Category: Faith

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on What Really Matters

We’re almost two weeks into a new year and I’m realizing that my focus is all messed up. (Having a blog with mostly “Focus Friday” posts, you’d think I’d have this figured out by now, wouldn’t you?) Keep in mind that I’m not trying to shame myself (or you!) as I explore this topic. We just all need a reminder to get back on track once in a while.

My heart was stirred about this several times in the last couple of weeks, but I haven’t taken the time to write about it, or even think more deeply about it, until now.

The first time it happened was in church last Sunday. Gary preached a sermon from Matthew 6. “What Do You Treasure Most?” was the title. (You can watch it by clicking here.) As he spoke, I felt myself pondering the things I treasure. Of course I love the Lord, but lately my focus seems to be on too many earthly treasures.

Then in Sunday school we watched a video featuring J.D. Greear, talking about Romans 2. He said so many good things, but what bothered me was the idea that we can do all the “right” things, but if our hearts are far from God, it all means nothing. I wondered if my heart was really in the right place. From the outside, it probably looks like it, but I know the struggles I have with loving certain people or having the right attitude when I’m doing those “right” things.

And then I went through this week. On Sunday, I said I was going to be working on formatting my depression book, getting it ready to publish on Amazon KDP pretty soon. It’s now Friday evening, and I haven’t started yet. Why? Because I’m scared. Of what? Of the unknown.

I’ve never done something like this before, so it’s scary. I think I can figure it out, but taking that first step has felt impossible all week. So, I’ve found all sorts of ways to avoid it.

I went swimming most mornings. That was good for my physical and mental health, but I could have shortened my workouts a bit so I could get to the formatting.

I still had the afternoons free, right? Well, I managed to fill those, too. I did some good things, but I also did a fair amount of pointless stuff like watching YouTube videos and playing a blocks game on my phone (I’ve uninstalled it once again!).

By the time it got to the evenings, I felt like it was too late to start, plus I had youth group on Wednesday night.

So, what really matters? And what do I do when I realize I’m not focusing on what really matters?

What really matters is loving God and loving others. When I’m reminded that my focus is more on me (especially on my fears and insecurities), then I need to take steps to find the right balance once again.

Spending some time reading my Bible and praying each morning (and throughout the day) is a great place to start. Too often I skip that so I can exercise or do some other task around the house. Bible reading and prayer get my focus back on loving God.

Something else I can do is ask the Holy Spirit to help me balance my time between my own interests and things I can do to help others (and quite often those are the same thing). Writing blog posts, recording podcast episodes, and finishing my depression book are all things I enjoy doing (when I finally push past the fear and do them). I pray that they can also support and encourage others who might struggle with depression and anxiety. That gets my focus back on loving others.

Our hearts are fickle. Left to their own devices, they’ll try to convince us that we’ll never be happy unless we do whatever we want to do, whenever we want to do it. That’s a lie. True happiness and peace comes from focusing on what really matters. Every day.

“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:30–31 NIV)

Do you ever struggle and pay more attention to worldly pursuits instead of what really matters? How can focusing on God help you love God and love others well?

P. S. – I really am planning to finish my depression book in the next couple of weeks. It tells a little of my story, but it also has ideas for how we can all stay healthy emotionally when we have a mental health diagnosis. Let me know if you’d like to read a pdf of the book when I get it done. I just ask that you leave a short review on Amazon after it releases. Just send me a message at robyn@robynmulder.com.

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Warnings

Last week I headed for home after my swim workout at South Dakota State University. After I turned onto highway 14, I was surprised to see flashing red and blue lights in my rearview mirror.

I checked the speedometer and I wasn’t going over 55, so I was thoroughly confused, but I pulled over and waited for the officer to come to my window.

“Ma’am, Stadium Road is only 25 miles per hour,” he stated. In a flash, I understood. This was campus police for SDSU and I had been pushing it a bit on the road leaving campus. I hadn’t done it intentionally, but I was speeding.

He asked for my license, registration, and proof of insurance. I handed them over and waited while he went back to his vehicle to see if I checked out. When he returned, he handed me my papers and told me he was just going to give me a verbal warning this time.

Whew! No ticket. I was so relieved. I thanked him and promised to watch my speed in the future.

And I have. I’ve even set my cruise for 25 mph when I go down that road because I don’t want to accidentally go faster and get stopped again. I know that next time I probably won’t be so lucky.

Warnings are good. They alert us to what we’ve done wrong and they give us a second chance before we suffer the painful consequences of our actions.

It would be irresponsible for me to speed down campus roads just because I didn’t get a ticket on one occasion. The limits are there for a reason and I need to obey them, even if it feels like I’m moving at a snail’s pace.

We all need to heed the warnings we receive from various sources in our lives. Maybe our boss warns us that we need to improve some aspect of our job performance so we don’t get fired. Maybe our spouse warns us that they’re getting tired of some aspect of our behavior and they want to see changes. Maybe our friend warns us that they’re tired of us showing up late all the time and they aren’t going to invite us anymore if we don’t improve.

If we don’t heed people’s warnings, we may have to suffer the consequences.

As Christians, we have a book that is full of warnings. The Bible tells us how we need to act if we’re going to show our love for God and others. If we ignore those warnings, we may have to suffer physical or emotional consequences. Thankfully, there is forgiveness and grace when we fail, but paying attention to the Bible’s warnings can help us enjoy happier lives as we interact well with the people in our lives and the God who loves us.

Let’s pay attention to the warnings we receive and make a conscious decision to slow down and do what’s right.

If we do, we won’t have to be afraid to look in the rearview mirror. We can move freely through life, confident that we’ll get where we’re going without any trouble.

“A wise warning to someone who will listen is as valuable as gold earrings or fine gold jewelry.” (Proverbs 25:12 New Century Version)

Have you ever gotten a warning for something? How did it make you feel? How can focusing on God help you heed warnings (from people or the Bible) and live well?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on How Far We’ve Come

It can be hard to be content with where we’re at in life when dealing with a mental health diagnosis. Anxiety and depression tend to make us feel despair when we can’t do something as well as we’d like.

I noticed that happening lately.

For exercise, I swim at SDSU several times a week. Besides wanting to move my body and stay in shape, I also want to get faster. I’ve competed in a couple of Masters swim meets, and my times have gone down, but they are far from the record holders in my age group. Those times are about twice as fast as I can swim. That’s discouraging.

So, should I quit swimming? Should I stop competing at the swim meets? No. I need to keep going and concentrate on how much I’ve improved since I started swimming regularly in January 2022. When I first started, I couldn’t swim more than about four lengths of the pool before I had to stop and rest. Now I can sometimes swim twenty lengths without stopping. I couldn’t swim the butterfly stroke at first, but now I’ve been adding it to my workouts and I can do it. It still needs work, but my core is stronger and I can feel my butterfly getting better.

Instead of focusing on how far I have to go, it’s more encouraging to look how far I’ve come. With more time and practice, I’ll get closer to my goals. I may never set a record in swimming, but I can enjoy the progress I make as I work hard and improve.

I can also see improvements in my confidence levels. At times I get frustrated because I get scared and hold back instead of stating my opinion or offering my advice. I’d like to exude confidence and charisma, but my uncertainty wins out way too often. I can focus on that, or I can look back and see how far I’ve come in this area.

I can remember going to a prayer group at my church when I was in high school. I never dared to pray out loud, but I attended faithfully. Later, after Gary and I got married, I went to a weekly women’s Bible study and I would berate myself when I got home because I hadn’t said a single word. I don’t know what those women thought of me, but I was soaking up knowledge from the study and from the things I heard other women share.

Over the years, I’ve gradually gained more confidence. Now I can lead Bible studies, give talks at Mother’s Day programs and other events, and I can talk to people much more easily than when I was in high school and college. I may never give a TED talk, but look how far I’ve come!

If you’re disappointed because you haven’t reached some target in life, try to slow down and focus on little improvements you’ve made over the years. You can make some plans for how you can possibly reach your goal, but show yourself lots of grace while you work hard and move forward. Don’t be dismayed at how far you have to go. Look how far you’ve come!

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” (Proverbs 16:9 NIV)

Do you look forward and feel despair about how far you have to go before you reach a certain goal? How can focusing on God help you move forward in faith, being grateful for how far you’ve come?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Transformation

Do you ever feel like you need a change?

Lately I’ve been more aware of the negative way I see my body and how I feel when I look at myself in the mirror.

I’ve been listening to podcasts like Compared to Who? (Heather Creekmore) and Intuitive Eating for Christian Women (Erin Todd and Char-Lee Cassel), so I know the answer isn’t going on a diet or trying to exercise my way to a smaller body.

I know God loves me just they way I am and I need to learn to love myself. I also am aware that I often run to the kitchen for a snack when I feel a range of emotions. It’s especially bad when I feel boredom, frustration, or sadness. Eating when I’m not hungry isn’t good for me, so I’ve been trying to figure out how to get out of those bad habits and be more balanced in how I feed my body.

I heard Michelle Rayburn interview Jennifer Smith Lane on her Life, Repurposed podcast in May and I decided to order two copies of Jennifer’s book Transformed: Eating and Body Image Renewal God’s Way. I just started going through it with a friend and I’m already feeling differently about myself after doing part of the first lesson.

The sentence that keeps coming to mind whenever I’m tempted to think negatively about my body is “I’m God’s masterpiece.” I would never put down a beautiful painting by a master painter, and I don’t have to critique the way God made me.

I can’t wait to see how my thoughts are transformed as I study the rest of the lessons. Maybe I’ll get free from my emotional eating and I might see a physical change happen to my body, but even if that doesn’t happen, I’m looking forward to a better mindset and more peace.

I want to look more and more like Jesus when people see me. That will be a wonderful transformation!

“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” (2 Corinthians 3:18 NIV)

Do you need to be transformed? How can focusing on God help you allow the Holy Spirit to change you so you look more like Jesus?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Starting a Podcast

Did you know I have a podcast?

Unless you follow me on Facebook, you probably had no idea.

I’ve told some people, and I’ve posted about it a few times in my Facebook group, but I’ve really been pretty quiet about it.

I’m not sure why, but the reasons probably have something to do with the name and the theme of the podcast: Catch Your Thoughts with Robyn Mulder.

I’ve been learning to catch my thoughts over the last several years (as we’re instructed to do in 2 Corinthians 10:5). Distorted thinking was a big contributor to the major depressive episode I had in 2014. I want the podcast to help people learn to recognize the thought distortions that make life more difficult and lead to anxiety and depression.

But it can’t help anyone if I don’t tell people about it.

I’ve finally set a date for a little launch party on Zoom. Come join me on Thursday, June 29 at 6:30 p.m. (Central) and we’ll celebrate the episodes I’ve already created. I’m going to give away two copies of a “Catch Your Thoughts Calendar” I made, and we’ll chat about past and future episodes of the podcast.

As I’ve thought about how I’ve been keeping the podcast mostly to myself, I was reminded of how often we do that as Christians. We have the best news about how much God loves us and wants to have a relationship with us, but we sometimes get busy, or lazy, or scared, and we just keep that good news to ourselves.

We need to be aware of opportunities to share that good news with people in our lives. People we know…and people God brings into our lives that we don’t know yet. We can help other people learn to follow Jesus.

I hope you’ll check out my podcast (click here) and tell a few people about it. It just might help you (and others) catch your unhelpful, distorted thoughts and replace them with true, helpful thoughts instead. It could make a big difference in your life. It could make a big difference in someone else’s life.

While you’re at it, look for opportunities to share your faith with someone. It could make an eternal difference in their life.

Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18–20 NIV)

Do you tend to keep good news to yourself? How can focusing on God help you be more deliberate about sharing the good news you’ve found with others?

© 2023 Robyn Mulder

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Focus Friday: Let’s Just Keep Swimming

I competed in a Masters swim meet last Saturday. I wrote about it in last week’s post (click here to read it). Masters swimming is for adults who enjoy swimming and want to stay active. At 57 years old, it can be scary to race alongside people half my age. Luckily, I don’t have to worry about beating them in a race. Ribbons are awarded based on how well you do against swimmers in your age bracket.

I’m happy to report that I didn’t struggle with my thoughts too much during the meet. I was pretty nervous on the way there and during the time for warming up, but once I finished my first race I felt more calm and I really enjoyed myself.

I got a first-place ribbon in each of the three events I swam. Before you get too impressed, I have to tell you that I was the only swimmer my age in two of the events. In the third event, I did swim faster than another woman my age.

Swimming gives me lots of opportunities to work on my thought life and improve my mental health. Exercise in general is good for our brains, but the mental gymnastics I have to do every week is also good for me. Do I drive to the pool today, or do I skip it and stay home? (I always feel better when I decide to go.) Shall I swim 500 yards today, or should I push through and do 1000? (I’m always glad when I go for the longer workout, and I’m hoping to get back to swimming more like 2000 yards every time I practice.) Can I make it to the wall and do a flip turn, or should I stop and rest instead? (I surprise myself when I flip and keep swimming. I can do it!)

If I compared myself to the twenty-year-old swimmers at Masters swim meets, I would give up in despair. I’ll never swim as fast as they do! But if I remind myself that exercise is good for me and I can set small goals for myself as I improve, then I’ll be able to enjoy swimming for years and years.

When it comes to our mental health, we must be careful not to compare ourselves with others. Each of our situations is different. We need to be aware of our own thoughts and feelings and make small goals as we improve our mental health. There will be ups and downs, but we’ll see improvement as we practice.

Just “keep swimming,” and you’ll enjoy life for years and years.

“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6 NIV)

Are you ever tempted to quit because you get tired or you compare yourself to others? How can focusing on God help you to “just keep swimming” and persevere through whatever situation you face?

© 2023 Robyn Mulder

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on One Thing at a Time

Some people thrive on having lots of irons in the fire.

Apparently, I am not one of them.

In my younger years I could juggle tons of activities and responsibilities. I look back at all of the things I did when our children were little, and I can hardly recognize myself. How did I get it all done?

The kids are all grown and out of the house now, and I can’t seem to handle much of anything. The more things I add to my calendar, the more anxious I feel. I end up not doing much of anything because I get overwhelmed when I think of everything all at once.

I’ve been feeling that way for several weeks now. All of my tasks and future activities are spinning around in my brain. I get things done when the deadline gets close enough, but I live with way too much stress when I think about everything I “should” be doing and shut down mentally for much of the day.

I know I’ll feel better if I work ahead and make progress on long-term projects and goals.

I’m sure my stress levels will fall if I work hard for a set amount of time and then enjoy some time for relaxation (instead of dreading the work, putting it off, and worrying about it during moments when I’m supposed to be having fun).

Like Mary and Martha in the Bible, I need to focus on one thing at a time. Martha was worried and upset about all of the work she had to do, but Mary recognized that sitting at Jesus’ feet was the best thing to do in that moment.

That will help me as I move forward. I do take time for reading the Bible each day, but figuratively sitting at Jesus’ feet as I go through the rest of the day might help me focus on one thing at a time instead of dreading all of it at once.

Going through my days asking the Holy Spirit to show me what I need to work on might help me get some things done instead of having everything continue to swirl around in my brain and doing nothing.

It’s time to write some things down, schedule time to work on them in my planner, and focus on one thing at a time.

Getting overwhelmed by everything I want to/need to get done will just lead to more angst and procrastination.

Tackling projects one at a time will bring them to completion.

Especially if I keep God first as I go through each day.

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:41–42 NIV)

Are you overwhelmed by everything you need to do? How can focusing on God help you work on one thing at a time and enjoy life more as you get things done?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Who You Are

Gary and I went to a date night event a few weeks ago. The speaker mentioned that you’ll be married to approximately five different people over the course of your marriage. He said it to get a laugh, but the more I think about it, the more I believe it.

Gary isn’t the same twenty-year-old kid he was when we met. He was a farmer back then. Now he’s an experienced pastor. He has grown and changed in so many ways since we got married in 1990.

I’m not the same person I was back then. That’s good. I can see growth in my confidence and maturity. I’m more self-aware in recent years and I am more able to take care of my mental health when depression and anxiety show up.

I’m not sure if I’ve been five different people yet (maybe a couple more versions of me are still in the works), but I do feel like I’m a different woman now.

And that can raise some uncomfortable questions at times. Who am I? How am I supposed to act with past friends and new friends?

When I look back over the posts I’ve written and the things I’ve said over the years, I notice so much self-deprecating humor. I would often criticize myself in a joking way, hoping to get a laugh from someone (and hopefully deflect any true criticisms they might have of me).

In recent years, I’ve become more aware of this tendency and I’ve determined to stop it. I don’t want to make fun of my weight, my appearance, or the dumb things I do. I want to show myself more grace, so I’ve stopped talking that way in front of people (I’m still working on the self-defeating thoughts I have, but that’s a topic for another day). Today I’m faced with a dilemma. Who am I now and how do I want to write and speak about myself and others?

(Sorry if I’m dragging you along on this bumpy ride as I figure all of this out. Maybe seeing the process can help you look at the different people you’ve been over the years and decide who you are now.)

I know I’ll never make fun of the way I look again. God made me just the way I am and he loves every bit of me. He’ll help me love myself through all of the physical changes that happen as I grow older. I also want to get better at showing myself grace when I fall short of my goals. God will help me accomplish whatever he wants me to do, even if it takes a little longer than I had planned. I still like to make people laugh, so I can continue finding the humor in silly mistakes I make and I can share those stories in hopes that they’ll provide some lessons for my readers.

Who am I? I’m a beloved child of God. If you believe in Jesus and what he did to save you, you’re a beloved child of God, too. That will stay the same, no matter who we become over the course of our lifetimes.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV)

Are you a different person now than you were when you were younger? How can focusing on God help you enjoy life through all of the changes and challenges you face?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Rejecting Too Much of a Good Thing

I love to swim.

I started swimming regularly about a year ago when we finally lived close to a pool again. I had fun competing in a Masters Swim Meet last April, and I have continued to swim about three times a week. That’s a good thing.

Last week I signed up for the “100 Mile Swim Challenge.” It wasn’t on my radar until I talked to the guy swimming in the next lane. He was excited about the challenge and was already making sure he swam an entire mile each time he was there (that’s 72 lengths of a 25-yard pool).

I signed up for the challenge. This was going to be great! I would get so much faster and stronger if I swam 100 miles by May 5.

But then I started to do some calculating. In all of my training since last January, I had only been able to swim 72 lengths (1800 yards) one time. Normally I swim about 1300 yards. Oh well, I reasoned, I’m sure I’ll get in better shape and I’ll be able to do more than that as I go along.

Then I remembered that we were tentatively planning a vacation in April. That would take at least ten possible days out. And our daughter is expecting a baby in February so that will take out a few more days. And you never know what South Dakota weather will do, so that might keep me from working out some more days.

I felt panicky all of a sudden. I don’t think I can do this! I wondered if I should quit the challenge right away, so I didn’t feel the pressure to do whatever it took to “win.” Or maybe I should really commit and make it happen. I fought that feeling for several days, going back and forth between despair and determination. I talked it over with Gary (who wisely pointed out the possibility of this becoming an obsession instead of just good exercise).

I think I’m finally to a place of acceptance. I’ll continue to swim a few times a week and log my miles, but I’m not figuring I’ll get the T-shirt unless some miracle happens.

Too much of a good thing can become a bad thing. Swimming was good for some shoulder pain I had over a year ago, but too much might irritate my shoulder again. Swimming three days a week is good for my physical and mental health, but five or six days a week (with the pressure to swim at least 1800 yards each time) might be too much for me, both physically and mentally. I could already see how it affected my mental health this week. I started to feel jittery and anxious whenever I thought about the challenge.

This translates to other areas of my life as well.

Candy and desserts are good, but they aren’t good for me if I eat too much of them.

Playing games on my phone can be fun, but it’s a waste of time if I play them too much.

Watching TV is entertaining, but I lose time for other things if I watch too much.

Almost any good thing can become bad for us if we do it too much.

Let’s try to find more balance in life. Let’s reject too much of a good thing and enjoy healthy amounts of the activities and objects in our lives. Now that’s a challenge we can all win!

“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil [when you have too much of a good thing].” (Ephesians 5:15 NIV, plus my thought in the brackets)

Do you ever indulge in too much of a good thing? How can focusing on God help you find more balance in life? (He’s the only thing we can never get too much of!)

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Confidence

It seems like so many people have a word for the year. One word to summarize what they want to focus on as they go through the next twelve months.

I’ve done that in the past, but I haven’t for the last several years. Lately, though, I’ve been sensing that the Lord wants me to practice having confidence this year.

That’s scary! It’s much easier to move through life in uncertainty, letting other people and life’s situations determine what I do and how I feel. Choosing confidence will more than likely put me in some situations that are out of my comfort zone. Choosing confidence might mean I have to disappoint someone if I confidently turn down their request. Choosing confidence feels like I’ll have to throw away all my excuses for why I haven’t accomplished certain goals.

I’m tempted to list those goals here, but I’m not going to do that. If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you can probably think of a few things I’ve mentioned over the years. (Years!) No, I’m going to make my own list and prayerfully think about next steps for each of those goals.

Maybe you have something you’ve been avoiding because you lack the confidence to tackle it. I encourage you (and me) to move ahead with courage.

The Lord is with us, and he’ll help us accomplish whatever he’s called us to do. We can be confident as we go through each day, knowing he’ll never leave us alone. Jesus also sent us the Holy Spirit to comfort and guide us. Drawing on the Spirit’s power can fill us with humble confidence.

Like it or not, my word for the year is confidence.* Do you pick a word for the year? Let me know in the comments.

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7 NIV)

Do you have a word for the year? How can focusing on God help you move through the year ahead with intention, whatever your word may be?

*To help me grow in this area, I’ve been reading the excellent book Stand in Confidence: From Sinking in Insecurity to Rising in Your God-Given Identity by Amanda Pittman. I’ll let you know what I’ve learned in a future blog post.