Gary and I went to a date night event a few weeks ago. The speaker mentioned that you’ll be married to approximately five different people over the course of your marriage. He said it to get a laugh, but the more I think about it, the more I believe it.
Gary isn’t the same twenty-year-old kid he was when we met. He was a farmer back then. Now he’s an experienced pastor. He has grown and changed in so many ways since we got married in 1990.
I’m not the same person I was back then. That’s good. I can see growth in my confidence and maturity. I’m more self-aware in recent years and I am more able to take care of my mental health when depression and anxiety show up.
I’m not sure if I’ve been five different people yet (maybe a couple more versions of me are still in the works), but I do feel like I’m a different woman now.
And that can raise some uncomfortable questions at times. Who am I? How am I supposed to act with past friends and new friends?
When I look back over the posts I’ve written and the things I’ve said over the years, I notice so much self-deprecating humor. I would often criticize myself in a joking way, hoping to get a laugh from someone (and hopefully deflect any true criticisms they might have of me).
In recent years, I’ve become more aware of this tendency and I’ve determined to stop it. I don’t want to make fun of my weight, my appearance, or the dumb things I do. I want to show myself more grace, so I’ve stopped talking that way in front of people (I’m still working on the self-defeating thoughts I have, but that’s a topic for another day). Today I’m faced with a dilemma. Who am I now and how do I want to write and speak about myself and others?
(Sorry if I’m dragging you along on this bumpy ride as I figure all of this out. Maybe seeing the process can help you look at the different people you’ve been over the years and decide who you are now.)
I know I’ll never make fun of the way I look again. God made me just the way I am and he loves every bit of me. He’ll help me love myself through all of the physical changes that happen as I grow older. I also want to get better at showing myself grace when I fall short of my goals. God will help me accomplish whatever he wants me to do, even if it takes a little longer than I had planned. I still like to make people laugh, so I can continue finding the humor in silly mistakes I make and I can share those stories in hopes that they’ll provide some lessons for my readers.
Who am I? I’m a beloved child of God. If you believe in Jesus and what he did to save you, you’re a beloved child of God, too. That will stay the same, no matter who we become over the course of our lifetimes.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV)
Are you a different person now than you were when you were younger? How can focusing on God help you enjoy life through all of the changes and challenges you face?