Blog

Posted on

Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Community Resources

Last week I attended an event called “Stronger Together: Building Assets for Brookings, A Day for Suicide Prevention.” It was an informative, inspiring day of hearing from speakers and organizations who want to provide help for those with a mental health diagnosis or substance abuse problem in our part of South Dakota.

I was reminded of how important it is to take advantage of community resources when you are dealing with suicidal thoughts or an addiction. Too often, we isolate ourselves and look inward when we are struggling. Reaching out can get us back to a healthy place.

Here are a few resources to check out. Don’t wait until you or someone you love is in crisis. Get familiar with them now so you know where to go when you need help.

*The Helpline Center (helplinecenter.org) – Visit 211.org or dial 211 in your state to get directed to your local resources in your community.

*988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (988lifeline.org) – Call, text, or chat with a mental health professional (free and confidential).

*American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (afsp.org) – Whether you’re thinking about suicide or you’ve lost someone to suicide, this organization can help.

*Fresh Hope (freshhope.us) – Christian peer-led support groups for those with a mental health diagnosis and/or their loved ones. We have a group that meets here in Volga the 2nd and 4th Mondays of the month. You can email me for more info (robyn@robynmulder.com) or visit Fresh Hope’s website to find a group near you. They even have groups that meet online.

Dealing with mental illness doesn’t have to be a lonely endeavor. Check out these resources and get connected with a group or resource that will help you feel supported through the ups and downs of your illness. There is help and there is hope!

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24–25 NIV)

Do you try to go it alone when it comes to your mental health? Consider finding some community groups or resources that can help. How can focusing on God help you improve your health?

Posted on

Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Who You Are

Gary and I went to a date night event a few weeks ago. The speaker mentioned that you’ll be married to approximately five different people over the course of your marriage. He said it to get a laugh, but the more I think about it, the more I believe it.

Gary isn’t the same twenty-year-old kid he was when we met. He was a farmer back then. Now he’s an experienced pastor. He has grown and changed in so many ways since we got married in 1990.

I’m not the same person I was back then. That’s good. I can see growth in my confidence and maturity. I’m more self-aware in recent years and I am more able to take care of my mental health when depression and anxiety show up.

I’m not sure if I’ve been five different people yet (maybe a couple more versions of me are still in the works), but I do feel like I’m a different woman now.

And that can raise some uncomfortable questions at times. Who am I? How am I supposed to act with past friends and new friends?

When I look back over the posts I’ve written and the things I’ve said over the years, I notice so much self-deprecating humor. I would often criticize myself in a joking way, hoping to get a laugh from someone (and hopefully deflect any true criticisms they might have of me).

In recent years, I’ve become more aware of this tendency and I’ve determined to stop it. I don’t want to make fun of my weight, my appearance, or the dumb things I do. I want to show myself more grace, so I’ve stopped talking that way in front of people (I’m still working on the self-defeating thoughts I have, but that’s a topic for another day). Today I’m faced with a dilemma. Who am I now and how do I want to write and speak about myself and others?

(Sorry if I’m dragging you along on this bumpy ride as I figure all of this out. Maybe seeing the process can help you look at the different people you’ve been over the years and decide who you are now.)

I know I’ll never make fun of the way I look again. God made me just the way I am and he loves every bit of me. He’ll help me love myself through all of the physical changes that happen as I grow older. I also want to get better at showing myself grace when I fall short of my goals. God will help me accomplish whatever he wants me to do, even if it takes a little longer than I had planned. I still like to make people laugh, so I can continue finding the humor in silly mistakes I make and I can share those stories in hopes that they’ll provide some lessons for my readers.

Who am I? I’m a beloved child of God. If you believe in Jesus and what he did to save you, you’re a beloved child of God, too. That will stay the same, no matter who we become over the course of our lifetimes.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV)

Are you a different person now than you were when you were younger? How can focusing on God help you enjoy life through all of the changes and challenges you face?

Posted on

Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Catching Your Thoughts

For several years now, I’ve been working on catching my thoughts, inspired by 2 Corinthians 10:5 (see it written out at the end of this post). Some days I do it well, and other days I fail miserably.

I’ve learned that how I’m feeling is largely determined by the thoughts I’m allowing to stay in my mind. My mood is good when I’m thinking helpful, positive thoughts. My mood suffers when I let negative thoughts take over my brain.

Therapists who use cognitive behavioral therapy call these unhelpful thoughts “cognitive distortions.” Cognitive is basically a fancy word for thinking.

Distorted thinking can lead to negative emotions and is a contributing factor to mental illnesses like depression and anxiety.

The thoughts we need to catch are usually lies we’re telling ourselves. We over-generalize, or we catastrophize, or we filter our experiences through a negative lens. We need to catch those lies and replace them with God’s truth instead.

To help all of us, I decided to create a special calendar. Each month focuses on a different type of thought distortion and gives you an example from my own negative thinking. Then I give you a more helpful thought to consider. There’s room for you to write down your own negative thoughts and then come up with a better thought to replace it.

Here’s an image of the front cover of the “2023 Catch Your Thoughts Calendar.”

(It doesn’t really have a gold border.)

I want to make it available to anyone who’d like a copy. It’s a pdf file you can download and print off. You’ll have two pages for each month. One page has room to keep track of things you want to do, plus the space to work on a certain cognitive distortion. The other page has a calendar for the month where you can write in appointments and events, plus a spot to list monthly goals and important events.

And here’s where I continue to practice catching my thoughts.

I spent lots of time today finishing up the calendar, but I’m not sure how to make it available on my website yet. I want it to be a free resource people can download when they sign up for my email list, but I’ve never done this before. It’s going to take a little more work and maybe some trial and error.

My brain jumps around to lots of negative thoughts:

You don’t know what you’re doing! You should have figured this out before you told people about it! They’re probably going to think it’s stupid and nobody will want it. You can’t even catch your own thoughts, why would anyone listen to you?

And that, my friends, is why I need this calendar. Those are all lies that make me feel terrible if I keep thinking them.

Instead, I need to catch them and turn them around:

I don’t know what I’m doing, but I can figure it out. Sure, I may be jumping the gun a bit, but I’m excited to share this resource with people. Some people might not be interested, but I’m sure many people will see the value in it and it will help them. I’m still learning to catch my thoughts, and that’s why people can listen to me and learn along with me.

I feel better already.

If you’d like a copy of this calendar and I haven’t added a button or link for it somewhere when you’re reading this, just email me at robyn@robynmulder.com and I’ll sign you up for my email list and send you a copy.

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV)

Are you good at catching your thoughts? How can focusing on God help you recognize the lies you may be thinking and replace them with his truth instead?

Posted on

Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Rejecting Too Much of a Good Thing

I love to swim.

I started swimming regularly about a year ago when we finally lived close to a pool again. I had fun competing in a Masters Swim Meet last April, and I have continued to swim about three times a week. That’s a good thing.

Last week I signed up for the “100 Mile Swim Challenge.” It wasn’t on my radar until I talked to the guy swimming in the next lane. He was excited about the challenge and was already making sure he swam an entire mile each time he was there (that’s 72 lengths of a 25-yard pool).

I signed up for the challenge. This was going to be great! I would get so much faster and stronger if I swam 100 miles by May 5.

But then I started to do some calculating. In all of my training since last January, I had only been able to swim 72 lengths (1800 yards) one time. Normally I swim about 1300 yards. Oh well, I reasoned, I’m sure I’ll get in better shape and I’ll be able to do more than that as I go along.

Then I remembered that we were tentatively planning a vacation in April. That would take at least ten possible days out. And our daughter is expecting a baby in February so that will take out a few more days. And you never know what South Dakota weather will do, so that might keep me from working out some more days.

I felt panicky all of a sudden. I don’t think I can do this! I wondered if I should quit the challenge right away, so I didn’t feel the pressure to do whatever it took to “win.” Or maybe I should really commit and make it happen. I fought that feeling for several days, going back and forth between despair and determination. I talked it over with Gary (who wisely pointed out the possibility of this becoming an obsession instead of just good exercise).

I think I’m finally to a place of acceptance. I’ll continue to swim a few times a week and log my miles, but I’m not figuring I’ll get the T-shirt unless some miracle happens.

Too much of a good thing can become a bad thing. Swimming was good for some shoulder pain I had over a year ago, but too much might irritate my shoulder again. Swimming three days a week is good for my physical and mental health, but five or six days a week (with the pressure to swim at least 1800 yards each time) might be too much for me, both physically and mentally. I could already see how it affected my mental health this week. I started to feel jittery and anxious whenever I thought about the challenge.

This translates to other areas of my life as well.

Candy and desserts are good, but they aren’t good for me if I eat too much of them.

Playing games on my phone can be fun, but it’s a waste of time if I play them too much.

Watching TV is entertaining, but I lose time for other things if I watch too much.

Almost any good thing can become bad for us if we do it too much.

Let’s try to find more balance in life. Let’s reject too much of a good thing and enjoy healthy amounts of the activities and objects in our lives. Now that’s a challenge we can all win!

“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil [when you have too much of a good thing].” (Ephesians 5:15 NIV, plus my thought in the brackets)

Do you ever indulge in too much of a good thing? How can focusing on God help you find more balance in life? (He’s the only thing we can never get too much of!)

Posted on

Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Confidence

It seems like so many people have a word for the year. One word to summarize what they want to focus on as they go through the next twelve months.

I’ve done that in the past, but I haven’t for the last several years. Lately, though, I’ve been sensing that the Lord wants me to practice having confidence this year.

That’s scary! It’s much easier to move through life in uncertainty, letting other people and life’s situations determine what I do and how I feel. Choosing confidence will more than likely put me in some situations that are out of my comfort zone. Choosing confidence might mean I have to disappoint someone if I confidently turn down their request. Choosing confidence feels like I’ll have to throw away all my excuses for why I haven’t accomplished certain goals.

I’m tempted to list those goals here, but I’m not going to do that. If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you can probably think of a few things I’ve mentioned over the years. (Years!) No, I’m going to make my own list and prayerfully think about next steps for each of those goals.

Maybe you have something you’ve been avoiding because you lack the confidence to tackle it. I encourage you (and me) to move ahead with courage.

The Lord is with us, and he’ll help us accomplish whatever he’s called us to do. We can be confident as we go through each day, knowing he’ll never leave us alone. Jesus also sent us the Holy Spirit to comfort and guide us. Drawing on the Spirit’s power can fill us with humble confidence.

Like it or not, my word for the year is confidence.* Do you pick a word for the year? Let me know in the comments.

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7 NIV)

Do you have a word for the year? How can focusing on God help you move through the year ahead with intention, whatever your word may be?

*To help me grow in this area, I’ve been reading the excellent book Stand in Confidence: From Sinking in Insecurity to Rising in Your God-Given Identity by Amanda Pittman. I’ll let you know what I’ve learned in a future blog post.

Posted on

Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on a Realistic New Year

I tend to be quite idealistic, so thinking about the start of a new year can stress me out.

Instead of being excited about all of the possibilities and potential, I often get overwhelmed by my unrealistic expectations.

This is the year I’m going to . . .

*Get in shape

*Write my book

*Organize all of the pictures on my phone and computer

*Do my devotions every single day

*Send my Christmas cards before Christmas

Before long, my list grows to an impossible length and I wake up on January 1 with a sense of dread because I know I’m probably going to fail at most of my intentions.

I have one day left of 2022. One more day to think this through and get to a more realistic mindset for 2023.

What if I try to let go of my idealism? Instead of an impossible list, maybe I can go into the new year prayerfully. I can ask God to show me a few things to prioritize in 2023, but I don’t have to do “all the things” and I don’t have to do anything “every day.”

Life has an ebb and flow. The more we can acknowledge that, the happier we’ll be. Rather than beating ourselves up for missing a day of devotions or a workout at the gym, we can show ourselves grace and keep living each day doing the best we can.

God loves us unconditionally. He doesn’t care if the Christmas cards go out on time or if you’re constantly pushing up against the storage limits on your computer.

He’ll guide us each day and show us what he wants us to do. Love him and love others—those are the most important commands. The rest of life will fall into place in his timing (I know it takes some work on our part, but that feels like a topic for a future blog post).

Looking forward to a realistic new year just might help us begin 2023 with excitement and joy.

Happy New Year, everyone!

“In you, Lord my God, I put my trust….Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.” (Psalm 25:1, 4–5 NIV)

Do you tend to get idealistic about starting a new year? How can focusing on God help you be more realistic?

Posted on

Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Fighting through Fear

As I write today, I can hear the wind roaring through our neighborhood, blowing around the snow and making the temperature feel like negative forty degrees. I can stay safe and warm inside, but it’s still scary to think about the possibility of the power going out. I also feel some worry for people who have to work outside and those who are traveling.

To be honest, I’ve been a bit of a fraidy-cat lately.

Gary and I went on vacation recently. We enjoyed some warmer temps, but we did have to drive in some snow one day as we left Colorado and headed for Arizona. I was tense as we went through a couple of mountain passes, imagining what might happen if we slid off the road. In another spot, a sign warned of heavy fog ahead. I got pretty anxious, but it was all for nothing. The fog had cleared by the time we got to that spot and we were fine.

We did a few days of hiking in Arizona. It was fun, but I had a few moments of disproportionate fear at a few points on the trail. Some of them were going up—when we had to scramble over some boulders on the way to the summit. Some of them were going down—when I worried that my poles weren’t going to hold me as I picked my way over some rocks.

I was ashamed that I actually cried real tears several times as I got held back by my unreasonable fears.

One of the crying spots. 🙂

Every time, my husband was helpful and encouraging, showing me where to place my hands or my poles so I could keep going.

Looking back later, it seemed silly that I had cried over something that didn’t look as scary in hindsight.

Don’t we do that in life sometimes? I know I do.

I get paralyzed by fear and I can’t move forward because I think about what could happen.

The truth is, God is with us every single moment. He’ll show us how to move forward and he’ll be there with us if something bad does happen. We can live much happier, peaceful lives if we practice trusting him and move forward with confidence.

As we go through the final days of 2022 and look forward to a new year, I hope we can see how God was with us this year. Think about the things you were afraid of. Most of them never happened, did they? We wasted time and energy fretting over things when we could have been enjoying life instead.

As we get ready for 2023, let’s focus on fighting through fear. Let’s look at life realistically and be prudent about the choices we make, but let’s also trust that God will be with us as we tackle new challenges and accomplish our goals.

For me, that includes writing a book. (I can feel the fear rising up, especially as I think about how long I’ve been saying that, but I truly believe this is the year!)

I’d love to hear about something you’re going to do next year. Let’s pray for each other as we fight through the fear and move forward.

Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10 NIV)

Do your fears often hold you back? How can focusing on God help you move forward in faith instead?

Posted on

Five Ways to Maintain Your Mental Health during the Holidays

Here in the United States, we’re looking forward to the Thanksgiving holiday next Thursday.

I’m starting to see Christmas decorations around town here in South Dakota.

I’m starting to feel some holiday stress.

I figure many of my readers may be feeling it, too, so let’s consider some ideas for maintaining good mental health during the holidays.

  1. Leave time to breathe. Packing our schedule too full of tasks and activities (even if they’re fun) can cause our stress levels to rise. Make sure you plan to set aside some time every day to just relax and breathe. That might look like sitting down to read a book, listen to some music, or take a nap. Whatever helps you recharge your mental batteries.
  2. Make time for support. Whether that means keeping appointments with your counselor, attending a support group like Fresh Hope (find out more at freshhope.us), or just having some conversations with your spouse or best friend, getting support can help you get through the holidays with your mental health intact.
  3. Take time to notice what you’re thinking. If you feel your pulse quicken and your heart pound, take a second to examine your thoughts. You may realize you’re diving into something negative that needs to be turned around. (“Oh my gosh, I’m the worst! I’ll never finish wrapping all these presents!” can change to “Whoa! I’m glad I have such a big family, but I have too much to wrap. Guess I’ll pick up some gift bags tomorrow!”)
  4. Find time for the traditions that mean the most to you. Do the things you love with your family, but let other obligations go if they don’t bring you joy. Sandy Cooper has a great resource called “Creating Your Holiday To-Don’t List” at her website: The Scoop On Balance (thescooponbalance.com). Keeping what you love and letting go of what you don’t just might help your mental health in the next couple of months.
  5. Spend time with the Lord. You might be tempted to throw your devotional time out the window as you get busy with holiday preparations, but that time might be what holds you together through all of the holiday chaos. Jesus really is the “reason for the season,” and spending time with him will help keep our minds and hearts at peace.

This list is not exhaustive, of course. Maybe you have your own ideas for staying mentally and emotionally healthy during the holidays. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” (Isaiah 26:3 NIV)

Do you get stressed out during the holidays? What are some ways you can make sure you’re staying healthy emotionally? How can focusing on God help with that?

Posted on

Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Admitting Defeat

I’m going to sing for special music in church this Sunday.

On Monday I picked out a song by Twila Paris to sing and play on the piano. “Throne Room Suite” has beautiful lyrics, but the piano part is pretty intense.

No problem, I thought. I have all week to practice.

And I have practiced. I’ve played it several times each day. It’s gotten better since Monday, but I decided to admit defeat tonight. I just can’t get it ready by Sunday morning.

It pains me to do that, but I think it would pain everyone else a lot more to hear me struggling to play it in church.

Sometimes we have to admit defeat and pivot to something else instead of what we had planned.

We admit defeat in the moment, but we don’t have to feel defeated. We can keep working toward our goal, knowing that it’s just the timing that needs to change. The Holy Spirit will help us decide how and when we are ready to show the world our progress.

I’m not going to let this decision ruin the rest of my weekend. I might wait until Monday to start practicing “Throne Room Suite” again, but I’ll focus on how much I practiced this week and how the lyrics made me feel.

“Search my heart, make me clean…It’s your approval I long for…Rule my life, be my king…Do what you will I belong to you…I will find my hope in you…Hide my heart away…Fill me with your mind…Let the world forsake me…I will find my hope in you…you alone are Lord.”

Admit defeat, but don’t feel defeated.

We can apply this to so many areas of life. Relationships, jobs, hobbies, financial matters, or personal goals. We may need to admit defeat in the moment, but we don’t have to feel defeated. We can keep moving forward as we learn, grow, and practice.

It can even pertain to our faith. We might feel like we’ve failed spiritually on a given day, but we don’t have to feel defeated. Satan will jump on our sins and mistakes and accuse us of being worthless, but the Holy Spirit will lovingly convict us of our sins and help us move past them.

With his help, we can practice and get stronger and more consistent in our godliness. People around us will be able to see a wonderful change in us as we look more and more like Jesus.

Let’s all keep moving forward, even after we have to admit defeat in the moment.

Hopefully I won’t have to admit defeat again as I pick out something else to sing on Sunday morning.

“Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress.” (1 Timothy 4:15 NIV)

Do you ever have to admit defeat? How can focusing on God help you keep going and accomplish your goal in his timing?

(Wish I could sing it like Twila!)
Posted on

Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Where Our Thoughts Go

I’ve been dealing with scattered thoughts again lately.

My mind spins as I try to decide what I should do each day.

It flits from one task to another, from one obligation or possibility to the next, never settling on one thing. And so, very little seems to get done.

The Holy Spirit has reminded me in several ways recently that there is really only one place my thoughts need to be going. To Jesus.

If I keep my mind set on him, then all the rest will fall into place (or it may fall away, but that’s okay, too).

We watched a video in youth group this week that really drilled that idea home. It’s called “Falling Plates.” (You can watch it at the end of this post.) It reminded me (once again) that Jesus wants us to follow him and not chase after all of the other things that might tempt us if we just think of ourselves and our flesh.

It’s time to get back to my commitment to catch my thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:5). I’m not going to beat myself up for letting my thoughts get out of control, but I’m going to spend more time talking to God about it. I know he’ll help me focus on his truths and the things that are true, lovely, pure, and all the rest (Philippians 4:8).

I hope you’ll consider where your thoughts are going lately, too. Try focusing on Jesus and see if you gain more clarity in life as you go through each day.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33 NIV)

What do you think about most often? How can focusing on God help you gain more clarity and purpose as you live each day?