Category: Faith

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Losing Well

I like to play games. Especially when I’m winning.

Truth be told, I can get just a bit cocky when I’m in the middle of a game and my score keeps getting better. I’m smiling and laughing and teasing my family or friends about how they’re doing.

It’s much harder to stay positive when I get behind and my opponent seems to have all the luck. All of a sudden I get more quiet and the game isn’t quite as fun.

I can remember playing different games with our kids over the years. It seems like quite often we had to talk one of them into continuing to play even though they were losing. They just couldn’t see the point of playing if they couldn’t win. They’d start to pout and storm off to their room.

We spent time trying to teach our kids to lose well. We coached them to keep playing even though they might be losing, because “you never know when the score might turn around!” We even tried to get them to actually cheer for their brother or sister when they won. “Next time it might be you,” we encouraged.

I’d like to think they learned from those games when they were young (although we’ve had a few family fights over the game of Risk when one of us achieved world domination).

I had to practice losing well a couple of times this week.

We went to Rock Rapids, Iowa and stayed with Gary’s mom. The three of us played Rummikub (a tile game) a couple of times and it about killed me when Gary won first, then my mother-in-law, then Gary won again. “It was my turn to win!” I whined. But I got no sympathy from my normally loving husband.

The next day we played again with the same results for the first three games: Gary, Mom, Gary. There may have been just a little too much grumbling and complaining from me as I lost game after game. Finally, I won when we played a seventh round (I wonder if they let me win just so they wouldn’t have to see me pout anymore).

Tonight we played cards with some friends. I did fine on Canadian Salad (Gary was the one who had to lose well on that game), but we ended the night with a game of cribbage. I was giddy and sure of myself while my team was ahead, even pouncing on some points the guys missed while they were counting their hand.

Then, in the final stretch, the guys pulled ahead and I was shocked to find that I missed seeing some points – not once, but twice! What was wrong with me? That never happens!

It was a week of practicing losing well.

It’s kind of fun to trash talk our friends when we’re in the middle of the games we play together, knowing that someone has to win and someone has to lose. Hopefully, we’re not too annoyingly happy when we win and we’re not too pathetically sad when we lose.

We can work on that in other areas of life, too. When things aren’t going our way, it can be tempting to just withdraw and give up trying. We want to stomp off to our room and pout if we can’t win.

Instead, let’s stay in the game. Let’s keep trying and applaud the successes of those around us. Life is more than just a game, and if we believe in Jesus we know that ultimately we’re going to win. We really can’t lose at life, but we do need to practice the same skills we learn by “losing well.”

Perseverance, cheerfulness, kindness, and grace all serve us well as we live our lives. Especially when a 95-year-old woman beats the pants off you in Rummikub.

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12 NIV)

How do you feel about losing? How can focusing on God help you to persevere and have a good attitude, even when things aren’t going your way?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Self-Sabotage

It happens all the time.

I make a plan, set a goal, or say I’m going to do something and it goes well for a while. I see progress and feel great as I see success in sight.

But then, I do something to sabotage myself.

I stay away from snacks for a few days and my pants start to feel a little looser…and then I feed my face constantly for a day – just because I can.

I open up my laptop and work daily on my book…and then I get scared and stop writing.

I start to feel confident about editing and take on new clients…and then I entertain thoughts of quitting just because I’m scared I’ll miss something.

That’s what happened yesterday as I finished up an editing project. I started crying and blurted out all of my fears to Gary (my patient, wise husband who has had many similar conversations with me over the years). He talked me down and reminded me that feeling that anxiety is pretty normal.

Almost everyone deals with it to some extent. He reminded me that perfect is not possible, and the people who think they’re perfect are the ones we usually can’t stand to be around. They’re full of arrogance.

Feeling that tension about doing our best keeps us humble. Pushing on through those fears gets us to where we want to go.

He’s right (he almost always is!).

God says in His word that He wants us to live an abundant life. He wants us to follow Him and love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. He tells us to love others. We can’t do any of those things well if we keep practicing self-sabotage.

John 10:10 in the ESV says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

Satan loves it when we panic and pull away from something good just because we’re scared. He’ll do anything to keep us stuck in our self-sabotaging ruts because he knows how damaging it would be for him if we actually accomplished our goals.

So let’s get to the bottom of why we’re doing these things. Let’s get to the root of it and learn ways to fight past those feelings and stay on the path to success.

It takes hard work to stop self-sabotaging, but it’s worth it. Hopefully we can do it less and less as the years go by and we’ll see more of the successful outcomes we dream about.

“ ‘But my righteous one will live by faith. And I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back [self-sabotages?].’ But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.” (Hebrews 10:38-39 NIV – brackets mine)

Do you often self-sabotage? How can focusing on God help you to stop this and live more abundantly?

*If you struggle with this problem, here are a couple of great resources with more insights and suggestions for combating self-sabotage:

6 Reasons Why We Self-Sabotage (article on thriveglobal.com)

Quick Win: Stop Self-Sabotaging (on the Do It Scared Podcast with Ruth Soukup)

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Looking Back

Today a friend messaged me, asking when I had helped start MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) in Rock Rapids, Iowa. The local paper is doing a story about MOPS in Lyon County and they were looking for some more info.

I could remember what year we started, but I did a little digging and finally found my old MOPS files. Our first meeting was September 23, 1997.

As you can see in this post’s graphic, that was a long time ago. I had only three children then (Erin was 4, Allison was 3, and Blake was 2 months).

I looked through my file and found the brochure I had designed and printed myself. There was a schedule for the year with all of the speakers we had lined up. There was a roster of all of the moms and their contact info.

Waves of warmth washed over me as I thought about those two years of leading MOPS in Rock Rapids. The other women who served on the steering team were so faithful. It was fun to meet other moms with young children and have some time together a couple of times a month without our kids (they were taken care of by wonderful volunteers in the MOPPETS program and nursery). We got to eat without little fingers swiping our food. At every meeting we enjoyed listening to a speaker who taught us something new or encouraged us in the job we were doing as moms. At most of the meetings we created something cute to take home during craft time.

But what warms my heart the most is remembering the spiritual growth all of us experienced during those years. Our discussions helped our faith come alive and I know our relationships with our families were better because of MOPS.

So tonight I’m thanking God for that time in my life. It was busy and chaotic at times, as all young mothers know, but it was amazing to see God at work.

Sometimes I’m afraid we get a little too future-focused. What will we get done this year? What goals can we accomplish? What will God do in our lives?

It’s good for us to take a look back once in a while, before we forge ahead. Seeing how God has been faithful in the past will give us confidence and inspiration for the future.

I almost forgot about all of God’s faithfulness during my Mothers of Preschoolers years. How exciting it is to wonder what God will do in this next season of life!

Someday I’ll look back and be just as amazed and thankful, I’m sure.

“I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done.” (Psalm 143:5 NIV)

Do you ever forget to look back? How can focusing on God help you to see His faithfulness in your past and then move forward with more confidence?

*If you are a mom with young children, check out the resources at mops.org It was a lifesaver for me when my children were little! You can find a group that meets near you or just check out their MOPS blog for helpful articles for moms.

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Super Saturday: Let’s Focus on Starting the New Year Right

We are entering the final days of 2019.

If you’re like most people, you may be considering resolutions you want to make for the new year.

Or maybe you’re starting to make a list of all of the goals you want to complete in 2020.

I know. I feel it, too. I look at all of the bad habits indulged in this year and I want to resolve to eradicate every single one from my life – by March 1.

I see all of the goals I didn’t complete–and all of the time I wasted–and I want to make a detailed plan to complete every single thing on my list (and maybe add ten more, because I’m sure if I managed my time better I could do them all).

We can’t do that. If we do, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment, failure, and frustration. When we’re focusing on fixing all of our shortcomings and doing all of the things we think we need to do to have a good, successful life, we’re going to end up feeling pressured and agitated when life doesn’t go as planned.

There’s a better place to put our focus. On God.

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” (Isaiah 26:3 NIV)

When we start there–with our focus on God–we can feel peace as we trust Him and live our lives each day.

When we start the new year with our focus on God, He’ll give us the wisdom we need to decide what habits we need to work on changing – with His help. He’ll help us discern what our goals should be and give us the energy and drive to complete them.

Starting the new year like this will allow us to begin 2020 with joy in our hearts, excited about all of the opportunities and possibilities the year will bring, instead of weighed down with all of our own demands and expectations.

Now that’s a good way to start.

Happy New Year!

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:13 NIV)

Are you excited about the new year, or are you stressed about what you “should” do in 2020? How can focusing on God help you to begin the new year well and enjoy the inevitable ups and downs 2020 will bring?

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Terrific Tuesday: Let’s Focus on Wandering

I have no good excuses for why I’m posting late on a Tuesday night.

I’ve been busy and a little more stressed lately, but I’ve had plenty of time to write a blog post.

Maybe it boils down to self-sabotage. I’ve had so many weeks of posting on Focus Friday…maybe my brain protested in disbelief. Or, it could be something closer to what I saw on a TV show I was watching recently. One of the characters was musing about why she wasn’t doing something and she came to the conclusion that it was because “they” had told her to do it. She didn’t like being told what to do. Could I be that rebellious that I don’t even want to do something I tell myself to do?

Whatever the case, I just kept putting off writing this post.

And then I saw someone else’s blog post referring to the song “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing.” They made some insightful observations about verse 3 and their tendency to wander. I’ve always loved that verse, too.

“O to grace how great a debtor…Daily I’m constrained to be…Let thy goodness like a fetter…Bind my wandering soul to Thee. Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love; Here’s my heart, O take and seal it. Seal it for thy courts above.”

I am prone to wander. Maybe you are, too.

We’re prone to wander in our bodies (to places we shouldn’t go, or to eat things we shouldn’t eat, or to do things we shouldn’t do).

We’re prone to wander in our hearts (to love certain people or things more than God).

We’re prone to wander in our minds (to thoughts that get us into trouble as we believe Satan’s lies or trust ourselves instead of God).

As soon as we become aware of our wandering ways, we need to make a conscious effort to turn back to God. By constantly giving Him our heart and renewing our resolve to live according to His word, we’ll stay close to Him and we’ll be less likely to wander.

“How can a young person [or an older woman] stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray [wander!] from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” (Psalm 119:9-11 NIV – brackets mine)

Do you often find yourself wandering? How can focusing on God help you to stay close to Him and live with purpose?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Starting Over

Last Saturday night I did some shopping at our local grocery store. I got the things on my list, but then I checked out the baked goods on my way to the checkout.

There was a package of six donuts. The kind I like. Two were plain chocolate frosting with white cream filling. The other four had sprinkles with white cream.

I caved and stuck them in my cart. I almost turned around and put them back. I mean, I know that much sugar isn’t good for me or Gary. But I really wanted a donut, so I checked out and took them home.

I offered one to Gary and then I returned to the kitchen for my treat.

Here’s where my reasoning went totally haywire. I realized these weren’t quite as fresh as the ones I’ve gotten early in the morning. No, these were just a little dry, and they wouldn’t get any better by the next day, so I decided to put two on my plate and go watch a Christmas movie.

The first donut was delicious, but by the time I got to the end of the second donut I was almost sick. (Don’t worry, I suffered through and finished it.) And then the guilt and self-condemnation poured in…

Why did I buy six donuts when I want to lose weight? Why did I eat two donuts in one sitting instead of waiting until I was hungry again? Why did I give in to temptation like that? Should I just forget about eating better? No. I finally came to my senses.

I had to start over.

Earlier this week I decided to try a new company for my email list. I had paid quite a bit last year for a system that I didn’t learn how to use very well and I hadn’t grown my list much at all. I decided to go to the free level of a quality company and see if I can put more work into using it well as I grow my email list. So I spent quite a bit of time figuring out how to move my precious group of subscribers to the new system and set up new forms for my website.

I had to start over.

Later in the week, my thinking started to get a little messed up. The normal stresses of the holidays, plus some stresses from our specific life started to get to me. Instead of catching those thoughts and turning them into something more positive and hopeful, I started to roll with the negative ideas bouncing around in my brain. It wasn’t good, because all it did was keep me from getting anything done on my list of things to do. I was paralyzed by my negative thoughts and I procrastinated until I finally picked one thing on my list and did it.

I had to start over.

Starting over is not easy. We don’t want to admit that we blew it in some area of our life. We don’t want to spend the time it takes to learn a new program or figure out how to produce something we haven’t done before. We get tired of fighting the negative thoughts in our brains, so we would rather just ignore them or hide from them or, even worse, believe them.

But we must start over. It’s the only way we’ll ever accomplish our goals. It’s the only way we’ll ever learn to do something new. It’s the only way we’ll get better at catching our thoughts and turning them around to something helpful and positive.

I think the more we practice starting over as soon as possible, the better we’ll get at it and the less often we’ll have to do it. But even if we have to start over a hundred times a day, let’s do it. It’s the only way we’ll make it through the marathon of life that we’re on.

Move ahead, fall down, start over. Repeat as needed. (And stay out of the bakery aisle.)

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.” (Hebrews 12:1-2a NIV)

Do you get tired of starting over? How can focusing on God help you to keep moving ahead with perseverance as you live your life?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Staying Home

We have not been home much in the last month or so.

We took a two-week vacation.

After that, I was home for one day before I headed off to a writers conference.

Then I was home for almost a week, but we left for another week to visit family and attend a pastors retreat.

We got home late Thursday night.

All of the things we went to were fun, and I’m glad we could go, but I’m so glad we get to stay home for a while. (Poor Gary had to leave to go out of town today and tomorrow, but soon he’ll be able to stay home, too.)

Today I’ve been slowly getting things back to normal. Doing a big load of wash, putting away suitcases, sorting through the week’s accumulated mail, making sure there’s nothing we missed doing while we were gone.

It feels good to just be home.

Looking at the pictures on the walls, the knick-knacks on the shelves, and the familiar foods in the cupboards does something good to my heart. I’ve missed this place.

I’m anxious to dive back into more of a regular routine.

All of the traveling and visiting was great, but there’s a lot to be said for just staying home.

Staying home gives us the time and energy to work on our goals.

Staying home lets us settle into the waking, eating, working, playing, and sleeping routines that are best for us.

Staying home helps us connect with our families, friends, and neighbors in all of the activities that are part of our normal weeks.

I wouldn’t give up anything I experienced in the last month or so, but let’s thank the Lord for the blessing of staying home.

“She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ” (Proverbs 31:26-28 NIV)

Do you enjoy staying home, or do you prefer the excitement of being on the go? How can focusing on God help you to find contentment and purpose – wherever you may be?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Being Ready

I had a weird dream last night.

I was going to be playing the keyboard in church. As I was finishing up our practice session, I realized I had lost the usual setting for the built-in music track on the keyboard. I just knew what I had before was perfect for the song I was going to do, so I told everyone to just wait and I would get it programmed in again.

But it didn’t work. I had a little paper with different suggested settings on it. I unfolded it and feverishly tried a few different numbers. They weren’t labeled very well, and none of them turned out to be the music I was trying to find.

Suddenly, a more polished musician appeared with his keyboard. He was friendly and sympathetic to my plight, but he offered to play if I couldn’t get my keyboard to work.

Whoever was in charge gave me a few more minutes, but nothing I tried was working. I couldn’t find that perfect music to go with the song I was playing. Finally, they made the call to let the other guy get set up so we could start church on time.

In my dream, I was gracious. I smiled and left the sanctuary. But inside, I was livid. It made me so mad that they hadn’t given me more time to find that perfect setting. I was also mad at myself because I had left it til the last minute. I was mad at the other guy for swooping in and stealing my chance to perform.

I stormed into Gary’s office at church. Someone else was there, too, so I couldn’t just pour out my honest feelings. Instead, I softened it. “I’m not feeling well, I don’t think I can go to church today.” But I wasn’t physically sick. I was just sick inside because of my shame and anger.

I woke up right after that, so I don’t know what would have happened.

Maybe I went home and cried all morning.

Maybe I sucked it up and went to church, plastering a smile on my face as I watched the other guy on his professional keyboard.

Maybe I actually talked to God about all of it and had a true change of heart, attending the service and enjoying the other musician’s skill.

I’ll never know, I guess, and it really doesn’t matter. What I need to focus on is the fact that I wasn’t ready. I fumbled around and made everyone else nervous because I had left something until the last minute and then it didn’t work. (To be fair, there are times when someone is ready and something goes wrong at the last minute. That’s different.)

Maybe my dream was meant to remind me of how important it is to be ready.

To begin preparing for obligations earlier than I normally do, leaving time to work out problems that might arise.

To put a little more time and thought into projects, instead of leaving them until right before the deadline.

To do my absolute best, instead of being content with “good enough.”

That’s quite a change from how I normally do things, I’m afraid. But I don’t even have to sleep on it. This dream woke me up. I’m going to make some changes in my activities and my schedule. I’m going to be ready.

“Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your hope as a believer, always be ready to explain it.” (1 Peter 3:15 NLT)

Do you have problems being ready? How can focusing on God help you to plan ahead, work hard, and be more ready for whatever He has planned for you to do?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on What’s Behind You

Have you ever looked across the room to see someone smiling and waving at you, but you had no idea who they were?

You tentatively raise your hand to wave, but then you realize they’re actually waving at someone behind you. Oops. You drop your hand and try to act cool, hoping they didn’t see you.

Once Gary and I went back to one of our previous churches for an anniversary celebration. There was a get-together at the community center. We mingled and reconnected. Then, I saw an old friend. She got this big huge smile on her face and looked at me like “There you are! I haven’t seen you for such a long time!” Her arms opened for a hug. I smiled and walked over, got my hug, and talked to her for a minute. Then I realized she was actually after a hug from a man standing a little behind me who had been ill and was finally feeling well enough to get out and see people. How embarrassing!

Things like that have happened to me often enough that I usually assume someone is not waving at me. I tend to look over my shoulder to see who they’re actually trying to greet.

That’s what happened last night when I went to Baker Book House in Grand Rapids, Michigan for an author event prior to the Breathe Christian Writers Conference I’m attending this weekend. After I parked, I noticed two women almost at the front doors. One of them raised her arm and pointed in my direction for a second. I squinted and tried to figure out if it was someone I knew. I didn’t think so. So, I glanced back over my shoulder to see who they may be greeting instead.

Imagine my shock when I saw a big old raccoon waddling across the parking lot. He really wasn’t very far from me at all! I walked faster and pulled out my camera to document the attack. Just kidding. He actually went behind some cars and I had to wait til he came back out of hiding before I could get the picture in this week’s graphic.

It got me thinking about what’s behind us and how people point it out.

Of course, when people see someone they know behind us, they’re going to wave at them and smile. We can’t fault them for that and be upset because we thought they were waving at us.

On the other hand, I was almost miffed because those two ladies just pointed vaguely at the raccoon behind me instead of yelling, “Run! There’s a rabid raccoon right behind you!” (He probably wasn’t rabid, but it was a little freaky to see one out at that time of day.)

I started thinking about how God sees us.

He’s always looking right at us, with arms wide open and a look on His face that says He’s thrilled to see us. We never have to worry that He’s actually looking at someone else.

If there is danger behind us, He will consistently point it out. Not a casual, quick gesture that leaves us wondering what He’s pointing at, but a clear, urgent message to warn us (whether we heed that warning or not).

We don’t have to be confused or afraid of what’s behind us, so I guess this week’s title should actually be “Let’s Not Focus on What’s Behind Us.”

Let’s focus on what’s before us, keeping the LORD always in our view. Let’s go where He wants us to go, do what He wants us to do, and trust Him in the midst of whatever happens to us. (Even rabid raccoon attacks.)

“Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever. They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD.” (Psalm 112:6-7 NIV)

Do you ever get stressed out about what’s behind you? How can focusing on God help you to look ahead and trust Him instead?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Fellowship Anxiety

Do you ever feel uncomfortable during fellowship time after church? I sometimes do.

I look around the room at all of these people – people I’ve grown to know and love over this past year – and I get a bit anxious. Who do I talk to? If I go up and start talking with that group of people over there, will that other group of people think I’m snubbing them? If I stand alone, will everyone pity me? If I go up and join a group that’s already talking, will they have to change what they’re talking about to include me?

It’s silly, but it happens. And I’m guessing it’s not just me.

Sure, there are extroverts that thrive on connecting with as many people as they can talk to on a Sunday morning.

But then there are the introverts. We thrive on time alone, even if we enjoy talking with others sometimes. So some Sundays will be fine and we’ll chat with quite a few people during fellowship time. And there will be some Sundays when we look around and decide to head for the door.

Maybe just talking about it here will make it a bit easier.

After all, even Paul felt anxiety: “Besides everything else, I have a daily burden because of my anxiety about all the churches. ” (2 Corinthians 11:28 International Standard Version)

We can cut ourselves some slack and realize there will be times when we feel anxious.

We can show others lots of grace when we see them heading for the door instead of staying to talk during fellowship time. Some weeks, they just might not be able to handle the uncertainty of being in the crowd.

So, should we do away with fellowship time after church? Should we all just head for the comforts of home and bypass the possibly awkward interactions with others?

I think not, because there are many good things that happen during fellowship time.

Visitors are greeted (hopefully!) and introduced to people during this time.

Children play with their friends right by the oldest members of the church, and they are blessed just by seeing each other in this special place.

Often, hugs or tears are shared as people talk about something they’re going through, and they are encouraged and strengthened as they realize someone cares.

If you sometimes feel a bit anxious during fellowship time, here are a few things you can try:

Look around and find someone who is standing alone. They may be feeling a little of the anxiety you’re experiencing and will welcome having someone to talk to.

Try to develop a “There you are!” attitude, instead of a “Here I am!” mindset. “Here I am!” begs for people to notice us. We get upset and offended when they don’t go out of their way to connect with us. A “There you are!” attitude looks for someone who needs some love, encouragement, and connection.

Pray for the people you see all around you. Maybe you won’t even mind standing alone if you can learn to just enjoy watching others interacting while you silently pray for them by name.

Remember that everyone feels a little social anxiety at times. Take a deep breath, smile, and start talking to someone. You just might feel your anxiety disappear as you get to know your fellow church members better.

(And if none of those ideas work, you can always just head for the door and see if next week feels better!)

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24-25 NIV)

Do you ever feel anxious during fellowship time at church? How can focusing on God help you to see the great benefits of spending time with other believers after the worship service?