Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Fellowship Anxiety

Do you ever feel uncomfortable during fellowship time after church? I sometimes do.

I look around the room at all of these people – people I’ve grown to know and love over this past year – and I get a bit anxious. Who do I talk to? If I go up and start talking with that group of people over there, will that other group of people think I’m snubbing them? If I stand alone, will everyone pity me? If I go up and join a group that’s already talking, will they have to change what they’re talking about to include me?

It’s silly, but it happens. And I’m guessing it’s not just me.

Sure, there are extroverts that thrive on connecting with as many people as they can talk to on a Sunday morning.

But then there are the introverts. We thrive on time alone, even if we enjoy talking with others sometimes. So some Sundays will be fine and we’ll chat with quite a few people during fellowship time. And there will be some Sundays when we look around and decide to head for the door.

Maybe just talking about it here will make it a bit easier.

After all, even Paul felt anxiety: “Besides everything else, I have a daily burden because of my anxiety about all the churches. ” (2 Corinthians 11:28 International Standard Version)

We can cut ourselves some slack and realize there will be times when we feel anxious.

We can show others lots of grace when we see them heading for the door instead of staying to talk during fellowship time. Some weeks, they just might not be able to handle the uncertainty of being in the crowd.

So, should we do away with fellowship time after church? Should we all just head for the comforts of home and bypass the possibly awkward interactions with others?

I think not, because there are many good things that happen during fellowship time.

Visitors are greeted (hopefully!) and introduced to people during this time.

Children play with their friends right by the oldest members of the church, and they are blessed just by seeing each other in this special place.

Often, hugs or tears are shared as people talk about something they’re going through, and they are encouraged and strengthened as they realize someone cares.

If you sometimes feel a bit anxious during fellowship time, here are a few things you can try:

Look around and find someone who is standing alone. They may be feeling a little of the anxiety you’re experiencing and will welcome having someone to talk to.

Try to develop a “There you are!” attitude, instead of a “Here I am!” mindset. “Here I am!” begs for people to notice us. We get upset and offended when they don’t go out of their way to connect with us. A “There you are!” attitude looks for someone who needs some love, encouragement, and connection.

Pray for the people you see all around you. Maybe you won’t even mind standing alone if you can learn to just enjoy watching others interacting while you silently pray for them by name.

Remember that everyone feels a little social anxiety at times. Take a deep breath, smile, and start talking to someone. You just might feel your anxiety disappear as you get to know your fellow church members better.

(And if none of those ideas work, you can always just head for the door and see if next week feels better!)

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24-25 NIV)

Do you ever feel anxious during fellowship time at church? How can focusing on God help you to see the great benefits of spending time with other believers after the worship service?