Category: Mental Health

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Special New Books

I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die.

How’s that for a catchy book title? It sure caught my eye. I jumped at the chance to get on Sarah J. Robinson’s launch team for this beautifully written book.

If you have ever struggled with depression and anxiety (especially if it often leads to suicidal thoughts), then I highly recommend that you read this book. If you know someone who deals with a mental illness, you can also benefit from Sarah’s honest and helpful words (especially appendix A).

Sarah doesn’t just share her story. She takes the reader on a journey to explore the pain that depression brings and come to a place of acceptance. Sure, she shares lots of great insights and ideas that will help someone with a mental illness get to better places emotionally, but the parts I liked best were the paragraphs that reminded me that I’m not alone. Other people feel the way I do at times. All of us can live wonderful lives in spite of a mental illness like depression.

I’ve written other Focus Friday posts about depression (and I’ll keep writing about it, of course). I want to share my story and help others. Maybe if enough people start reading books like this and go on to share their stories, we won’t feel so alone when we’re pushing through the bad days.

I’m learning more and more that it does no good to fight my depression. I enjoy the good days and I show myself grace on the bad days, knowing they’ll pass and things will get better again.

I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die releases on May 11. I preordered a copy (even though I already got to read a digital copy). I can’t wait to read through it again and use it as one of the tools that keeps me healthy.

Order a copy, too. You’ll be glad you did!

“In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.” (Isaiah 30:15 NIV)

Do books help you accept your depression or other mental illness? How can focusing on God help you to live well in spite of that illness?

Here’s a link to a beautiful short video where you can see Sarah Robinson talking about the book:

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=528058238359999

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on More Questions Than Answers

I have good news and bad news this week.

The good news is that I’ve been writing steadily on my depression book the last couple of weeks. I’m seeing my word count go up as I put in the work.

The bad news is that I seem to be getting more confused as I write. I thought this was going to be a helpful book that would tell my own depression story and give people the tools they need to stay healthy emotionally. As I’ve been writing, I’m afraid I’m coming up with more questions than answers.

Telling my story isn’t a problem, but all of the questions come up as I’m trying to write the rest of it.

Can I really suggest solutions to people whose situations are vastly different from mine? Isn’t that arrogant?

Are there some people who can’t ever recover from a mental illness?

When I sit down to write each day, I find myself typing out these questions and others in my manuscript. All of those questions almost make me want to give up the project.

It’s not just writing. I’m hoping you can see where you might experience this in many areas of your life.

You start a new romantic relationship. (Will he/she really love me? How can I trust this person? What if this doesn’t work out?)

You and your spouse decide to have a baby. (What if I can’t handle childbirth? Should we homeschool or send him to public school? What if she ends up living with us until she’s thirty?)

You decide to change jobs. (Can I learn the new computer software they use? What if I can’t stand my coworkers? How am I going to learn all this stuff?)

You decide to start a new hobby. (Can I really learn something new at my age? Where do I get my supplies? Who can teach me to do this?)

It’s tempting to want to quit when you have more questions than answers. It feels safer to pull back to what you know, the things you’re sure about. But nothing ever gets done that way. We stay stuck in our familiar ruts and we miss out. Others may miss out on something we have to offer, too.

We have to press on in spite of the questions. Maybe even because of the questions.

Those questions may lead us to answers. Those questions may help us gain clarity and direction for the goal we’re pursuing.

It may be a little confusing and messy while we’re in the middle of that question stage of our endeavors, but if we push on through we’ll eventually find ourselves with more answers than questions. And that will feel pretty great.

“If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who “worry their prayers” are like wind-whipped waves. Don’t think you’re going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.” (James 1:5-8 The Message)

Do you have more questions than answers in some area of life? How can focusing on God help you to move ahead anyway?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Speaking Up

We had a mentor meeting after junior high youth group on Wednesday night. After our fearless leader went through some business and asked everyone for feedback and suggestions, another man asked to speak for a minute.

He had been visiting that night and he started out by commending all of us for being willing to mentor these 6th, 7th, and 8th graders. “There’s a lot of energy there!” We laughed because it was true.

Then he went on to reassure us that what we are doing makes a difference, even though we may never know it. Or maybe we would.

He told us about a high school sophomore he had mentored through the kid’s high school years. That student came back and met with him about seven years later and gave his life to Christ because of the seeds this man had planted in youth group.

He reminded us that we are making a mark in these students’ lives as we spend time with them and talk with them about their faith.

It was just what I needed to hear.

I love our group of 7th grade girls, but I was starting to wonder if mentoring was worth it. They’re sometimes silly and easily distracted, so at times it doesn’t seem like they’re getting the message.

This man’s words brought back my hope and reminded me why I signed up to mentor in the first place. They also were a wonderful example of our topic for that night. Our leader had taught about how important our thinking is and how we need to turn our thoughts around when they’re negative. (See Philippians 4:8 at the end of this post.)

After our youth group meeting, this man could have kept his mouth shut. I’m glad he spoke up instead. He encouraged us and gave us hope for what might happen in the lives of the students we’re mentoring.

Just think of the people we could encourage if we chose to speak up instead of staying silent!

I like to do it through this blog, but you could also speak up at home, at work, in Sunday school, at church, at a meeting, or wherever it feels right. Speaking up when God prompts you just might give someone the strength to go on.

To go on taking care of children, to go on doing their job well, to go on growing in their faith, to go on serving in your organization, or maybe even to go on living.

That sounds extreme, but there are many people who lose hope and wonder what their purpose is in life. So many people. Let’s speak up and help them find hope again.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8 NIV)

Do you speak up and encourage the people God brings into your life each day? How can focusing on God give you the wisdom and courage to do that faithfully?

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Super Sunday: Let’s Focus on Handling Stress

I experienced some stress on Friday.

We were planning to have an Open House on Saturday for any church members who wanted to come. I had baking to do and things to clean before we welcomed guests.

But first I wanted to finish up an editing project I had been given about a week and a half before that. I finished up the main editing for the book and then I started checking scripture references. I spent a couple of hours on it, and as the clock ticked closer to noon I could feel the panic starting to well up in me. I wasn’t even halfway through the book, so I knew it was going to take me quite a while to finish.

The baking. The cleaning. The other things on my list of things to do before the Open House. Gary had offered to help with some of it if he could do it in the early afternoon.

I didn’t see how it was all going to work.

And then, all of the thoughts began:

Why didn’t I work on this editing project last week and get it done and off my plate? I’m probably missing things because I’m hurrying, and then the author won’t want to hire me for future projects. I’m a bad editor.

Why hadn’t I done a little more baking earlier in the week instead of leaving it until Friday? Also, I could have cleaned more in the last couple of weeks instead of letting it go until the last minute. You know, if I had a better schedule I could keep the whole house clean so that it was ready for someone to visit at any time. I’m a bad housewife.

I haven’t even started making Christmas cards. I didn’t get that done last year, either. I’m going to lose touch with people because I’ve been lazy. I’m a bad friend.

More thoughts like these were crowding into my head and I got less and less done on my editing job because I wasn’t focusing. I had flashbacks of September of 2014 when I got so depressed during the teaching job.

This time I asked for help instead of trying (and failing) to handle it myself. I told Gary how stressed I was feeling and how I didn’t know how I was going to get the editing done and have time to get ready for the Open House.

He suggested I tell the author I just couldn’t get it done today. I didn’t want to do that because I imagined my client sitting by his computer, waiting for his book to come back so he could move on and get to the publishing phase. But Gary was right, so I sent my author friend a progress report, explaining the situation and asking for a few more days.

I shut my computer and went to the kitchen. As I filled the freezer with Almond Banket and as we dipped Peanut Butter Balls in white chocolate, my stress level lowered. After we cleaned and prepared, I felt more ready for welcoming our friends into our home.

When I got back to my computer after supper, I was surprised and grateful to find an email from my editing client. He told me that he was running behind on the rough draft of the next book he was working on. It would be “a gift” to him if I would wait until later next week to get it back to him. Then he wished me well with the open house.

What a nice surprise.

And what a lesson in handling stress. (The following list is not exhaustive, but it’s a start.)

  1. Ask for help. You can’t always get out of doing something stressful, but asking someone for help could open your eyes to a different way of doing something. Just talking to someone about your feelings can relieve some of that anxiety. (If stress is often getting in the way of “normal” life, you may want to consider going to a professional counselor for help.)
  2. Do something. Sitting still and thinking, thinking, thinking will just add to the stress you’re feeling. Getting something–anything!–done can get you moving in the right direction and lower the stress you’re feeling.
  3. Change your thinking. It doesn’t do you any good to ruminate on all of the things you aren’t doing right today or the things you’ve done wrong in the past. You need to catch those thoughts and focus on what you can do right now. Choose to think positively about the future, changing one thought at a time.

None of us can escape stress. It’s an inevitable part of life.

What we can do is learn coping skills and practice so we get better at handling stress.

Just think of the peace we can have if we get better at noticing stress and taking steps to relieve it right away instead of letting it turn into a crisis.

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” (Isaiah 26:3 NIV)

Do you let stress build until it paralyzes you? How can focusing on God help you to handle stress in healthy ways?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvSgXBfZQHM

* This feels like a good time to add a link to my “Christmas Stress Song” video on YouTube. I hope it helps you deal with some of the stress of the Christmas season.

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Being Grateful (Even with a mental illness)

When you deal with mental illness, it can feel pretty hard to be grateful.

Symptoms, situations, and stuff can try to squash any desire we may have to be grateful. The easiest thing to do is to roll with whatever emotion bubbles to the surface.

Anger? Sure, let’s make sure everyone we meet knows how we’re feeling today.

Sadness? You bet, let’s stay in bed and cry.

Fear? Well, of course. No one can expect us to try new things when we’re feeling this way.

Boredom? Ho hum. Let’s see what’s in the fridge to snack on.

None of these emotions are wrong. As humans, we experience a vast array of emotions. (Check out Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions at sixseconds.org) They’re normal, but we can’t stay stuck in any of them. Choosing to be thankful just may get us past the negative emotions and move us closer to maturity and health.

Even without an illness like depression or anxiety, it can be hard to be grateful sometimes. When a mental illness affects someone’s life, it might feel almost impossible to be grateful.

Being grateful is a choice we have to make – whether we’re healthy or sick.

Being deliberate about giving thanks for the things we have can be part of the recovery process for those who are mentally ill, and once we’re healthy it can be one of the things that keeps us well.

Anger? Thank you, Lord, that I care enough about this person or this situation to get upset.

Sadness? Thank you, God, that my heart is tender enough to feel sad.

Fear? Thank you, Father, that you’re always with me and I don’t have to be afraid.

Boredom? Thank you, God, that you gave me a brain that can think of something to do instead of running to food when I’m not hungry.

We might need help processing the emotions we’re feeling. We might need to talk to a professional counselor about the things that are contributing to our anger, sadness, fear, and boredom.

But a good place to start is to get back to being grateful.

“Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.” (Psalm 107:8-9 NIV)

Are your emotions all over the place? How can focusing on God help you to be grateful, even in the midst of the negative emotions of mental illness?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Medications

At the end of July, I blogged about going off my medication for depression. (You can read that post here: Splendid Sunday: Let’s Focus on Going Off Meds)

Now, in case you haven’t read that earlier post, I feel the need to emphasize again that I believe in taking medications for depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses. They can be vital in getting a person to a healthy place emotionally after their brain chemistry gets all messed up.

In some cases, people need to take medications indefinitely to make sure they remain stable and healthy. Sometimes people can go off their medicine once they get to a healthy place and have the tools and skills necessary to stay healthy. (Always check with your doctor and your family before you make a change to your meds, and be sure to wean off your medication over time. Going off cold turkey can be extremely dangerous.)

I’d like to be able to tell you that I’m doing wonderfully without medicine and I’ll never need it again, but the truth is that I’m not sure yet.

I keep seeing this picture in my mind: A tightrope stretches out in front of me and I’m moving slowly along, but I’m scared that at any moment the rope will begin to sway crazily, I’ll lose my balance, and I’ll come crashing down to the ground far below.

The more I focus on that image, the more wobbly I become.

Coming off the medicine back in September, I noticed some changes right away. I cried a bit more easily, but it wasn’t out of nowhere like it seemed to be when I was depressed. I had cried once in a while when I was on the medicine, but I usually had to be very stressed or upset about something before the tears came.

I also realized that my mood got quite a bit higher sometimes than it did when I was on the medicine. (I especially remember laughing hard about something when our daughter was around and she commented on it. It was fun to laugh, but I was a little embarrassed at the time.)

I think I’m still trying to figure out how much crying is “normal.” It feels pretty good to be moved to tears when I watch YouTube videos of servicemen and women coming home and surprising their families. I like tearing up when I watch a sad movie or hear about a sad situation on the news. What I don’t like is getting weepy when I’m frustrated or angry about something. That may be “normal,” too, but I don’t like it.

The jury is still out on whether I’ll need to go back on medication in the future. For now, I’m trying to enjoy both the laughter and the tears as I continue to practice the thinking skills I need so that I don’t get depressed again.

One thing I can do is tear down the tightrope in my mind. That image won’t do me any good if I continue to think about it. It will just set me up for failure as I analyze every little wobble in my life, sure that it will send me careening to the depths of despair.

Instead, I can replace the tightrope image with a picture of me with my feet firmly planted on solid ground, putting one foot in front of the other, and moving forward. If I get off balance a bit I may move a little bit sideways or I might even fall down, but it’s not going to be the catastrophic plunge I would have taken from high above the ground. It will just be a short fall that will be easy to recover from.

What about you? Do you take a medication for depression or anxiety? Have you taken one in the past, but now you don’t? Are you experiencing lots of symptoms and wonder if you should be taking a medication?

Remember, everyone’s experience with mental illness is different. Talk to your family about how you’re feeling. Discuss medications with your doctor. Keep your feet firmly on the ground and make sure you’re learning good skills for dealing with depression and anxiety – whether you take medicine or not.

And, most of all, remember that God loves you and knows exactly what you’re going through. He doesn’t love you more if you don’t take medicine, and he doesn’t love you less if you do. You can trust him to help you work with your family and doctors and do whatever keeps you healthy emotionally.

I’m staying off the tightrope, walking on solid ground, and trusting him to keep me moving in the right direction – with or without medicine.

“For we live [walk] by faith, not by sight.” (2 Corinthians 5:7 NIV)

What do you think about taking medicines for mental illness? How can focusing on God help you to move ahead in faith, with or without the help of medications?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Fellowship Anxiety

Do you ever feel uncomfortable during fellowship time after church? I sometimes do.

I look around the room at all of these people – people I’ve grown to know and love over this past year – and I get a bit anxious. Who do I talk to? If I go up and start talking with that group of people over there, will that other group of people think I’m snubbing them? If I stand alone, will everyone pity me? If I go up and join a group that’s already talking, will they have to change what they’re talking about to include me?

It’s silly, but it happens. And I’m guessing it’s not just me.

Sure, there are extroverts that thrive on connecting with as many people as they can talk to on a Sunday morning.

But then there are the introverts. We thrive on time alone, even if we enjoy talking with others sometimes. So some Sundays will be fine and we’ll chat with quite a few people during fellowship time. And there will be some Sundays when we look around and decide to head for the door.

Maybe just talking about it here will make it a bit easier.

After all, even Paul felt anxiety: “Besides everything else, I have a daily burden because of my anxiety about all the churches. ” (2 Corinthians 11:28 International Standard Version)

We can cut ourselves some slack and realize there will be times when we feel anxious.

We can show others lots of grace when we see them heading for the door instead of staying to talk during fellowship time. Some weeks, they just might not be able to handle the uncertainty of being in the crowd.

So, should we do away with fellowship time after church? Should we all just head for the comforts of home and bypass the possibly awkward interactions with others?

I think not, because there are many good things that happen during fellowship time.

Visitors are greeted (hopefully!) and introduced to people during this time.

Children play with their friends right by the oldest members of the church, and they are blessed just by seeing each other in this special place.

Often, hugs or tears are shared as people talk about something they’re going through, and they are encouraged and strengthened as they realize someone cares.

If you sometimes feel a bit anxious during fellowship time, here are a few things you can try:

Look around and find someone who is standing alone. They may be feeling a little of the anxiety you’re experiencing and will welcome having someone to talk to.

Try to develop a “There you are!” attitude, instead of a “Here I am!” mindset. “Here I am!” begs for people to notice us. We get upset and offended when they don’t go out of their way to connect with us. A “There you are!” attitude looks for someone who needs some love, encouragement, and connection.

Pray for the people you see all around you. Maybe you won’t even mind standing alone if you can learn to just enjoy watching others interacting while you silently pray for them by name.

Remember that everyone feels a little social anxiety at times. Take a deep breath, smile, and start talking to someone. You just might feel your anxiety disappear as you get to know your fellow church members better.

(And if none of those ideas work, you can always just head for the door and see if next week feels better!)

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24-25 NIV)

Do you ever feel anxious during fellowship time at church? How can focusing on God help you to see the great benefits of spending time with other believers after the worship service?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Hoarding Hope

(I made this graphic with the idea of hoarding the bunch of flowers and only
giving out one paltry rose instead of showering others with the beautiful blooms)

“Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath. God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged.” (Hebrews 6:17-18 NIV)

We have to take hold of the hope set before us. Have you ever thought about that?

I feel like I’ve always seen hope as something that comes and goes in my life, something I had very little control over.

Something bad happens. There goes my hope.

Something good happens. My hope comes back.

To think that we have a choice to reach out and take hold of hope is pretty amazing. Hope is set before us, but it’s up to us to take hold of it.

When we finally do take hold of it, we sometimes go overboard and hoard it. We clutch it to our chests and think we’ll lose it if we dare give any of it away.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Just look at this verse:

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV)

My NIV Life Application Study Bible says that being comforted can also mean receiving strength, encouragement, and hope to deal with our troubles.

I write often about mental health. When I think about all of the people out there in this great big world living with mental illness, my heart just aches. As a Christian, I have so much hope, and I want to pass it on to as many people as I can. (*I’ve listed a few resources right after this blog post.)

Perhaps you don’t deal with mental illness, but maybe there is something you’ve gone through and God has comforted you and given you hope.

You’ve lived through cancer.

You’ve experienced infertility.

You’ve suffered through the pain of divorce.

You’ve cried and prayed about a wayward child.

You’ve lost a grandparent, a parent, a child, or a friend.

Are we doing everything we can to comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we have been given, or are we hoarding hope?

Look for ways to share your hope with someone who needs it. Ask God to show you someone who is going through the same thing you experienced. They need hope.

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” (Hebrews 6:19 NIV)

Have you taken hold of the hope set before you? How can focusing on God help you to share that hope with the people who need it?

*Here are a few resources for people dealing with mental illness:

http://www.freshhope.us/ – The website of Fresh Hope. Visit their site to find a Fresh Hope support group in your area (peer-led groups for those with a diagnosis and also their loved ones), blog posts, resources for pastors, and even info about an online support group for those who don’t have a Fresh Hope group meeting in their area. Fresh Hope is one of the best things I do to make sure I’m staying healthy emotionally.

http://freshhopeformentalhealth.com/ – Fresh Hope’s podcast. Check it out to hear great advice about dealing with a mental health challenge, as well as interviews with people in the mental health field.

https://liferecoverygroups.com/ – I just discovered Life Recovery this week and it looks like a wonderful resource. There is a Bible you can work through on your own, or you can find a group to join (or start) near you.

By the way…if you liked this post, I would really appreciate it if you would click one of the buttons below and share it on social media. (I just added them, so I hope they work!) It’s one way you can share your hope with others! Thanks.

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Weakness

I didn’t write my usual Focus Friday post last week because I was in a pretty dark place that day. My stress level was still extremely high with all of the demands of my new teaching job. Now, mind you, for some people the demands would be stressful, but manageable. For me, for some reason, they became unmanageable.

I don’t think the students realized how uncomfortable I was, but I was stressing way too much when I wasn’t at the job. It was affecting my physical, emotional, and even spiritual health. People tried to help. Gary listened, gave support and encouragement, and hoped I would feel better. Other teachers offered their help and were very supportive, but I didn’t take advantage of their help soon enough. Life became a blur of work and worry. I prayed and tried to read my Bible for help, but my negative thoughts ran rampant and drowned out any comfort God tried to give me.

By Saturday, we decided that it was time to go to the hospital for more help for my depression. I had gone on some medicine the week before, but it wasn’t helping yet and I was thinking some pretty scary thoughts. A stop in the emergency room and a transfer a few hours later to a hospital with an open bed brought me to the Mental Health Unit of one of our regional hospitals. The staff cared for me and all of their patients with the utmost respect, courtesy, and skill. I came home today and am feeling so much better about life.

So…that brings me to my focus for this week: weakness. In some ways it was weakness that landed me in the hospital. I felt too weak to handle the stress and demands. A friend sent a note that said I had done a “brave and smart thing by reaching out for help.” Which is it? Was I weak or was I brave? Could it possibly be both? I know I am in a much better place than I was a week ago after getting some help and care. Maybe by being brave and admitting I was weak I was able to draw on some strength and experience some growth. I know I’ll have to keep going back to that place of strength as I keep getting better and deal with the disappointment of letting the teaching job go.

As you can imagine, I’m still sorting all of this out. I have appreciated the prayers of so many friends and family members during this time. Keep praying. For this week, I just wanted to remind myself and all of you that weakness is not always a bad thing. It can show us what our limits are. It can teach us about ourselves and others. It can knock down our walls of pride and teach us to reach out for help.

Another friend from church wrote out some verses for me and I kept them on my bedside table at the hospital. The one that helped the most was this:

My STRENGTH is made perfect in WEAKNESS
2 Corinthians 12:9 (That’s the way she wrote it on the card)

And on the back she printed the entire verse:

Each time he said, “No. But I am with you; that is all you need. My power shows up best in weak people.” Now I am glad to boast about how weak I am; I am glad to be a living demonstration of Christ’s power, instead of showing off my own power and abilities. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Isn’t that a beautiful reminder? We don’t have to be perfect. We just have to be faithful and people will see Christ’s power in us…even when we are very weak.

I think I’ll end with that. I have so much more to say, but it will have to wait for another Friday.

~Robyn

Do you ever feel weak? Do you accept that about yourself and see how it can show God’s strength or do you fight it and deny that weakness? How can focusing on God help you to “boast” about how weak you really are?