You can click play if you want to hear me read this week’s post (even though it’s a little squeaky).
I’ve been losing my voice this week.
On Monday afternoon I got a sore throat.
On Tuesday morning, I missed my swimming because I didn’t feel well.
Things improved after that and I went to swim on Thursday morning. Something was still a bit wonky with my throat, but I didn’t feel bad at all. As the day progressed, my voice continued to change. We visited with a nice family from church in the evening and I tried to ignore how I sounded (of course I wanted to chime in even more than usual, even with my voice being a bit hoarse).
Now it’s Friday and I still feel fine, but my voice is even more squeaky when I talk. (I’m supposed to sing on Sunday and Gary and I are planning to talk about my depression during the church service, so I’m hoping things improve by then.)
So anyway, I’ve been thinking about our voices this week. I’m still me, even if I don’t sound like I usually do when I talk right now.
We can lose our physical voice, but we can still find ways to speak even if we can’t get the words past our lips.
We can write something down on a piece of paper and show it to someone.
We can type lots of words and send them out into the cybersphere.
We can look someone in the eyes and smile to show them that we care.
We can work on different tasks and projects to lighten someone else’s load or brighten someone’s day.
Even if you can’t talk, you never really have to lose your voice. Find a way to speak up today!
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.” (1 John 5:14–15 NIV)
Have you ever lost your voice? How did that feel? How can focusing on God help you to speak up (with or without your actual voice)?
There’s something very annoying about living with a mental illness.
You never know when it’s going to flare up and make you deal with its symptoms.
You can be happily going through life one day, enjoying your family, job, and friends. But then there are other days when you have to fight against feelings of frustration, despair, and hopelessness.
I don’t like those days. They scare me. They hold me back from accomplishing my goals and growing emotionally and spiritually.
Thankfully, those moments pass and I feel better again. And in a way, I’m grateful for those times. They remind me of how so many people feel.
There are millions (yes, millions!) of people who deal with depression each year. (See some of the stats at the World Health Organization’s website.)
I’ve got some good strategies and plans in place for when depression hits. Talking to my husband Gary, making sure I exercise, and journaling are just a few of the things I do to stay healthy.
The thing is, it’s up to me to do something when I’m feeling that way. (Please note that I’m at a stable place in my mental health journey. Some people need others to step in and do something for them when they’re in a time of crisis.)
The other day I started feeling some of those troubling symptoms of depression. I couldn’t sleep for a while one night because I started ruminating on some things that were worrying me. When I woke up in the morning, I considered skipping my swim workout (I’ve been swimming twice a week for a while now). I could probably get more done if I stay home. Swimming is kind of a pain since I have to drive there. I could just exercise at home instead.
But more than just those thoughts, I felt a wave of negativity trying to crowd into my mind. A wave that would wash away my hope if I let it.
I was faced with a choice. I could wallow in the negatives or do something positive.
So I drove to the pool, put on my goggles, and dove in!
Twelve hundred yards later, I felt much better. I was tired, but I had not given in to the negative (at least not this time!).
Whether you deal with a mental health diagnosis or not, you can probably remember times when you had to make a choice to do something so you could stay healthy. I’d love to hear lots of ideas for staying healthy: physically, emotionally, and spiritually (*See something fun related to that right after this post).
As much as we possibly can, let’s choose to stay healthy.
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:1–2 NIV)
Do you make healthy choices? How can focusing on God help you to choose activities that will be good for you physically, emotionally, and spiritually?
*I’m going to do a giveaway this week! Comment on this blog post or in my “Catch Your Thoughts with Robyn Mulder” Facebook group (private, but free to join!) and tell me one way you stay healthy. I’ll enter your name in a drawing for an audiobook copy of Life, Repurposed: Stories of Grace, Hope, and Restored Faith. (I wrote one of the chapters!) I’ll go live in “Catch Your Thoughts” and draw for the winner on Thursday, February 17 at 6:00 p.m. Central. My chapter provides a snapshot of my experience with depression, but the other stories are so inspiring, too!
If you can’t wait, or you would rather have a physical copy of Life, Repurposed you can click below to order a copy at Amazon (I am an Amazon Associate, so I will get a small commission if you order through this link, but the cost is the same for you.)
If you’d rather listen to this post, you can click play here.
Gary is preaching a sermon series* called “A Look at a Life” right now at First Reformed Church in Volga. Not just any life. His life. It’s turning out to be a good way to help the congregation get to know him and also examine their own lives as they listen.
It’s uncomfortable at times, even though I know his story. He willingly reveals the sins that he struggled with before he finally made Jesus the Lord of his life.
I squirm a little bit in the pew when he mentions me, because I’m part of his life, but it isn’t out of embarrassment. I just know everyone’s looking at me when he mentions my name. I’m proud of my husband’s witness and I’m glad I’m part of his story.
In a few weeks I’ll be joining him during the message and we’ll share about my experience with depression. It will be scary, but we’re hopeful that people can be encouraged as they hear our story.
There’s power in a life. We forget that sometimes.
It’s tempting to just make it through each day, getting things done and ignoring the things we don’t want to admit. We stuff down the difficult emotions and memories we don’t want anyone to see.
But there’s power in those things. Sharing about the sins we’ve overcome and the difficult experiences we’ve gone through can be inspiring for other people going through the same things.
Gary and I have been visiting with people from our new church. We sit down with them in their homes or the church office and we listen to their stories. We hear about their families and we learn about the challenges they’ve faced.
There’s power there. We have a new level of respect for them when we realize they’ve made it through something difficult. God’s light shines brighter as we see what God has done in someone’s life.
Let’s never forget the power of a life.
Share your story. Someone needs to hear it.
“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:16 NIV).
Do you like to share your story, or is it difficult? How can focusing on God help you know when and where you need to share it?
*You can check out Gary’s sermon series (it started on January 23) if you click here or go to the church website: https://www.firstreformedvolga.org/ and click on “Sermons.”
One part of me wants to do something productive. Another part of me wants to scroll social media.
Some days I want to eat healthy and exercise. Other days I want to snack constantly and skip doing any physical activity at all.
Even more disconcerting are the moments when I waffle between hope and despair. The emotionally healthy side of my brain looks forward to new friendships, experiences, and goals. The mentally ill side of my brain tries to squash all hope and attempts to point out all of the possible failures and flaws waiting for me in the future.
Don’t worry. I’m not depressed. But, thankfully, these warring thoughts are a signal for me. When I notice them I can take action to make sure the right side wins.
I’ll give you one little example.
A few weeks ago, I paid to go swimming on five Tuesday and Thursday mornings at the local high school. I figured that would give me a good idea of whether I could possibly compete in a swim meet for adults in April.
The five mornings are done now and I have started fighting myself.
I really enjoy swimming. / I’m so out of shape and slow!
I think I’d have fun competing at the swim meet. / I’ll make a fool of myself!
It’s good for me to have goals and work toward them. / I may as well give up now and forget about swimming!
I fight myself in so many areas of my life. Over the years I’ve learned that whichever side I focus on more is the side that wins. I have to catch the negative thoughts and recognize the lies.
Sometimes there’s a bit of truth in the negative thoughts (see “I’m so out of shape and slow!” above). We can acknowledge the truth, but replace it with thoughts that will get us heading in the right direction (“I’m out of shape and slow, but if I keep practicing I’ll get in shape and it will be fun to see if I can get faster“).
We can’t give up the fight! And we also have to remember that we don’t fight alone. The Holy Spirit can help us choose the thoughts and actions that will be good for us. Other people (family, friends, doctors) can help us when we feel like giving up.
Time to be more deliberate about what I’m thinking and doing. The fight is on and I know I’ll win!
For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. (Galatians 5:17 ESV)
Do you fight yourself in any area of life? How can focusing on God help you win the fight?
Gary’s mom passed away on Thursday, December 30, 2021. She was 96 years old and her health had been failing in recent months, but it was still sad to get the call that she had died.
We’re so grateful that we were able to see her one last time on Tuesday of that week. We stopped in on the way to Lincoln, Nebraska with some of our kids. Erin and Ayden were able to introduce our grandson, Halston, to her. Mom was still somewhat responsive and she smiled when she saw that cute little six-month-old. She tried so hard to repeat “I love you” when Gary said his last goodbye to her.
It’s hard to believe she’s really gone.
In the days since her passing, I have heard so many people talk about how my mother-in-law had lived her life well.
Friends and family expressed it at the visitation on Wednesday night.
Gary brought out many examples of it as he preached at her funeral last Thursday.
Our kids, and our nieces and nephews, have talked about it on social media as they reflect on their grandma’s life.
Mom was a quiet, behind-the-scenes type of person who loved the Lord, her family, and her friends. She didn’t have aspirations to see the world or accomplish great things. She was content with what she had and she prayed often for her loved ones.
In recent years, she experienced short-term memory loss. You could visit with her at the nursing home, but she wouldn’t remember you were there unless you made an entry in her notebook (she wrote herself notes there, too, and referred to it often).
She was a wonderful wife and mother. And I can say she was the best mother-in-law I could have ever hoped to have. She and Dad often babysat our kids when they were young. They never critiqued the way we parented and they were always supportive.
Mom was sweet and caring. She loved to play games like Quiddler and Rummikub with us, and she passed on her love of making puzzles to our daughter, Erin, and several other grandchildren.
In the years ahead, I’m sure God will comfort us whenever we think of her.
When I’m making cooked pudding (one chocolate and one vanilla mixed together).
When we drive through Rock Rapids, Iowa and see the street where she and Dad used to live.
When we remember her laughing as she watched movies like Home Alone with the kids.
I wish I could have been there to hear God say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
What about the rest of us? Do we have to be more like Gary’s mom in order to live well?
Not necessarily.
God created each of us with unique gifts, talents, and personalities.
We can travel the world, write books, aspire to do all sorts of things, or be the life of the party and still live our lives well.
The important thing is to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. God will show us what he wants us to do each day of the life he gives us.
Let’s live that life well.
“The LORD cares deeply when his loved ones die.” (Psalm 116:15 NLT)
Do you ever compare yourself to someone else? How can focusing on God help you live your life well?
We packed the majority of our stuff into a U-Haul truck on Monday (with the help of family and friends).
It took way longer than we had estimated. The truck wasn’t full and we had some things left scattered through various rooms of the house, but we had had enough. It was time to go! (We have a small trailer we can use next week to get the rest.)
I was surprised at how embarrassed I felt about some of my things when I realized that people would be looking at them as they carried them to the truck.
So many boxes marked “R – Crafts”!
The beat up old dresser I keep some of my supplies in.
Boxes and boxes of books.
I hid some things, stashing my underwear in a suitcase so curious eyes couldn’t look. Other personal items were boxed up and taped tightly shut so no one could see them.
But most of our stuff was right out there in the open for all to see. No one voiced any opinions about our belongings (although the guys did ask “What is this?” when they contemplated a “unique” wooden box with assorted drawers—Allison had made it in shop class and I can’t part with it). If we wanted help with moving we needed to let people see our stuff.
I think it’s similar with our emotional “stuff.”
Some of the things we feel can embarrass us. Depression, anxiety, anger, shame.
We can try to hide them, stuffing them down where no one can see or covering them up with more acceptable emotions.
But if we want help, we need to let other people see our stuff.
We’re starting a new year. Let’s resolve to get rid of some of our physical clutter in 2022 (I know I moved way too many things I seldom use), but let’s also make plans to be real about the emotional baggage we’ve been carrying for way too long.
Let people see your stuff and ask them for help. That should make this a happy new year!
“Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.” (Colossians 3:9–10 NIV)
Do you try to hide your “stuff” (physical or emotional)? How can focusing on God help you to let people see it and help you with it?
When you pack up a houseful of belongings, you run across lots of keepsakes.
All sorts of things can be a reminder of the person who gave it to me: photos, cards, books, a rattlesnake rattle.
That last one is a new addition to my keepsake collection.
Gary and I visited a couple from church on Wednesday. They live out by the river, and I reminded him that he was going to show me a live rattlesnake sometime. We had joked about it when we first came to live here, but it had never happened, even though snakes would show up out there quite often.
Judy showed me a picture of a nice-sized rattlesnake (someone had taken the picture while her husband went to get his gun).
Then Bruce dumped a little jar of rattlesnake tails onto the table. We marveled over them, and then he urged me to take one. “Really?” He pointed out a good one and I thanked him as I made it rattle.
On the way back to town, I held my rattle carefully and gleefully shook it every once in a while. “This is so cool!” I kept saying to Gary (he agreed, but I think he had enough after about the first mile).
I thought it was incredibly generous that our friend would give away part of his own rattle collection (he gave one to Gary, too).
Seeing that rattle in the years ahead will always remind me of Bruce and our good times on the Missouri River (thankfully, we never did see a rattlesnake while we were boating).
As I’ve come across other keepsakes recently, I’ve felt grateful for the reminders of friends and relatives.
Physical objects can be nice to display (or store away to look at later), but we don’t always have something tangible to help us remember someone. Maybe we just have special memories of a relative or friend. As we get older, those may start to fade, so consider doing something to make sure you preserve that keepsake.
Write a letter to that person, telling them about your recollections. Keep a copy for yourself so you can look back on it later.
Draw a picture of something that reminds you of a special person. Write their name somewhere in the picture (or on the back) so you never forget.
Take a picture when you see something that reminds you of a friend. Send a copy to them on your phone and say “I saw this and thought of you!” You’ll feel good, and so will your friend.
I’m glad God has given us so many friends. I’ll cherish the keepsakes and memories I’ve collected over the years, and I’ll give God the glory as I accumulate even more. I wonder what other trinkets he has in store for me? I’m guessing not many will beat a rattlesnake tail!
“I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.” (Psalm 77:11 NIV)
Do you like to collect keepsakes? How can focusing on God help you to find creative ways to remember friends and thank God for them?
Gary and I are in a time of transition. He’s accepted a call to First Reformed Church in Volga, South Dakota. We’ll be moving at the end of the month.
We’re excited, but we’re also sad to be leaving our community and First Reformed Church in Platte, South Dakota.
I haven’t blogged about it yet, but I’ve definitely been dealing with all of the feelings this brings up.
There are times when I look forward in anticipation. What will our new congregation be like? What experiences will we have in our new setting? What will God do in our lives and the lives of those we serve?
There are other times when I start crying because I think about the friends I’m going to miss.
Moving is hard. You’d think we’d be used to it by now. We’ve moved five times before this, but I have to remind myself that every time is challenging. I have to expect the ups and downs and show myself lots of grace when I get a little (or a lot!) emotional.
Unless you’re new to this blog, I’m sure you remember that I’ve dealt with depression for many years. (You can read some of my posts about it by clicking here, here, and here.)
I don’t want to fall apart and get clinically depressed again, so I’m taking steps to make sure I stay healthy.
I’m talking often with my husband, Gary. He’s good at helping me look at things objectively.
I start most mornings with devotions. Reading the Bible and writing down thoughts that comfort and inspire me really helps.
I made some appointments to talk with a counselor online. I don’t think I’ll have to keep seeing someone long-term, but talking things through with a professional helps me get perspective.
I try to exercise almost every morning. Getting those endorphins going is good for my body and my brain.
I don’t beat myself up for getting emotional. Sure, at times it’s a little embarrassing to start crying in front of a friend, but it’s okay. It’s healthy to grieve the connections we’ve made here in Platte.
Most of all, I’m holding tight to hope. I know we’ll get through this move. We’ll miss people, but we’ll also meet new friends. I’m trying to remind myself that God is with us. He has blessed Gary’s ministry here, and he’ll be there as we start over in a new church.
Everything’s going to be just fine.
“I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.” (Genesis 28:15 NIV)
How do you feel about moving? How can focusing on God help you to transition well? (Not perfectly…just doing the best you can!)
The other day we stopped at Krispy Kreme. As we were walking up to the front door, I heard a man in the parking lot let loose with a very loud, disturbing phrase. I won’t repeat it here, but it shocked me to hear a man swearing in public.
My immediate thought was that he had gotten out of a vehicle and yelled at his wife before slamming the door, but I didn’t actually see that happen. That poor woman, I thought. My husband has never spoken to me like that. This guy must be a complete jerk.
We got our donuts and went on our way, but that situation came back to me later on. I wondered if I could have been wrong about that man. Maybe he was trying to cross the parking lot and the woman in the car had almost hit him. (It still would have been better if he hadn’t sworn, but it would have been more understandable.) Maybe he was a nice guy who was kind to his wife and just used his potty mouth when his life was in danger.
I really don’t know, and it was wrong for me to make assumptions.
When I went to Teens Encounter Christ (TEC) two weeks ago, I interacted with lots of smiling, helpful teens. Some were candidates, hearing the talks and participating in the activities for the first time. Others had been through TEC before and had come back to work behind the scenes. They prayed for the speakers, served the meals, and offered support in all sorts of ways.
I assumed they all had pretty carefree lives, but as we heard talks and discussed them, over and over we heard about difficult times. Some of these teens dealt with anxiety, bullying, depression, and suicidal thoughts. You’d never know it just by looking at them.
But TEC gives them a safe place to share their struggles. Once they voice their challenges, they can count on the TEC community to support them as they learn to trust God and thrive in spite of those hardships.
I cried several times during the weekend because I realized that people are hurting and I’ve often assumed they were fine.
We have to get better at picking up on clues that someone is struggling. We have to ask our friends how they’re doing and be willing to listen when they tell us the truth. We need to share our own stories so people know they’re not alone. Maybe they’ll get help if they know that someone else deals with the same things.
We really don’t know what’s going on in someone else’s life, mind, and heart. We can’t judge and we can’t make assumptions.
But we can pray for eyes to see and a heart that’s willing to walk alongside others.
“Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly.” (John 7:24 NIV)
Do you make assumptions about people you hardly know? How can focusing on God help you to stop judging and reach out in love instead?
Back in 1984, Sally Field won an academy award. She joyously ended her acceptance speech with, “You like me! Right now! You like me!” (Often misquoted since then as “You like me! You really, really like me!” but that’s close enough. Scroll down to see the original speech.)
I can sure relate to Sally.
I’ve been noticing a strange desire to ask for reassurance that people like me as I’ve been sitting in various situations the last few months. Our women’s group, Sunday school class, fellowship time at church, family gatherings, and online zoom meetings. The setting doesn’t matter, but the feeling is often there.
I fight back the urge to ask, “Am I doing okay? Do you like me? (Do you really, really like me?)”
I imagine most people have those feelings to some degree as they go through life. We just don’t voice that insecurity because we’re afraid it will clue everyone in to how fragile we actually are. Ironically, we think that if we show our vulnerability, people won’t like us.
Finding that balance between strength and vulnerability may help us feel more sure of ourselves in the long run.
Sometimes we need to act brave in spite of the fears raging inside us.
Sometimes we need to be vulnerable and share our fears with a trusted friend or family member.
Most of all, we need to remember that our worth doesn’t come from what people here on earth think of us. We are valuable because God loves us—in our brave moments, our vulnerable moments, and every moment in between.
He loves us. He really, really loves us! And that can give us all the reassurance we need.
Knowing God loves us might even help us remember to offer encouragement to someone else. “I like you! I really, really like you!”
We all need to hear that once in a while.
“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever.” (Psalm 136:1 NIV)
Do you crave affirmation from others? How can focusing on God help you to feel more secure because you know he loves you?
