Tag: forgiveness

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Being Kind

I don’t have time to write this week’s blog post.

But I’m going to write it anyway because I’m hoping it will help me feel better.

See, I’ve worked myself into a state of overwhelm once again.

I’m leaving this afternoon to go help with a youth retreat that lasts until Sunday evening. I have a few things to do in preparation for that, but I also have some things that must get done here at home. And then next weekend I’m going to a writers conference out in California and there are things I want to get done before I leave for that.

I feel a bit shaky, and I can get close to tears when I think about everything all at once. (Oh, let’s be honest, I have cried several times this week!) Even more frustrating is my tendency to spin in procrastination and stress when I feel this way, and then nothing gets done.

Cue the negative self-talk: You always do this! You’ve known about both of these events (and everything else you have to do) for months…why didn’t you work on them when you had more time? I’m never going to amount to anything if I can’t get things done.

So it’s Thursday morning as I write this, and I’m hoping that if I focus on being kind it might change my mindset and my ambition.

I’ve been thinking about the students who are coming to participate in the retreat this weekend. Many of them may be feeling like me. The ones who are attending have no idea what’s going to happen and there may be lots of anxiety there as they wonder what they’ll experience during the weekend. The ones who are helping behind the scenes may have tons of stuff they need to get done before they leave for the retreat tonight and they may be stressed out about how the weekend will go for them and their teams.

If one of them showed up tonight all shaky and teary, I’d want to pull them aside and reassure them. “Hey, it’s going to be okay! You did what you could before you got here. You can relax now and enjoy the weekend. Trust that God will be working in your life and in the lives of everyone involved. You’re going to see some great things happen! Take a deep breath, do the next thing, and don’t focus on everything all at once. One step at a time, you’ll make it through the weekend and look back on another amazing encounter with God.”

I’d be kind and loving toward that overwhelmed teenager. And it would make a difference.

So that’s what I’m going to do this morning.

I’m going to be kind to myself. I’m going to write down the things that can wait until next week (so this old brain doesn’t forget them) and work on them after the retreat.

I’m going to be compassionate to myself. I’m going to congratulate myself on all of the many things I did get done already this week, and then keep working on the things that are left.

I’m going to forgive myself for not doing all the things earlier. I did what I could when I could. All I can do is move forward from here. Beating myself up over and over won’t get anything done now.

I feel better already. Calmer. More peaceful. Ready to tackle the next thing on my list so I can check it off and not stress about it anymore.

If I can keep reminding myself to be kind, this is going to be a great weekend!

“Be kind and compassionate to one another [and yourself], forgiving each other [and yourself], just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32 NIV, brackets mine)

Are you kind to yourself when you get overwhelmed? How can focusing on God help you show yourself love and compassion, even in the midst of overwhelm?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Spoilers

We’re going to see Avengers: Endgame tonight. It released on April 26, but we decided to wait to see it until it came here to Platte.

By some miracle, I haven’t heard any spoilers, even though our sons have both seen it. They’re so nice.

I haven’t accidentally run across anything online, but I’m glad we’re going to go see it tonight. I don’t know how long people typically wait before they start blabbing about plot points in movies they’ve seen.

Our daughter Erin teaches 4th grade in Lincoln, Nebraska. The other day one of her kids got into trouble because he told a girl in his class something from Avengers: Endgame and she got really upset.

Erin took him aside and tried to help him see the error of his ways. “That’s really not nice to spoil a movie for someone else,” she explained patiently.

“How was I supposed to know that she didn’t know that _____________?”

“Hey!” Erin yelped. “I haven’t seen it yet!”

“Oops, sorry Miss Mulder.” The poor kid felt horrible and he kept apologizing to her throughout the day. But the damage was done. He had spoiled it for Erin without meaning to.

I was going to write this post tonight after the movie, but I decided to get it done before we go, so there’s absolutely no way I can spoil the movie for any of you.

We don’t like to have surprises ruined for us, do we?

And most people don’t enjoy spoiling a surprise for someone else.

I recall one time when I accidentally said something about a Christmas present for my brother-in-law. I can’t even remember what I wasn’t supposed to say, but my sister-in-law jumped in with a “He’s not supposed to know that!” I was crushed and I went off to cry somewhere.

We have to be careful with our words, that’s all there is to it.

Sometimes it may just be a movie spoiler that we let slip and we make someone angry. Hopefully they get over it in time. But often we aren’t careful with our words and we do deep and lasting damage to another person’s soul.

Do you think I’m being overly dramatic?

Take a minute and think about some of the things people have said to you over the years. Do any of them bring back massive amounts of pain, even years later?

Now think about something mean you said to your spouse, your child, a friend. Can you remember the look that came over their face, the sadness in their eyes, the time it took for them to feel close to you again?

Hopefully, we apologize and ask forgiveness when we talk to someone that way. There’s grace and forgiveness and healing, with God’s help, but the sting may never completely go away.

Keep that in mind as you choose your words each day. And by all means, no Endgame spoilers, at least for a few more days.


“A fool’s lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating .” (Proverbs 18:6 ESV)
[I’m going to quote that verse to any middle schooler who dares to rattle off any spoilers while we’re waiting for the movie to start tonight!]

“Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” (Proverbs 21:23 ESV)

Have you ever been upset by hearing a spoiler before you wanted to? How can focusing on God help you to watch your words and speak carefully, apologizing and asking forgiveness when you blow it?