Category: Mental Health

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Getting to the Root of Things

At times we don’t want to admit something is wrong with us.

I had that happen recently when we went down to Tennessee to visit my parents and attend a conference. I was bothered by some tooth pain every once in a while, but the feeling passed and I just tried not to worry about it.

We got to the conference on Monday and enjoyed the speaker and meeting other pastors (and some of their spouses) that evening. Again, a little pain…and I wasn’t feeling like myself.

On Tuesday morning, I had swelling that was noticeable and I really didn’t feel well. I popped a few ibuprofen and sat through the teaching sessions. In the afternoon, we decided I’d better text a friend back in Volga who worked for a dentist (we didn’t have a new dentist yet since we just moved here around January 1).

She graciously texted back and forth and showed the dentist pictures of my swollen jaw.

With that evidence, they were able to prescribe antibiotics out of state and we picked them up later that day. They also directed me to take 800 mg of ibuprofen every 6 hours for pain.

I could really feel it when the pills wore off, and my swelling got worse before it got better.

I wondered if I could make it until the next Monday when I could get in to see this new dentist, but I moved forward each day hoping for the best.

I hoped maybe the antibiotics would take care of it and I wouldn’t need a root canal when I got home, but I tried to prepare myself for that possibility. I had gotten a filling in that tooth before we moved away from Platte and the dentist there had warned me about the possibility of needing a root canal at some point in the future.

It seems that time had come.

Sure enough, after an exam and x-rays on Monday, the dentist referred me to another place in Watertown to have a root canal. I had mixed feelings about how soon they could get me in, but I agreed to show up on Wednesday for the procedure.

I really psyched myself out before I got there. I felt anxious and a bit teary on the way. Once I got there, I tried to act calm, but my insides were doing all sorts of strange things. After they gave me the novocaine, I felt my heart pounding for several minutes while I tried to breathe deeply and calm down (thankfully, it stopped its jumping pretty quickly).

I took my earbuds along and listened to a podcast while they were working on me. With my eyes closed, I could almost pretend I wasn’t there.

I heard the drill and felt a little pressure, but I felt absolutely no pain. It was over in less than an hour and I was on my way home again (trying not to drool because of my numb face).

The experience got me thinking about how important it is to get to the root of things in other areas of our lives.

Sometimes we feel pain in a relationship or we don’t feel good about something going on in our lives, but we try to ignore it. We hope the situation will get better without doing anything, or we numb the pain however we can.

We may struggle with a certain sin that we just can’t seem to let go. It festers and poisons us, but we pretend it isn’t there.

If I hadn’t started taking antibiotics for my tooth abscess, the infection could have spread to other parts of my body and caused some serious complications.

When we don’t address the sin and/or emotional pain in our lives, the negative effects of that can spread to other areas of our lives and cause serious complications in our relationships, our emotional health, and our spiritual health.

We need to let Jesus get to the root.

He may help us get rid of the problem completely, or he may show us who we need to go to so we can get the help we need.

Still a little swollen, but feeling better!

My tooth was dead when I got to the endodontic office on Wednesday. It needed to be hollowed out and filled with something better so the tooth could stay in my mouth.

The Holy Spirit can help us get to the root of the problems in our lives. He’ll extract all the dead and poisonous thoughts and actions, and he’ll help us replace them with life-giving beliefs and convictions.

Now that’s something to smile about!

“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.” (1 John 1:8 NIV)

Have you ever tried to ignore a sin or problem in your life? How can focusing on God help you get to the root of things?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Staying

It’s the final day of September.

We’ve been focusing on National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. I almost skipped on to a new topic this week, but I think I’ll share a closing thought as we think about suicide prevention.

Stay.

I know life is painful sometimes. It can be frustrating and scary and uncertain.

People often try to convince someone not to take their own life by saying, “Stay for those who love you.” I know they mean well, but that just heaps more guilt on someone who is hurting and has gotten so sick that they can’t see another way out.

I want to encourage you to stay for yourself.

Depression is a highly treatable illness. Even if you can’t feel hope right now, if you hang on and get help you will eventually feel better.

For me, I want to stay because I don’t want to miss out on all of the good things in life.

Sunrises and sunsets.

Mountains and oceans.

A long hike in the woods.

Hauntingly beautiful musicals.

Flocks of birds soaring overhead.

Laughter and tears shared with the ones I love.

The list could go on and on and on. When I focus on those things, it makes it easier to hold on through the hard times.

It might help to hear the stories of people who thought they wanted to die but changed their minds immediately after attempting to die by suicide.

Kevin Hines jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. He felt instant regret as he fell. Miraculously, he survived the fall and went on to become a writer and speaker. You can find lots of info and videos online, and check out his book Cracked, Not Broken: Surviving and Thriving After a Suicide Attempt.

Kristen Jane Anderson wrote Life, In Spite of Me: Extraordinary Hope After a Fatal Choice (with Tricia Goyer) after she attempted to die by suicide by lying down on a set of train tracks. She lost her legs, but she inspires so many people with her story.

The month of September is over, but the need to prevent suicide will continue. Check in on your friends and family, reach out to others if you’re struggling (you can always call or text to 988), and never give up hope.

Stay.

“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand—when I awake, I am still with you.” (Psalm 139:16–18 NIV)

What are the good things in life that help you decide to stay? How can focusing on God help you never give up hope?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Talking about Suicide

We’re coming to the end of National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. It’s good to have a special month to get the word out and make people aware of the statistics and encourage them to get help (or help others), but let’s not let the conversation end when we hit October first.

Let’s keep talking about suicide. Oh, I know it’s an uncomfortable topic. I know it’s easier to push it aside and pretend everyone is fine.

Everyone is not fine. If you keep your eyes and ears open, you just may have an opportunity to talk to someone about suicide.

If you see drastic changes in behavior for a friend or family member (especially in their sleeping, eating, and mood), it’s probably time to have a tough conversation with them and ask if they’ve been thinking about suicide. It won’t give them the idea or push them to do it, but if they have been thinking about it, your question may bring relief and help.

If you see someone giving away their possessions, that could be a sign that they’re making plans to die by suicide. Ask them about it.

If you have been thinking more and more often about ending your own life, it’s time to get help.*

We can live full and rich lives, even if we have been diagnosed with a mental illness. A big part of staying healthy is to keep talking. Keep talking with your doctor. Keep talking with your family. Keep talking with your friends.

It just may save a life.

“The thief [Satan] comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I [Jesus] have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10 NIV)

Have you ever talked with someone about suicide? How can focusing on God give you the courage to bring it up if you’re worried about someone?

*If you are having thoughts of suicide, please get help! You can call or text 988 (a suicide and crisis lifeline). Another place to get help is freshhope.us (you can find a support group near you, join an online group, or check out their other resources).

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Meeting Together

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month.  I introduced the theme last week (you can read that blog post here).

For the rest of this month, I want to share some ideas that may help prevent suicide.

Meeting together is one of the best things I do to maintain good mental health—and it’s a lifesaver when I sometimes struggle with suicidal thoughts.

Gary and I lead a Fresh Hope support group on the 2nd and 4th Mondays of the month at our church. It’s good to meet with other people with a mental health diagnosis (and/or their loved ones) and discuss different aspects of depression and anxiety. Sometimes we laugh together and sometimes we cry together, but each meeting gives us the opportunity to check in with each other and get encouragement as we live with the ups and downs of our disease.

Isolation can be tempting when we feel bad. It’s easier to stay at home and hide when our negative emotions start taking over. Being around other people can feel difficult and scary.

When you see that you’re starting to pull away from other people, that’s a good time to push yourself to do the exact opposite.

Call a friend and talk for a while.

Invite some friends or family members over for a game night.

Go to church and try to connect with someone during fellowship time as you sip a cup of coffee.

Make an appointment to talk with a therapist about the issues that may be contributing to your negative mood.

Check out a support group near you. (You can find a Fresh Hope group near you or join an online group by going to www.freshhope.us.)

Meeting together just may give you the hope you need so you can get past those thoughts of suicide. Please don’t give up!

“And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.” (Hebrews 10:25 NLT)

Do you feel like pulling away from everyone when you feel bad? How can focusing on God help you reach out and meet with others instead?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Preventing Suicide

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. It’s not something we like to think about, but it’s important that we do.

There are few things sadder than hearing that someone took their own life.

We wish we could have done something. We wish they would have reached out for help instead of taking that fatal action. We wish they were still with us.

So as we begin the month of September, let’s focus on preventing suicide by keeping a few things in mind.

*If you never have suicidal thoughts, thank God for that. Keep in mind that many of the people around you do struggle. Be ready to point them to someone who can help if they share their thoughts with you.

*If you sometimes (or often) have suicidal thoughts, please don’t act on them. Reach out for help. Do whatever you have to do to stay alive. There are many testimonies out there from people who have lived through a suicide attempt and have gone on to enjoy fulfilling lives. Look for those stories and hold on to hope until those suicidal thoughts pass.

*Remember that God has a purpose for you. Right now you may not know what that purpose is, but if you keep reading the Bible, talking to him, and living, eventually he’ll make that purpose clear.

Suicide is a heavy topic, but if we get more comfortable talking about it, maybe we can keep it from happening as often as it does. (A 2019 news release from the World Health Organization says that one person dies every forty seconds from suicide!)

Please don’t give up on yourself or others! You can call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline for help in the U.S.

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” (1 Corinthians 6:19–20 NIV)

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10 NIV)

Do you ever have suicidal thoughts? How can focusing on God help you reach out for help instead of acting on those ideas?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Good Distractions

What we think about is important.

You probably know that already. I talk about it often here on the blog and in my Facebook group: Catch Your Thoughts with Robyn Mulder.

Recently I wasn’t living as if I believed that. I got bogged down in tons of thoughts about some situations that have been bothering me. Nothing major, but letting my mind ruminate on all of the little worries was leading to lots of stress.

One day this week I grabbed a stack of old church bulletins from a box and went through them while I listened to some podcasts.

My eyes skimmed over the words as I decided what to do with each one. Most of them went in the recycling pile, but once in a while I added one to the little pile to keep.

Every single bulletin brought back good memories of our first church in Chandler, Minnesota. Names, places, sermon titles, yearly events, prayer concerns, births, weddings, and deaths all stirred my memory banks and had me reliving those early years of ministry.

As I sorted, I felt more peace. Thinking about Chandler and everything we did there got my mind off the niggling thoughts that were stressing me out. It was a good distraction.

It got me thinking about how I could choose to do that with other activities.

I could sit and play my guitar. Or listen to music. Or take a walk and enjoy the flowers planted around town. Or play in my craft room and make a card or paint a simple picture. Or read a good book.

There are lots of things I could do instead of ruminating on my worries.

Now, I’m not saying I should ignore them completely. They are real concerns, but it does me no good to just keep thinking about them constantly. I need to acknowledge that they’re bothering me, do what I can in some situations, admit I can do nothing about other situations, pray about all of them, and determine to keep living a good life through it all.

When the negative thoughts start spinning out of control, it’s time to get away from them with a good distraction.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:2 NIV)

Do you ever get stuck in negative thoughts? How can focusing on God help you find a good distraction from your worries?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Mental Health in May 2022 (Part 4: Keep Going)

Hopelessness is often one of the symptoms of mental illness.

It can hit some people out of the blue, overtake others gradually when they are going through a difficult experience, or cling stubbornly to certain individuals for a lifetime.

However it happens, hopelessness can tempt us to give up.

Life seems too hard. Evil seems too prevalent. Danger seems too scary. The future seems too uncertain.

It takes courage and determination to keep moving forward in spite of everything we dread.

But we can do it.

We may need to rest a while. We may need to reach out for help. We may need to borrow hope from other people. We may need to move very, very slowly.

But we need to keep going.

I love this quote from Pastor Brad Hoefs, founder of Fresh Hope support groups: “If you’re going through hell right now, don’t you dare stop. If you stop, you’re in hell. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going!”

When you start to feel hopeless, try to think about the positive things in your life. Remind yourself of all of the hard times you’ve come through before. Look for beautiful things, funny things, meaningful things. Put them where you can see them often or write things down and read them every day. You can get to better times.

Keep noticing. Keep talking. Keep working. Keep going.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9 NIV)

How often do you feel hopeless because of your mental health? How can focusing on God help you keep going?

Here’s the video of Pastor Brad Hoefs. (The whole video is good, but the quote mentioned is at about 8:53.)
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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Mental Health in May 2022 (Part 3: Keep Working)

In the last couple of weeks we’ve explored how we need to notice our mental health and how important it is to talk about it with friends, family members, and professionals.

Now it’s time to do the work.

It would be nice if we could just take a nap or watch a little TV as our brains heal, but the reality is that we also need to do some hard things to get to better emotional health.

It’s going to look different for each individual, but here are some things we could work on:

  • Fight to counter any negative thinking with more positive thoughts. (2 Corinthians 10:5 says to “take every thought captive.”) Be realistic about the difficult aspects of life, but try to find ways to think about them that are more hopeful and productive.
  • Be sure to take prescribed medications on time, making sure not to skip any doses.
  • Attend a support group where we can talk to others who know what it’s like to have a mental illness. (Fresh Hope is a peer-led group with online resources at freshhope.us.)
  • Talk to a therapist and learn skills for dealing with stress and anxiety in healthy ways. Work on any homework the counselor gives us so we can apply the skills and maintain good mental health.
  • Don’t isolate. We need to reach out if our symptoms are getting worse. The sooner we can stop that downward spiral, the better off we’ll be.
  • Never give up hope! This will be harder some days than others, but we need to remember that our emotions ebb and flow. We can hold on until the dark times pass.

Living with a mental illness like anxiety or depression means we have to work harder at regulating our emotions than other people.

With practice and perseverance, it can get easier. It’s worth every ounce of effort we give it.

Keep working.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13 NKJV)

Do you find it hard to take actions as you deal with a mental illness? How can focusing on God help you keep working and get more healthy?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Mental Health in May 2022 (Part 2: Keep Talking)

I made a terrible mistake when I got clinically depressed back in 2014.

I stopped talking.

Oh, I was saying lots of words, but not the ones that mattered.

I talked to my students—in Spanish and English—as I taught my classes each day. But I didn’t ask the other teachers for advice and help with the discipline problems and other challenges that stressed me out.

I talked to my friends at church, but I didn’t tell them how much I was struggling as I got more and more depressed.

I was more open with my family, but I didn’t say enough about how I was feeling until the hopelessness almost overwhelmed me. Finally, I told my husband everything and got the help I needed.

As we focus on mental health this month, let’s recognize the tendency to clam up and isolate ourselves when things aren’t going well.

We don’t want to burden others with our problems.

We think we “should” be able to handle things on our own.

We feel like other people get tired of hearing about our struggles.

So we stop talking and get wrapped up in the negative thoughts that prompted this vicious cycle. Staying there all alone will just add to our feelings of anxiety and depression.

Sharing our thoughts and feelings with someone else may help relieve some of that stress and get us moving in a more positive direction.

It could be a friend, a family member, a therapist, or a stranger on a hotline (800-273-8255).

It doesn’t matter who it is. Whatever you do, keep talking.

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2 NIV)

Do you stop talking when you get depressed or anxious? How can focusing on God help you choose to talk to someone instead?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Mental Health in May 2022 (Part 1: Keep Noticing)

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, so we’re going to focus on a different aspect of that each Friday.

Today let’s consider the fact that poor mental health doesn’t get better by ignoring it.

It makes sense in other areas of life, too. Our houses don’t get clean if we ignore the mess around us. Homework doesn’t get done if we ignore it and watch Netflix instead. Relationships don’t get better if we ignore the little irritations and frustrations that crop up from time to time.

We can’t ignore the symptoms that warn us about depression or anxiety. We have to notice what’s going on in our heads and bodies.

Some possible signs: feelings of sadness or hopelessness, drastic changes in appetite, sleeping too much or not enough, extreme irritability, trouble concentrating, loss of interest in normal activities, unexplained physical symptoms like headaches or back pain, thoughts of self-harm or suicide.

You can do an online search for “symptoms of depression/anxiety” and find helpful lists. If you experience many of the symptoms for more than two weeks, it’s probably time to see your doctor and get their opinion about whether you’re depressed or experiencing anxiety. Sometimes there are physical problems (like thyroid disease or diabetes) that mimic the symptoms of depression. Your doctor can help you rule out things like that and prescribe medication if you are clinically depressed.

Perhaps you’ve been diagnosed and you’ve taken steps (like medication and/or counseling) to get to a healthier emotional place. That’s wonderful, but you still need to keep noticing so you can maintain good mental health.

If you’re suddenly irritable or weepy about something that normally wouldn’t bother you, it pays to notice that and make a note of it on your calendar. Keep track of how often it occurs.

If you cancel plans to go out for dinner with a group of friends, take a minute to notice how you’re feeling. Have you been extra busy and you need a night at home alone? Or does your heart start beating out of your chest when you think about going out in public, so you panic and hide in your room?

If you spend an hour reading the same paragraph over and over at work and you can’t move on to the next thing you need to do, it’s time to notice that and consider what’s happening. Is it a one-time thing because of a certain situation at work (or at home) or has it been happening more often? It could be one symptom of a developing depression.

Mental health can be tricky to navigate. Some days we’re up and some days we’re down. Situations at home or work can make things worse (or better). Sometimes medicine is needed. Sometimes talking to someone can get us through a rough time.

I hate to admit that I’m back in a place where I’m noticing quite a few signs that I need to talk to someone professionally. (It’s so tempting to pretend like everything’s just fine.) I’m having trouble focusing on things I want to do (like writing) and I’m eating more than I need to because I feel stress. I need help catching some negative thoughts, so I’m going to make an appointment to talk to someone next week.

As you learn skills to maintain good mental health (we’ll talk about some this month), you’ll get to know yourself better. Certain symptoms will warn you before you begin to spiral downward. But you can’t ignore them.

Keep noticing.

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23–24 NIV)

Do you ever ignore symptoms that warn you about your mental health? How can focusing on God help you notice what’s going on in your mind and body so you can maintain good mental health?