Category: Faith

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Fighting Ourselves

There’s been a war going on in my mind lately.

I feel like I’m fighting myself at every turn.

One part of me wants to do something productive. Another part of me wants to scroll social media.

Some days I want to eat healthy and exercise. Other days I want to snack constantly and skip doing any physical activity at all.

Even more disconcerting are the moments when I waffle between hope and despair. The emotionally healthy side of my brain looks forward to new friendships, experiences, and goals. The mentally ill side of my brain tries to squash all hope and attempts to point out all of the possible failures and flaws waiting for me in the future.

Don’t worry. I’m not depressed. But, thankfully, these warring thoughts are a signal for me. When I notice them I can take action to make sure the right side wins.

I’ll give you one little example.

A few weeks ago, I paid to go swimming on five Tuesday and Thursday mornings at the local high school. I figured that would give me a good idea of whether I could possibly compete in a swim meet for adults in April.

The five mornings are done now and I have started fighting myself.

I really enjoy swimming. / I’m so out of shape and slow!

I think I’d have fun competing at the swim meet. / I’ll make a fool of myself!

It’s good for me to have goals and work toward them. / I may as well give up now and forget about swimming!

I fight myself in so many areas of my life. Over the years I’ve learned that whichever side I focus on more is the side that wins. I have to catch the negative thoughts and recognize the lies.

Sometimes there’s a bit of truth in the negative thoughts (see “I’m so out of shape and slow!” above). We can acknowledge the truth, but replace it with thoughts that will get us heading in the right direction (“I’m out of shape and slow, but if I keep practicing I’ll get in shape and it will be fun to see if I can get faster“).

We can’t give up the fight! And we also have to remember that we don’t fight alone. The Holy Spirit can help us choose the thoughts and actions that will be good for us. Other people (family, friends, doctors) can help us when we feel like giving up.

Time to be more deliberate about what I’m thinking and doing. The fight is on and I know I’ll win!

For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. (Galatians 5:17 ESV)

Do you fight yourself in any area of life? How can focusing on God help you win the fight?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Names

When a pastor accepts the call to a new church, there are lots of names to learn.

It’s pretty easy for people to remember us. I hear “Hi Robyn!” many times before and after church. I’m getting to know quite a few people, but often I find myself thinking, I have no idea who you are!

Names are important.

When you know someone’s name, there is a certain level of intimacy that doesn’t exist when a person is nameless.

It feels good to hear someone call you by name.

It’s not a huge deal, but I always feel a tinge of disappointment when someone spells my name as “Robin.” They don’t really know me, I think.

But then again, we can sometimes mess up someone’s name even when we know them well. Back at Platte, in the last month we were there, two people accidentally called me by the name of the previous pastor’s wife. They were good friends of mine, they just had a temporary lapse in their memory banks.

I felt a bit incredulous about their goofs, until I stood in line for cookies one Sunday and talked to a guy about something that related to his brother. I realized my confusion when one of his nieces came up and started talking to him. Wait a second, I thought to myself, that’s not his daughter? Oh shoot! I got the two guys mixed up!

It was embarrassing to acknowledge my mistake. I didn’t want to admit that after three and a half years, I had forgotten his name and confused him with his brother. (To be fair, I had way too much swirling around in my brain that morning. Something had to give!)

He was gracious and didn’t seem to hold it against me, but I still feel bad about it.

We are fallible human beings and we won’t always get things right. We just have to do the best we can as we get to know the people in our lives.

Thank goodness we have a God who knows our name. He spells it perfectly every single time and he never gets us confused with someone else.

Before we were born, he knew what we would look like and the personality we would have.

He knows everything we’ll ever do in our life here on this earth.

I’m so glad he knows my name. I’ll keep praising him for how much he loves me and how he knows every single person in this great big world.

As for me, do you think I’m old enough to start saying, “Hi Sweetie!” or “Hey Buddy!” whenever I greet someone? I think I might give it a try!

“My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139:15–16 NIV)

Do you have trouble with names? How can focusing on God help you feel grateful that he knows you completely? Do you think focusing on God could help you remember the importance of remembering other people’s names, too?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on a Life Well Lived

Gary’s mom passed away on Thursday, December 30, 2021. She was 96 years old and her health had been failing in recent months, but it was still sad to get the call that she had died.

We’re so grateful that we were able to see her one last time on Tuesday of that week. We stopped in on the way to Lincoln, Nebraska with some of our kids. Erin and Ayden were able to introduce our grandson, Halston, to her. Mom was still somewhat responsive and she smiled when she saw that cute little six-month-old. She tried so hard to repeat “I love you” when Gary said his last goodbye to her.

It’s hard to believe she’s really gone.

In the days since her passing, I have heard so many people talk about how my mother-in-law had lived her life well.

Friends and family expressed it at the visitation on Wednesday night.

Gary brought out many examples of it as he preached at her funeral last Thursday.

Our kids, and our nieces and nephews, have talked about it on social media as they reflect on their grandma’s life.

Mom was a quiet, behind-the-scenes type of person who loved the Lord, her family, and her friends. She didn’t have aspirations to see the world or accomplish great things. She was content with what she had and she prayed often for her loved ones.

In recent years, she experienced short-term memory loss. You could visit with her at the nursing home, but she wouldn’t remember you were there unless you made an entry in her notebook (she wrote herself notes there, too, and referred to it often).

She was a wonderful wife and mother. And I can say she was the best mother-in-law I could have ever hoped to have. She and Dad often babysat our kids when they were young. They never critiqued the way we parented and they were always supportive.

Mom was sweet and caring. She loved to play games like Quiddler and Rummikub with us, and she passed on her love of making puzzles to our daughter, Erin, and several other grandchildren.

In the years ahead, I’m sure God will comfort us whenever we think of her.

When I’m making cooked pudding (one chocolate and one vanilla mixed together).

When we drive through Rock Rapids, Iowa and see the street where she and Dad used to live.

When we remember her laughing as she watched movies like Home Alone with the kids.

I wish I could have been there to hear God say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

What about the rest of us? Do we have to be more like Gary’s mom in order to live well?

Not necessarily.

God created each of us with unique gifts, talents, and personalities.

We can travel the world, write books, aspire to do all sorts of things, or be the life of the party and still live our lives well.

The important thing is to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. God will show us what he wants us to do each day of the life he gives us.

Let’s live that life well.

“The LORD cares deeply when his loved ones die.” (Psalm 116:15 NLT)

Do you ever compare yourself to someone else? How can focusing on God help you live your life well?

Garlene June Mulder (1925–2021)
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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Letting People See Your Stuff

(Yes, that’s our actual stuff!)

We moved to a new city this week.

We packed the majority of our stuff into a U-Haul truck on Monday (with the help of family and friends).

It took way longer than we had estimated. The truck wasn’t full and we had some things left scattered through various rooms of the house, but we had had enough. It was time to go! (We have a small trailer we can use next week to get the rest.)

I was surprised at how embarrassed I felt about some of my things when I realized that people would be looking at them as they carried them to the truck.

So many boxes marked “R – Crafts”!

The beat up old dresser I keep some of my supplies in.

Boxes and boxes of books.

I hid some things, stashing my underwear in a suitcase so curious eyes couldn’t look. Other personal items were boxed up and taped tightly shut so no one could see them.

But most of our stuff was right out there in the open for all to see. No one voiced any opinions about our belongings (although the guys did ask “What is this?” when they contemplated a “unique” wooden box with assorted drawers—Allison had made it in shop class and I can’t part with it). If we wanted help with moving we needed to let people see our stuff.

I think it’s similar with our emotional “stuff.”

Some of the things we feel can embarrass us. Depression, anxiety, anger, shame.

We can try to hide them, stuffing them down where no one can see or covering them up with more acceptable emotions.

But if we want help, we need to let other people see our stuff.

We’re starting a new year. Let’s resolve to get rid of some of our physical clutter in 2022 (I know I moved way too many things I seldom use), but let’s also make plans to be real about the emotional baggage we’ve been carrying for way too long.

Let people see your stuff and ask them for help. That should make this a happy new year!

“Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.” (Colossians 3:9–10 NIV)

Do you try to hide your “stuff” (physical or emotional)? How can focusing on God help you to let people see it and help you with it?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Moving

Gary and I are in a time of transition. He’s accepted a call to First Reformed Church in Volga, South Dakota. We’ll be moving at the end of the month.

We’re excited, but we’re also sad to be leaving our community and First Reformed Church in Platte, South Dakota.

I haven’t blogged about it yet, but I’ve definitely been dealing with all of the feelings this brings up.

There are times when I look forward in anticipation. What will our new congregation be like? What experiences will we have in our new setting? What will God do in our lives and the lives of those we serve?

There are other times when I start crying because I think about the friends I’m going to miss.

Moving is hard. You’d think we’d be used to it by now. We’ve moved five times before this, but I have to remind myself that every time is challenging. I have to expect the ups and downs and show myself lots of grace when I get a little (or a lot!) emotional.

Unless you’re new to this blog, I’m sure you remember that I’ve dealt with depression for many years. (You can read some of my posts about it by clicking here, here, and here.)

I don’t want to fall apart and get clinically depressed again, so I’m taking steps to make sure I stay healthy.

I’m talking often with my husband, Gary. He’s good at helping me look at things objectively.

I start most mornings with devotions. Reading the Bible and writing down thoughts that comfort and inspire me really helps.

I made some appointments to talk with a counselor online. I don’t think I’ll have to keep seeing someone long-term, but talking things through with a professional helps me get perspective.

I try to exercise almost every morning. Getting those endorphins going is good for my body and my brain.

I don’t beat myself up for getting emotional. Sure, at times it’s a little embarrassing to start crying in front of a friend, but it’s okay. It’s healthy to grieve the connections we’ve made here in Platte.

Most of all, I’m holding tight to hope. I know we’ll get through this move. We’ll miss people, but we’ll also meet new friends. I’m trying to remind myself that God is with us. He has blessed Gary’s ministry here, and he’ll be there as we start over in a new church.

Everything’s going to be just fine.

“I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.” (Genesis 28:15 NIV)

How do you feel about moving? How can focusing on God help you to transition well? (Not perfectly…just doing the best you can!)

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Making Assumptions

The other day we stopped at Krispy Kreme. As we were walking up to the front door, I heard a man in the parking lot let loose with a very loud, disturbing phrase. I won’t repeat it here, but it shocked me to hear a man swearing in public.

My immediate thought was that he had gotten out of a vehicle and yelled at his wife before slamming the door, but I didn’t actually see that happen. That poor woman, I thought. My husband has never spoken to me like that. This guy must be a complete jerk.

We got our donuts and went on our way, but that situation came back to me later on. I wondered if I could have been wrong about that man. Maybe he was trying to cross the parking lot and the woman in the car had almost hit him. (It still would have been better if he hadn’t sworn, but it would have been more understandable.) Maybe he was a nice guy who was kind to his wife and just used his potty mouth when his life was in danger.

I really don’t know, and it was wrong for me to make assumptions.

When I went to Teens Encounter Christ (TEC) two weeks ago, I interacted with lots of smiling, helpful teens. Some were candidates, hearing the talks and participating in the activities for the first time. Others had been through TEC before and had come back to work behind the scenes. They prayed for the speakers, served the meals, and offered support in all sorts of ways.

I assumed they all had pretty carefree lives, but as we heard talks and discussed them, over and over we heard about difficult times. Some of these teens dealt with anxiety, bullying, depression, and suicidal thoughts. You’d never know it just by looking at them.

But TEC gives them a safe place to share their struggles. Once they voice their challenges, they can count on the TEC community to support them as they learn to trust God and thrive in spite of those hardships.

I cried several times during the weekend because I realized that people are hurting and I’ve often assumed they were fine.

We have to get better at picking up on clues that someone is struggling. We have to ask our friends how they’re doing and be willing to listen when they tell us the truth. We need to share our own stories so people know they’re not alone. Maybe they’ll get help if they know that someone else deals with the same things.

We really don’t know what’s going on in someone else’s life, mind, and heart. We can’t judge and we can’t make assumptions.

But we can pray for eyes to see and a heart that’s willing to walk alongside others.

“Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly.” (John 7:24 NIV)

Do you make assumptions about people you hardly know? How can focusing on God help you to stop judging and reach out in love instead?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Teens Encountering Christ

(These are stock photo teens, but I’m sure they’d love TEC, too!)

Something exciting is happening in Platte this weekend.

Twenty high school students will be gathering at a church on Friday morning.

I’m sure most of them are excited. Some are probably pretty nervous. They’ve heard their friends talk about the fun, intense experience they had at TEC (Teens Encounter Christ) and they aren’t quite sure what to expect as they go through the weekend. (There are lots of surprises that are kept top secret by kids who have attended before.)

A team of adults and students will be working (mostly behind the scenes) to make it a great weekend for the candidates. I’m going to be an adult table leader this time.

I can’t wait to see how God works in the lives of everyone who is there this weekend.

We can grow spiritually as we go through our daily routines, but there’s something special about getting away for a special time where you focus even more on God.

If you get a chance to do something like that, make sure you take advantage of the opportunity (even if it’s a little bit scary).

Oh, and please pray for those twenty students when you think of them this weekend. Thanks!

I’ll close with the theme verse for TEC#18:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:5–6 ESV)

Have you ever gone on a spiritual retreat? How can focusing on God help you take advantage of opportunities like that?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus On Wanting to Be Liked

Back in 1984, Sally Field won an academy award. She joyously ended her acceptance speech with, “You like me! Right now! You like me!” (Often misquoted since then as “You like me! You really, really like me!” but that’s close enough. Scroll down to see the original speech.)

I can sure relate to Sally.

I’ve been noticing a strange desire to ask for reassurance that people like me as I’ve been sitting in various situations the last few months. Our women’s group, Sunday school class, fellowship time at church, family gatherings, and online zoom meetings. The setting doesn’t matter, but the feeling is often there.

I fight back the urge to ask, “Am I doing okay? Do you like me? (Do you really, really like me?)”

I imagine most people have those feelings to some degree as they go through life. We just don’t voice that insecurity because we’re afraid it will clue everyone in to how fragile we actually are. Ironically, we think that if we show our vulnerability, people won’t like us.

Finding that balance between strength and vulnerability may help us feel more sure of ourselves in the long run.

Sometimes we need to act brave in spite of the fears raging inside us.

Sometimes we need to be vulnerable and share our fears with a trusted friend or family member.

Most of all, we need to remember that our worth doesn’t come from what people here on earth think of us. We are valuable because God loves us—in our brave moments, our vulnerable moments, and every moment in between.

He loves us. He really, really loves us! And that can give us all the reassurance we need.

Knowing God loves us might even help us remember to offer encouragement to someone else. “I like you! I really, really like you!”

We all need to hear that once in a while.

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever.” (Psalm 136:1 NIV)

Do you crave affirmation from others? How can focusing on God help you to feel more secure because you know he loves you?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Paying Attention

I had a strange dream the other night. Nothing was going right for me. Obstacles were everywhere, but I kept plugging away, trying to accomplish my goals. As I scurried around, I kept going by two people who seemed upset about something, but I was too busy to stop and talk to them. I was completely focused on my problems.

All of a sudden I took a second to really look at those people and I realized that their car was completely crushed by a huge pole which had fallen from a nearby building. From the trunk to the hood, the pole lay lengthwise on top of their car.

The strangers were freaking out and trying to fish stuff out of their mangled vehicle. (I know they shouldn’t have been able to open the doors if the car was smashed, but hey—it was a weird dream!)

The point is, I finally started paying attention and someone needed my help.

In my waking hours since then, I’ve been pondering how well I pay attention. I’m afraid my focus is often on myself and I don’t pay attention to the people around me who have serious needs.

Our problems are important, of course, but it’s also good to notice the difficulties of others. From now on, I’m going to start paying attention.

I probably won’t have to help people get stuff out of their crashed cars, but maybe I can:

*Send a card or visit someone who is sick or grieving.

*Donate money to a worthy charity.

*Listen to my husband or one of my kids (really listen) when they want to talk.

*Finish writing my book on depression so I can share hope with those who need it.

*Write a blog post to remind all of us how important it is to pay attention.

“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise.” (Ephesians 5:15 NIV)

Are you good at paying attention to the needs of others? How can focusing on God help you to notice and reach out when you can do something for someone else?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Avoiding Legalism

When I moved into my new home office about a month ago I made a solemn vow: I will only bring water into my office. No snacks, no sugary drinks, no food at all.

I figured it was a pretty good rule. You see, I had been getting into the habit of dipping into a bowl of pretzels or a handful of candy while I was working at my computer when I had my desk in the living room. It was a mindless thing and I wanted to stop. I figured if I set that rule for my new office I might get more work done and maybe lose a couple of pounds in the process.

It didn’t work out as I’d planned.

Oh, I avoided bringing food into my office. That was no problem. But what I found happening was that every time I finished an hour of editing I would leave my office, go get a snack from the kitchen, and sit by my other desk in the living room and play a game of cribbage on my iPad while I munched.

And that got to be a very bad habit. Now I was snacking every hour instead of just once in a while throughout the day. Sometimes I would grab my snack and walk with it, making sure I finished it in the doorway before I entered my office.

I’m a very silly woman sometimes.

Seems like it all boils down to legalism. That happens when we say “I will never do this” or “I will always do that.”

Legalism gets us into trouble every time. Either we drive ourselves crazy trying to live up to the impossibly high standards we set for ourselves, or we fall into despair when we fail just once.

Is it possible to live without legalism? I sure hope so.

Avoiding legalism looks like doing our best to love God and others, letting the Holy Spirit guide us through our days.

For me, that may mean trying to find some other things to do that are more beneficial when I’m taking a break from writing or editing instead of snacking too much. Sometimes it may mean enjoying a light snack in the middle of the afternoon (in my office!) while I watch an inspiring video on my computer.

When we’re tempted to “always” or “never” do something, we need to watch out for legalism. Avoiding those extremes will help us live a more balanced, fulfilling life.

“In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome.” (1 John 5:3 NIV)

Can you see legalism in any areas of your life? How can focusing on God help you let the extremes go and follow him more closely?