Tag: love

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Putting Down the Bat

Do you ever beat yourself up?

I do.

It used to be much worse in my younger years, but I still have a tendency to punish myself when I make a mistake.

I’ve been talking to a counselor for a few months, and that’s one of the first assignments she gave me. “Focus on putting down the bat,” she urged.

So I’ve been pondering that for quite a while now. The first step was noticing when I felt the temptation to take a swing at myself after some failure. Just being aware of the bat made it a little easier to “put it down” and treat myself with more compassion.

I’m still working on it, but I feel like I’ve been improving. I sure give myself plenty of opportunities to practice!

One day I texted a bunch of middle school students to remind them about our meeting that night. I got a text back from a mom instead of a student, so I responded and said it was nice to meet her and we were looking forward to getting to know her son this year. At the meeting, I saw that student and realized that he goes to our church and I already knew his mom. I saw her every Sunday at church and we had visited the family in their home just a couple of months ago! I texted Sarah after the meeting: “I am so embarrassed!” I explained my incredible lapse of memory and asked her to forgive me. She responded graciously: “I figured you’d put it together at some point!” Amazingly, I laughed at myself and didn’t pick up the bat.

The other night I went to a youth event with our high school group and talked to a couple from church afterward. We chatted a bit, and then I asked about their connection to “Fields of Faith” at SDSU. “Collin!” the woman answered. “Oh, of course! You’re here to support him,” I said. (Collin is one of our youth group sponsors and he’s on staff with FCA, the group putting on the event.) In my head, I started to kick myself. Dang! I did it again! I forgot a connection that should have been obvious! But I only did it for a few seconds. I put down the bat and consciously forgave my error (hopefully they did, too!).

As I think about that “bat,” I’m sometimes surprised at how quickly I reach for it. One morning I took a deep water aerobics class at SDSU. At noon, I got a notification that the deep water well would be closed until further notice. The rest of the pool would remain open. I tried to figure out what I could have done wrong that morning that would make them close that part of the pool. I immediately realized how silly that was. I did nothing wrong. I was still perplexed about why it would have to close, but it was easy to leave the bat alone.

Every day brings plenty of chances to decide whether I’m going to pick up the bat or put it down.

I would never think of using a bat to beat someone else up, so why am I so quick to use it on myself? (Guess that’s part of the reason I’m seeing a counselor for a while.)

In counseling, we’re starting to work on how I can love myself more. I know that’s important, and I’m willing to do that work, but I want to make sure it’s for the right reason.

I don’t want to love myself in a selfish, “look at me!” way. I want to love myself because God loves me so much. When I rest in that love and really accept it, it frees me up to truly love others in a sincere, healthy way.

Not so they’ll love me back.

Not so they’re impressed by me.

Not so I don’t feel guilty.

No, I want to love well so people can see God’s love shining through me. So they feel accepted, safe, and protected.

If I’m going to love others (starting with myself) in that way, then I’m going to have to get rid of this bat once and for all and never pick it up again.

“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:30–31 NIV)

Do you beat yourself up for your mistakes and failures? How can focusing on God help you put down the bat and really love yourself and others?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on the Right Perspective

Sometimes we don’t see things from the right perspective.

The other day we drove past a church. I looked at the sign, looked at the building, and thought to myself, “That’s a pretty small church.”

Driving on, I looked over my shoulder and saw it from a different perspective. It actually was a very big church.

I marveled at how wrong I was, all because I judged that place of worship from the wrong perspective.

When I saw it as small, I was tempted to dismiss it as less important and lacking somehow.

When I saw how big it actually was, I was impressed and assumed they were effective in ministry.

The truth is, no matter how I was looking at it, I had no idea what that church was actually like. Big or small, from the outside looking in I could only make assumptions. To really know what that church was like I would have to go inside, meet the people, and experience a worship service.

Don’t we do the same thing with people?

We look at someone from one perspective and they seem to be lacking. We dismiss them after a quick, judgmental glance.

Then we see them from another angle and we’re more impressed. They have so much going for them, so they must be worth knowing. The truth is, we really don’t know what that person is like until we get to know them better.

We can despise someone just because we don’t like the way they look or how they talk. We may admire someone else because they’re good-looking and say all the right things.

But the person we consider plain may have a heart of gold. They may end up being the most fiercely loyal friend we’ve ever had.

The attractive person may be so toxic we can’t stand to be around them. Their smooth talk may cover up a mountain of insecurities.

Or vice versa. We just won’t know until we spend time with that person and experience life with them.

The Holy Spirit will guide us as we deepen some relationships and terminate others.

No matter what someone looks like or how they act, we can try to see them as someone God loves. (Because he does!)

It all comes down to seeing others from the right perspective.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8–9 NIV)

Do you see others from the wrong perspective? Are you dismissive and judgmental, or do you see people as loved and full of potential? How can focusing on God help you to see them as he sees them?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Soft Hearts

The world is a crazy place right now.

I know, there have always been scary, evil, violent things happening, but it feels like it’s gotten worse this year.

If we aren’t careful, we might find ourselves hardening our hearts just to get through it.

It’s understandable. It’s human nature to draw back when we’re confused, frightened, or overwhelmed. And I’m sure most of us are feeling all of those emotions lately.

There’s just one problem, though. Hardening our hearts puts a divide between us and everyone else. Especially when we think differently than other people. We need to have a soft heart if we’re going to interact well with the world around us.

A hard heart keeps us suspicious, cynical, and angry. A soft heart allows us to be trusting, understanding, and compassionate.

We have to keep going to the Lord if we want to have soft hearts. Reading his promises to us in the Bible, thanking him for the blessings in our lives, and praying for the Holy Spirit to work in us are all ways we can get rid of that heart of stone and have soft hearts once again.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 36:26 NIV)

How’s your heart lately? Is it hard because of all of the chaos in the world right now? How can focusing on God help you to have a soft heart instead?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Love

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I’m writing this (as I often do) late on a Friday evening, realizing that not everyone celebrates this holiday.

For some, it’s just too painful. They wish they could spend the day with someone special to love, but they’re alone.

For others, it’s hard because they’re either physically or emotionally far away from the one they love.

We didn’t really do anything special today, but we probably should have. Monday was our 30th anniversary, today is Valentine’s Day, and it’s Gary’s birthday today.

It’s not that we didn’t do anything. We went out to eat on Monday night and I made Blueberry Coffeecake tonight. Boy, does that sound lame, even to me. Truth is, we’re just not big celebrators. We really never have been.

We may not go all out on this holiday, but the love is definitely there.

We’ve enjoyed over thirty years of all of the little things that show we love each other:

Washing the cars, baking the cherry pies, changing the diapers, going to work, taking out the garbage, washing the dishes, taking care of the kids, washing the clothes, paying the bills, taking the dishes to the kitchen, changing the batteries in the smoke detectors, picking up the mail, getting groceries, taking care of each other when we’re sick, driving the rental car on vacation, and yes, even buying each other a few gifts, cards, and flowers along the way.

Of course, that list is not exhaustive. How can you list all of the love shown in thirty years?

We’ve made each other laugh – and we’ve made each other cry – but love always reminds us of what’s important.

I don’t know where you’re at today as you read this, but I hope you have people in your life that you love. I hope there are people who love you. I hope you know God’s great love for you and that you love Him with all your heart.

John 3:16 tells us that God loved the world so much that He gave His only Son. If we believe in Jesus we will have eternal life. He died so we could have that life.

That is love. Sacrifice, selflessness, and giving.

We can’t do it perfectly. We’re only human. But we can sure try to show more love to everyone in our lives. Not just on Valentine’s Day, but all year long.

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.” (1 John 3:16 NIV)

How are you at showing love? How can focusing on God help you to lay down your life in lots of little ways as you love God and the people He’s put in your life?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Overwhelm

Overwhelm is a verb. One meaning is “to bury or drown beneath a huge mass.” Another meaning is “to give too much of a thing to (someone).”

So when we say we’re overwhelmed, it’s basically saying that we’re drowning. We’ve been given too much of something.

I’ve felt that way about emails lately.

I had gotten my inbox down to zero and was keeping it that way for a while, but then all of these amazing offers started appearing on Facebook and other places. Free ebooks! Free webinars! Free video series!

I started handing out my email address to get all of these free things and now I’m overwhelmed.

Drowning in emails. The offers I signed up for were all good, but they led to more and more communication and hopes that I’d join their latest online course or program.

And as I peruse all of these emails and videos and ebooks, I’m using precious time that could better be spent writing or doing something else that will move me farther along in the goals I have for myself.

Once again, I’ve lost my focus.

Not completely, though. I have been reading the Bible each morning and talking to God throughout the day. Because I’m doing that, I think God is showing me that it’s time to get out from under the overwhelm. It’s time to unsubscribe from the majority of people sending me emails and just stick to the ones that really help me in my goals, instead of just introducing me to more and more possibilities.

We only have so much time.

Let’s be wise about what we allow into our lives.

That might mean turning off the TV at times, or putting a limit on our social media usage, or unsubscribing from some email lists.

If we do that, then we can focus on the overwhelming love and grace of God in our lives. It’s amazing that “too much” of those things doesn’t bury us or drown us at all.

Instead, overwhelming love and grace lift us up and give us peace.

“I am overwhelmed with joy in the LORD my God!” (Isaiah 61:10a NLT) 

Are you overwhelmed by too many things going on around you? How can focusing on God help you to let go of some of those things so you can experience His overwhelming love and grace instead?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on a Dear Abbie Letter

*Note: I’m moving some of my old blog posts here to robynmulder.com and I’m starting with this one from January of 2016. It’s a favorite of mine since it came to me so easily and I love this family so much. As an update, Abbie just finished her freshman year of college and plans to do some mission work in Africa (probably next summer, I think her mom said). Her mom is still immensely proud of her. Enjoy!

Dear Abbie,


I saw that look on your face the other morning.


Your mom started crying when she talked about your 16th birthday coming up today. She laughed and brushed away the tears and tried to explain. “It just went by so fast!” She talked a little more and ended with, “I just love her.” Then she turned to you and said, “High five. You’re awesome!”


You smiled and gave her a high five, but then your expression returned to that look.


The look of a fifteen-year-old who wonders if her mother is crazy. I know that look. I’ve seen it on the faces of all four of my children. I’ve worn that look as I wondered about my own mother’s sanity at times during my teen years.


She’s not crazy. Moms cry sometimes and you just have to get used to it. Sometimes we cry because we’re happy. Sometimes we cry because we’re sad. Sometimes we cry because we’re angry. Sometimes we cry because our daughters turn sixteen.


I don’t know everything going on in your mom’s mind and heart right now, but I can imagine some of the things she may be feeling.


I imagine she’s remembering herself at your age.


I imagine she’s mourning the “mistake” she made that resulted in your birth when she was just seventeen.


I imagine she’s reliving the embarrassment she felt when people found out about her “mistake.”


I imagine she’s happy about how life turned out over the last sixteen years. After welcoming you into the world, she went on to marry a great guy and they gave you three little sisters to love (and they love you!).


I imagine she’s afraid for you and the choices you’ll have to make in the years ahead. I imagine she’s afraid you might make some mistakes along the way and she wants to save you from that.


I imagine she’s immensely proud of the young woman you’re becoming and she thanks God every day that He gave you to her.


I imagine she’s grateful for the grace she feels knowing that God loves her and has forgiven every single one of her mistakes. I imagine she’s awed by the realization that you were not a mistake; you were part of God’s great plan for her life.


I imagine she knows that the next several years will go by just as fast and you’ll be out on your own before she knows it.


Abbie, you are special, but it’s not because you were born to a teenage mother. You are special because God formed you in your mother’s womb and He has a plan for your life. You are free to follow Him wherever He leads. Each of us is special to God and we all need to follow Him. Keep going, Abbie. If you make mistakes, there’s grace there and you can get back on the right path. There’s grace for all of us sinful people.


Oh, and your mom? She’s not crazy. She’s just a really good mom who loves you so much.


Happy 16th Birthday, Abbie!


“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)


Have you ever made a “mistake”? How can focusing on God help you to get back on track and follow Him into the future He has planned for you?


*I want to thank my friends Kristen and Abbie for their permission to share this week’s blog post. I am blessed to know them and the rest of their family.