Tag: Focus Friday

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Meeting Together

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month.  I introduced the theme last week (you can read that blog post here).

For the rest of this month, I want to share some ideas that may help prevent suicide.

Meeting together is one of the best things I do to maintain good mental health—and it’s a lifesaver when I sometimes struggle with suicidal thoughts.

Gary and I lead a Fresh Hope support group on the 2nd and 4th Mondays of the month at our church. It’s good to meet with other people with a mental health diagnosis (and/or their loved ones) and discuss different aspects of depression and anxiety. Sometimes we laugh together and sometimes we cry together, but each meeting gives us the opportunity to check in with each other and get encouragement as we live with the ups and downs of our disease.

Isolation can be tempting when we feel bad. It’s easier to stay at home and hide when our negative emotions start taking over. Being around other people can feel difficult and scary.

When you see that you’re starting to pull away from other people, that’s a good time to push yourself to do the exact opposite.

Call a friend and talk for a while.

Invite some friends or family members over for a game night.

Go to church and try to connect with someone during fellowship time as you sip a cup of coffee.

Make an appointment to talk with a therapist about the issues that may be contributing to your negative mood.

Check out a support group near you. (You can find a Fresh Hope group near you or join an online group by going to www.freshhope.us.)

Meeting together just may give you the hope you need so you can get past those thoughts of suicide. Please don’t give up!

“And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.” (Hebrews 10:25 NLT)

Do you feel like pulling away from everyone when you feel bad? How can focusing on God help you reach out and meet with others instead?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Preventing Suicide

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. It’s not something we like to think about, but it’s important that we do.

There are few things sadder than hearing that someone took their own life.

We wish we could have done something. We wish they would have reached out for help instead of taking that fatal action. We wish they were still with us.

So as we begin the month of September, let’s focus on preventing suicide by keeping a few things in mind.

*If you never have suicidal thoughts, thank God for that. Keep in mind that many of the people around you do struggle. Be ready to point them to someone who can help if they share their thoughts with you.

*If you sometimes (or often) have suicidal thoughts, please don’t act on them. Reach out for help. Do whatever you have to do to stay alive. There are many testimonies out there from people who have lived through a suicide attempt and have gone on to enjoy fulfilling lives. Look for those stories and hold on to hope until those suicidal thoughts pass.

*Remember that God has a purpose for you. Right now you may not know what that purpose is, but if you keep reading the Bible, talking to him, and living, eventually he’ll make that purpose clear.

Suicide is a heavy topic, but if we get more comfortable talking about it, maybe we can keep it from happening as often as it does. (A 2019 news release from the World Health Organization says that one person dies every forty seconds from suicide!)

Please don’t give up on yourself or others! You can call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline for help in the U.S.

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” (1 Corinthians 6:19–20 NIV)

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10 NIV)

Do you ever have suicidal thoughts? How can focusing on God help you reach out for help instead of acting on those ideas?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on How Much We’ve Grown

It’s back to school time. I’ve been enjoying all of the pictures my friends on Facebook have been posting as their kids pose with signs telling what grade they’re in.

Some of the photos blow my mind! We’ve served in four churches now, and I must have frozen everyone at a certain age in my head. I can hardly believe how tall kids have gotten in the years since we saw them every week.

They were just cute little boys and girls back then, and now many of them have matured and gotten taller than their parents.

Kristol Ulrich and her son Dalton—then and now!

I grin as I shake my head and say, “Wow! Look how much they’ve grown!”

Of course, it makes sense when I think about it. Years have passed and kids grow. That’s the way life works.

It got me thinking about spiritual growth.

It would be sad if we let the years go by and stayed stuck at a certain level of maturity in our spiritual lives.

It’s natural that we’ll grow as we study the Bible, talk to God, and spend time with other believers. If we aren’t growing, we may be neglecting one or more of those activities.

Take a look at your life. Hopefully, you can see growth from where you were one month, one year, or one decade ago. Give God the credit for that growth—even if it isn’t as huge as you’d like. As you move forward you can be deliberate about your relationship with him so you can continue growing.

When someone sees us years from now, let’s hope they’ll joyfully exclaim, “Wow! Look how much they’ve grown!”

“So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.” (Colossians 2:6–7 NIV)

Can you see how you’ve grown in your spiritual life? How can focusing on God help you keep growing?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Not Giving Up

Fear often keeps us from doing something we really want to do.

I lived with a family in Madrid, Spain during my junior year of college. Early on in my stay, I wanted to go visit a museum that wasn’t within walking distance. My Spanish “Dad” explained that there was a bus stop about a block away where I could catch a certain bus and then transfer to another bus further up the line. I nodded and smiled as he explained, but inside I was a mess. Madrid was a big city and I didn’t have much experience with buses.

When the time came, I walked down to the bus stop, stood there for a few anxious minutes, and then went home and retreated to the safety of my room. When my “Dad” asked how it went, I brushed it off and said I had decided not to go, but he could probably see the shame all over my face.

I was just too scared.

Years later, I decided I wanted to give blood. I had never done it before because sometimes I felt faint just thinking about things like that. On the day of the blood drive, I went to the collection site, walked up to the door, held it open for someone else going in, then let it close and retreated to the safety of my car. I cried in frustration, but I couldn’t go in.

I was just too scared.

I’m happy to report that I didn’t give up in either situation. I had to give myself a little time, but I was determined that I’d try again.

I’ve given blood many times (and I’ve never fainted). Needles aren’t my favorite things, but I’m not too scared to face them so I can help someone who needs it.

In Madrid, I got used to public transportation and used it often to explore that wonderful city. The bus wasn’t my favorite way to get around, though. After I braved the subway and figured it out, I used it so much that my Spanish conversation partner dubbed me the “Queen of the Metro.” I learned to get over my fears so I could have new experiences.

There are many things in life that may scare us—especially the first time we try them.

Think of all we’d miss if we gave up after our first failed attempt.

Let’s try to give ourselves a little time and then try again. Each time it will get a little easier and we’ll feel more confident.

If you really want to do something, don’t give up.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13 NKJV)

Do you want to give up when you’re too afraid to do something? How can focusing on God help you try again (and eventually succeed)?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on the Time We Have Left

No one really knows how much time they have left.

Last week Gary and I got the shocking news that dear friends of ours were killed in a car/train accident. We held each other and cried for our loss, and then we cried some more when we thought about their family. Three children and their spouses. Nine precious grandchildren. How could they go on without Joel and Rosemary?

Joel and Rosemary Sult – Allison, Iowa

But they will go on. We all will. We can rejoice that our friends knew and loved the Lord and they’re now in heaven. We’ll cry, but we can also laugh when we remember their sense of humor, smile when we remember their kindness, and chuckle when we think of Joel singing barbershop tags with the angels.

It’s sobering when something like this happens. It reminds the rest of us that we don’t really know how much time we have left. Our lives could be over in the blink of an eye, or we could live well past one hundred. Only God knows when we’ll join him someday.

For now, we need to live for him, making the most of every day.

God has plans for us. He has a purpose for each of our lives. The Holy Spirit will show us those plans and purposes if we talk to him and choose to listen. He’ll also give us the wisdom and strength to do the things God has for us in the years we have left.

Our friends lived a full and rich life. They accomplished so much in the time they had here on this earth. We still can’t believe they’re gone, but we’re so glad we had the chance to know them and love them.

May all of us make the most of each day we have left.

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12 NIV)

Are you tempted to live as if you had all the time in the world? How can focusing on God help you prioritize the plans he has for you in the time you have left?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on What We Keep

When I hear that I’m running out of storage, I get a little anxious.

I got an email that my Dropbox account was almost out of room, so I went in and downloaded the pictures I had stored there. I hardly ever use Dropbox anymore, so it’s not a big deal. I can probably delete the account as long as I have the pictures on my computer.

Well, after that I remembered that a message keeps popping up on my computer that says: “Almost out of storage. If you run out, you can’t save to Drive, send and receive email on Gmail, or back up to Google Photos.”

This stresses me out. When I check Google Drive, I can see that I’ve used 83% of my storage.

Then I check my laptop and see that I only have 45 GB free of 475 GB. My computer isn’t that old. How could I have filled it up with so many files?

It’s because I keep too much.

Even though I never even look at the majority of the files on my computer and at Google Drive, I feel like I have to keep them…just in case. I may need that someday is my primary thought.

Truth is, I probably won’t need most of those files. I don’t even go back to the ones I would use (like pages of song lyrics or guitar chords). It’s easier to just type something in the search bar and make a new document instead of searching for it on my computer.

Wondering about when I’m going to run out of storage and what’s going to happen then adds a subtle layer of stress to my life, even if I’m not constantly thinking about it. It’s buzzing away in the recesses of my brain, getting louder every time a notification pops up.

Deleting files (and getting rid of physical things I don’t need or use) brings some relief to my anxious heart. When I focus on the people in my life and the Lord I love (instead of all of the things around me), I can enjoy life more and I feel more free.

I think it’s time to spend a little time each day deleting files. No more pushing up against the storage limits. I only have so much space on my computer and I only have so much space in my heart and mind. I want to make sure I’m saving plenty of room so I can love God—and the people he’s given me—well.

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. (Colossians 3:1–3 NIV)

Are you running out of storage space in your heart and mind? How can focusing on God help you let go of some things so you have the capacity to love God and others well?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Taking What Comes

On vacation recently, a couple of things happened that surprised me.

We went to Cedar Point in Sandusky, Ohio one day. I kept saying I wasn’t sure I wanted to go on the spinning rides like the Scrambler because the last time I went on it I almost got sick. Add my bouts with vertigo in recent years and I was sure the little rides that spun me around in a circle would be too much.

Well, I tried one small ride and it wasn’t too bad.

Then I went on another one and it didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would either.

I went on quite a few and I never did feel sick.

I almost missed out on some fun because I assumed my body would react a certain way and it didn’t.

After that long day of excitement, we drove down to Tennessee to visit my parents. We had fun talking, playing dominoes, and watching recorded episodes of “The Chase” on TV.

As the end of our visit neared, I braced myself for a teary goodbye. The last couple of times we’ve visited, I got choked up as we headed down the street from their house. It came on suddenly and the strong emotions surprised me. I guess I was thinking about how they’re getting older and wondering how much longer I’d have them.

Well, this time we hugged them goodbye, got in the car, headed down the street and . . . no tears!

What does that mean? I wondered. Did I not love them as much? Should I be crying?

Of course I love them. I don’t have to cry every time I leave them.

I can take what comes.

I’ve always had a tendency to overthink everything that happens to me and every thought I have. As I get older, I don’t have the energy to do that as much as I did when I was younger, but it still plagues me way too often.

I’m gradually learning that I can accept the circumstances in my life and not think them to death. I can look curiously at the emotions I feel.

If I feel sad, I can cry. If I’m happy, I can laugh. If I’m angry, I can really feel it and decide if I need to let it go or do something about it.

I can take what comes and not worry about if it’s the right or wrong way to feel. The Holy Spirit can comfort me, convict me, encourage me, or compel me—no matter what comes my way.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1–4 NIV)

Do you overthink how you’re feeling or what’s happening in life? How can focusing on God help you take what comes and trust him as you move ahead?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Good Distractions

What we think about is important.

You probably know that already. I talk about it often here on the blog and in my Facebook group: Catch Your Thoughts with Robyn Mulder.

Recently I wasn’t living as if I believed that. I got bogged down in tons of thoughts about some situations that have been bothering me. Nothing major, but letting my mind ruminate on all of the little worries was leading to lots of stress.

One day this week I grabbed a stack of old church bulletins from a box and went through them while I listened to some podcasts.

My eyes skimmed over the words as I decided what to do with each one. Most of them went in the recycling pile, but once in a while I added one to the little pile to keep.

Every single bulletin brought back good memories of our first church in Chandler, Minnesota. Names, places, sermon titles, yearly events, prayer concerns, births, weddings, and deaths all stirred my memory banks and had me reliving those early years of ministry.

As I sorted, I felt more peace. Thinking about Chandler and everything we did there got my mind off the niggling thoughts that were stressing me out. It was a good distraction.

It got me thinking about how I could choose to do that with other activities.

I could sit and play my guitar. Or listen to music. Or take a walk and enjoy the flowers planted around town. Or play in my craft room and make a card or paint a simple picture. Or read a good book.

There are lots of things I could do instead of ruminating on my worries.

Now, I’m not saying I should ignore them completely. They are real concerns, but it does me no good to just keep thinking about them constantly. I need to acknowledge that they’re bothering me, do what I can in some situations, admit I can do nothing about other situations, pray about all of them, and determine to keep living a good life through it all.

When the negative thoughts start spinning out of control, it’s time to get away from them with a good distraction.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:2 NIV)

Do you ever get stuck in negative thoughts? How can focusing on God help you find a good distraction from your worries?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Eating the Frog

“Eat that frog!” is a phrase made popular by author Brian Tracy.

The basic idea is that if you have to do something difficult, you might as well do it right away in the morning so the worst part of your day is behind you. (Hopefully none of us have to do anything worse than eating a live frog.) The original quote is often attributed to Mark Twain, but he actually didn’t say it.

Regardless of where the idea began, it can be helpful in beating procrastination.

I finally ate a frog over the last couple of days.

It had been hopping around in my brain for the last week and a half, making quite an annoying racket whenever I tried to relax.

“Ribbit. Ribbit. What about that editing project you’re supposed to be working on?”

I would sigh and get all tense, but I kept right on pushing my frog aside.

This project was tricky. I was supposed to be helping another editor clean up a bunch of pages of complicated footnotes. Every time I looked at it, I wondered if I could do it and do it well. So I put it off another day. (It didn’t help that I got COVID for a week or so in there.)

I finally decided to “eat that frog” and I got started. I immediately felt some relief from the tension that had been building up. I finished today and turned it in. It ended up taking about six hours in total.

I found myself wishing with all my heart that I would have started a couple of weeks ago instead of letting it go. Oh well, too late now. I just have to remember how I’m feeling for future projects.

I wonder how many other frogs I have jumping around in my life? They pop up once in a while.

I see paperwork for something in a pile on my desk and I sigh and push it aside. Ribbit!

I remember a writing project that has a deadline and I find something else to do until the day before it’s due. Ribbit!

I see someone’s post come up on social media and think about writing to them, but I don’t do it right away. Other things seem more important so I don’t get it done. Ribbit!

All of those frogs add stress and guilt to our lives. The paperwork turns into late fees and hassles. The writing projects don’t get submitted and opportunities are missed. The unwritten letters turn to regret when it’s too late someday.

If you’ve been procrastinating (like me!), it’s time to eat the frog!

“All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.” (Proverbs 14:23 NIV)

Do you find yourself procrastinating in any area of your life? How can focusing on God help you “eat the frog” and get things done?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Mental Health in May 2022 (Part 4: Keep Going)

Hopelessness is often one of the symptoms of mental illness.

It can hit some people out of the blue, overtake others gradually when they are going through a difficult experience, or cling stubbornly to certain individuals for a lifetime.

However it happens, hopelessness can tempt us to give up.

Life seems too hard. Evil seems too prevalent. Danger seems too scary. The future seems too uncertain.

It takes courage and determination to keep moving forward in spite of everything we dread.

But we can do it.

We may need to rest a while. We may need to reach out for help. We may need to borrow hope from other people. We may need to move very, very slowly.

But we need to keep going.

I love this quote from Pastor Brad Hoefs, founder of Fresh Hope support groups: “If you’re going through hell right now, don’t you dare stop. If you stop, you’re in hell. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going!”

When you start to feel hopeless, try to think about the positive things in your life. Remind yourself of all of the hard times you’ve come through before. Look for beautiful things, funny things, meaningful things. Put them where you can see them often or write things down and read them every day. You can get to better times.

Keep noticing. Keep talking. Keep working. Keep going.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9 NIV)

How often do you feel hopeless because of your mental health? How can focusing on God help you keep going?

Here’s the video of Pastor Brad Hoefs. (The whole video is good, but the quote mentioned is at about 8:53.)