Tag: Focus Friday

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Choosing

Life is full of choices.

Some choices are big: which college to attend, which job to apply for, which person to marry (or the choice to not get married at all), when to have children (or not).

Some choices are small: which TV show to watch, what to have for supper, what time to get up, what time to go to bed, what to do with free time, whether to eat the orange or the cookie.

Of course there are thousands of other choices that we make over the course of our lifetimes. We make some choices pretty much subconsciously, gravitating to certain activities, foods, and thoughts out of habit. We agonize over other choices, wanting to choose the absolute best option that will lead to our future health, wealth, and happiness.

When someone has a mental illness, it can become very difficult to make choices. The sicker the person is, the more impossible it can seem to make up their mind about something (big or small).

When I was sick back in 2014 I experienced this. I sat in front of my lesson plan book and couldn’t choose what I would teach my Spanish students the next day. I was paralyzed by indecision, afraid to write something down because I didn’t know if it was the right thing to do.

Years ago, I can remember witnessing someone who was struggling mentally. One of her symptoms was this inability to make a choice. “What kind of donut do you want – white frosting or chocolate?”

“I don’t know!” she wailed. It seemed so strange to the rest of us, but she was petrified of making the wrong decision.

Once someone gets help for a mental illness, gradually their ability to make choices comes back. In Fresh Hope support groups there are three important words that show up in each of the six tenets that group members read together each week: “Therefore, I choose….”

Among other things, the people that have been diagnosed with a mental illness acknowledge that their lives are affected, they may not feel hope, their relationships are affected, they might be temped to use their illness as an excuse, or they might allow themselves to become a “victim.”

They recognize all of those problems, but then they read out loud: “Therefore, I choose…” and they speak out loud the solutions they need to go to. They choose the help of others, they choose to overcome, they choose to believe they can live a full and rich life, they choose help and hope, they choose joy. It’s not easy, but each good choice gets the person more and more healthy.

Loved ones also need to make good choices: getting help from others, learning to communicate well, supporting and encouraging their loved one, finding that balance between pushing their loved one too hard or letting them wallow in their excuses, setting healthy emotional boundaries, choosing their own joy even if their loved one is struggling.

Whether you deal with a mental health diagnosis or not, it takes hard work to make good choices. It’s easier to sit on the couch watching TV than it is to exercise, it’s easier to think the same old negative thoughts than it is to practice more positive thoughts, it’s easier to grab the cookies than it is to peel the orange.

Let me just encourage you, friends, to keep practicing those good choices. No matter how many times you settle for the couch, the negativity, and the cookies, it will be worth it to keep working toward the exercise, the positive thoughts, and the orange*. Those choices will get you healthier and happier in the long run.

Therefore, I choose….

“This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live….” (Deuteronomy 30:19 NIV)

Do you make good choices? How can focusing on God help you to choose well in both the big and little areas of life?

*Oh, and by the way, I’m so proud of myself. After my little photo shoot for this week’s graphic, I put the cookies back in the cupboard and ate one of the oranges. Hooray!

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on the Real Issue

We’re getting back to talking about mental health this week, but I want to come at it from a different angle than I did a few weeks ago. I told you, of course, about the symptoms and some possible causes, but that’s not really what you want to see here, is it?

I mean, you could google those things and get lots of facts about depression and other mental illnesses. To tell you the truth, that’s what I did while writing those posts. It’s informative, but you can get information like that from many different places online.

What I’d like to share here each week is more personal. It’s not as cut and dried because my experience with depression is my experience. If you have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, or some other mental illness, it won’t look the same as mine or anyone else’s.

That’s one of the worst things about mental illness. Most of the time others have no idea someone is suffering. It’s kind of like the tree in my graphic for this week. It looks fine, right?

But what if I show it to you from another angle?

Now you can see the problem, can’t you? A huge section of the tree is missing, cut away from the power lines.

That’s the real issue with mental illness. So much of it is internal. There’s a darkness, a fear, a hopelessness that can’t be seen from the outside until the illness gets so bad that the person can no longer hide it.

We have to get better at dealing with mental illness.

People who suffer have to speak up and let someone know how they’re feeling before it gets to be a crisis.

Loved ones need to be brave and talk to their spouse, child, parent, or friend when they notice changes in that person’s mood or behavior.

Christians need to live their lives remembering the hope they have in Jesus Christ and reminding others of that hope when all seems dark.

You have no idea what someone is struggling with inside, so be as kind as you can as often as you can. Just like my funky tree, remember that the real issue is internal.

“For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” (Romans 8:24-25 NIV)

Do you often struggle internally? How can focusing on God help you to think better or get the help you need so your mental health can improve? If you don’t struggle, how can you show more compassion to those who do?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Living Life

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Living Life

If you spend any amount of time at all on the internet, you’ll notice ads and offers promising ways to help you live your best life. They invite you to watch free webinars, buy helpful books, and sign up for expensive online courses that will help you finally…write that book, launch that podcast, monetize that blog, declutter your entire house, lose that extra weight, spice up that relationship, etc., etc., etc.

Now, I understand what these people are doing. They want to create a sense of urgency and convince us that we need something better than we have right now.

It hit me the other day when I saw one more ad promising a way to “your best life.”

How about just living your life?

Of course we need to be growing and learning and improving, but we don’t have to be constantly searching for the next magic formula that will finally make us ___________ (pretty, smart, rich, famous…you fill in the blank).

We can be content to just live our lives. We can enjoy the journey. The messy, frustrating, joyful, confusing, and satisfying lives we live.

That’s one of the reasons I’m focusing on this topic tonight. The last couple of weeks I started exploring mental health (Symptoms and causes of mental illness). But I missed this type of writing, focusing on whatever God was saying to me in a certain week.

Don’t worry, I’ll still share often about mental health, but for this week I want to encourage you to just live.

Notice what’s going on in your head, your home, your community, and the world. Help others, and get help when you need it. Remember how far you’ve come. Dream about where you might go in the future. But do all you can to really enjoy where you are right now.

God has you where he wants you and his timing is perfect. Focus on living life.

“So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.” (Romans 12:1-2 The Message)

Are you always grasping for something to make your life better? How can focusing on God help you to enjoy life right now?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on the Causes of Mental Illness

(Note: The lists of causes in this week’s post were taken from an excellent article found at webmd.com/mental-health/mental-health-causes-mental-illness#1 If that link doesn’t work you can do a search for mental illness causes at webmd.com and you should be able to find it)     

When someone suffers from a mental illness like depression or anxiety, it is normal to look for the reason why. Unfortunately, the reason is usually not clear. Any number of biological, psychological, and environmental factors can combine and lead to a mental illness.

Biological:

*Abnormal functioning of nerve cell circuits or pathways that connect particular brain regions, which communicate through chemicals called neurotransmitters. Sometimes these chemicals need to be changed through medicines, psychotherapy, or other medical procedures.

*Genetics (heredity) can also play a big part in mental illness

*Infections can be linked to the development of mental illness or the worsening of its symptoms

*Brain defects or injury

*Prenatal damage – disruption of early fetal brain development or trauma at time of birth may be a factor in the development of certain conditions

*Other factors – Poor nutrition and exposure to toxins like lead may play a role

Psychological:

*Severe trauma as a child

*An important early loss, such as the loss of a parent

*Neglect

*Poor ability to relate to others

Environmental:(Certain stressors can trigger an illness in a person who is susceptible to a mental illness.)

*Death or divorce

*Dysfunctional family life

*Feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, anxiety, anger, or loneliness

*Changing jobs or schools

*Social or cultural expectations

*Substance abuse by the person or the person’s parents

Now, this is a long list of causes.

You may recognize some factors that have possibly caused your own mental illness or that of someone you love. You may never be able to pinpoint exactly what led to the suffering you’ve gone through (or may be going through right now), but it can be helpful to be aware of causes as you get help and begin the recovery process.

We’re just getting started as we explore mental illness and what we need to do to get healthy. In the weeks ahead we’ll keep going deeper into this complex topic.

I understand the despair you can sometimes feel when you are in the depths of depression and other mental illnesses. Remember, the illness is what’s causing that despair.

You may not feel hope, but you have hope. God loves you and he wants what is best for you. Please note, I’m not telling you to just pray and watch all of your symptoms go away. It will take courage and hard work to get back to good emotional health. God is with you through it all. He really is!

“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalm 43:5 NIV)

Is it frustrating to see how many factors could lead to a mental illness? How can focusing on God help you to examine possible causes, but hold on to hope that you can get healthy again?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on 10 Symptoms of Depression

Depression Symptoms for blog

How do you know if you’re suffering from clinical depression or just having a really bad day?

Let’s look at ten common symptoms of depression and talk about it.

  1. Loss of interest in things you normally enjoy (hobbies, sports, time with friends, sex). When I was depressed, I lost interest in almost everything and obsessed about how bad I was feeling.
  2. Sleep problems (either sleeping way too much or not being able to sleep). I would go to bed and not be able to fall asleep for a long time, adding to my anxiety because I knew I should be sleeping.
  3. Changes in eating (overeating or loss of appetite). I lost about fifteen pounds in a month because I often had a stomachache and didn’t feel like eating.
  4. Unexplained aches and pains (headaches, back trouble, other problems). Over the years I think some of my back problems happened because of depression I didn’t recognize.
  5. Loss of focus (trouble concentrating, thinking, remembering, making decisions). I couldn’t make out lesson plans when I was teaching because I just couldn’t concentrate.
  6. Depressed mood (feelings of sadness, emptiness, hopelessness, crying, mood swings). I held it together in public, but at home I cried often.
  7. Irritation (feelings of anger, irritability, or frustration – especially common in men). Not in 2014, but I had a year of intense anger when our girls were little. Looking back, I think it was mostly depression.
  8. Anxiety (agitation or restlessness). I just couldn’t relax! When I sat, I would bounce my knees together. I still notice that happening when I’m getting anxious about something.
  9. Lethargy (slowed speaking, thinking, or movements). I had times of this in college, but I never recognized it as depression. I just thought I was tired.
  10. Death (thinking about it often, wishing for it, suicidal thoughts and actions* – the scariest symptom of all). Thoughts like this finally convinced me to talk to my husband and I went to the hospital in 2014 for some help.

Everyone’s illness is different. You may not experience all of these symptoms. If you notice several of them and they last for more than two weeks, it’s time to get professional help.

Talk to someone about how you’re feeling. You don’t have to suffer, thinking it’s a character weakness on your part. That’s what I did for many years, bouncing between the highs and lows, suffering needlessly. I was sure that if I just prayed harder God would take the depression away, but that didn’t happen.

A combination of many things led to a chemical problem in my brain. When it gets to that point, you can’t just think or pray yourself out of it. That’s when it takes medicine, or talk therapy, or a combination of the two to get you back to a healthy place.

We’ll talk more about that in the weeks ahead.

“…while [Elijah] went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. ‘I have had enough, LORD,’ he said. ‘Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.'” (1 Kings 19:4 NIV)

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18 NIV)

Have you been experiencing any of these ten symptoms for more than two weeks? How can focusing on God help you to admit there is a problem and reach out for help?

*If you are having suicidal thoughts, please reach out to someone you trust. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255  

 

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Drilling Down

drilling down for blog

I watched an interview this week with Lindsey Hartz (part of the Flourish Writers Conference). She was talking about how a writer needs to “drill down” into an audience and get really specific about who they want to reach.

That stuck with me, and I even went back and watched the video again. I realized that I’ve been trying to reach all women everywhere. Maybe that’s why it’s hard to decide what to focus on each week. I consider lots of different topics and try to figure out what might resonate with the most people.

There’s some safety in that. If I give everyone a little of what they want to read then I don’t have to dig too deep into painful subjects. 

But I don’t think I want to do that anymore. I say I’m writing a book about depression and how to stay healthy emotionally, but I flit from task to task, distraction to distraction, doing just about everything but writing the book.

I think it’s time to drill down and focus on a narrower audience. 

I think my calling in this season of life is to bring God’s hope to those who are struggling with depression and other mental illnesses.

If that’s you, then come along as we explore mental health in the weeks and months ahead. There is hope for you, my friend.

If that isn’t you, I still invite you to come along. Even if you don’t have a mental health diagnosis, everyone can benefit from learning ways to stay healthy emotionally.

I think this idea of “drilling down” can apply to many areas of our lives. Let’s not be all over the place, jumping from idea to idea and project to project. Let’s drill down, get specific, and get things done.   

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13 NIV)

Are you trying to get everything done instead of drilling down and deciding to target or work on specific things? How can focusing on God help you to narrow your intentions as you go through life?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Effort

effort for blog

I listened to a webinar a while back by Eben Pagan, and he suggested that his listeners write a vision statement about what they want their life to look like a few years in the future. After that he said to write down the mindset it would take to accomplish that vision. The next step was to write out the vision and mindset every morning when you get up and every night before you go to bed for thirty days straight. 

I wrote my vision statement, including points about my relationship with God, my husband, and children. I mentioned my future success as a writer and editor, and I threw in an optimistic sentence about going down one pants size.

Then I wrote my mindset statement: I am responsible for my results and I am going to create the success I want in my future.

I showed my statements to Gary a few days after I started this practice, so excited to share what my vision was and how committed I was to making it happen.

He looked a bit skeptical. And why shouldn’t he? This was just a different version of all the other times I announced some big plan: “I’m going to write a book!” “I’m going to lose some weight!” “I’m going to be the best wife you’ve ever had!” (Since I’m his only wife, I guess I’ve really pulled that one off at least)

He humored me, but he really couldn’t see the benefit of doing this thirty day routine.

I haven’t written those statements every single day, but I have written them many times over the last month. I almost believe what I’m saying about my future. Maybe I need to do it for another month to really make it stick.

The one thing I’ve really noticed is that my mindset hasn’t changed enough to get me the results I’m after.

I write “I am responsible for my results” and I feel a twinge of guilt because I see what I’m doing/not doing and how that keeps me from realizing my dreams.

Going to the cupboard for a snack when I’m not hungry does not get me the result of going down a pants size.

Scrolling through Facebook too much does not get me the result of becoming a published writer.

Writing down my vision and my mindset does not magically make those things happen. It takes effort to accomplish the things I want to see happen in the future.

So, don’t give up on me yet, dear readers. Most importantly, don’t give up on yourself. I bet there are things you’ve said you want to do, but you haven’t seen forward motion. There can be, if you don’t give up. If we don’t give up.

Magic quote
(I didn’t write this quote, but I can’t find the source anywhere online.)

Keep going. Keep working hard and putting as much effort as you can into the things you want to do. Eventually we’ll get there, if we don’t stop trying. 

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9 NIV)

Are you doing what you need to do in order to create the future you want for yourself? How can focusing on God help you to keep making an effort to move ahead?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Burying Talents

burying talents for blog

This week in the One Year Bible we had to read the Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25:14-30. A man goes on a trip and leaves five talents to one servant, two to the next, and one to a third servant. When he returns the first servant has doubled his talents to ten, the second servant doubled his to four, but the third servant buried his in the ground and can only return one talent to the master.

The first two servants receive praise: “Well done, good and faithful servant!”

The third servant hears something different, of course. “You wicked, lazy servant!”

Now, I know that “talents” are amounts of money in this story, but I can’t help thinking of the actual talents God has given me.

This time when I read the parable, my heart said “Ouch.” I sometimes use the talents God gave me, but more often it feels like I just bury them somewhere because it’s risky to use them, it’s scary to do some things, it’s easier to coast along doing things that don’t take much work or talent.

Lazy? I’ll admit that I’ve been that at times.

Wicked? That’s harder to admit. 

As I’m prone to do, I thought a lot about this parable in the hours after I read it. My mind started hyperfocusing on how I haven’t used God’s talents well.

Look at all the years I wasted, when I could have been writing books and helping people with other talents I have.

Those kinds of thoughts don’t do me or anyone else any good. I only have today and the future in which to use my talents. I still have them. The Master has not yet returned. Lord willing, I still have time to invest them and double them in the years ahead. 

I just can’t give in to the temptation to bury those talents and play it safe. So I’ll keep digging them up, dusting them off, and choosing to use them for the Master’s glory.

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” (1 Peter 4:10 NIV)

Are you using your talents, or have you buried them somewhere safe? How can focusing on God give you the courage to use your talents faithfully?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Finding Hope

Grand Canyon for blog

I’m coming back to one of my frequent themes this week: Hope.

I hope no one minds. Oops, see what I did there?

We throw that word “hope” around pretty casually: I hope it doesn’t snow tomorrow. I hope she calls me back. I hope I don’t gain a pound from eating this ice cream.

Hope is so much more than just wishing for something. The modern definition is “a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen,” but the archaic meaning is “a feeling of trust.”

That’s the meaning of hope we need to cling to. We can wish all we want for certain things to happen, but that feeling of trust is what gets us through, even when the thing we’re hoping for doesn’t happen.

Hope (that feeling of trust) helps us keep getting up in the morning when life seems too hard.

Hope helps us to keep praying for someone we love, even when we don’t see the results we’re hoping for.

Hope lets us keep going, day after day, sure of our salvation in Christ even when we aren’t sure where the path will take us in life.

I chose a picture of one of my favorite places for my graphic this week: The Grand Canyon. That beautiful, wild, gigantic place often reminds me of the hope we have to hold onto. Whether you’re going down or coming back up, there are times when you think you’ll never reach the end. You hike along the switchbacks, round a corner, and realize you still can’t see your destination. You heave a sigh and keep putting one foot in front of the other. And eventually, without fail, you make it because you didn’t stop and give up.

That’s what hope means to me. It’s trusting deeply in the LORD and refusing to give up. Hope is getting up every day. Hope is saying a prayer and moving ahead (sometimes quickly and sometimes painfully slow).

Hope hangs on tight and never lets go.

“May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, LORD, is in you. (Psalm 25:21 NIV)

Do you have a hard time holding onto hope? How can focusing on God help you to hope in Him and not give up?

*Gary and I spoke in church about our experience with anxiety and depression this past Sunday at our church. We titled it “Finding Hope” (you can watch it on YouTube) and also told people about the Fresh Hope support group which will begin here in Platte on Monday, January 4 at 7:00 p.m. at First Reformed Church (101 N Main St – use East doors). If you live in the area and want support and encouragement for your mental health, please come check it out!

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Producing

Producing for blog

As humans, we have a tendency to consume.

It comes naturally. We’re hungry, so we eat. We’re thirsty, so we drink. We need clothes, so we shop. We love reading, so we buy books. We feel anxious, so we sit on the couch and binge-watch Netflix.

Some consuming is necessary and even good, but too much consuming can slow us down and keep us stuck. Too much eating and drinking can fatten us up and endanger our health. Too much shopping can get us in debt. Too much reading (if there is such a thing) can separate us from the real world. Too much Netflix can rot our brains.

Consuming only gets us so far. We have to come to the point where we realize that producing is even more important.

Someone out in the world needs what you have to offer.

You can make them a meal, give them some of your money, give away the books you’ve already read, get off the couch and go visit someone.

Instead of endlessly scrolling through Facebook to see what everyone is doing, you can take a minute to private message someone and let them know you’re thinking of them.

Instead of spending an extra hour watching another show on Netflix, you can write (an actual letter!) to a friend.

You can practice an instrument and play at a local nursing home to cheer up the residents there.

You can make a card and send it to someone going through a difficult time.

The sky’s the limit when it comes to producing new things for the benefit of others…and I can almost guarantee that you’ll feel great when you do. 

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests [consuming] but each of you to the interests of others [producing].” (Philippians 2:3-4 NIV – Brackets mine)

Do you think you consume too much? How can focusing on God help you to move toward producing more often?