At the end of July, I blogged about going off my medication for depression. (You can read that post here: Splendid Sunday: Let’s Focus on Going Off Meds)
Now, in case you haven’t read that earlier post, I feel the need to emphasize again that I believe in taking medications for depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses. They can be vital in getting a person to a healthy place emotionally after their brain chemistry gets all messed up.
In some cases, people need to take medications indefinitely to make sure they remain stable and healthy. Sometimes people can go off their medicine once they get to a healthy place and have the tools and skills necessary to stay healthy. (Always check with your doctor and your family before you make a change to your meds, and be sure to wean off your medication over time. Going off cold turkey can be extremely dangerous.)
I’d like to be able to tell you that I’m doing wonderfully without medicine and I’ll never need it again, but the truth is that I’m not sure yet.
I keep seeing this picture in my mind: A tightrope stretches out in front of me and I’m moving slowly along, but I’m scared that at any moment the rope will begin to sway crazily, I’ll lose my balance, and I’ll come crashing down to the ground far below.
The more I focus on that image, the more wobbly I become.
Coming off the medicine back in September, I noticed some changes right away. I cried a bit more easily, but it wasn’t out of nowhere like it seemed to be when I was depressed. I had cried once in a while when I was on the medicine, but I usually had to be very stressed or upset about something before the tears came.
I also realized that my mood got quite a bit higher sometimes than it did when I was on the medicine. (I especially remember laughing hard about something when our daughter was around and she commented on it. It was fun to laugh, but I was a little embarrassed at the time.)
I think I’m still trying to figure out how much crying is “normal.” It feels pretty good to be moved to tears when I watch YouTube videos of servicemen and women coming home and surprising their families. I like tearing up when I watch a sad movie or hear about a sad situation on the news. What I don’t like is getting weepy when I’m frustrated or angry about something. That may be “normal,” too, but I don’t like it.
The jury is still out on whether I’ll need to go back on medication in the future. For now, I’m trying to enjoy both the laughter and the tears as I continue to practice the thinking skills I need so that I don’t get depressed again.
One thing I can do is tear down the tightrope in my mind. That image won’t do me any good if I continue to think about it. It will just set me up for failure as I analyze every little wobble in my life, sure that it will send me careening to the depths of despair.
Instead, I can replace the tightrope image with a picture of me with my feet firmly planted on solid ground, putting one foot in front of the other, and moving forward. If I get off balance a bit I may move a little bit sideways or I might even fall down, but it’s not going to be the catastrophic plunge I would have taken from high above the ground. It will just be a short fall that will be easy to recover from.
What about you? Do you take a medication for depression or anxiety? Have you taken one in the past, but now you don’t? Are you experiencing lots of symptoms and wonder if you should be taking a medication?
Remember, everyone’s experience with mental illness is different. Talk to your family about how you’re feeling. Discuss medications with your doctor. Keep your feet firmly on the ground and make sure you’re learning good skills for dealing with depression and anxiety – whether you take medicine or not.
And, most of all, remember that God loves you and knows exactly what you’re going through. He doesn’t love you more if you don’t take medicine, and he doesn’t love you less if you do. You can trust him to help you work with your family and doctors and do whatever keeps you healthy emotionally.
I’m staying off the tightrope, walking on solid ground, and trusting him to keep me moving in the right direction – with or without medicine.
“For we live [walk] by faith, not by sight.” (2 Corinthians 5:7 NIV)
What do you think about taking medicines for mental illness? How can focusing on God help you to move ahead in faith, with or without the help of medications?