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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Honoring Our Intentions

I was going to call this week’s post “Let’s Focus on Following Through,” but then I did a search and realized that I used that for a title in April of 2022 when I was feeling nervous about my first Masters swim meet. (You can read that post if you click here.)

How funny that I thought about using that title today, because I’m psyching myself up for my second Masters swim meet tomorrow in Sioux Falls.

I’m not quite as nervous this time. I haven’t shed a single tear about it, but I did experience some normal signs of stress when I read through the list of events and checked out my competition on Thursday. Seeing everyone’s ages and times made my heart race and caused my stomach to do a few flip-flops.

I’m trying to think positively. I want to enjoy the day as I spend time with other adults who love to swim. But I have to admit that I did wish for a couple of minutes that I hadn’t signed up for the meet.

I entertained several of the negative thoughts that kept me waffling about whether to sign up until the very last day:

I could be in better shape.

I’m not sure if I can swim any faster than I did at the first meet.

Maybe I should just wait until next spring and make sure I train harder so I’m really ready.

Thankfully, I didn’t let myself ruminate on any of those thoughts for very long. Instead, I reminded myself of the reasons I finally signed up:

I love to swim.

I want to talk to other swimmers and find out how they stay motivated as they train.

I want to challenge myself and see if I’ve improved since April 2022.

I’m kind of proud of myself already, even if I don’t win a single race. I can see improvements in the way I catch my thoughts. That’s something I try to practice (and encourage others to do it, too) in my free private Facebook group: Catch Your Thoughts with Robyn Mulder.

Most of all, I want to show up for this swim meet because I want to honor my intentions. I haven’t always done that, but I’m trying to be more consistent in that area.

I don’t want to miss all of the exciting opportunities in this world just because I’m scared. I found a quote a while back by author Katherine Center:

You have to be brave with your life so that others can be brave with theirs.*

That’s the way I want to live my life. Brave. Hopeful. Honoring my intentions and commitments. That’s why I’m going to go swim my heart out tomorrow.

I’ll report back next week.

“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” (James 1:22 NIV)

Do you honor your intentions? How can focusing on God help you follow through when you say you’re going to do something?

*(Check out her quote in this video: https://katherinecenter.com/defining-a-movement/)

© 2023 Robyn Mulder

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Being Glad You Did It

Gary and I just got back late Tuesday night from a vacation to Greece.

It was wonderful to get away from our normal routine and explore a different country. We spent a few days in Athens, and then we rented a car and visited lots of cities on the mainland.

In quite a few places, we had to hike up to the monastery or archeological site or fortress or castle. It seems like I reached a point in each hike where I questioned myself.

Can I really do this? Is it even worth it? Maybe I should just sit down and let Gary tell me about it when he comes back down.

I got tired, but I took a little break and pressed on.

And every single time, I was glad I did it.

The views from the top were magnificent and I felt a sense of accomplishment because I had kept plugging away and made it to the end of the hike.

At the beginning of our vacation, I had more energy and enthusiasm. It didn’t bother me too much to make the long climbs to see the sites.

When we got toward the end of our time in Greece, it got harder. We decided to pass up the chance to climb 999 steps to see a fortress in Napflio. And when we explored a fortress overlooking ancient Corinth, I started crying when I saw yet another building high on a hill. I was sure I couldn’t make it there (it was getting close to closing time) and I was just so tired.

But I walked as I cried, and I was surprised to find that it only took us fifteen minutes to get to the top of the building. The wind blew my hair all over the place as I cried grateful tears that I had made it to the top.

Once again, I was glad I did it.

As we travel this road of life, there are going to be ups and downs. We may wonder if we have the strength to make it when it feels like a long uphill climb.

Take a break if you have to, but keep going. You’ll feel that sense of accomplishment when you get through a hard season, knowing that you didn’t give up.

As I was hiking, I was always glad I had kept going and made it to the top of whatever we happened to be climbing on a given day. There were little joys that we experienced on the way up and down: poppies and other wildflowers blooming along the path, the ruins we passed on the way up, hearing various languages spoken by other travelers (I love foreign languages), stopping to take in the views as we got higher and higher on the trail, finally reaching the top, and enjoying the easier trip back down to our starting place.

I thought about how that compares to going through our lives. I sometimes get overwhelmed and want to quit, but I want to push past those feelings and live my entire life. The ups and downs…all of it. I know there are going to be hard times, but I also know there are going to be thousands of joyful moments along the way. When I get to the end of my life, I just know I’m going to be glad I did it.

Keep going, friends, you’ll be glad you did it, too.

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” (2 Timothy 4:7 NIV)

Do you ever get tired of life’s ups and downs? How can focusing on God help you keep going so you can be “glad you did it” someday?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Staying Away from the Edge

As you probably know by now, in 2014 I went through a severe bout with depression. Depression and anxiety robbed me of all hope and sent me to the hospital. I’m so thankful for the help I got there.

Now I have joy, confidence, and hope most days, but the negatives often try to creep back in. It catches me off guard and discourages me so much. I’m learning to catch those thoughts and turn them around so that it doesn’t turn into a depression that debilitates me, but it is often difficult.

I’d like to focus on “staying away from the edge” in this week’s post. Have you ever traveled somewhere and experienced that moment of vertigo when you are overlooking some beautiful vista? Niagara Falls, The Grand Canyon, a hike in the mountains with a deep ravine next to your footpath? You realize that one false step could send you plummeting to your death. If you are wise, you make sure you are staying away from the edge so you are safe.

I think we can also do that emotionally. Mental illness can mean the death of us if we keep going in spite of all of the danger signs and fall over the figurative edge. I’d like to explore some of the ways we can stay away from the edge when it comes to our mental health. I’m sure you’ve read some of my posts that deal with that already, but I’ll share some of the ways I do that (again) in an upcoming post.

This time, I’d like to ask for your help. Would you be willing to share some of the ways you “stay away from the edge” as you live with a mental health diagnosis?

 Email me at robyn@robynmulder.com or send me a message on Facebook. I would love to hear from you and share some of your ideas with others who are also working to maintain their mental health. Please share this post with anyone who may also be struggling.

Most of all, please get help if you are teetering on the edge and you don’t feel like it’s worth it to get back to safe footing. Talk to your family, friends, or your doctor. You can also call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline if you need help.

Let’s all make sure we’re staying away from the edge.

“…I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life,….” (Deuteronomy 30:19–20 NIV)

Do you ever feel like you might go over the edge? How can focusing on God help you stay away from the edge and enjoy a fulfilling life in spite of a mental health diagnosis?

© 2016 (and tweaked in 2023) Robyn Mulder

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Being Kind

I don’t have time to write this week’s blog post.

But I’m going to write it anyway because I’m hoping it will help me feel better.

See, I’ve worked myself into a state of overwhelm once again.

I’m leaving this afternoon to go help with a youth retreat that lasts until Sunday evening. I have a few things to do in preparation for that, but I also have some things that must get done here at home. And then next weekend I’m going to a writers conference out in California and there are things I want to get done before I leave for that.

I feel a bit shaky, and I can get close to tears when I think about everything all at once. (Oh, let’s be honest, I have cried several times this week!) Even more frustrating is my tendency to spin in procrastination and stress when I feel this way, and then nothing gets done.

Cue the negative self-talk: You always do this! You’ve known about both of these events (and everything else you have to do) for months…why didn’t you work on them when you had more time? I’m never going to amount to anything if I can’t get things done.

So it’s Thursday morning as I write this, and I’m hoping that if I focus on being kind it might change my mindset and my ambition.

I’ve been thinking about the students who are coming to participate in the retreat this weekend. Many of them may be feeling like me. The ones who are attending have no idea what’s going to happen and there may be lots of anxiety there as they wonder what they’ll experience during the weekend. The ones who are helping behind the scenes may have tons of stuff they need to get done before they leave for the retreat tonight and they may be stressed out about how the weekend will go for them and their teams.

If one of them showed up tonight all shaky and teary, I’d want to pull them aside and reassure them. “Hey, it’s going to be okay! You did what you could before you got here. You can relax now and enjoy the weekend. Trust that God will be working in your life and in the lives of everyone involved. You’re going to see some great things happen! Take a deep breath, do the next thing, and don’t focus on everything all at once. One step at a time, you’ll make it through the weekend and look back on another amazing encounter with God.”

I’d be kind and loving toward that overwhelmed teenager. And it would make a difference.

So that’s what I’m going to do this morning.

I’m going to be kind to myself. I’m going to write down the things that can wait until next week (so this old brain doesn’t forget them) and work on them after the retreat.

I’m going to be compassionate to myself. I’m going to congratulate myself on all of the many things I did get done already this week, and then keep working on the things that are left.

I’m going to forgive myself for not doing all the things earlier. I did what I could when I could. All I can do is move forward from here. Beating myself up over and over won’t get anything done now.

I feel better already. Calmer. More peaceful. Ready to tackle the next thing on my list so I can check it off and not stress about it anymore.

If I can keep reminding myself to be kind, this is going to be a great weekend!

“Be kind and compassionate to one another [and yourself], forgiving each other [and yourself], just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32 NIV, brackets mine)

Are you kind to yourself when you get overwhelmed? How can focusing on God help you show yourself love and compassion, even in the midst of overwhelm?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on One Thing at a Time

Some people thrive on having lots of irons in the fire.

Apparently, I am not one of them.

In my younger years I could juggle tons of activities and responsibilities. I look back at all of the things I did when our children were little, and I can hardly recognize myself. How did I get it all done?

The kids are all grown and out of the house now, and I can’t seem to handle much of anything. The more things I add to my calendar, the more anxious I feel. I end up not doing much of anything because I get overwhelmed when I think of everything all at once.

I’ve been feeling that way for several weeks now. All of my tasks and future activities are spinning around in my brain. I get things done when the deadline gets close enough, but I live with way too much stress when I think about everything I “should” be doing and shut down mentally for much of the day.

I know I’ll feel better if I work ahead and make progress on long-term projects and goals.

I’m sure my stress levels will fall if I work hard for a set amount of time and then enjoy some time for relaxation (instead of dreading the work, putting it off, and worrying about it during moments when I’m supposed to be having fun).

Like Mary and Martha in the Bible, I need to focus on one thing at a time. Martha was worried and upset about all of the work she had to do, but Mary recognized that sitting at Jesus’ feet was the best thing to do in that moment.

That will help me as I move forward. I do take time for reading the Bible each day, but figuratively sitting at Jesus’ feet as I go through the rest of the day might help me focus on one thing at a time instead of dreading all of it at once.

Going through my days asking the Holy Spirit to show me what I need to work on might help me get some things done instead of having everything continue to swirl around in my brain and doing nothing.

It’s time to write some things down, schedule time to work on them in my planner, and focus on one thing at a time.

Getting overwhelmed by everything I want to/need to get done will just lead to more angst and procrastination.

Tackling projects one at a time will bring them to completion.

Especially if I keep God first as I go through each day.

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:41–42 NIV)

Are you overwhelmed by everything you need to do? How can focusing on God help you work on one thing at a time and enjoy life more as you get things done?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Community Resources

Last week I attended an event called “Stronger Together: Building Assets for Brookings, A Day for Suicide Prevention.” It was an informative, inspiring day of hearing from speakers and organizations who want to provide help for those with a mental health diagnosis or substance abuse problem in our part of South Dakota.

I was reminded of how important it is to take advantage of community resources when you are dealing with suicidal thoughts or an addiction. Too often, we isolate ourselves and look inward when we are struggling. Reaching out can get us back to a healthy place.

Here are a few resources to check out. Don’t wait until you or someone you love is in crisis. Get familiar with them now so you know where to go when you need help.

*The Helpline Center (helplinecenter.org) – Visit 211.org or dial 211 in your state to get directed to your local resources in your community.

*988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (988lifeline.org) – Call, text, or chat with a mental health professional (free and confidential).

*American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (afsp.org) – Whether you’re thinking about suicide or you’ve lost someone to suicide, this organization can help.

*Fresh Hope (freshhope.us) – Christian peer-led support groups for those with a mental health diagnosis and/or their loved ones. We have a group that meets here in Volga the 2nd and 4th Mondays of the month. You can email me for more info (robyn@robynmulder.com) or visit Fresh Hope’s website to find a group near you. They even have groups that meet online.

Dealing with mental illness doesn’t have to be a lonely endeavor. Check out these resources and get connected with a group or resource that will help you feel supported through the ups and downs of your illness. There is help and there is hope!

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24–25 NIV)

Do you try to go it alone when it comes to your mental health? Consider finding some community groups or resources that can help. How can focusing on God help you improve your health?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Who You Are

Gary and I went to a date night event a few weeks ago. The speaker mentioned that you’ll be married to approximately five different people over the course of your marriage. He said it to get a laugh, but the more I think about it, the more I believe it.

Gary isn’t the same twenty-year-old kid he was when we met. He was a farmer back then. Now he’s an experienced pastor. He has grown and changed in so many ways since we got married in 1990.

I’m not the same person I was back then. That’s good. I can see growth in my confidence and maturity. I’m more self-aware in recent years and I am more able to take care of my mental health when depression and anxiety show up.

I’m not sure if I’ve been five different people yet (maybe a couple more versions of me are still in the works), but I do feel like I’m a different woman now.

And that can raise some uncomfortable questions at times. Who am I? How am I supposed to act with past friends and new friends?

When I look back over the posts I’ve written and the things I’ve said over the years, I notice so much self-deprecating humor. I would often criticize myself in a joking way, hoping to get a laugh from someone (and hopefully deflect any true criticisms they might have of me).

In recent years, I’ve become more aware of this tendency and I’ve determined to stop it. I don’t want to make fun of my weight, my appearance, or the dumb things I do. I want to show myself more grace, so I’ve stopped talking that way in front of people (I’m still working on the self-defeating thoughts I have, but that’s a topic for another day). Today I’m faced with a dilemma. Who am I now and how do I want to write and speak about myself and others?

(Sorry if I’m dragging you along on this bumpy ride as I figure all of this out. Maybe seeing the process can help you look at the different people you’ve been over the years and decide who you are now.)

I know I’ll never make fun of the way I look again. God made me just the way I am and he loves every bit of me. He’ll help me love myself through all of the physical changes that happen as I grow older. I also want to get better at showing myself grace when I fall short of my goals. God will help me accomplish whatever he wants me to do, even if it takes a little longer than I had planned. I still like to make people laugh, so I can continue finding the humor in silly mistakes I make and I can share those stories in hopes that they’ll provide some lessons for my readers.

Who am I? I’m a beloved child of God. If you believe in Jesus and what he did to save you, you’re a beloved child of God, too. That will stay the same, no matter who we become over the course of our lifetimes.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV)

Are you a different person now than you were when you were younger? How can focusing on God help you enjoy life through all of the changes and challenges you face?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Catching Your Thoughts

For several years now, I’ve been working on catching my thoughts, inspired by 2 Corinthians 10:5 (see it written out at the end of this post). Some days I do it well, and other days I fail miserably.

I’ve learned that how I’m feeling is largely determined by the thoughts I’m allowing to stay in my mind. My mood is good when I’m thinking helpful, positive thoughts. My mood suffers when I let negative thoughts take over my brain.

Therapists who use cognitive behavioral therapy call these unhelpful thoughts “cognitive distortions.” Cognitive is basically a fancy word for thinking.

Distorted thinking can lead to negative emotions and is a contributing factor to mental illnesses like depression and anxiety.

The thoughts we need to catch are usually lies we’re telling ourselves. We over-generalize, or we catastrophize, or we filter our experiences through a negative lens. We need to catch those lies and replace them with God’s truth instead.

To help all of us, I decided to create a special calendar. Each month focuses on a different type of thought distortion and gives you an example from my own negative thinking. Then I give you a more helpful thought to consider. There’s room for you to write down your own negative thoughts and then come up with a better thought to replace it.

Here’s an image of the front cover of the “2023 Catch Your Thoughts Calendar.”

(It doesn’t really have a gold border.)

I want to make it available to anyone who’d like a copy. It’s a pdf file you can download and print off. You’ll have two pages for each month. One page has room to keep track of things you want to do, plus the space to work on a certain cognitive distortion. The other page has a calendar for the month where you can write in appointments and events, plus a spot to list monthly goals and important events.

And here’s where I continue to practice catching my thoughts.

I spent lots of time today finishing up the calendar, but I’m not sure how to make it available on my website yet. I want it to be a free resource people can download when they sign up for my email list, but I’ve never done this before. It’s going to take a little more work and maybe some trial and error.

My brain jumps around to lots of negative thoughts:

You don’t know what you’re doing! You should have figured this out before you told people about it! They’re probably going to think it’s stupid and nobody will want it. You can’t even catch your own thoughts, why would anyone listen to you?

And that, my friends, is why I need this calendar. Those are all lies that make me feel terrible if I keep thinking them.

Instead, I need to catch them and turn them around:

I don’t know what I’m doing, but I can figure it out. Sure, I may be jumping the gun a bit, but I’m excited to share this resource with people. Some people might not be interested, but I’m sure many people will see the value in it and it will help them. I’m still learning to catch my thoughts, and that’s why people can listen to me and learn along with me.

I feel better already.

If you’d like a copy of this calendar and I haven’t added a button or link for it somewhere when you’re reading this, just email me at robyn@robynmulder.com and I’ll sign you up for my email list and send you a copy.

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV)

Are you good at catching your thoughts? How can focusing on God help you recognize the lies you may be thinking and replace them with his truth instead?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Rejecting Too Much of a Good Thing

I love to swim.

I started swimming regularly about a year ago when we finally lived close to a pool again. I had fun competing in a Masters Swim Meet last April, and I have continued to swim about three times a week. That’s a good thing.

Last week I signed up for the “100 Mile Swim Challenge.” It wasn’t on my radar until I talked to the guy swimming in the next lane. He was excited about the challenge and was already making sure he swam an entire mile each time he was there (that’s 72 lengths of a 25-yard pool).

I signed up for the challenge. This was going to be great! I would get so much faster and stronger if I swam 100 miles by May 5.

But then I started to do some calculating. In all of my training since last January, I had only been able to swim 72 lengths (1800 yards) one time. Normally I swim about 1300 yards. Oh well, I reasoned, I’m sure I’ll get in better shape and I’ll be able to do more than that as I go along.

Then I remembered that we were tentatively planning a vacation in April. That would take at least ten possible days out. And our daughter is expecting a baby in February so that will take out a few more days. And you never know what South Dakota weather will do, so that might keep me from working out some more days.

I felt panicky all of a sudden. I don’t think I can do this! I wondered if I should quit the challenge right away, so I didn’t feel the pressure to do whatever it took to “win.” Or maybe I should really commit and make it happen. I fought that feeling for several days, going back and forth between despair and determination. I talked it over with Gary (who wisely pointed out the possibility of this becoming an obsession instead of just good exercise).

I think I’m finally to a place of acceptance. I’ll continue to swim a few times a week and log my miles, but I’m not figuring I’ll get the T-shirt unless some miracle happens.

Too much of a good thing can become a bad thing. Swimming was good for some shoulder pain I had over a year ago, but too much might irritate my shoulder again. Swimming three days a week is good for my physical and mental health, but five or six days a week (with the pressure to swim at least 1800 yards each time) might be too much for me, both physically and mentally. I could already see how it affected my mental health this week. I started to feel jittery and anxious whenever I thought about the challenge.

This translates to other areas of my life as well.

Candy and desserts are good, but they aren’t good for me if I eat too much of them.

Playing games on my phone can be fun, but it’s a waste of time if I play them too much.

Watching TV is entertaining, but I lose time for other things if I watch too much.

Almost any good thing can become bad for us if we do it too much.

Let’s try to find more balance in life. Let’s reject too much of a good thing and enjoy healthy amounts of the activities and objects in our lives. Now that’s a challenge we can all win!

“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil [when you have too much of a good thing].” (Ephesians 5:15 NIV, plus my thought in the brackets)

Do you ever indulge in too much of a good thing? How can focusing on God help you find more balance in life? (He’s the only thing we can never get too much of!)

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Confidence

It seems like so many people have a word for the year. One word to summarize what they want to focus on as they go through the next twelve months.

I’ve done that in the past, but I haven’t for the last several years. Lately, though, I’ve been sensing that the Lord wants me to practice having confidence this year.

That’s scary! It’s much easier to move through life in uncertainty, letting other people and life’s situations determine what I do and how I feel. Choosing confidence will more than likely put me in some situations that are out of my comfort zone. Choosing confidence might mean I have to disappoint someone if I confidently turn down their request. Choosing confidence feels like I’ll have to throw away all my excuses for why I haven’t accomplished certain goals.

I’m tempted to list those goals here, but I’m not going to do that. If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you can probably think of a few things I’ve mentioned over the years. (Years!) No, I’m going to make my own list and prayerfully think about next steps for each of those goals.

Maybe you have something you’ve been avoiding because you lack the confidence to tackle it. I encourage you (and me) to move ahead with courage.

The Lord is with us, and he’ll help us accomplish whatever he’s called us to do. We can be confident as we go through each day, knowing he’ll never leave us alone. Jesus also sent us the Holy Spirit to comfort and guide us. Drawing on the Spirit’s power can fill us with humble confidence.

Like it or not, my word for the year is confidence.* Do you pick a word for the year? Let me know in the comments.

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7 NIV)

Do you have a word for the year? How can focusing on God help you move through the year ahead with intention, whatever your word may be?

*To help me grow in this area, I’ve been reading the excellent book Stand in Confidence: From Sinking in Insecurity to Rising in Your God-Given Identity by Amanda Pittman. I’ll let you know what I’ve learned in a future blog post.