Tag: mental health

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Bruises

While on vacation recently, Gary and I went hiking in the Great Smoky Mountains in Tennessee. After hoofing it over six miles to Le Conte Lodge, we headed back down the same trail.

The girls taking our picture thought it was so cute that Gary helped me over the rocks by Rainbow Falls.

At one point, there was a big rock with some moss and a bit of water on it. As I placed my foot, I had the fleeting thought that maybe I should step down further to the right instead of directly on the rock. Just like that, my boot slid out from under me and I landed—hard—on my left hip and shoulder. Gary saw me fall, so he hurried back to make sure I was okay. “I don’t think I broke anything,” I moaned as I pulled myself up and sat for a minute. We continued down the trail. I was sore, but I could still hike.

Amazingly, I didn’t fall down this set of steps!

I figured I would have a bruise after hitting that hard, but we were amazed to see just how big it was the next day. A 6-by-8-inch purple rectangle graced my left thigh. It was still shockingly huge when we got home to South Dakota. I decided to go do my swim workouts, even though people would be able to see it.

“Whoa! What happened to you?” several people commented. I was able to tell them about our long hike in the mountains. I was kind of embarrassed that I had fallen, but I also felt pretty proud of my bruise. As I swam a couple more times this week, I came to think of it as a badge of honor. I had taken a fall, but I got up and kept hiking, and I had the bruise to prove it.

Taken two days after the fall. It got even prettier after this!

When you live with a mental health diagnosis, you sometimes end up with emotional bruises and scars. Sure, people usually can’t see them, but we know they’re there. The tender spots in our lives can be a badge of honor for us—proof that we’ve lived through something difficult and we’re still here.

When we see someone else struggling emotionally, let’s be quick to tell them about our bruises and scars. It may inspire them to keep going as they continue their own journey to better mental health.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV)

Have you ever had a bruise or scar you were kind of proud of? How can focusing on God help you be willing to share your emotional bruises and scars with someone who needs encouragement or inspiration?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on When We Can’t Make It up the Mountain

Gary and I recently attended Rocky Mountain High—a youth event out in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. For my premium rec activity, I attempted to hike Hallett Peak. The summit is 12,720 feet. I had climbed it a couple of times before, but I wasn’t sure if I could make it this time. I was nervous because I knew I wasn’t in tip-top shape, but I really wanted to experience that mountaintop view once again.

The first couple of miles went okay, but I began to struggle. It felt like I was going in slow motion and I started to feel sick. The last people in our group caught up to me and I expressed my desire to make it to the top. “No problem,” they said. “If you keep up this pace, you’ll make it!” I fell in behind them and kept up for several steps, but then I watched them quickly widen the gap between us. I kept plugging away, but when I got to the snow I decided to turn around. I didn’t have the time or energy to make it.

So, I sat on a rock and ate my lunch, gazing longingly at the summit. I could see lots of people from our group moving around up there. It was so tempting to try to push on and make it, but I just had someone take my picture before I headed back down the trail.

My long walk gave me lots of time to think about how I was going to handle this “failure.” Was I going to cry all the way down? Was I going to beat myself up for even attempting it?

I didn’t do either of those things. Sure, I was disappointed that I hadn’t made it to the top, but I tried to be proud of how far I went. With a little more time, I’m sure I would have made it. I got to see some beautiful scenery. I did the best I could, and that was good.

I can’t help but compare my hike to how we can handle our mental health journeys. We might have a goal in mind. Under the right circumstances, we can achieve it. Sometimes we need to be happy with something that falls short of our goal. As long as we’re doing our best, we can feel proud of ourselves and everything we accomplish.

After my hike, I talked to my husband. We figured out that I still had lots of water in my backpack. I hadn’t been drinking nearly enough on my hike, which may have contributed to my slow pace and feeling sick. He wished he could have hiked with me and reminded me to drink more.

We need friends and family to walk along with us when it comes to our mental health, too. They can support us and remind us to take care of ourselves. The journey can be amazing, even if you don’t make it to the top of the mountain.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5–6 NIV)

Are you enjoying your journey through life, or are you frustrated because you haven’t reached the “summit” yet? How can focusing on God help you try your best and be content with how far you’ve come?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Just Keep Swimming

I competed in a Masters swim meet last Saturday. I wrote about it in last week’s post (click here to read it). Masters swimming is for adults who enjoy swimming and want to stay active. At 57 years old, it can be scary to race alongside people half my age. Luckily, I don’t have to worry about beating them in a race. Ribbons are awarded based on how well you do against swimmers in your age bracket.

I’m happy to report that I didn’t struggle with my thoughts too much during the meet. I was pretty nervous on the way there and during the time for warming up, but once I finished my first race I felt more calm and I really enjoyed myself.

I got a first-place ribbon in each of the three events I swam. Before you get too impressed, I have to tell you that I was the only swimmer my age in two of the events. In the third event, I did swim faster than another woman my age.

Swimming gives me lots of opportunities to work on my thought life and improve my mental health. Exercise in general is good for our brains, but the mental gymnastics I have to do every week is also good for me. Do I drive to the pool today, or do I skip it and stay home? (I always feel better when I decide to go.) Shall I swim 500 yards today, or should I push through and do 1000? (I’m always glad when I go for the longer workout, and I’m hoping to get back to swimming more like 2000 yards every time I practice.) Can I make it to the wall and do a flip turn, or should I stop and rest instead? (I surprise myself when I flip and keep swimming. I can do it!)

If I compared myself to the twenty-year-old swimmers at Masters swim meets, I would give up in despair. I’ll never swim as fast as they do! But if I remind myself that exercise is good for me and I can set small goals for myself as I improve, then I’ll be able to enjoy swimming for years and years.

When it comes to our mental health, we must be careful not to compare ourselves with others. Each of our situations is different. We need to be aware of our own thoughts and feelings and make small goals as we improve our mental health. There will be ups and downs, but we’ll see improvement as we practice.

Just “keep swimming,” and you’ll enjoy life for years and years.

“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6 NIV)

Are you ever tempted to quit because you get tired or you compare yourself to others? How can focusing on God help you to “just keep swimming” and persevere through whatever situation you face?

© 2023 Robyn Mulder

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Community Resources

Last week I attended an event called “Stronger Together: Building Assets for Brookings, A Day for Suicide Prevention.” It was an informative, inspiring day of hearing from speakers and organizations who want to provide help for those with a mental health diagnosis or substance abuse problem in our part of South Dakota.

I was reminded of how important it is to take advantage of community resources when you are dealing with suicidal thoughts or an addiction. Too often, we isolate ourselves and look inward when we are struggling. Reaching out can get us back to a healthy place.

Here are a few resources to check out. Don’t wait until you or someone you love is in crisis. Get familiar with them now so you know where to go when you need help.

*The Helpline Center (helplinecenter.org) – Visit 211.org or dial 211 in your state to get directed to your local resources in your community.

*988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (988lifeline.org) – Call, text, or chat with a mental health professional (free and confidential).

*American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (afsp.org) – Whether you’re thinking about suicide or you’ve lost someone to suicide, this organization can help.

*Fresh Hope (freshhope.us) – Christian peer-led support groups for those with a mental health diagnosis and/or their loved ones. We have a group that meets here in Volga the 2nd and 4th Mondays of the month. You can email me for more info (robyn@robynmulder.com) or visit Fresh Hope’s website to find a group near you. They even have groups that meet online.

Dealing with mental illness doesn’t have to be a lonely endeavor. Check out these resources and get connected with a group or resource that will help you feel supported through the ups and downs of your illness. There is help and there is hope!

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24–25 NIV)

Do you try to go it alone when it comes to your mental health? Consider finding some community groups or resources that can help. How can focusing on God help you improve your health?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Preventing Suicide

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. It’s not something we like to think about, but it’s important that we do.

There are few things sadder than hearing that someone took their own life.

We wish we could have done something. We wish they would have reached out for help instead of taking that fatal action. We wish they were still with us.

So as we begin the month of September, let’s focus on preventing suicide by keeping a few things in mind.

*If you never have suicidal thoughts, thank God for that. Keep in mind that many of the people around you do struggle. Be ready to point them to someone who can help if they share their thoughts with you.

*If you sometimes (or often) have suicidal thoughts, please don’t act on them. Reach out for help. Do whatever you have to do to stay alive. There are many testimonies out there from people who have lived through a suicide attempt and have gone on to enjoy fulfilling lives. Look for those stories and hold on to hope until those suicidal thoughts pass.

*Remember that God has a purpose for you. Right now you may not know what that purpose is, but if you keep reading the Bible, talking to him, and living, eventually he’ll make that purpose clear.

Suicide is a heavy topic, but if we get more comfortable talking about it, maybe we can keep it from happening as often as it does. (A 2019 news release from the World Health Organization says that one person dies every forty seconds from suicide!)

Please don’t give up on yourself or others! You can call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline for help in the U.S.

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” (1 Corinthians 6:19–20 NIV)

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10 NIV)

Do you ever have suicidal thoughts? How can focusing on God help you reach out for help instead of acting on those ideas?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Mental Health in May 2022 (Part 4: Keep Going)

Hopelessness is often one of the symptoms of mental illness.

It can hit some people out of the blue, overtake others gradually when they are going through a difficult experience, or cling stubbornly to certain individuals for a lifetime.

However it happens, hopelessness can tempt us to give up.

Life seems too hard. Evil seems too prevalent. Danger seems too scary. The future seems too uncertain.

It takes courage and determination to keep moving forward in spite of everything we dread.

But we can do it.

We may need to rest a while. We may need to reach out for help. We may need to borrow hope from other people. We may need to move very, very slowly.

But we need to keep going.

I love this quote from Pastor Brad Hoefs, founder of Fresh Hope support groups: “If you’re going through hell right now, don’t you dare stop. If you stop, you’re in hell. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going!”

When you start to feel hopeless, try to think about the positive things in your life. Remind yourself of all of the hard times you’ve come through before. Look for beautiful things, funny things, meaningful things. Put them where you can see them often or write things down and read them every day. You can get to better times.

Keep noticing. Keep talking. Keep working. Keep going.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9 NIV)

How often do you feel hopeless because of your mental health? How can focusing on God help you keep going?

Here’s the video of Pastor Brad Hoefs. (The whole video is good, but the quote mentioned is at about 8:53.)
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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Mental Health in May 2022 (Part 3: Keep Working)

In the last couple of weeks we’ve explored how we need to notice our mental health and how important it is to talk about it with friends, family members, and professionals.

Now it’s time to do the work.

It would be nice if we could just take a nap or watch a little TV as our brains heal, but the reality is that we also need to do some hard things to get to better emotional health.

It’s going to look different for each individual, but here are some things we could work on:

  • Fight to counter any negative thinking with more positive thoughts. (2 Corinthians 10:5 says to “take every thought captive.”) Be realistic about the difficult aspects of life, but try to find ways to think about them that are more hopeful and productive.
  • Be sure to take prescribed medications on time, making sure not to skip any doses.
  • Attend a support group where we can talk to others who know what it’s like to have a mental illness. (Fresh Hope is a peer-led group with online resources at freshhope.us.)
  • Talk to a therapist and learn skills for dealing with stress and anxiety in healthy ways. Work on any homework the counselor gives us so we can apply the skills and maintain good mental health.
  • Don’t isolate. We need to reach out if our symptoms are getting worse. The sooner we can stop that downward spiral, the better off we’ll be.
  • Never give up hope! This will be harder some days than others, but we need to remember that our emotions ebb and flow. We can hold on until the dark times pass.

Living with a mental illness like anxiety or depression means we have to work harder at regulating our emotions than other people.

With practice and perseverance, it can get easier. It’s worth every ounce of effort we give it.

Keep working.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13 NKJV)

Do you find it hard to take actions as you deal with a mental illness? How can focusing on God help you keep working and get more healthy?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Mental Health in May 2022 (Part 2: Keep Talking)

I made a terrible mistake when I got clinically depressed back in 2014.

I stopped talking.

Oh, I was saying lots of words, but not the ones that mattered.

I talked to my students—in Spanish and English—as I taught my classes each day. But I didn’t ask the other teachers for advice and help with the discipline problems and other challenges that stressed me out.

I talked to my friends at church, but I didn’t tell them how much I was struggling as I got more and more depressed.

I was more open with my family, but I didn’t say enough about how I was feeling until the hopelessness almost overwhelmed me. Finally, I told my husband everything and got the help I needed.

As we focus on mental health this month, let’s recognize the tendency to clam up and isolate ourselves when things aren’t going well.

We don’t want to burden others with our problems.

We think we “should” be able to handle things on our own.

We feel like other people get tired of hearing about our struggles.

So we stop talking and get wrapped up in the negative thoughts that prompted this vicious cycle. Staying there all alone will just add to our feelings of anxiety and depression.

Sharing our thoughts and feelings with someone else may help relieve some of that stress and get us moving in a more positive direction.

It could be a friend, a family member, a therapist, or a stranger on a hotline (800-273-8255).

It doesn’t matter who it is. Whatever you do, keep talking.

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2 NIV)

Do you stop talking when you get depressed or anxious? How can focusing on God help you choose to talk to someone instead?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Mental Health in May 2022 (Part 1: Keep Noticing)

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, so we’re going to focus on a different aspect of that each Friday.

Today let’s consider the fact that poor mental health doesn’t get better by ignoring it.

It makes sense in other areas of life, too. Our houses don’t get clean if we ignore the mess around us. Homework doesn’t get done if we ignore it and watch Netflix instead. Relationships don’t get better if we ignore the little irritations and frustrations that crop up from time to time.

We can’t ignore the symptoms that warn us about depression or anxiety. We have to notice what’s going on in our heads and bodies.

Some possible signs: feelings of sadness or hopelessness, drastic changes in appetite, sleeping too much or not enough, extreme irritability, trouble concentrating, loss of interest in normal activities, unexplained physical symptoms like headaches or back pain, thoughts of self-harm or suicide.

You can do an online search for “symptoms of depression/anxiety” and find helpful lists. If you experience many of the symptoms for more than two weeks, it’s probably time to see your doctor and get their opinion about whether you’re depressed or experiencing anxiety. Sometimes there are physical problems (like thyroid disease or diabetes) that mimic the symptoms of depression. Your doctor can help you rule out things like that and prescribe medication if you are clinically depressed.

Perhaps you’ve been diagnosed and you’ve taken steps (like medication and/or counseling) to get to a healthier emotional place. That’s wonderful, but you still need to keep noticing so you can maintain good mental health.

If you’re suddenly irritable or weepy about something that normally wouldn’t bother you, it pays to notice that and make a note of it on your calendar. Keep track of how often it occurs.

If you cancel plans to go out for dinner with a group of friends, take a minute to notice how you’re feeling. Have you been extra busy and you need a night at home alone? Or does your heart start beating out of your chest when you think about going out in public, so you panic and hide in your room?

If you spend an hour reading the same paragraph over and over at work and you can’t move on to the next thing you need to do, it’s time to notice that and consider what’s happening. Is it a one-time thing because of a certain situation at work (or at home) or has it been happening more often? It could be one symptom of a developing depression.

Mental health can be tricky to navigate. Some days we’re up and some days we’re down. Situations at home or work can make things worse (or better). Sometimes medicine is needed. Sometimes talking to someone can get us through a rough time.

I hate to admit that I’m back in a place where I’m noticing quite a few signs that I need to talk to someone professionally. (It’s so tempting to pretend like everything’s just fine.) I’m having trouble focusing on things I want to do (like writing) and I’m eating more than I need to because I feel stress. I need help catching some negative thoughts, so I’m going to make an appointment to talk to someone next week.

As you learn skills to maintain good mental health (we’ll talk about some this month), you’ll get to know yourself better. Certain symptoms will warn you before you begin to spiral downward. But you can’t ignore them.

Keep noticing.

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23–24 NIV)

Do you ever ignore symptoms that warn you about your mental health? How can focusing on God help you notice what’s going on in your mind and body so you can maintain good mental health?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Practicing What You Preach

When I was in 5th or 6th grade, I was a “safety” at East Elementary School. We went through special training and then we were assigned to help kids cross the streets on the way to and from school.

We wore bright orange belts and enjoyed a special degree of respect from the little kids who waited behind our outstretched arms until we determined that it was safe to cross. Then we would step to the side, hold one arm out toward the street, and motion them forward by swinging the other arm while we chanted “Walk” and watched as they made their way to the other side of the street.

We also had the authority to “report” kids who disobeyed our directions or did unforgivable things like walking on the grass.

One day our “safety” group walked down the steps and headed to the intersection of Burlingame and 36th Street. A couple of us decided to take a short cut, until we heard another kid warn, “Hey! Practice what you preach!”

Sure enough, we were walking on the grass. How could we tell younger kids not to do that and then do it ourselves? Especially at that time in my life, it made a big impact on me (oh, the guilt!).

I thought of it again this week because I’ve been wrestling with my emotions.

I’ve wanted to wallow in negative thoughts and bad habits that are not contributing to my health and happiness.

When I got pretty deep in my distress, my old “safety” experience came back to me and I thought: “Practice what you preach.”

What would I tell someone who was feeling the way I was?

Write down your thoughts. Recognize the ones that are negative or lies and replace them with positive thoughts and truth from the Bible.

Show yourself some grace. Take a break and do something nice for yourself instead of focusing on every single responsibility you have and stressing about it.

Talk to someone about how you’re feeling. Feeling supported could help you get to a better place emotionally.

I did some of those things once in a while, but most of the week I let the negative thoughts run amok in my mind.

It’s time to stretch out my arms and say, “Stop!”

It’s time to look around, identify the dangers, and wait until the coast is clear.

Then I can point ahead, motion my thoughts forward, and chant “Walk” as I choose safe paths of thinking.

Whether it’s mental health or some other area of our lives, let’s be careful to always practice what we preach.

“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” (James 1:22 NIV)

Do you say one thing and do another? How can focusing on God help you to live out what you say you believe?

Here’s a picture of me and my younger sisters, around the time I would have been a “safety.”