Category: Mental Health

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Having a Happy Heart

As someone who deals with depression and anxiety, I’m always on the lookout for tools to help me stay healthy.

I’d like to share some thoughts from the book Heart Happy by Tricia Goyer this week.

She beautifully writes about the practices she’s found for nourishing her soul, even in the midst of chaotic circumstances. That’s something we all can benefit from, even if we don’t struggle with mental illness.

We don’t have to be happy about the hard things happening in our lives. It’s okay to be sad or frustrated, but if we can stay centered in God’s love then we’ll be able to get through anything with a peace and joy the world really can’t understand.

I want you to read the book, but I’m going to whet your appetite with a few quotes to ponder as you cultivate a happy heart:

Page 6: Every small decision to tend your soul and to turn your heart to God WILL bring change. When you draw near to God first, you will make your heart happy in the Lord. Experiencing God in these moments will allow you to know and feel His love. As this happens, you become centered even in chaotic circumstances.

Page 32: The good news is that as we connect with God’s love and give Him access to our souls, change comes according to His wisdom and through His power. Our hearts are not something that need to be beaten into submission by our iron will or flailing fists. Instead, we offer our souls to God to mold and to fill. Fashioned after Christ and overflowing with God’s love, a happy heart then becomes the staging ground where God is given access to every aspect of our personality, emotions, and values—and it’s these things that guide our lives.

Page 67: Our happiness reflects our understanding of where we stand in Christ. [Robyn’s note: This sentence really got to me and made me think. I can see it in my own life. When I’m not close to God it’s much more difficult to feel peace and joy. The opposite is also true. When I’m close to God, I feel peace no matter what’s happening around me.]

Page 162: Turning to God sets our direction; looking to Him allows us to know where He’s looking and where we should go.

I first read this book from a pdf version so I couldn’t highlight anything. I typed out note after note on my phone so I could remember all of the good ideas and thoughts to consider. Now I have a physical copy and I plan to underline all of those quotes as I reread Heart Happy.

I pray you’ll spend some time in the Bible today and let God speak to you in the chaos of life.

God loves us and he understands the pain we feel. He sees our tears and he weeps with us.

He also longs for us to reach out to him in every season of life. It feels easy in the good times, but it’s even more crucial in the hard times. When it seems like everything around us is falling apart, we can still enjoy a happy heart.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23 NIV)

Do you have a happy heart? How can focusing on God help you experience peace and joy in your heart, no matter what is happening around you?

(Get the book Heart Happy by clicking here. This is an affiliate link, so I’ll get a tiny commission, but you won’t pay more.)

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Following Through

At the risk of annoying some of you, I’m going to talk about the swim meet I’ve been training for once again. It’s tomorrow!

I started training back in the middle of January. While I have seen some improvement, I also realize I’m not in the best shape for a swim meet.

It hit me today and I shed quite a few tears around noon as I worried about how I might do on Saturday. I want to do it, but I feel so nervous. So many things could go wrong (and there I go borrowing trouble, like I wrote about last week).

I talked it through with Gary as we ate lunch and I felt a little better after that.

Really, it comes down to two choices:

Stay home and not risk embarrassment and failure.

Go to the meet and swim my heart out.

And that’s what I’ll do, of course, even though I’m scared out of my mind.

I’m glad I’m writing about it this week because it fits right in with mental health—something I choose to focus on quite often here.

Anxiety and depression can tempt us to not follow through. The butterflies in our stomachs, the trembling in our fingers, and the knocking of our knees can make us want to hide at home and stay away from the goals we’ve set.

It’s too hard! I’m not ready! I need more time!

But if we give in to those thoughts, we might miss out on something wonderful. Sure, it might not go perfectly, but we’ll learn from our experiences and next time it will go even better.

Each time we choose to follow through it will give us one more victory to look back on with pride.

I’m going to follow through and swim tomorrow, even if I don’t win a single race.

“Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means.” (2 Corinthians 8:11 NIV)

Are you good at following through? What tempts you to give up? How can focusing on God help you see things through until you complete them?

My daughter Erin made this for me and I love it!
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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Staying Healthy

There’s something very annoying about living with a mental illness.

You never know when it’s going to flare up and make you deal with its symptoms.

You can be happily going through life one day, enjoying your family, job, and friends. But then there are other days when you have to fight against feelings of frustration, despair, and hopelessness.

I don’t like those days. They scare me. They hold me back from accomplishing my goals and growing emotionally and spiritually.

Thankfully, those moments pass and I feel better again. And in a way, I’m grateful for those times. They remind me of how so many people feel.

There are millions (yes, millions!) of people who deal with depression each year. (See some of the stats at the World Health Organization’s website.)

I’ve got some good strategies and plans in place for when depression hits. Talking to my husband Gary, making sure I exercise, and journaling are just a few of the things I do to stay healthy.

The thing is, it’s up to me to do something when I’m feeling that way. (Please note that I’m at a stable place in my mental health journey. Some people need others to step in and do something for them when they’re in a time of crisis.)

The other day I started feeling some of those troubling symptoms of depression. I couldn’t sleep for a while one night because I started ruminating on some things that were worrying me. When I woke up in the morning, I considered skipping my swim workout (I’ve been swimming twice a week for a while now). I could probably get more done if I stay home. Swimming is kind of a pain since I have to drive there. I could just exercise at home instead.

But more than just those thoughts, I felt a wave of negativity trying to crowd into my mind. A wave that would wash away my hope if I let it.

I was faced with a choice. I could wallow in the negatives or do something positive.

So I drove to the pool, put on my goggles, and dove in!

Twelve hundred yards later, I felt much better. I was tired, but I had not given in to the negative (at least not this time!).

Whether you deal with a mental health diagnosis or not, you can probably remember times when you had to make a choice to do something so you could stay healthy. I’d love to hear lots of ideas for staying healthy: physically, emotionally, and spiritually (*See something fun related to that right after this post).

As much as we possibly can, let’s choose to stay healthy.

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:1–2 NIV)

Do you make healthy choices? How can focusing on God help you to choose activities that will be good for you physically, emotionally, and spiritually?

*I’m going to do a giveaway this week! Comment on this blog post or in my “Catch Your Thoughts with Robyn Mulder” Facebook group (private, but free to join!) and tell me one way you stay healthy. I’ll enter your name in a drawing for an audiobook copy of Life, Repurposed: Stories of Grace, Hope, and Restored Faith. (I wrote one of the chapters!) I’ll go live in “Catch Your Thoughts” and draw for the winner on Thursday, February 17 at 6:00 p.m. Central. My chapter provides a snapshot of my experience with depression, but the other stories are so inspiring, too!

If you can’t wait, or you would rather have a physical copy of Life, Repurposed you can click below to order a copy at Amazon (I am an Amazon Associate, so I will get a small commission if you order through this link, but the cost is the same for you.)

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Fighting Ourselves

There’s been a war going on in my mind lately.

I feel like I’m fighting myself at every turn.

One part of me wants to do something productive. Another part of me wants to scroll social media.

Some days I want to eat healthy and exercise. Other days I want to snack constantly and skip doing any physical activity at all.

Even more disconcerting are the moments when I waffle between hope and despair. The emotionally healthy side of my brain looks forward to new friendships, experiences, and goals. The mentally ill side of my brain tries to squash all hope and attempts to point out all of the possible failures and flaws waiting for me in the future.

Don’t worry. I’m not depressed. But, thankfully, these warring thoughts are a signal for me. When I notice them I can take action to make sure the right side wins.

I’ll give you one little example.

A few weeks ago, I paid to go swimming on five Tuesday and Thursday mornings at the local high school. I figured that would give me a good idea of whether I could possibly compete in a swim meet for adults in April.

The five mornings are done now and I have started fighting myself.

I really enjoy swimming. / I’m so out of shape and slow!

I think I’d have fun competing at the swim meet. / I’ll make a fool of myself!

It’s good for me to have goals and work toward them. / I may as well give up now and forget about swimming!

I fight myself in so many areas of my life. Over the years I’ve learned that whichever side I focus on more is the side that wins. I have to catch the negative thoughts and recognize the lies.

Sometimes there’s a bit of truth in the negative thoughts (see “I’m so out of shape and slow!” above). We can acknowledge the truth, but replace it with thoughts that will get us heading in the right direction (“I’m out of shape and slow, but if I keep practicing I’ll get in shape and it will be fun to see if I can get faster“).

We can’t give up the fight! And we also have to remember that we don’t fight alone. The Holy Spirit can help us choose the thoughts and actions that will be good for us. Other people (family, friends, doctors) can help us when we feel like giving up.

Time to be more deliberate about what I’m thinking and doing. The fight is on and I know I’ll win!

For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. (Galatians 5:17 ESV)

Do you fight yourself in any area of life? How can focusing on God help you win the fight?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Letting People See Your Stuff

(Yes, that’s our actual stuff!)

We moved to a new city this week.

We packed the majority of our stuff into a U-Haul truck on Monday (with the help of family and friends).

It took way longer than we had estimated. The truck wasn’t full and we had some things left scattered through various rooms of the house, but we had had enough. It was time to go! (We have a small trailer we can use next week to get the rest.)

I was surprised at how embarrassed I felt about some of my things when I realized that people would be looking at them as they carried them to the truck.

So many boxes marked “R – Crafts”!

The beat up old dresser I keep some of my supplies in.

Boxes and boxes of books.

I hid some things, stashing my underwear in a suitcase so curious eyes couldn’t look. Other personal items were boxed up and taped tightly shut so no one could see them.

But most of our stuff was right out there in the open for all to see. No one voiced any opinions about our belongings (although the guys did ask “What is this?” when they contemplated a “unique” wooden box with assorted drawers—Allison had made it in shop class and I can’t part with it). If we wanted help with moving we needed to let people see our stuff.

I think it’s similar with our emotional “stuff.”

Some of the things we feel can embarrass us. Depression, anxiety, anger, shame.

We can try to hide them, stuffing them down where no one can see or covering them up with more acceptable emotions.

But if we want help, we need to let other people see our stuff.

We’re starting a new year. Let’s resolve to get rid of some of our physical clutter in 2022 (I know I moved way too many things I seldom use), but let’s also make plans to be real about the emotional baggage we’ve been carrying for way too long.

Let people see your stuff and ask them for help. That should make this a happy new year!

“Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.” (Colossians 3:9–10 NIV)

Do you try to hide your “stuff” (physical or emotional)? How can focusing on God help you to let people see it and help you with it?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Moving

Gary and I are in a time of transition. He’s accepted a call to First Reformed Church in Volga, South Dakota. We’ll be moving at the end of the month.

We’re excited, but we’re also sad to be leaving our community and First Reformed Church in Platte, South Dakota.

I haven’t blogged about it yet, but I’ve definitely been dealing with all of the feelings this brings up.

There are times when I look forward in anticipation. What will our new congregation be like? What experiences will we have in our new setting? What will God do in our lives and the lives of those we serve?

There are other times when I start crying because I think about the friends I’m going to miss.

Moving is hard. You’d think we’d be used to it by now. We’ve moved five times before this, but I have to remind myself that every time is challenging. I have to expect the ups and downs and show myself lots of grace when I get a little (or a lot!) emotional.

Unless you’re new to this blog, I’m sure you remember that I’ve dealt with depression for many years. (You can read some of my posts about it by clicking here, here, and here.)

I don’t want to fall apart and get clinically depressed again, so I’m taking steps to make sure I stay healthy.

I’m talking often with my husband, Gary. He’s good at helping me look at things objectively.

I start most mornings with devotions. Reading the Bible and writing down thoughts that comfort and inspire me really helps.

I made some appointments to talk with a counselor online. I don’t think I’ll have to keep seeing someone long-term, but talking things through with a professional helps me get perspective.

I try to exercise almost every morning. Getting those endorphins going is good for my body and my brain.

I don’t beat myself up for getting emotional. Sure, at times it’s a little embarrassing to start crying in front of a friend, but it’s okay. It’s healthy to grieve the connections we’ve made here in Platte.

Most of all, I’m holding tight to hope. I know we’ll get through this move. We’ll miss people, but we’ll also meet new friends. I’m trying to remind myself that God is with us. He has blessed Gary’s ministry here, and he’ll be there as we start over in a new church.

Everything’s going to be just fine.

“I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.” (Genesis 28:15 NIV)

How do you feel about moving? How can focusing on God help you to transition well? (Not perfectly…just doing the best you can!)

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Making Assumptions

The other day we stopped at Krispy Kreme. As we were walking up to the front door, I heard a man in the parking lot let loose with a very loud, disturbing phrase. I won’t repeat it here, but it shocked me to hear a man swearing in public.

My immediate thought was that he had gotten out of a vehicle and yelled at his wife before slamming the door, but I didn’t actually see that happen. That poor woman, I thought. My husband has never spoken to me like that. This guy must be a complete jerk.

We got our donuts and went on our way, but that situation came back to me later on. I wondered if I could have been wrong about that man. Maybe he was trying to cross the parking lot and the woman in the car had almost hit him. (It still would have been better if he hadn’t sworn, but it would have been more understandable.) Maybe he was a nice guy who was kind to his wife and just used his potty mouth when his life was in danger.

I really don’t know, and it was wrong for me to make assumptions.

When I went to Teens Encounter Christ (TEC) two weeks ago, I interacted with lots of smiling, helpful teens. Some were candidates, hearing the talks and participating in the activities for the first time. Others had been through TEC before and had come back to work behind the scenes. They prayed for the speakers, served the meals, and offered support in all sorts of ways.

I assumed they all had pretty carefree lives, but as we heard talks and discussed them, over and over we heard about difficult times. Some of these teens dealt with anxiety, bullying, depression, and suicidal thoughts. You’d never know it just by looking at them.

But TEC gives them a safe place to share their struggles. Once they voice their challenges, they can count on the TEC community to support them as they learn to trust God and thrive in spite of those hardships.

I cried several times during the weekend because I realized that people are hurting and I’ve often assumed they were fine.

We have to get better at picking up on clues that someone is struggling. We have to ask our friends how they’re doing and be willing to listen when they tell us the truth. We need to share our own stories so people know they’re not alone. Maybe they’ll get help if they know that someone else deals with the same things.

We really don’t know what’s going on in someone else’s life, mind, and heart. We can’t judge and we can’t make assumptions.

But we can pray for eyes to see and a heart that’s willing to walk alongside others.

“Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly.” (John 7:24 NIV)

Do you make assumptions about people you hardly know? How can focusing on God help you to stop judging and reach out in love instead?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Things You Can’t See

While we were on vacation recently, there were two times when I couldn’t see something because of fog.

The first time was looking out the window at my parents’ house in Tennessee and not being able to see the mountains we usually enjoyed. I knew they were there, but the fog completely blanketed them for a while.

The second time was when we were going through St. Louis on the way home. The fog wasn’t terrible for driving, but when I looked over at the arch, I could only see a short section of the base. The top was completely covered.

The mountains were there. The arch was there. I just couldn’t see them.

Sometimes that happens in my thought life.

The fog of anxiety, or depression, or confusion, or frustration can completely cover all of the positive thoughts that are normally there. I just can’t see them.

But the positive thoughts are still there.

Just like the sun has to shine and burn off the fog before we can see things around us clearly, the Son has to shine in our hearts and minds before we can see the positives again.

We can burn off that mental fog by talking to God about what’s going on in our lives, reading the Bible and taking note of the truths that have gotten covered up, and basking in the promises of God.

No matter how long that fog stays around, we can be sure that better times are still there. We’ll see them again!

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1 ESV)

Have things seemed a little “foggy” for you lately? How can focusing on God help you to trust that you’ll see better times again someday?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Faulty Memories

Have you ever misremembered something that happened to you in the past?

Maybe you’ve had a certain version of an experience in your mind (it can be a good memory or a bad one). Then one day you talk with someone who was there, hear it from their point of view, and you realize you’ve been thinking about it the wrong way for years and years!

It can be disorienting to realize you’ve been wrong about something that happened to you in your younger years.

Our thoughts aren’t always accurate.

That can be true of past thoughts, current thoughts, and future thoughts.

We can’t do anything about those past thoughts. We just need to recognize that those were faulty and let them go.

Current and future thoughts? We can do something about those.

We can be aware of what we’re thinking and compare it to what God says. If those thoughts are faulty, we can catch them and turn them around.

If we practice doing that, more than likely our future thoughts will keep getting better and better.

“I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands.” (Psalm 143:5 ESV)

Are your memories sometimes faulty? How can focusing on God help you to be more aware of what you’re thinking right now and make sure it lines up with what he says?

*P.S. – Tonight I did a short live video on this topic over in my Facebook group: Catch Your Thoughts with Robyn Mulder. I’d love it if you’d join the group and check it out. It’s free and you’ll find videos and posts to help you be more aware of how you’re thinking.

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Fighting the Panic

Gary and I spent some time in the Black Hills of South Dakota this week. We enjoyed some time away and did some hiking.

One morning we started at Mt. Moriah Cemetery and hiked to the White Rocks near Deadwood, SD. The first part of the trail wasn’t bad, but after a while we came to this fork.

Gary headed up the hill and I followed. It got more steep the further we went. I started to imagine my boot slipping and a long fall back down to the road. I went slower and slower and finally I could go no more. I couldn’t take another step and I couldn’t imagine turning around and walking down that steep incline.

Tears came and I finally just turned around and sat down. I scooted forward a few inches at a time, fighting unsuccessfully to stop crying. Gary called down from above, “Just stand up!” He could see another narrow path off to my left that I could take and it wouldn’t be as steep. I scooted a few more feet and finally was able to stand and find the other trail.

Here’s Gary on the trail I eventually took. The burned log to the right was as far as I got on the steep trail.
Here’s the top of the steep trail. We both took the more gradual path on the way down.

I really think I talked myself into a little panic attack before I had to sit down on the trail. Sure, the trail was pretty steep, but I’ve done lots of hiking. It wasn’t super dangerous and I probably wouldn’t have gotten badly hurt if I had fallen, but I kept picturing myself slipping and falling with each tentative step.

When I started crying, part of it was from fear, but a big part of it was disgust at myself for having to turn around and admit defeat.

At least there was another path, and it was only a few feet away. Once I stood up and moved forward again, I felt better.

I’m glad I pressed on. This is the view that we enjoyed at the top:

White Rocks by Deadwood, SD

This experience reminded me, once again, that how we think affects how we feel.

I couldn’t make it up the hill because I was thinking, “I’m going to fall…This is too steep…I can’t do this!”

Gary made it up that trail. Other hikers had gone before us and formed it. Even now, I wonder if I could have made it if I had fought the panic and tried thinking, “I can do this! This isn’t so bad. I’ve hiked in lots of steep places before.”

Maybe I’ll give it another shot if we ever go hiking there again, but for now I can work on fighting the panic* that threatens to derail me once in a while in my everyday life.

In those moments, I can practice saying, “God’s with me. I’m okay. I can figure this out. This isn’t the end of the world. I can handle anything that happens.”

And then I can enjoy a sense of accomplishment once I get through it.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10 NIV)

Have you ever fought feelings of panic? How can focusing on God help you to calm down and move forward in spite of your fears?

*Please note: I’ve never had a true panic attack, and I’m not trying to make light of them at all. If you experience the debilitating symptoms of panic attacks, you may need to talk to your doctor or a therapist and get more help than just thinking positively.