Tag: Focus Friday

Posted on

Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Distractions

Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil. (Proverbs 4:25-27 NIV)

I’m starting this week’s post with a Bible verse so we make sure we know what we’re focusing on. We’re focusing on–

SQUIRRELS!

No, that’s not our focus for today. We have to keep our eyes looking straight ahead so we can go toward the prize and not get distracted by–

SQUIRRELS!

Okay, I’ll stop that before it gets way too annoying. It’s funny when we see that happen in a cartoon, isn’t it? The cute dog gets distracted and loses all of its focus when it catches a glimpse of one of those furry animals.

It’s much less funny when it happens to us. But it does happen, doesn’t it?

We start out our day determined to complete a task, work on a goal, get something done. Then the “squirrels” show up and we go off chasing them.

I’m sure everyone has different varieties of squirrels they chase.

I get distracted by too many emails in my inbox. I signed up for something recently and got on about 20 email lists. I delete quickly, but I can’t quite unsubscribe because I’m afraid I’ll miss something wonderful.

YouTube videos grab my attention. I’m watching something I wanted to see, and then I notice other videos that look interesting lined up along the right side of the screen.

There are all sorts of distractions that tempt us to get our eyes off the prize we’re headed toward: snacks between meals, TV shows, online shopping, and getting stuck in uncertainty (A big one for me – I don’t know what to do next, so I don’t do anything at all).

Joshua Becker over at becomingminimalist.com has a great article about 9 things that can distract us and keep us from living fully. You can click over and read the whole article, but here are a few distractions that hit me hard: Thinking too much about tomorrow, pursuing perfection, ruminating on regrets, and spending too much time comparing ourselves to others.

I’m convinced that the more we resist going after the distractions around us and inside us, the happier and more fulfilled we’ll be. If you don’t believe me, just try–

SQUIRRELS!

“Keep your eyes straight ahead; ignore all sideshow distractions. Watch your step, and the road will stretch out smooth before you. Look neither right nor left; leave evil in the dust. ” (Proverbs 4:25-27 The Message)

Are you often distracted by things going on around you or thoughts inside your head? How can focusing on God help you to ignore those distractions and move forward with Him?

Posted on

Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Three Steps Forward

Back in 1997, Chuck Swindoll published a book called Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back. I don’t know if it’s an actual saying that people use now. When I tried to look it up, the closest I got was “One step forward, two steps back.” Now that’s a discouraging thought, trying to move ahead and ending up even further behind than when you began.

What got me thinking about all of this was my scale. I had a couple of really good weeks a while back, watching what I was eating and exercising a little bit more. The scale went down two weeks in a row and I was feeling great. I was sure that I was on my way to going down a pants size and losing the rest of the pounds I had allowed to creep on over the last few years.

Then we moved Blake to Chicago.

I skipped exercising for several days.

We ate out while we were on the road.

Klondike bars were on sale at the grocery store by Blake’s apartment, so we just had to get some and eat three in one day because there was no way to take them with us on the bus and the L when we headed back to our hotel.

When we got home and I weighed myself, I found that all of the pounds I had lost were back. Bummer.

So what I want us to focus on this week is “Three steps forward.”

For a couple of weeks I made good choices and dropped some pounds. That’s good progress.

If I focus on the “Two steps back” that happened because we traveled and I made lots of poor choices, I might decide to just give up and not worry about my weight at all. But that wouldn’t be good for my physical or emotional health.

Instead, I’m going to focus on the “Three steps forward” and remind myself that better choices and hard work produce good results. It’s inevitable. I can’t give up just because I slid back a couple of steps.

We can apply that to any area of our lives.

We learn to control our temper and don’t yell at our children for two weeks straight, then we have a bad morning and totally blow it, scaring our kids with a giant temper tantrum.

Focus on the “Three steps forward.” Apologize to your children and move ahead with the resolve to do your best and be as calm as you can be. Not perfect, but better.

We decide to get our overspending under control and refuse to shop online for a whole month, then our favorite store sends out an email with an amazing sale and a super coupon, and we order enough to get free shipping.

Focus on the “Three steps forward.” Unsubscribe from the store’s email list and either enjoy your purchases or maybe return some of it next time you go to the store. Not rich, but less poor.

We go to work, clean the house, and keep on top of the bills and laundry for six months straight, then we call in sick, binge-watch Netflix all day, and let everything fall to pieces around us.

Focus on the “Three steps forward.” Go back to work, do the dishes, and save Netflix for a treat on the weekend. Not a workaholic, but a hard worker who enjoys life.

Whenever we have a setback – physically, emotionally, or spiritually – we have to focus on the “Three steps forward” we’ve made, not the “Two steps back” (or more!). Only that focus will help us to press on and not give up.

“I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:14 ESV)

Have you fallen “two steps back”? How can focusing on God help you to focus instead on the “three steps forward” you’ve made?

Posted on

Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Crashing

Monday morning started out so nice. It was a beautiful morning, so I rode my bike down to the bakery and had coffee with two of my friends. After that I rode over to one of their houses to see her new puppy. Such a cutie!

I took the long way home and pedaled across town. I got a block from home, started to turn the corner, and CRASH!

All of a sudden I was lying on my side in the street, wondering what had happened. I gingerly got to my feet and lifted my bike from the ground. My entire right side was covered in mud and I realized that I had landed mostly on my shoulder.

I had tipped just a bit too far to the right while I turned the corner, going through some mud and water (it had rained the night before). Just like that, my bike had slid out from under me and I had landed – hard – on my right side.

When I got on the bike I found out that the chain had come off, so I got off and walked my bike slowly down the block back to our house.

I peeled off my muddy clothes and took a shower to get the gravel off my bloody hand (just a little scratch), my arm, and out of my hair. I found out I had a couple of bloody scrapes by my right knee and a bit of road rash on the back of my arm, but other than that, I was fine. It could have been so much worse.

As the day wore on, it was worse. It was surprising how I gradually got more stiff and sore as the hours went by.

And the next day proved to be even more painful. I was popping ibuprofen quite a bit, and I even had to ask Gary to get me some when I woke up at 5 a.m. on Wednesday and could hardly stand the pain. I developed a really pretty purple bruise on my right thigh (sorry, no picture, you’ll have to take my word for it).

I’ve been thinking about how much I used to take my pain-free, healthy body for granted.

Every time I try to raise my arm to do something and my shoulder protests – loudly – I realize how much I just expected that I could work and play so easily.

I think of friends who have had shoulder surgery and think about the years of pain they had to endure before they had the surgery, and the time they spent recovering.

I’ve also been thinking metaphorically about crashes and how often we don’t feel all of the pain at the time of the “crash.” It might take a little time before the shock wears off and we feel the full effects of what has happened.

After I had my bike crash, I thought I mostly hurt my shoulder, but in the days since then I have felt more pain in my entire neck. All of those muscles were jarred, and they’re all going to complain a bit until I heal.

When we have a figurative “crash” in our lives, we may think just one problem occurred: one person’s job was lost, one person’s health suffered, one person passed away, one person made a poor choice that resulted in some sort of crash.

It doesn’t take long to realize that those crashes produce all sorts of pain in other people’s lives and other areas of our own lives. We have to be aware of where we hurt and be prepared to do something about the pain if we need to.

At this point, I’m pretty sure I just have sore muscles, but if I had had excruciating pain in my arm or shoulder I would have gone to the doctor to get checked out. I need to take some medicine for the pain and make sure I’m not overdoing it with using my right side until it heals.

If we have emotional pain from sort of crash in our lives, we also have to get it treated if it’s severe or if it lingers for a long time. We need to cut ourselves some slack and take it easy while we heal from any kind of “crash” in our lives.

We may have some visible (or invisible) scars from our crash, but with some time we’ll be able to move on and continue life’s journey.

My bike seat will never be the same after my crash.

If we live life at all, we’re probably going to experience some crashes. They’re so difficult, but they also teach us. They teach us to get back up. They teach us to empathize with others. They teach us to have compassion. They teach us to slow down and then keep going.

And they teach us to make sure we’re careful and riding straight when we go through a muddy puddle on our bike.

“My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. ” (Psalm 119:28 NIV)

Have you experienced a “crash” in life lately? How can focusing on God help you to get through it and move on after you’ve healed?

Posted on

Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Doing the Work

This is probably going to feel like a rerun for most of you. Taking action seems to be a frequent theme for these Focus Friday posts. I know I need constant reminders, maybe you do, too.

My mind is on “doing the work” because I attended a writers conference last weekend and pitched my book idea to agent Cynthia Ruchti. (The book is about my experience with depression and how we can all stay healthy emotionally.) She expressed an interest in seeing my book proposal when I get it finished. Exciting, right? You would think I would have rushed home, opened my computer, and finished that proposal immediately.

But no, that’s not how I roll.

I did spend one to two hours working on the proposal this week, but that’s the extent of it. There were some other things I had to work on, but I have to admit that I also wasted quite a bit of time doing things that weren’t really necessary.

If we want to get things done, we have to do the work.

If we want to clean and organize our houses, we have to schedule time to clear away the clutter, put things away, and put some elbow grease into making things shine. It won’t get done while we sit on the couch and watch Netflix.

If we want to lose some extra pounds, we need to move a little more and eat a little less. We might need to figure out why we run to food when we aren’t really hungry. We have to do the work or we’ll never see a difference in our waistline.

If we want to write a book, we need to get our bottom in the chair, open a document, and write. The words won’t magically appear just because we think about them once in a while.

If we want to improve a relationship, we need to make some choices about what we’re saying, how we’re acting, and why we love that person. We want it to be easy, but relationships take work.

Whatever you want to do in life, you might as well admit that it’s going to take work. As Proverbs 14: 23 says, “All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.” This could refer to financial profit and poverty, but I think it could also be talking about the profit of good results in our lives (a clean house, a healthier body, a book, a better relationship) as opposed to the lack of results (a pigsty, extra pounds, no book, a poor relationship).

As soon as I get this post done, I’m going to go schedule in some writing time for this weekend. That proposal is not going to get done unless I make sure I’m doing the work.

“May the favor of the Lord our God rest on us; establish the work of our hands for us— yes, establish the work of our hands. ” (Psalm 90:17 NIV)

Do you have something that’s not getting done because you just aren’t doing the work? How can focusing on God help you to take steps to do it instead of just thinking about it?

Posted on

Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Getting Started

Getting started on something is seldom easy.

There is uncertainty, hard work, and lots of change.

Our son Blake graduated from Northwestern College in Orange City, Iowa in May. His dream is to live and work in Chicago and do some acting. And so, here we are in the Windy City, riding the “L” and city buses as we’ve looked at all sorts of apartment possibilities for him. Today he made his final choice and he was approved!

The apartment hunt has taken up most of our time, but we also have been doing a bit of sightseeing.

Here we are on Navy Pier…we were so busy looking at apartments that we didn’t take more pictures!

We’ll be back on August 1 to help him move in and get settled.

As a mom, I’m excited for him, but it’s also pretty scary to know he’ll be working and living in such a big city. I have a month to teach him everything he doesn’t know yet! (Thank goodness for Google)

Now that he has a place to live lined up, he can begin his job search in earnest. I don’t know if he’s nervous or scared, but I know he’s willing to do whatever it takes to pursue this dream and get started in Chicago. That will probably mean some kind of day job and trying to get into some acting on the side.

I’m proud of him. The safest route would be to pick a smaller city and get an easy job. Instead, he’s embarking on an uncertain and scary journey, but one that will also be exciting and hopefully rewarding.

All of us need to look at our lives once in a while and think about where we are. Have we slipped into comfortable patterns in our jobs, habits, and relationships? Do we need to get started in something new?

Is God calling us to a new job that will help us stretch and grow?

Are there new habits that will serve us better than the ones we turn to mindlessly?

Will new ways of communicating help us grow closer to our spouse or other family members?

Getting started can be hard work. It’s scary. We can’t be sure of our results. What we do know is that God is with us all the time. We can step out in faith, trusting Him to guide us and redirect us if something isn’t working.

Gary and I know that God will be with Blake as he makes this move and gets started in the next chapter of his life. How exciting!

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9 ESV)

Is it time for you to be getting started with something new in life? How can focusing on God help you to do that bravely, knowing He’s with you every step of the way?

Posted on

Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Speaking Up

When I was very depressed* back in September of 2014, I made lots of mistakes in how I was thinking and acting.

One of my biggest blunders was failing to speak up. Gary knew how much I was struggling, but I said very little at the high school where I was getting more and more stressed and upset about the teaching job I couldn’t seem to handle.

Looking back (and isn’t it always easier to see what we could have done in hindsight?), I might have been able to handle things better if I had spoken up and talked to the other teachers about my worries and frustrations.

I could have gotten more help with the technology problems with the online textbook, instead of being determined that I should be able to figure it out myself.

I could have asked how the other teachers handled disruptive students, instead of just heaping more shame on myself because I couldn’t keep everyone happy and attentive every day.

I could have been more open with people at church and asked them to pray for me as I adjusted, instead of keeping it all to myself and slipping more and more into that dark place.

I learned from the mistakes I made back then when I got so sick.

Now I’m much more willing to speak up when I’m going through something difficult. I talk to God about it, and I talk to other people who can help.

I was reminded of speaking up earlier this week at VBS. In the midst of a busy day of herding a group of 3rd and 4th graders through their various activities at Vacation Bible School, I heard one of the other volunteers admit that she had a meltdown one evening as she thought about a commitment she had made for later this summer. She had doubts about whether her faith was strong enough and if she was the right person for the job she had signed up for.

How brave of her to voice that doubt in a group of peers. We could encourage her and now we know how we can pray for her as that commitment approaches.

We all need to get more comfortable speaking up. Let’s not keep our troubled thoughts to ourselves. Let’s talk to God about them and practice speaking up to people in our lives who can pray for us and give us help and encouragement for whatever we’re going through.

God knows our thoughts, but people aren’t mind readers. We have to speak up.

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.” (1 John 5:14-15 NIV)

Do you feel comfortable speaking up, or do you keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself? How can focusing on God help you to be more willing to talk to God and others about your troubles?

*You can read more of my posts about depression over at robynmulder.blogspot.com (search for “depression” or “mental health” to find more posts)

Posted on

Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Spelling

I didn’t expect God to speak to me during the Scripps National Spelling Bee this year, but He did.

As I settled in to watch the finals on Thursday night, I was just expecting to enjoy watching a group of amazing kids spell incredibly difficult words. I love spelling, so I try to give my guess before they show it on the TV screen (I’m usually close, but also usually wrong).

The first round of the finals began:

frailejo’n, Stakhanovite, jabiru, Tophet, alloeostrophe, scuppaug…

I got excited when Dr. Bailley gave the next word: kairos. I knew that one! I had heard it during my studies at Northwestern College. It had something to do with time, I thought, but as he read the definition, I was completely convicted:

A time when conditions are right for the accomplishment of a crucial action: the opportune and decisive moment.

Alice went on to spell “kairos” correctly, but I was stuck on that word for several minutes.

It hit me because I think we miss our kairos so often. We let that moment go by and waste our opportunity to do something significant. And then we do that over and over again, because of fear or uncertainty.

It hit me because this is my kairos. Our children are grown, I don’t work outside the home, I have the time and the talents and the desire to accomplish several crucial actions. I don’t want to waste any more opportunities.

On Thursday night, it felt like God was saying, “Do I have to spell it out for you? It’s time.”

“Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.” (John 13:17 NIV)

Is it the kairos for you in any area of your life? How can focusing on God help you to “seize the day” and take crucial action?

Posted on

Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on PTSD

I’m admittedly diving into an area of mental health that I know very little about, but I got a tiny taste of it this week.

I took our garbage out to the dumpster and came up to the wet spot you can see in my Focus Friday graphic. I slowed down and stepped cautiously into the water, and felt an instant surge of adrenaline. I took another step and I was through it, and I continued on to the dumpster.

I chuckled and shook my head, feeling silly for my reaction, but as I turned around and had to go through the water again, I realized that I had just experienced a very small episode of PTSD.

A few months ago, I had carried my garbage through that very same spot, but that day there was a thin layer of ice on top of the water. Before I knew what was happening, I was flat on my back and my head hit the cement with enough force to make me see stars. I was okay, but I cried because of the pain and the shock.

So this week I felt some fear as I took that step, even though I knew it was just water. The unreasonable fear I felt, the surge of adrenaline I felt as my body tried to prepare me for a fall which would never happen, and the shakiness I felt after I passed that spot were very real symptoms. I’m sure my symptoms will disappear after a few more times walking through the water without incident, but for many people it’s not that easy.

PTSD is a serious disorder, causing a multitude of distressing symptoms for the people who deal with it. I can only imagine the feelings and emotions experienced by someone who develops PTSD after being in combat, facing a traumatic situation, living with chronic pain, experiencing the sudden death of a loved one, or being in a car accident. Not everyone who faces those situations develops PTSD, but many people do.

If you or someone you love suffers from PTSD, I highly recommend an article I found (https://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-PTSD.html ) that addresses the topic and offers some biblical counsel for those who have it.

Of course, as with any mental illness, we can’t make it go away with just a Bible verse and a prayer, but meditating on scripture and talking to God about it can be part of the recovery process.

My mini-PTSD episode will always remind me of the seriousness of this illness and how real those feelings are to the people experiencing it.

“…whoever listens to me will dwell secure and will be at ease, without dread of disaster.” (Proverbs 1:33 ESV)

Have you ever experienced PTSD? How can focusing on God help you to move forward in faith as you recover from a traumatic experience?

Posted on

Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Spoilers

We’re going to see Avengers: Endgame tonight. It released on April 26, but we decided to wait to see it until it came here to Platte.

By some miracle, I haven’t heard any spoilers, even though our sons have both seen it. They’re so nice.

I haven’t accidentally run across anything online, but I’m glad we’re going to go see it tonight. I don’t know how long people typically wait before they start blabbing about plot points in movies they’ve seen.

Our daughter Erin teaches 4th grade in Lincoln, Nebraska. The other day one of her kids got into trouble because he told a girl in his class something from Avengers: Endgame and she got really upset.

Erin took him aside and tried to help him see the error of his ways. “That’s really not nice to spoil a movie for someone else,” she explained patiently.

“How was I supposed to know that she didn’t know that _____________?”

“Hey!” Erin yelped. “I haven’t seen it yet!”

“Oops, sorry Miss Mulder.” The poor kid felt horrible and he kept apologizing to her throughout the day. But the damage was done. He had spoiled it for Erin without meaning to.

I was going to write this post tonight after the movie, but I decided to get it done before we go, so there’s absolutely no way I can spoil the movie for any of you.

We don’t like to have surprises ruined for us, do we?

And most people don’t enjoy spoiling a surprise for someone else.

I recall one time when I accidentally said something about a Christmas present for my brother-in-law. I can’t even remember what I wasn’t supposed to say, but my sister-in-law jumped in with a “He’s not supposed to know that!” I was crushed and I went off to cry somewhere.

We have to be careful with our words, that’s all there is to it.

Sometimes it may just be a movie spoiler that we let slip and we make someone angry. Hopefully they get over it in time. But often we aren’t careful with our words and we do deep and lasting damage to another person’s soul.

Do you think I’m being overly dramatic?

Take a minute and think about some of the things people have said to you over the years. Do any of them bring back massive amounts of pain, even years later?

Now think about something mean you said to your spouse, your child, a friend. Can you remember the look that came over their face, the sadness in their eyes, the time it took for them to feel close to you again?

Hopefully, we apologize and ask forgiveness when we talk to someone that way. There’s grace and forgiveness and healing, with God’s help, but the sting may never completely go away.

Keep that in mind as you choose your words each day. And by all means, no Endgame spoilers, at least for a few more days.


“A fool’s lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating .” (Proverbs 18:6 ESV)
[I’m going to quote that verse to any middle schooler who dares to rattle off any spoilers while we’re waiting for the movie to start tonight!]

“Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” (Proverbs 21:23 ESV)

Have you ever been upset by hearing a spoiler before you wanted to? How can focusing on God help you to watch your words and speak carefully, apologizing and asking forgiveness when you blow it?

Posted on

Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Keeping On

Some weeks are harder to get through than others.

This was one of those weeks, for so many people.

Last Tuesday we received the horrible news that a dear friend’s daughter had died suddenly. I want to tell you more about that, but I just don’t have the words yet. Maybe on another Friday.

For now, let me just remind us all that we must make the choice to keep on going, even after we suffer a shocking loss.

Our friend and his family were constantly in our prayers after we heard the news. I can’t imagine the intense pain all of them are feeling right now.

As for me, it felt wrong somehow to just keep doing what I always did, day after day. My body even rebelled a bit, staying in bed several mornings and just letting the alarm clock ring for close to an hour before I could drag myself out of bed to shut it off.

I guess I just needed that time to ignore the demands of the day before I could face it. Once I got up, I succeeded in carrying out my normal routine, for the most part. A part of my heart was hurting for our friends back in Iowa, but life went on.

And life went on for all of them, as well. We watched on Facebook as they grieved their loss, but they also kept on living. Roller skating after the prom, celebrating another son’s birthday, posting Bible verses of comfort for themselves and friends.

Whether we have heartbreaking losses or minor annoyances in life, we all need to practice keeping on. God understands when we need to stop and grieve and scream and cry because we don’t like or understand what’s going on in our lives. But then we need to get up and take the steps that are in front of us, leading us to whatever God has next for us.

God is right here with us, loving us and giving us the strength to keep on keeping on.

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18 ESV)

Do the hard times of life keep you paralyzed in place sometimes? How can focusing on God give you the strength to keep on going?