We’re coming to the end of National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. It’s good to have a special month to get the word out and make people aware of the statistics and encourage them to get help (or help others), but let’s not let the conversation end when we hit October first.
Let’s keep talking about suicide. Oh, I know it’s an uncomfortable topic. I know it’s easier to push it aside and pretend everyone is fine.
Everyone is not fine. If you keep your eyes and ears open, you just may have an opportunity to talk to someone about suicide.
If you see drastic changes in behavior for a friend or family member (especially in their sleeping, eating, and mood), it’s probably time to have a tough conversation with them and ask if they’ve been thinking about suicide. It won’t give them the idea or push them to do it, but if they have been thinking about it, your question may bring relief and help.
If you see someone giving away their possessions, that could be a sign that they’re making plans to die by suicide. Ask them about it.
If you have been thinking more and more often about ending your own life, it’s time to get help.*
We can live full and rich lives, even if we have been diagnosed with a mental illness. A big part of staying healthy is to keep talking. Keep talking with your doctor. Keep talking with your family. Keep talking with your friends.
It just may save a life.
“The thief [Satan] comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I [Jesus] have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10 NIV)
Have you ever talked with someone about suicide? How can focusing on God give you the courage to bring it up if you’re worried about someone?
*If you are having thoughts of suicide, please get help! You can call or text 988 (a suicide and crisis lifeline). Another place to get help is freshhope.us (you can find a support group near you, join an online group, or check out their other resources).
For the rest of this month, I want to share some ideas that may help prevent suicide.
Meeting together is one of the best things I do to maintain good mental health—and it’s a lifesaver when I sometimes struggle with suicidal thoughts.
Gary and I lead a Fresh Hope support group on the 2nd and 4th Mondays of the month at our church. It’s good to meet with other people with a mental health diagnosis (and/or their loved ones) and discuss different aspects of depression and anxiety. Sometimes we laugh together and sometimes we cry together, but each meeting gives us the opportunity to check in with each other and get encouragement as we live with the ups and downs of our disease.
Isolation can be tempting when we feel bad. It’s easier to stay at home and hide when our negative emotions start taking over. Being around other people can feel difficult and scary.
When you see that you’re starting to pull away from other people, that’s a good time to push yourself to do the exact opposite.
Call a friend and talk for a while.
Invite some friends or family members over for a game night.
Go to church and try to connect with someone during fellowship time as you sip a cup of coffee.
Make an appointment to talk with a therapist about the issues that may be contributing to your negative mood.
Check out a support group near you. (You can find a Fresh Hope group near you or join an online group by going to www.freshhope.us.)
Meeting together just may give you the hope you need so you can get past those thoughts of suicide. Please don’t give up!
“And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.” (Hebrews 10:25 NLT)
Do you feel like pulling away from everyone when you feel bad? How can focusing on God help you reach out and meet with others instead?
Some choices are big: which college to attend, which job to apply for, which person to marry (or the choice to not get married at all), when to have children (or not).
Some choices are small: which TV show to watch, what to have for supper, what time to get up, what time to go to bed, what to do with free time, whether to eat the orange or the cookie.
Of course there are thousands of other choices that we make over the course of our lifetimes. We make some choices pretty much subconsciously, gravitating to certain activities, foods, and thoughts out of habit. We agonize over other choices, wanting to choose the absolute best option that will lead to our future health, wealth, and happiness.
When someone has a mental illness, it can become very difficult to make choices. The sicker the person is, the more impossible it can seem to make up their mind about something (big or small).
When I was sick back in 2014 I experienced this. I sat in front of my lesson plan book and couldn’t choose what I would teach my Spanish students the next day. I was paralyzed by indecision, afraid to write something down because I didn’t know if it was the right thing to do.
Years ago, I can remember witnessing someone who was struggling mentally. One of her symptoms was this inability to make a choice. “What kind of donut do you want – white frosting or chocolate?”
“I don’t know!” she wailed. It seemed so strange to the rest of us, but she was petrified of making the wrong decision.
Once someone gets help for a mental illness, gradually their ability to make choices comes back. In Fresh Hope support groups there are three important words that show up in each of the six tenets that group members read together each week: “Therefore, I choose….”
Among other things, the people that have been diagnosed with a mental illness acknowledge that their lives are affected, they may not feel hope, their relationships are affected, they might be temped to use their illness as an excuse, or they might allow themselves to become a “victim.”
They recognize all of those problems, but then they read out loud: “Therefore, I choose…” and they speak out loud the solutions they need to go to. They choose the help of others, they choose to overcome, they choose to believe they can live a full and rich life, they choose help and hope, they choose joy. It’s not easy, but each good choice gets the person more and more healthy.
Loved ones also need to make good choices: getting help from others, learning to communicate well, supporting and encouraging their loved one, finding that balance between pushing their loved one too hard or letting them wallow in their excuses, setting healthy emotional boundaries, choosing their own joy even if their loved one is struggling.
Whether you deal with a mental health diagnosis or not, it takes hard work to make good choices. It’s easier to sit on the couch watching TV than it is to exercise, it’s easier to think the same old negative thoughts than it is to practice more positive thoughts, it’s easier to grab the cookies than it is to peel the orange.
Let me just encourage you, friends, to keep practicing those good choices. No matter how many times you settle for the couch, the negativity, and the cookies, it will be worth it to keep working toward the exercise, the positive thoughts, and the orange*. Those choices will get you healthier and happier in the long run.
Therefore, I choose….
“This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live….” (Deuteronomy 30:19 NIV)
Do you make good choices? How can focusing on God help you to choose well in both the big and little areas of life?
*Oh, and by the way, I’m so proud of myself. After my little photo shoot for this week’s graphic, I put the cookies back in the cupboard and ate one of the oranges. Hooray!
