may have contributed to my slow pace and feeling sick. He wished he could have hiked with me and reminded me to drink more.

We need friends and family to walk along with us when it comes to our mental health, too. They can support us and remind us to take care of ourselves. The journey can be amazing, even if you don’t make it to the top of the mountain.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5–6 NIV)

Are you enjoying your journey through life, or are you frustrated because you haven’t reached the “summit” yet? How can focusing on God help you try your best and be content with how far you’ve come?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Starting a Podcast

Did you know I have a podcast?

Unless you follow me on Facebook, you probably had no idea.

I’ve told some people, and I’ve posted about it a few times in my Facebook group, but I’ve really been pretty quiet about it.

I’m not sure why, but the reasons probably have something to do with the name and the theme of the podcast: Catch Your Thoughts with Robyn Mulder.

I’ve been learning to catch my thoughts over the last several years (as we’re instructed to do in 2 Corinthians 10:5). Distorted thinking was a big contributor to the major depressive episode I had in 2014. I want the podcast to help people learn to recognize the thought distortions that make life more difficult and lead to anxiety and depression.

But it can’t help anyone if I don’t tell people about it.

I’ve finally set a date for a little launch party on Zoom. Come join me on Thursday, June 29 at 6:30 p.m. (Central) and we’ll celebrate the episodes I’ve already created. I’m going to give away two copies of a “Catch Your Thoughts Calendar” I made, and we’ll chat about past and future episodes of the podcast.

As I’ve thought about how I’ve been keeping the podcast mostly to myself, I was reminded of how often we do that as Christians. We have the best news about how much God loves us and wants to have a relationship with us, but we sometimes get busy, or lazy, or scared, and we just keep that good news to ourselves.

We need to be aware of opportunities to share that good news with people in our lives. People we know…and people God brings into our lives that we don’t know yet. We can help other people learn to follow Jesus.

I hope you’ll check out my podcast (click here) and tell a few people about it. It just might help you (and others) catch your unhelpful, distorted thoughts and replace them with true, helpful thoughts instead. It could make a big difference in your life. It could make a big difference in someone else’s life.

While you’re at it, look for opportunities to share your faith with someone. It could make an eternal difference in their life.

Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18–20 NIV)

Do you tend to keep good news to yourself? How can focusing on God help you be more deliberate about sharing the good news you’ve found with others?

© 2023 Robyn Mulder

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Staying Away from the Edge

As you probably know by now, in 2014 I went through a severe bout with depression. Depression and anxiety robbed me of all hope and sent me to the hospital. I’m so thankful for the help I got there.

Now I have joy, confidence, and hope most days, but the negatives often try to creep back in. It catches me off guard and discourages me so much. I’m learning to catch those thoughts and turn them around so that it doesn’t turn into a depression that debilitates me, but it is often difficult.

I’d like to focus on “staying away from the edge” in this week’s post. Have you ever traveled somewhere and experienced that moment of vertigo when you are overlooking some beautiful vista? Niagara Falls, The Grand Canyon, a hike in the mountains with a deep ravine next to your footpath? You realize that one false step could send you plummeting to your death. If you are wise, you make sure you are staying away from the edge so you are safe.

I think we can also do that emotionally. Mental illness can mean the death of us if we keep going in spite of all of the danger signs and fall over the figurative edge. I’d like to explore some of the ways we can stay away from the edge when it comes to our mental health. I’m sure you’ve read some of my posts that deal with that already, but I’ll share some of the ways I do that (again) in an upcoming post.

This time, I’d like to ask for your help. Would you be willing to share some of the ways you “stay away from the edge” as you live with a mental health diagnosis?

 Email me at robyn@robynmulder.com or send me a message on Facebook. I would love to hear from you and share some of your ideas with others who are also working to maintain their mental health. Please share this post with anyone who may also be struggling.

Most of all, please get help if you are teetering on the edge and you don’t feel like it’s worth it to get back to safe footing. Talk to your family, friends, or your doctor. You can also call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline if you need help.

Let’s all make sure we’re staying away from the edge.

“…I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life,….” (Deuteronomy 30:19–20 NIV)

Do you ever feel like you might go over the edge? How can focusing on God help you stay away from the edge and enjoy a fulfilling life in spite of a mental health diagnosis?

© 2016 (and tweaked in 2023) Robyn Mulder

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Community Resources

Last week I attended an event called “Stronger Together: Building Assets for Brookings, A Day for Suicide Prevention.” It was an informative, inspiring day of hearing from speakers and organizations who want to provide help for those with a mental health diagnosis or substance abuse problem in our part of South Dakota.

I was reminded of how important it is to take advantage of community resources when you are dealing with suicidal thoughts or an addiction. Too often, we isolate ourselves and look inward when we are struggling. Reaching out can get us back to a healthy place.

Here are a few resources to check out. Don’t wait until you or someone you love is in crisis. Get familiar with them now so you know where to go when you need help.

*The Helpline Center (helplinecenter.org) – Visit 211.org or dial 211 in your state to get directed to your local resources in your community.

*988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (988lifeline.org) – Call, text, or chat with a mental health professional (free and confidential).

*American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (afsp.org) – Whether you’re thinking about suicide or you’ve lost someone to suicide, this organization can help.

*Fresh Hope (freshhope.us) – Christian peer-led support groups for those with a mental health diagnosis and/or their loved ones. We have a group that meets here in Volga the 2nd and 4th Mondays of the month. You can email me for more info (robyn@robynmulder.com) or visit Fresh Hope’s website to find a group near you. They even have groups that meet online.

Dealing with mental illness doesn’t have to be a lonely endeavor. Check out these resources and get connected with a group or resource that will help you feel supported through the ups and downs of your illness. There is help and there is hope!

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24–25 NIV)

Do you try to go it alone when it comes to your mental health? Consider finding some community groups or resources that can help. How can focusing on God help you improve your health?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Catching Your Thoughts

For several years now, I’ve been working on catching my thoughts, inspired by 2 Corinthians 10:5 (see it written out at the end of this post). Some days I do it well, and other days I fail miserably.

I’ve learned that how I’m feeling is largely determined by the thoughts I’m allowing to stay in my mind. My mood is good when I’m thinking helpful, positive thoughts. My mood suffers when I let negative thoughts take over my brain.

Therapists who use cognitive behavioral therapy call these unhelpful thoughts “cognitive distortions.” Cognitive is basically a fancy word for thinking.

Distorted thinking can lead to negative emotions and is a contributing factor to mental illnesses like depression and anxiety.

The thoughts we need to catch are usually lies we’re telling ourselves. We over-generalize, or we catastrophize, or we filter our experiences through a negative lens. We need to catch those lies and replace them with God’s truth instead.

To help all of us, I decided to create a special calendar. Each month focuses on a different type of thought distortion and gives you an example from my own negative thinking. Then I give you a more helpful thought to consider. There’s room for you to write down your own negative thoughts and then come up with a better thought to replace it.

Here’s an image of the front cover of the “2023 Catch Your Thoughts Calendar.”

(It doesn’t really have a gold border.)

I want to make it available to anyone who’d like a copy. It’s a pdf file you can download and print off. You’ll have two pages for each month. One page has room to keep track of things you want to do, plus the space to work on a certain cognitive distortion. The other page has a calendar for the month where you can write in appointments and events, plus a spot to list monthly goals and important events.

And here’s where I continue to practice catching my thoughts.

I spent lots of time today finishing up the calendar, but I’m not sure how to make it available on my website yet. I want it to be a free resource people can download when they sign up for my email list, but I’ve never done this before. It’s going to take a little more work and maybe some trial and error.

My brain jumps around to lots of negative thoughts:

You don’t know what you’re doing! You should have figured this out before you told people about it! They’re probably going to think it’s stupid and nobody will want it. You can’t even catch your own thoughts, why would anyone listen to you?

And that, my friends, is why I need this calendar. Those are all lies that make me feel terrible if I keep thinking them.

Instead, I need to catch them and turn them around:

I don’t know what I’m doing, but I can figure it out. Sure, I may be jumping the gun a bit, but I’m excited to share this resource with people. Some people might not be interested, but I’m sure many people will see the value in it and it will help them. I’m still learning to catch my thoughts, and that’s why people can listen to me and learn along with me.

I feel better already.

If you’d like a copy of this calendar and I haven’t added a button or link for it somewhere when you’re reading this, just email me at robyn@robynmulder.com and I’ll sign you up for my email list and send you a copy.

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV)

Are you good at catching your thoughts? How can focusing on God help you recognize the lies you may be thinking and replace them with his truth instead?

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Five Ways to Maintain Your Mental Health during the Holidays

Here in the United States, we’re looking forward to the Thanksgiving holiday next Thursday.

I’m starting to see Christmas decorations around town here in South Dakota.

I’m starting to feel some holiday stress.

I figure many of my readers may be feeling it, too, so let’s consider some ideas for maintaining good mental health during the holidays.

  1. Leave time to breathe. Packing our schedule too full of tasks and activities (even if they’re fun) can cause our stress levels to rise. Make sure you plan to set aside some time every day to just relax and breathe. That might look like sitting down to read a book, listen to some music, or take a nap. Whatever helps you recharge your mental batteries.
  2. Make time for support. Whether that means keeping appointments with your counselor, attending a support group like Fresh Hope (find out more at freshhope.us), or just having some conversations with your spouse or best friend, getting support can help you get through the holidays with your mental health intact.
  3. Take time to notice what you’re thinking. If you feel your pulse quicken and your heart pound, take a second to examine your thoughts. You may realize you’re diving into something negative that needs to be turned around. (“Oh my gosh, I’m the worst! I’ll never finish wrapping all these presents!” can change to “Whoa! I’m glad I have such a big family, but I have too much to wrap. Guess I’ll pick up some gift bags tomorrow!”)
  4. Find time for the traditions that mean the most to you. Do the things you love with your family, but let other obligations go if they don’t bring you joy. Sandy Cooper has a great resource called “Creating Your Holiday To-Don’t List” at her website: The Scoop On Balance (thescooponbalance.com). Keeping what you love and letting go of what you don’t just might help your mental health in the next couple of months.
  5. Spend time with the Lord. You might be tempted to throw your devotional time out the window as you get busy with holiday preparations, but that time might be what holds you together through all of the holiday chaos. Jesus really is the “reason for the season,” and spending time with him will help keep our minds and hearts at peace.

This list is not exhaustive, of course. Maybe you have your own ideas for staying mentally and emotionally healthy during the holidays. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” (Isaiah 26:3 NIV)

Do you get stressed out during the holidays? What are some ways you can make sure you’re staying healthy emotionally? How can focusing on God help with that?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Getting to the Root of Things

At times we don’t want to admit something is wrong with us.

I had that happen recently when we went down to Tennessee to visit my parents and attend a conference. I was bothered by some tooth pain every once in a while, but the feeling passed and I just tried not to worry about it.

We got to the conference on Monday and enjoyed the speaker and meeting other pastors (and some of their spouses) that evening. Again, a little pain…and I wasn’t feeling like myself.

On Tuesday morning, I had swelling that was noticeable and I really didn’t feel well. I popped a few ibuprofen and sat through the teaching sessions. In the afternoon, we decided I’d better text a friend back in Volga who worked for a dentist (we didn’t have a new dentist yet since we just moved here around January 1).

She graciously texted back and forth and showed the dentist pictures of my swollen jaw.

With that evidence, they were able to prescribe antibiotics out of state and we picked them up later that day. They also directed me to take 800 mg of ibuprofen every 6 hours for pain.

I could really feel it when the pills wore off, and my swelling got worse before it got better.

I wondered if I could make it until the next Monday when I could get in to see this new dentist, but I moved forward each day hoping for the best.

I hoped maybe the antibiotics would take care of it and I wouldn’t need a root canal when I got home, but I tried to prepare myself for that possibility. I had gotten a filling in that tooth before we moved away from Platte and the dentist there had warned me about the possibility of needing a root canal at some point in the future.

It seems that time had come.

Sure enough, after an exam and x-rays on Monday, the dentist referred me to another place in Watertown to have a root canal. I had mixed feelings about how soon they could get me in, but I agreed to show up on Wednesday for the procedure.

I really psyched myself out before I got there. I felt anxious and a bit teary on the way. Once I got there, I tried to act calm, but my insides were doing all sorts of strange things. After they gave me the novocaine, I felt my heart pounding for several minutes while I tried to breathe deeply and calm down (thankfully, it stopped its jumping pretty quickly).

I took my earbuds along and listened to a podcast while they were working on me. With my eyes closed, I could almost pretend I wasn’t there.

I heard the drill and felt a little pressure, but I felt absolutely no pain. It was over in less than an hour and I was on my way home again (trying not to drool because of my numb face).

The experience got me thinking about how important it is to get to the root of things in other areas of our lives.

Sometimes we feel pain in a relationship or we don’t feel good about something going on in our lives, but we try to ignore it. We hope the situation will get better without doing anything, or we numb the pain however we can.

We may struggle with a certain sin that we just can’t seem to let go. It festers and poisons us, but we pretend it isn’t there.

If I hadn’t started taking antibiotics for my tooth abscess, the infection could have spread to other parts of my body and caused some serious complications.

When we don’t address the sin and/or emotional pain in our lives, the negative effects of that can spread to other areas of our lives and cause serious complications in our relationships, our emotional health, and our spiritual health.

We need to let Jesus get to the root.

He may help us get rid of the problem completely, or he may show us who we need to go to so we can get the help we need.

Still a little swollen, but feeling better!

My tooth was dead when I got to the endodontic office on Wednesday. It needed to be hollowed out and filled with something better so the tooth could stay in my mouth.

The Holy Spirit can help us get to the root of the problems in our lives. He’ll extract all the dead and poisonous thoughts and actions, and he’ll help us replace them with life-giving beliefs and convictions.

Now that’s something to smile about!

“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.” (1 John 1:8 NIV)

Have you ever tried to ignore a sin or problem in your life? How can focusing on God help you get to the root of things?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Staying

It’s the final day of September.

We’ve been focusing on National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. I almost skipped on to a new topic this week, but I think I’ll share a closing thought as we think about suicide prevention.

Stay.

I know life is painful sometimes. It can be frustrating and scary and uncertain.

People often try to convince someone not to take their own life by saying, “Stay for those who love you.” I know they mean well, but that just heaps more guilt on someone who is hurting and has gotten so sick that they can’t see another way out.

I want to encourage you to stay for yourself.

Depression is a highly treatable illness. Even if you can’t feel hope right now, if you hang on and get help you will eventually feel better.

For me, I want to stay because I don’t want to miss out on all of the good things in life.

Sunrises and sunsets.

Mountains and oceans.

A long hike in the woods.

Hauntingly beautiful musicals.

Flocks of birds soaring overhead.

Laughter and tears shared with the ones I love.

The list could go on and on and on. When I focus on those things, it makes it easier to hold on through the hard times.

It might help to hear the stories of people who thought they wanted to die but changed their minds immediately after attempting to die by suicide.

Kevin Hines jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. He felt instant regret as he fell. Miraculously, he survived the fall and went on to become a writer and speaker. You can find lots of info and videos online, and check out his book Cracked, Not Broken: Surviving and Thriving After a Suicide Attempt.

Kristen Jane Anderson wrote Life, In Spite of Me: Extraordinary Hope After a Fatal Choice (with Tricia Goyer) after she attempted to die by suicide by lying down on a set of train tracks. She lost her legs, but she inspires so many people with her story.

The month of September is over, but the need to prevent suicide will continue. Check in on your friends and family, reach out to others if you’re struggling (you can always call or text to 988), and never give up hope.

Stay.

“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand—when I awake, I am still with you.” (Psalm 139:16–18 NIV)

What are the good things in life that help you decide to stay? How can focusing on God help you never give up hope?