Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Putting Down the Bat

Do you ever beat yourself up?

I do.

It used to be much worse in my younger years, but I still have a tendency to punish myself when I make a mistake.

I’ve been talking to a counselor for a few months, and that’s one of the first assignments she gave me. “Focus on putting down the bat,” she urged.

So I’ve been pondering that for quite a while now. The first step was noticing when I felt the temptation to take a swing at myself after some failure. Just being aware of the bat made it a little easier to “put it down” and treat myself with more compassion.

I’m still working on it, but I feel like I’ve been improving. I sure give myself plenty of opportunities to practice!

One day I texted a bunch of middle school students to remind them about our meeting that night. I got a text back from a mom instead of a student, so I responded and said it was nice to meet her and we were looking forward to getting to know her son this year. At the meeting, I saw that student and realized that he goes to our church and I already knew his mom. I saw her every Sunday at church and we had visited the family in their home just a couple of months ago! I texted Sarah after the meeting: “I am so embarrassed!” I explained my incredible lapse of memory and asked her to forgive me. She responded graciously: “I figured you’d put it together at some point!” Amazingly, I laughed at myself and didn’t pick up the bat.

The other night I went to a youth event with our high school group and talked to a couple from church afterward. We chatted a bit, and then I asked about their connection to “Fields of Faith” at SDSU. “Collin!” the woman answered. “Oh, of course! You’re here to support him,” I said. (Collin is one of our youth group sponsors and he’s on staff with FCA, the group putting on the event.) In my head, I started to kick myself. Dang! I did it again! I forgot a connection that should have been obvious! But I only did it for a few seconds. I put down the bat and consciously forgave my error (hopefully they did, too!).

As I think about that “bat,” I’m sometimes surprised at how quickly I reach for it. One morning I took a deep water aerobics class at SDSU. At noon, I got a notification that the deep water well would be closed until further notice. The rest of the pool would remain open. I tried to figure out what I could have done wrong that morning that would make them close that part of the pool. I immediately realized how silly that was. I did nothing wrong. I was still perplexed about why it would have to close, but it was easy to leave the bat alone.

Every day brings plenty of chances to decide whether I’m going to pick up the bat or put it down.

I would never think of using a bat to beat someone else up, so why am I so quick to use it on myself? (Guess that’s part of the reason I’m seeing a counselor for a while.)

In counseling, we’re starting to work on how I can love myself more. I know that’s important, and I’m willing to do that work, but I want to make sure it’s for the right reason.

I don’t want to love myself in a selfish, “look at me!” way. I want to love myself because God loves me so much. When I rest in that love and really accept it, it frees me up to truly love others in a sincere, healthy way.

Not so they’ll love me back.

Not so they’re impressed by me.

Not so I don’t feel guilty.

No, I want to love well so people can see God’s love shining through me. So they feel accepted, safe, and protected.

If I’m going to love others (starting with myself) in that way, then I’m going to have to get rid of this bat once and for all and never pick it up again.

“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:30–31 NIV)

Do you beat yourself up for your mistakes and failures? How can focusing on God help you put down the bat and really love yourself and others?