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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on 10 Symptoms of Depression

Depression Symptoms for blog

How do you know if you’re suffering from clinical depression or just having a really bad day?

Let’s look at ten common symptoms of depression and talk about it.

  1. Loss of interest in things you normally enjoy (hobbies, sports, time with friends, sex). When I was depressed, I lost interest in almost everything and obsessed about how bad I was feeling.
  2. Sleep problems (either sleeping way too much or not being able to sleep). I would go to bed and not be able to fall asleep for a long time, adding to my anxiety because I knew I should be sleeping.
  3. Changes in eating (overeating or loss of appetite). I lost about fifteen pounds in a month because I often had a stomachache and didn’t feel like eating.
  4. Unexplained aches and pains (headaches, back trouble, other problems). Over the years I think some of my back problems happened because of depression I didn’t recognize.
  5. Loss of focus (trouble concentrating, thinking, remembering, making decisions). I couldn’t make out lesson plans when I was teaching because I just couldn’t concentrate.
  6. Depressed mood (feelings of sadness, emptiness, hopelessness, crying, mood swings). I held it together in public, but at home I cried often.
  7. Irritation (feelings of anger, irritability, or frustration – especially common in men). Not in 2014, but I had a year of intense anger when our girls were little. Looking back, I think it was mostly depression.
  8. Anxiety (agitation or restlessness). I just couldn’t relax! When I sat, I would bounce my knees together. I still notice that happening when I’m getting anxious about something.
  9. Lethargy (slowed speaking, thinking, or movements). I had times of this in college, but I never recognized it as depression. I just thought I was tired.
  10. Death (thinking about it often, wishing for it, suicidal thoughts and actions* – the scariest symptom of all). Thoughts like this finally convinced me to talk to my husband and I went to the hospital in 2014 for some help.

Everyone’s illness is different. You may not experience all of these symptoms. If you notice several of them and they last for more than two weeks, it’s time to get professional help.

Talk to someone about how you’re feeling. You don’t have to suffer, thinking it’s a character weakness on your part. That’s what I did for many years, bouncing between the highs and lows, suffering needlessly. I was sure that if I just prayed harder God would take the depression away, but that didn’t happen.

A combination of many things led to a chemical problem in my brain. When it gets to that point, you can’t just think or pray yourself out of it. That’s when it takes medicine, or talk therapy, or a combination of the two to get you back to a healthy place.

We’ll talk more about that in the weeks ahead.

“…while [Elijah] went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. ‘I have had enough, LORD,’ he said. ‘Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.'” (1 Kings 19:4 NIV)

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18 NIV)

Have you been experiencing any of these ten symptoms for more than two weeks? How can focusing on God help you to admit there is a problem and reach out for help?

*If you are having suicidal thoughts, please reach out to someone you trust. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255  

 

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Drilling Down

drilling down for blog

I watched an interview this week with Lindsey Hartz (part of the Flourish Writers Conference). She was talking about how a writer needs to “drill down” into an audience and get really specific about who they want to reach.

That stuck with me, and I even went back and watched the video again. I realized that I’ve been trying to reach all women everywhere. Maybe that’s why it’s hard to decide what to focus on each week. I consider lots of different topics and try to figure out what might resonate with the most people.

There’s some safety in that. If I give everyone a little of what they want to read then I don’t have to dig too deep into painful subjects. 

But I don’t think I want to do that anymore. I say I’m writing a book about depression and how to stay healthy emotionally, but I flit from task to task, distraction to distraction, doing just about everything but writing the book.

I think it’s time to drill down and focus on a narrower audience. 

I think my calling in this season of life is to bring God’s hope to those who are struggling with depression and other mental illnesses.

If that’s you, then come along as we explore mental health in the weeks and months ahead. There is hope for you, my friend.

If that isn’t you, I still invite you to come along. Even if you don’t have a mental health diagnosis, everyone can benefit from learning ways to stay healthy emotionally.

I think this idea of “drilling down” can apply to many areas of our lives. Let’s not be all over the place, jumping from idea to idea and project to project. Let’s drill down, get specific, and get things done.   

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13 NIV)

Are you trying to get everything done instead of drilling down and deciding to target or work on specific things? How can focusing on God help you to narrow your intentions as you go through life?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Effort

effort for blog

I listened to a webinar a while back by Eben Pagan, and he suggested that his listeners write a vision statement about what they want their life to look like a few years in the future. After that he said to write down the mindset it would take to accomplish that vision. The next step was to write out the vision and mindset every morning when you get up and every night before you go to bed for thirty days straight. 

I wrote my vision statement, including points about my relationship with God, my husband, and children. I mentioned my future success as a writer and editor, and I threw in an optimistic sentence about going down one pants size.

Then I wrote my mindset statement: I am responsible for my results and I am going to create the success I want in my future.

I showed my statements to Gary a few days after I started this practice, so excited to share what my vision was and how committed I was to making it happen.

He looked a bit skeptical. And why shouldn’t he? This was just a different version of all the other times I announced some big plan: “I’m going to write a book!” “I’m going to lose some weight!” “I’m going to be the best wife you’ve ever had!” (Since I’m his only wife, I guess I’ve really pulled that one off at least)

He humored me, but he really couldn’t see the benefit of doing this thirty day routine.

I haven’t written those statements every single day, but I have written them many times over the last month. I almost believe what I’m saying about my future. Maybe I need to do it for another month to really make it stick.

The one thing I’ve really noticed is that my mindset hasn’t changed enough to get me the results I’m after.

I write “I am responsible for my results” and I feel a twinge of guilt because I see what I’m doing/not doing and how that keeps me from realizing my dreams.

Going to the cupboard for a snack when I’m not hungry does not get me the result of going down a pants size.

Scrolling through Facebook too much does not get me the result of becoming a published writer.

Writing down my vision and my mindset does not magically make those things happen. It takes effort to accomplish the things I want to see happen in the future.

So, don’t give up on me yet, dear readers. Most importantly, don’t give up on yourself. I bet there are things you’ve said you want to do, but you haven’t seen forward motion. There can be, if you don’t give up. If we don’t give up.

Magic quote
(I didn’t write this quote, but I can’t find the source anywhere online.)

Keep going. Keep working hard and putting as much effort as you can into the things you want to do. Eventually we’ll get there, if we don’t stop trying. 

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9 NIV)

Are you doing what you need to do in order to create the future you want for yourself? How can focusing on God help you to keep making an effort to move ahead?

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Super Saturday: Let’s Focus on Following

tail lights for blog

I learned a lesson about following yesterday.

Actually, it was about not following.

You see, Gary and I took a long day trip to pick up a new car way east of Sioux Falls. It was a salvage vehicle with low miles and a price too good to pass up. On the way back through Sioux Falls we made a couple of stops to shop and eat, and then we left town. We didn’t go back to the Interstate, deciding to take the route that would get us to Highway 44 instead. The GPS was in the car with Gary and I was following.

We made several turns in town and then we were going down 57th Street. I had gotten a couple of texts about something going on with the praise team on Sunday morning, so I decided it would be a good idea to call about it for a second and clarify what was going on.

As soon as I hung up, I realized that I wasn’t sure if Gary was in front of me and just that quick he called me. “Did you turn behind me?” he asked.

“No, I think I might have missed it,” I answered. “I was on the phone.”

I’ll spare you the gory details of the next several minutes of us trying to figure out where I was and how I was going to get to where he was.

I turned around and went back to a stop light and turned south, but that got me to a residential area that didn’t go through to the south.

I went back to 57th Street and finally found another road to go south on. 

Somewhere in all of that driving around, I remember Gary commenting in disbelief: “All you had to do was stay on my bumper and follow me.”

Well, to make a long story a little shorter, I hung up with him and put Platte into my phone and got the directions to come up and guide me to where I had to go. Gary checked in a couple more times to make sure I was on my way, but we figured out that he was at least twenty minutes ahead of me. He could get in the garage, but the house key was, of course, in the car with me. 

I finally got home at about midnight and we could put that fiasco behind us and go to bed.

I can’t help but think of how often I mess up in similar ways when I’m supposed to be following God.

Just like driving in the dark, sometimes I can’t see much of anything ahead, but I can see those bright tail lights guiding me along. My only job is to keep my eyes on them and follow. 

When I’m following God, I usually can’t see the future very clearly. I’m in the dark, but if I’m paying attention, I can see the next steps God has for me, lighting the way like tail lights in front of me.

If I get distracted by something else, I can lose sight of those steps and waste time and energy getting back on track.

Faithful following will get me where God wants me to be, right on time and without confusion.

I’ll remember that the next time I have to follow my husband anywhere as well.

“Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.‘” (Mark 8:34 NIV)

Do you get distracted when you’re following God? How can focusing on God help you to follow more faithfully?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Burying Talents

burying talents for blog

This week in the One Year Bible we had to read the Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25:14-30. A man goes on a trip and leaves five talents to one servant, two to the next, and one to a third servant. When he returns the first servant has doubled his talents to ten, the second servant doubled his to four, but the third servant buried his in the ground and can only return one talent to the master.

The first two servants receive praise: “Well done, good and faithful servant!”

The third servant hears something different, of course. “You wicked, lazy servant!”

Now, I know that “talents” are amounts of money in this story, but I can’t help thinking of the actual talents God has given me.

This time when I read the parable, my heart said “Ouch.” I sometimes use the talents God gave me, but more often it feels like I just bury them somewhere because it’s risky to use them, it’s scary to do some things, it’s easier to coast along doing things that don’t take much work or talent.

Lazy? I’ll admit that I’ve been that at times.

Wicked? That’s harder to admit. 

As I’m prone to do, I thought a lot about this parable in the hours after I read it. My mind started hyperfocusing on how I haven’t used God’s talents well.

Look at all the years I wasted, when I could have been writing books and helping people with other talents I have.

Those kinds of thoughts don’t do me or anyone else any good. I only have today and the future in which to use my talents. I still have them. The Master has not yet returned. Lord willing, I still have time to invest them and double them in the years ahead. 

I just can’t give in to the temptation to bury those talents and play it safe. So I’ll keep digging them up, dusting them off, and choosing to use them for the Master’s glory.

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” (1 Peter 4:10 NIV)

Are you using your talents, or have you buried them somewhere safe? How can focusing on God give you the courage to use your talents faithfully?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Finding Hope

Grand Canyon for blog

I’m coming back to one of my frequent themes this week: Hope.

I hope no one minds. Oops, see what I did there?

We throw that word “hope” around pretty casually: I hope it doesn’t snow tomorrow. I hope she calls me back. I hope I don’t gain a pound from eating this ice cream.

Hope is so much more than just wishing for something. The modern definition is “a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen,” but the archaic meaning is “a feeling of trust.”

That’s the meaning of hope we need to cling to. We can wish all we want for certain things to happen, but that feeling of trust is what gets us through, even when the thing we’re hoping for doesn’t happen.

Hope (that feeling of trust) helps us keep getting up in the morning when life seems too hard.

Hope helps us to keep praying for someone we love, even when we don’t see the results we’re hoping for.

Hope lets us keep going, day after day, sure of our salvation in Christ even when we aren’t sure where the path will take us in life.

I chose a picture of one of my favorite places for my graphic this week: The Grand Canyon. That beautiful, wild, gigantic place often reminds me of the hope we have to hold onto. Whether you’re going down or coming back up, there are times when you think you’ll never reach the end. You hike along the switchbacks, round a corner, and realize you still can’t see your destination. You heave a sigh and keep putting one foot in front of the other. And eventually, without fail, you make it because you didn’t stop and give up.

That’s what hope means to me. It’s trusting deeply in the LORD and refusing to give up. Hope is getting up every day. Hope is saying a prayer and moving ahead (sometimes quickly and sometimes painfully slow).

Hope hangs on tight and never lets go.

“May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, LORD, is in you. (Psalm 25:21 NIV)

Do you have a hard time holding onto hope? How can focusing on God help you to hope in Him and not give up?

*Gary and I spoke in church about our experience with anxiety and depression this past Sunday at our church. We titled it “Finding Hope” (you can watch it on YouTube) and also told people about the Fresh Hope support group which will begin here in Platte on Monday, January 4 at 7:00 p.m. at First Reformed Church (101 N Main St – use East doors). If you live in the area and want support and encouragement for your mental health, please come check it out!

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Producing

Producing for blog

As humans, we have a tendency to consume.

It comes naturally. We’re hungry, so we eat. We’re thirsty, so we drink. We need clothes, so we shop. We love reading, so we buy books. We feel anxious, so we sit on the couch and binge-watch Netflix.

Some consuming is necessary and even good, but too much consuming can slow us down and keep us stuck. Too much eating and drinking can fatten us up and endanger our health. Too much shopping can get us in debt. Too much reading (if there is such a thing) can separate us from the real world. Too much Netflix can rot our brains.

Consuming only gets us so far. We have to come to the point where we realize that producing is even more important.

Someone out in the world needs what you have to offer.

You can make them a meal, give them some of your money, give away the books you’ve already read, get off the couch and go visit someone.

Instead of endlessly scrolling through Facebook to see what everyone is doing, you can take a minute to private message someone and let them know you’re thinking of them.

Instead of spending an extra hour watching another show on Netflix, you can write (an actual letter!) to a friend.

You can practice an instrument and play at a local nursing home to cheer up the residents there.

You can make a card and send it to someone going through a difficult time.

The sky’s the limit when it comes to producing new things for the benefit of others…and I can almost guarantee that you’ll feel great when you do. 

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests [consuming] but each of you to the interests of others [producing].” (Philippians 2:3-4 NIV – Brackets mine)

Do you think you consume too much? How can focusing on God help you to move toward producing more often?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Languages

Ciao amici miei!

Oops, sorry. You probably don’t understand that, do you? It just says “Hi my friends” in Italian.

I’ve been trying to bump up my Italian studies because Gary gave me one of my boots for Christmas. It was a cute way of announcing that he’d like to give me the trip to Italy that I’ve been talking about for years.

I love languages. I studied Spanish in high school and college, including my junior year spent in Madrid, Spain.

I’m the person who asks, “What language do you speak?” when I hear someone speaking a language I don’t know at a theme park, in a store, or anywhere, really.

I know a smidgen of German, a few words in Japanese, and quite a bit in French, but Italian is the one I’m working hard on right now.

Maybe you don’t like languages as much as I do, but I bet some of you speak a foreign language.

You don’t think so? Even if it’s English, many hobbies and professions use words that don’t make sense to the rest of us.

Sewing: baste, clip, notch, staystitch, seam allowance, bias, selvage, crossgrain

Carpentry: dovetails, grain, header, kickback, miter, plumb, rise, valley, butt joint

Bankers: accretion, arbitrage, ABS, ISA, RPI, AER, FDIC (wow, lots of acronyms!)

Even Christianity can seem like a different language if you are new to it: saved, sanctification, justification, salvation, redemption, born again, omniscient, righteous, iniquity, repentance…

We need to be aware of the languages we’re learning and the languages we’re speaking.

If we decide to get into a new hobby or profession, we learn the language. We read about it and talk to others who know more, and we learn. It may take years before we’re “fluent” in all of the special words there are to know.

When we become a Christian, we read the Bible and listen to sermons and talk to other Christians so we “learn the language.” But we also need to be sensitive to those around us who don’t know that language.

Throwing around words like justification and righteousness will just frustrate and confuse friends and acquaintances who have no idea what we’re talking about. We need to start with simple ideas in plain English.

When people learn a foreign language, they normally start with the simple things: Hi, How are you?, My name is George, I live in New York, Where are you from?

From there, they keep adding vocabulary and grammatical constructions until they can converse at a deeper level.

Let’s keep that in mind with our “faith talk” as well. Meet people where they’re at and speak at their level, then keep adding little bits and pieces as they’re ready for them.

Let’s keep it relevant, too. When I’m practicing Italian, one sentence pops up every once in a while in Duolingo: Il ragno ‘e sotto il formaggio.

I understand it perfectly now, but I hope I never have to say it in Italy. It means: The spider is under the cheese. Yeah, that’s not relevant. And if it is, then our trip to Italy should be very interesting.

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” (1 Corinthians 13:1 NIV)

Do you speak any foreign languages? How about “Christianese”? How can focusing on God help you to be sensitive as you talk to others about your faith?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Ups and Downs

You may notice that I’m blogging at a new site this week. You can still find all of my previous blog posts over at robynmulder.blogspot.com, but from now on I’ll be posting here at robynmulder.com.

It’s exciting – and scary. I’ve had a few ups and downs as I’ve worked at getting things up and running here, and I’m sure there will be more of that in the future.

That’s okay.

We have to remember that life is pretty much an equal balance of positive and negative things. (I learned that from Brooke Castillo.) If we can accept that, we’ll be happier.

It doesn’t seem to make sense, I know, but it really is true.

The ups and downs are all a part of our life. We need to enjoy the ups, realizing that they won’t last forever. We need to endure the downs, knowing that they also won’t last forever.

This week I had trouble getting out of bed again a couple of times. Instead of getting all upset at myself for my “failure,” I decided to chalk it up to an off day and show myself a lot of grace.

The truth is, I deal with depression at times. I had been feeling good and getting up on time for quite a while, but then I had a couple of days where I thought too much, dreaded my tasks for the day, and hid for a while.

Instead of staying in that downward spiral (minor though it was), I had to make the choice to think better, talk to Gary, and do some things to turn it around.

All of us experience the ups and downs of life. No one escapes them.

Mental health, physical health, spiritual health, school, work, and relationships. All of those areas have an ebb and flow to them. The key to surviving the ups and downs is being deliberate about where we have our focus.

On ourselves, on our situation, on our fears or frustrations? The ups and downs of life will give us whiplash and leave us upset and frazzled.

On God? The ups and downs of life will be more tolerable and we can have an unexplainable peace as we ride them out. Experiencing the downs lets us empathize with others who are experiencing the same things. Enjoying the ups stores up great memories to look back on when we’re going through a harder time.

Try to get more comfortable with the ups and downs this week, my friends.

“As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, [ups and downs,] day and night will never cease.” (Genesis 8:22 NIV – brackets mine)

Do the ups and downs of life upset you? How can focusing on God help you to get through them with more peace?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Overwhelm

Overwhelm is a verb. One meaning is “to bury or drown beneath a huge mass.” Another meaning is “to give too much of a thing to (someone).”

So when we say we’re overwhelmed, it’s basically saying that we’re drowning. We’ve been given too much of something.

I’ve felt that way about emails lately.

I had gotten my inbox down to zero and was keeping it that way for a while, but then all of these amazing offers started appearing on Facebook and other places. Free ebooks! Free webinars! Free video series!

I started handing out my email address to get all of these free things and now I’m overwhelmed.

Drowning in emails. The offers I signed up for were all good, but they led to more and more communication and hopes that I’d join their latest online course or program.

And as I peruse all of these emails and videos and ebooks, I’m using precious time that could better be spent writing or doing something else that will move me farther along in the goals I have for myself.

Once again, I’ve lost my focus.

Not completely, though. I have been reading the Bible each morning and talking to God throughout the day. Because I’m doing that, I think God is showing me that it’s time to get out from under the overwhelm. It’s time to unsubscribe from the majority of people sending me emails and just stick to the ones that really help me in my goals, instead of just introducing me to more and more possibilities.

We only have so much time.

Let’s be wise about what we allow into our lives.

That might mean turning off the TV at times, or putting a limit on our social media usage, or unsubscribing from some email lists.

If we do that, then we can focus on the overwhelming love and grace of God in our lives. It’s amazing that “too much” of those things doesn’t bury us or drown us at all.

Instead, overwhelming love and grace lift us up and give us peace.

“I am overwhelmed with joy in the LORD my God!” (Isaiah 61:10a NLT) 

Are you overwhelmed by too many things going on around you? How can focusing on God help you to let go of some of those things so you can experience His overwhelming love and grace instead?