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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Ups and Downs

You may notice that I’m blogging at a new site this week. You can still find all of my previous blog posts over at robynmulder.blogspot.com, but from now on I’ll be posting here at robynmulder.com.

It’s exciting – and scary. I’ve had a few ups and downs as I’ve worked at getting things up and running here, and I’m sure there will be more of that in the future.

That’s okay.

We have to remember that life is pretty much an equal balance of positive and negative things. (I learned that from Brooke Castillo.) If we can accept that, we’ll be happier.

It doesn’t seem to make sense, I know, but it really is true.

The ups and downs are all a part of our life. We need to enjoy the ups, realizing that they won’t last forever. We need to endure the downs, knowing that they also won’t last forever.

This week I had trouble getting out of bed again a couple of times. Instead of getting all upset at myself for my “failure,” I decided to chalk it up to an off day and show myself a lot of grace.

The truth is, I deal with depression at times. I had been feeling good and getting up on time for quite a while, but then I had a couple of days where I thought too much, dreaded my tasks for the day, and hid for a while.

Instead of staying in that downward spiral (minor though it was), I had to make the choice to think better, talk to Gary, and do some things to turn it around.

All of us experience the ups and downs of life. No one escapes them.

Mental health, physical health, spiritual health, school, work, and relationships. All of those areas have an ebb and flow to them. The key to surviving the ups and downs is being deliberate about where we have our focus.

On ourselves, on our situation, on our fears or frustrations? The ups and downs of life will give us whiplash and leave us upset and frazzled.

On God? The ups and downs of life will be more tolerable and we can have an unexplainable peace as we ride them out. Experiencing the downs lets us empathize with others who are experiencing the same things. Enjoying the ups stores up great memories to look back on when we’re going through a harder time.

Try to get more comfortable with the ups and downs this week, my friends.

“As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, [ups and downs,] day and night will never cease.” (Genesis 8:22 NIV – brackets mine)

Do the ups and downs of life upset you? How can focusing on God help you to get through them with more peace?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Overwhelm

Overwhelm is a verb. One meaning is “to bury or drown beneath a huge mass.” Another meaning is “to give too much of a thing to (someone).”

So when we say we’re overwhelmed, it’s basically saying that we’re drowning. We’ve been given too much of something.

I’ve felt that way about emails lately.

I had gotten my inbox down to zero and was keeping it that way for a while, but then all of these amazing offers started appearing on Facebook and other places. Free ebooks! Free webinars! Free video series!

I started handing out my email address to get all of these free things and now I’m overwhelmed.

Drowning in emails. The offers I signed up for were all good, but they led to more and more communication and hopes that I’d join their latest online course or program.

And as I peruse all of these emails and videos and ebooks, I’m using precious time that could better be spent writing or doing something else that will move me farther along in the goals I have for myself.

Once again, I’ve lost my focus.

Not completely, though. I have been reading the Bible each morning and talking to God throughout the day. Because I’m doing that, I think God is showing me that it’s time to get out from under the overwhelm. It’s time to unsubscribe from the majority of people sending me emails and just stick to the ones that really help me in my goals, instead of just introducing me to more and more possibilities.

We only have so much time.

Let’s be wise about what we allow into our lives.

That might mean turning off the TV at times, or putting a limit on our social media usage, or unsubscribing from some email lists.

If we do that, then we can focus on the overwhelming love and grace of God in our lives. It’s amazing that “too much” of those things doesn’t bury us or drown us at all.

Instead, overwhelming love and grace lift us up and give us peace.

“I am overwhelmed with joy in the LORD my God!” (Isaiah 61:10a NLT) 

Are you overwhelmed by too many things going on around you? How can focusing on God help you to let go of some of those things so you can experience His overwhelming love and grace instead?

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Super Saturday: Let’s Focus on Thanks

I feel like keeping this week’s post short and sweet.

We’ve just celebrated Thanksgiving and now we jump into the Christmas season.

Maybe we need to linger a bit longer in that attitude of thanksgiving. In that vein, I thought I’d list a few things I’m thankful for here, and I invite you to share some of your own in the comments (or at least ponder them in your own heart for a while).

I’m thankful for:

God (who provided His love and all of the other people and things on this list)

My family (Gary and our children, but also each one of our extended families)

Friends (I often say that I can’t imagine my life without each person God has brought into our lives as we’ve moved over the years)

This beautiful world (We love to travel and explore its many wonders)

The hardships I’ve had to go through (Yes, I’m even thankful for those times, because they helped shape me into who I am today)

The future (With all of its many possibilities and surprises)

It’s good for our mental health to practice gratitude, so let’s not forget to do that each and every day.

So grateful for each of you, ~Robyn

“Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.” (Psalm 107:1 NIV)

Are you thankful for everything in your life? How can focusing on God help you to be grateful every day?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Suicide

We don’t like to think about things like suicide, do we?

It’s so dark and scary and…depressing.

Even if your life hasn’t been touched personally by a family member’s suicide, most of us have been saddened to hear about someone’s suicide in the towns where we live or by celebrities like actor Robin Williams, designer Kate Spade, and chef Anthony Bourdain.

And then there are those of us who have actually contemplated ending our own lives.

I got to that place back in 2014 when I became clinically depressed and could find absolutely no hope in life. I was still a Christian and I knew where my hope should be found, but I was too sick to grab hold of that hope and be happy.

Thankfully, I was able to talk to my husband about those frightening thoughts and he took me to the hospital where I could be safe until I felt better.

While I was there I met other patients, people who had actually attempted suicide. I’m so glad they didn’t succeed. We talked and laughed and learned together about our illnesses during our stay. We all had families that loved us and wanted us healthy again.

Since that time, I have worked hard at making sure I do the things I need to do to stay healthy emotionally. If I feel myself starting to get into that downward spiral, I’m quick to reach out to my husband or a friend so I don’t get too far away from hope.

That’s why I want to focus on suicide this week.

Maybe you have a family member or friend who struggles with depression. Watch for the warning signs that their depression is getting worse and reach out to help them before it gets too bad.

Maybe you deal with depression at times. Don’t settle for feeling bad most of the time. You may have gotten so used to it that you think it’s just normal for you. It doesn’t have to be! Medications, counseling, exercise, and changing the way you think and act can all lead to a happier, more fulfilling life. 

Please don’t give up! Talk to someone, reach out to anyone. Hopefully you have a supportive friend or family member, but if you don’t, you can always call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text CONNECT to 741741 at the Crisis Text Line

I’m not a professional, but you’re also welcome to talk to me by email (robynmulder @ hotmail.com) or a private message on Facebook.

We can do this hard thing…this amazing thing called Life…if we just don’t give up.

“The thief [Satan] comes only to kill and steal and destroy; I [Jesus] have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10 NIV – brackets added)

Have you ever had suicidal thoughts? How can focusing on God help you to get support and embrace life again? 

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Cream Puff Dessert

I made two pans of Cream Puff Dessert earlier this week. (I’ve included the recipe after this post.)

It’s one of my favorite things to take to our family get-togethers. It’s not too difficult to make and it tastes delicious.

It is kind of a weird process to make the cream puff base, though.

First you boil some water and butter, then add a cup of flour and mix until it’s smooth.

You let it cool a bit, and then add four eggs, one at a time.

This is where it gets a little weird. As you begin to stir, your nice smooth batter seems to fall apart.

You find yourself thinking “This can’t be right! It looks disgusting and slimy. Maybe I did something wrong.”

You stir and stir and stir some more…and finally the batter comes back together and looks a little more normal.

Then you add the next egg and the process starts all over again. Separation. Slime. Stirring, stirring, stirring until you feel like your hand is going to fall off.

Then it finally gets better.

After four eggs, you have a nice smooth batter.

You spread it into a pan and bake for a half hour.

You end up with a puffy base that gets a pudding layer and a whipped cream layer added to it after it cools.

Finally you drizzle some chocolate syrup on right before serving…and enjoy!

(This is not mine…mine is not this fancy and we ate it all before I thought of taking a picture.)

Now, I found myself thinking as I stirred this time.

Sometimes we add something to our life and it doesn’t feel good right away. It doesn’t seem like things are coming together right and we think we’ve ruined everything. We feel like giving up and starting over, or worse, not trying that again.

Maybe we try a new method of discipline with our children. We know they need it, but they resist. Loudly.

It’s tempting to give up and just go back to the way things were before, but if we persist and keep at it we just might get to a new, more pleasant, way of relating to our kids.

Perhaps we want to learn a new skill. We watch videos and read articles and books about painting, or writing, or finances, or underwater basket weaving. We begin our attempts, but it’s harder than we expected. The painting is not a Picasso, the writing project stinks, the bank account stays empty, and the basket sinks.

It’s tempting to give up and stick with what we already can do, but if we keep trying we may surprise ourselves with what we accomplish. A painting good enough to frame. A book with our name on it. A nice little nest egg. A cute little soggy basket.

When I’m making a Cream Puff Dessert, I have to remind myself that the stirring is important. I can’t stop while the mixture is still a slimy mess or the dessert won’t turn out right. I have to keep going. I have to remember that something good will come from my hard work.

I have to do that in life, too. I have to remember that something good will come from my hard work.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest [or a Cream Puff Dessert] if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9 NIV)

Do you get tired of trying sometimes? How can focusing on God help you to persevere and keep going until you get to something good?

*Cream Puff Dessert (recipe from Sharon Tilstra, many years ago)
1/2 C. butter or margarine
1 C. water
1 C. flour
4 eggs
– Combine butter and water on stove in pan. When it starts to boil, add flour and mix ’til mixture forms a ball. Let cool a while, then add eggs one at a time.
– Spread in greased 9×13 pan. Bake at 400 degrees for 30 minutes.
– Cool.

Topping:
8 oz. cream cheese
2 small pkgs. instant french vanilla pudding
3 C. milk
– Beat cream cheese. Mix all together and spread over crust. Spread 8 oz. whipped topping over all and drizzle with chocolate syrup shortly before serving.

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on a Dear Abbie Letter

*Note: I’m moving some of my old blog posts here to robynmulder.com and I’m starting with this one from January of 2016. It’s a favorite of mine since it came to me so easily and I love this family so much. As an update, Abbie just finished her freshman year of college and plans to do some mission work in Africa (probably next summer, I think her mom said). Her mom is still immensely proud of her. Enjoy!

Dear Abbie,


I saw that look on your face the other morning.


Your mom started crying when she talked about your 16th birthday coming up today. She laughed and brushed away the tears and tried to explain. “It just went by so fast!” She talked a little more and ended with, “I just love her.” Then she turned to you and said, “High five. You’re awesome!”


You smiled and gave her a high five, but then your expression returned to that look.


The look of a fifteen-year-old who wonders if her mother is crazy. I know that look. I’ve seen it on the faces of all four of my children. I’ve worn that look as I wondered about my own mother’s sanity at times during my teen years.


She’s not crazy. Moms cry sometimes and you just have to get used to it. Sometimes we cry because we’re happy. Sometimes we cry because we’re sad. Sometimes we cry because we’re angry. Sometimes we cry because our daughters turn sixteen.


I don’t know everything going on in your mom’s mind and heart right now, but I can imagine some of the things she may be feeling.


I imagine she’s remembering herself at your age.


I imagine she’s mourning the “mistake” she made that resulted in your birth when she was just seventeen.


I imagine she’s reliving the embarrassment she felt when people found out about her “mistake.”


I imagine she’s happy about how life turned out over the last sixteen years. After welcoming you into the world, she went on to marry a great guy and they gave you three little sisters to love (and they love you!).


I imagine she’s afraid for you and the choices you’ll have to make in the years ahead. I imagine she’s afraid you might make some mistakes along the way and she wants to save you from that.


I imagine she’s immensely proud of the young woman you’re becoming and she thanks God every day that He gave you to her.


I imagine she’s grateful for the grace she feels knowing that God loves her and has forgiven every single one of her mistakes. I imagine she’s awed by the realization that you were not a mistake; you were part of God’s great plan for her life.


I imagine she knows that the next several years will go by just as fast and you’ll be out on your own before she knows it.


Abbie, you are special, but it’s not because you were born to a teenage mother. You are special because God formed you in your mother’s womb and He has a plan for your life. You are free to follow Him wherever He leads. Each of us is special to God and we all need to follow Him. Keep going, Abbie. If you make mistakes, there’s grace there and you can get back on the right path. There’s grace for all of us sinful people.


Oh, and your mom? She’s not crazy. She’s just a really good mom who loves you so much.


Happy 16th Birthday, Abbie!


“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)


Have you ever made a “mistake”? How can focusing on God help you to get back on track and follow Him into the future He has planned for you?


*I want to thank my friends Kristen and Abbie for their permission to share this week’s blog post. I am blessed to know them and the rest of their family.

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Memories

I’ve been going through some old pictures and letters in one of my file cabinets lately. It has been really fun to walk down memory lane and read letters from friends, look at pictures people have sent over the years, peruse thank you notes and greeting cards people have given us, and find things I didn’t even remember I had.

Here’s the inside of a Mother’s Day card Erin made for me in 1999:

In case you can’t read it, it says “If I had 3 moms because they kept dying, you would be the best one!” Isn’t that sweet? (She was only 7.)

If I hadn’t gone through my files, I wouldn’t have found that little gem. My heart was warmed by memories of friends that I’ve lost touch with and reminders of friends I’ve made in recent years, as well as friends I’ve corresponded with for years and years. Sure, I weeded out some letters that no longer meant much to me, but there were many that I read over and put right back in the file because they brought a smile to my face and warm feelings to my heart.

I remember when I saw that one of my college friends had ripped up a letter from her mom and thrown it in the trashcan. I was appalled because words meant so much to me. I kept every letter I received from home and treasured it. Now, I realize that my friend and her mom wrote each other much more often than my parents and I did and she probably couldn’t keep every letter. I’ve gotten a bit more selective about what I keep as well. Today I found myself tossing quite a few Christmas letters from years ago. They were interesting to read at the time, but I don’t need all of the facts from 1995. I found it much more difficult to throw away a thoughtful, handwritten letter because it contained much more personal information and memories of times that person and I had shared.

I can’t keep everything anyone ever writes to me, but you can bet I’ll keep most of them so I have something special to read when I’m old and gray (oops, starting to get there already!).

We can’t live in the past, but memories are something we can treasure as we go through life. Our minds start to fail us as we get older, so it’s good to have pictures, letters, and mementos to jog our memories and remind us of special people we’ve known and events we’ve lived through.

I’m so thankful for each and every person God has brought into my life in the last 48 years, and I can’t wait to see who He will arrange for me to meet in whatever years I have left. Life sure is exciting, isn’t it?

“I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:3–6 NIV)

Is it time to look through old letters and photos and relive some memories? How can focusing on memories (and God) give us the strength and confidence to move forward in life and make some new memories?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Weakness

I didn’t write my usual Focus Friday post last week because I was in a pretty dark place that day. My stress level was still extremely high with all of the demands of my new teaching job. Now, mind you, for some people the demands would be stressful, but manageable. For me, for some reason, they became unmanageable.

I don’t think the students realized how uncomfortable I was, but I was stressing way too much when I wasn’t at the job. It was affecting my physical, emotional, and even spiritual health. People tried to help. Gary listened, gave support and encouragement, and hoped I would feel better. Other teachers offered their help and were very supportive, but I didn’t take advantage of their help soon enough. Life became a blur of work and worry. I prayed and tried to read my Bible for help, but my negative thoughts ran rampant and drowned out any comfort God tried to give me.

By Saturday, we decided that it was time to go to the hospital for more help for my depression. I had gone on some medicine the week before, but it wasn’t helping yet and I was thinking some pretty scary thoughts. A stop in the emergency room and a transfer a few hours later to a hospital with an open bed brought me to the Mental Health Unit of one of our regional hospitals. The staff cared for me and all of their patients with the utmost respect, courtesy, and skill. I came home today and am feeling so much better about life.

So…that brings me to my focus for this week: weakness. In some ways it was weakness that landed me in the hospital. I felt too weak to handle the stress and demands. A friend sent a note that said I had done a “brave and smart thing by reaching out for help.” Which is it? Was I weak or was I brave? Could it possibly be both? I know I am in a much better place than I was a week ago after getting some help and care. Maybe by being brave and admitting I was weak I was able to draw on some strength and experience some growth. I know I’ll have to keep going back to that place of strength as I keep getting better and deal with the disappointment of letting the teaching job go.

As you can imagine, I’m still sorting all of this out. I have appreciated the prayers of so many friends and family members during this time. Keep praying. For this week, I just wanted to remind myself and all of you that weakness is not always a bad thing. It can show us what our limits are. It can teach us about ourselves and others. It can knock down our walls of pride and teach us to reach out for help.

Another friend from church wrote out some verses for me and I kept them on my bedside table at the hospital. The one that helped the most was this:

My STRENGTH is made perfect in WEAKNESS
2 Corinthians 12:9 (That’s the way she wrote it on the card)

And on the back she printed the entire verse:

Each time he said, “No. But I am with you; that is all you need. My power shows up best in weak people.” Now I am glad to boast about how weak I am; I am glad to be a living demonstration of Christ’s power, instead of showing off my own power and abilities. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Isn’t that a beautiful reminder? We don’t have to be perfect. We just have to be faithful and people will see Christ’s power in us…even when we are very weak.

I think I’ll end with that. I have so much more to say, but it will have to wait for another Friday.

~Robyn

Do you ever feel weak? Do you accept that about yourself and see how it can show God’s strength or do you fight it and deny that weakness? How can focusing on God help you to “boast” about how weak you really are?