Tag: Focus Friday

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on More Questions Than Answers

I have good news and bad news this week.

The good news is that I’ve been writing steadily on my depression book the last couple of weeks. I’m seeing my word count go up as I put in the work.

The bad news is that I seem to be getting more confused as I write. I thought this was going to be a helpful book that would tell my own depression story and give people the tools they need to stay healthy emotionally. As I’ve been writing, I’m afraid I’m coming up with more questions than answers.

Telling my story isn’t a problem, but all of the questions come up as I’m trying to write the rest of it.

Can I really suggest solutions to people whose situations are vastly different from mine? Isn’t that arrogant?

Are there some people who can’t ever recover from a mental illness?

When I sit down to write each day, I find myself typing out these questions and others in my manuscript. All of those questions almost make me want to give up the project.

It’s not just writing. I’m hoping you can see where you might experience this in many areas of your life.

You start a new romantic relationship. (Will he/she really love me? How can I trust this person? What if this doesn’t work out?)

You and your spouse decide to have a baby. (What if I can’t handle childbirth? Should we homeschool or send him to public school? What if she ends up living with us until she’s thirty?)

You decide to change jobs. (Can I learn the new computer software they use? What if I can’t stand my coworkers? How am I going to learn all this stuff?)

You decide to start a new hobby. (Can I really learn something new at my age? Where do I get my supplies? Who can teach me to do this?)

It’s tempting to want to quit when you have more questions than answers. It feels safer to pull back to what you know, the things you’re sure about. But nothing ever gets done that way. We stay stuck in our familiar ruts and we miss out. Others may miss out on something we have to offer, too.

We have to press on in spite of the questions. Maybe even because of the questions.

Those questions may lead us to answers. Those questions may help us gain clarity and direction for the goal we’re pursuing.

It may be a little confusing and messy while we’re in the middle of that question stage of our endeavors, but if we push on through we’ll eventually find ourselves with more answers than questions. And that will feel pretty great.

“If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who “worry their prayers” are like wind-whipped waves. Don’t think you’re going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.” (James 1:5-8 The Message)

Do you have more questions than answers in some area of life? How can focusing on God help you to move ahead anyway?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Self-Sabotage

It happens all the time.

I make a plan, set a goal, or say I’m going to do something and it goes well for a while. I see progress and feel great as I see success in sight.

But then, I do something to sabotage myself.

I stay away from snacks for a few days and my pants start to feel a little looser…and then I feed my face constantly for a day – just because I can.

I open up my laptop and work daily on my book…and then I get scared and stop writing.

I start to feel confident about editing and take on new clients…and then I entertain thoughts of quitting just because I’m scared I’ll miss something.

That’s what happened yesterday as I finished up an editing project. I started crying and blurted out all of my fears to Gary (my patient, wise husband who has had many similar conversations with me over the years). He talked me down and reminded me that feeling that anxiety is pretty normal.

Almost everyone deals with it to some extent. He reminded me that perfect is not possible, and the people who think they’re perfect are the ones we usually can’t stand to be around. They’re full of arrogance.

Feeling that tension about doing our best keeps us humble. Pushing on through those fears gets us to where we want to go.

He’s right (he almost always is!).

God says in His word that He wants us to live an abundant life. He wants us to follow Him and love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. He tells us to love others. We can’t do any of those things well if we keep practicing self-sabotage.

John 10:10 in the ESV says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

Satan loves it when we panic and pull away from something good just because we’re scared. He’ll do anything to keep us stuck in our self-sabotaging ruts because he knows how damaging it would be for him if we actually accomplished our goals.

So let’s get to the bottom of why we’re doing these things. Let’s get to the root of it and learn ways to fight past those feelings and stay on the path to success.

It takes hard work to stop self-sabotaging, but it’s worth it. Hopefully we can do it less and less as the years go by and we’ll see more of the successful outcomes we dream about.

“ ‘But my righteous one will live by faith. And I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back [self-sabotages?].’ But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.” (Hebrews 10:38-39 NIV – brackets mine)

Do you often self-sabotage? How can focusing on God help you to stop this and live more abundantly?

*If you struggle with this problem, here are a couple of great resources with more insights and suggestions for combating self-sabotage:

6 Reasons Why We Self-Sabotage (article on thriveglobal.com)

Quick Win: Stop Self-Sabotaging (on the Do It Scared Podcast with Ruth Soukup)

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Speaking Up

We had a mentor meeting after junior high youth group on Wednesday night. After our fearless leader went through some business and asked everyone for feedback and suggestions, another man asked to speak for a minute.

He had been visiting that night and he started out by commending all of us for being willing to mentor these 6th, 7th, and 8th graders. “There’s a lot of energy there!” We laughed because it was true.

Then he went on to reassure us that what we are doing makes a difference, even though we may never know it. Or maybe we would.

He told us about a high school sophomore he had mentored through the kid’s high school years. That student came back and met with him about seven years later and gave his life to Christ because of the seeds this man had planted in youth group.

He reminded us that we are making a mark in these students’ lives as we spend time with them and talk with them about their faith.

It was just what I needed to hear.

I love our group of 7th grade girls, but I was starting to wonder if mentoring was worth it. They’re sometimes silly and easily distracted, so at times it doesn’t seem like they’re getting the message.

This man’s words brought back my hope and reminded me why I signed up to mentor in the first place. They also were a wonderful example of our topic for that night. Our leader had taught about how important our thinking is and how we need to turn our thoughts around when they’re negative. (See Philippians 4:8 at the end of this post.)

After our youth group meeting, this man could have kept his mouth shut. I’m glad he spoke up instead. He encouraged us and gave us hope for what might happen in the lives of the students we’re mentoring.

Just think of the people we could encourage if we chose to speak up instead of staying silent!

I like to do it through this blog, but you could also speak up at home, at work, in Sunday school, at church, at a meeting, or wherever it feels right. Speaking up when God prompts you just might give someone the strength to go on.

To go on taking care of children, to go on doing their job well, to go on growing in their faith, to go on serving in your organization, or maybe even to go on living.

That sounds extreme, but there are many people who lose hope and wonder what their purpose is in life. So many people. Let’s speak up and help them find hope again.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8 NIV)

Do you speak up and encourage the people God brings into your life each day? How can focusing on God give you the wisdom and courage to do that faithfully?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Looking Back

Today a friend messaged me, asking when I had helped start MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) in Rock Rapids, Iowa. The local paper is doing a story about MOPS in Lyon County and they were looking for some more info.

I could remember what year we started, but I did a little digging and finally found my old MOPS files. Our first meeting was September 23, 1997.

As you can see in this post’s graphic, that was a long time ago. I had only three children then (Erin was 4, Allison was 3, and Blake was 2 months).

I looked through my file and found the brochure I had designed and printed myself. There was a schedule for the year with all of the speakers we had lined up. There was a roster of all of the moms and their contact info.

Waves of warmth washed over me as I thought about those two years of leading MOPS in Rock Rapids. The other women who served on the steering team were so faithful. It was fun to meet other moms with young children and have some time together a couple of times a month without our kids (they were taken care of by wonderful volunteers in the MOPPETS program and nursery). We got to eat without little fingers swiping our food. At every meeting we enjoyed listening to a speaker who taught us something new or encouraged us in the job we were doing as moms. At most of the meetings we created something cute to take home during craft time.

But what warms my heart the most is remembering the spiritual growth all of us experienced during those years. Our discussions helped our faith come alive and I know our relationships with our families were better because of MOPS.

So tonight I’m thanking God for that time in my life. It was busy and chaotic at times, as all young mothers know, but it was amazing to see God at work.

Sometimes I’m afraid we get a little too future-focused. What will we get done this year? What goals can we accomplish? What will God do in our lives?

It’s good for us to take a look back once in a while, before we forge ahead. Seeing how God has been faithful in the past will give us confidence and inspiration for the future.

I almost forgot about all of God’s faithfulness during my Mothers of Preschoolers years. How exciting it is to wonder what God will do in this next season of life!

Someday I’ll look back and be just as amazed and thankful, I’m sure.

“I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done.” (Psalm 143:5 NIV)

Do you ever forget to look back? How can focusing on God help you to see His faithfulness in your past and then move forward with more confidence?

*If you are a mom with young children, check out the resources at mops.org It was a lifesaver for me when my children were little! You can find a group that meets near you or just check out their MOPS blog for helpful articles for moms.

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Doing It Anyway

I don’t feel like writing this blog post tonight.

I was going to wait and make it a Super Saturday, but then I started thinking.

That happens way too often.

I don’t feel like cleaning, so I let the dust build up and the floor gets more and more full of crumbs and dirt.

I don’t feel like saying no to myself, so I eat when I’m not really hungry.

I don’t feel like figuring out what to write, so I put it off another day.

Maybe you find yourself doing that, too. Putting off the things you don’t feel like doing until they become more urgent, and usually more difficult.

So tonight I’m doing it anyway. I don’t feel like it, but I’m writing this post.

This week I started to work on overcoming that tendency to not do the things I don’t feel like doing. I wrote at least 500 words every day on my latest writing project, even when I didn’t feel like doing it. They weren’t all brilliant words and many of them may not make it to the final version of the book, but that’s okay. I did it anyway.

As we begin this new year, let’s all work on doing it anyway.

We may not feel like exercising. Let’s do it anyway.

We may not feel like being kind to our spouse, our children, or someone at work. Let’s do it anyway.

We may not feel like working on that goal we set on January 1. Let’s do it anyway.

We may not feel like reading our Bible, praying, or sharing our faith. Let’s do it anyway.

We may not feel like pressing on when our anxiety or depression gets bad. Let’s do it anyway.

Truth is, we usually aren’t going to feel like doing most of the things we do. But if we do them anyway, I can almost guarantee we’ll feel good afterward.

Well, what do you know! I finished this blog post, and that feels pretty good.

“We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized.” (Hebrews 6:11 NIV)

Do you have a hard time doing something when you don’t feel like it? How can focusing on God help you to do it anyway?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on 1 Second

My daughter did something so cool last year.

She downloaded an app and chose a 1 second video snippet to represent each day. On December 31 she posted it to Facebook and all of her friends and family could watch 365 seconds of her life go by. It was so interesting!

Of course, I recognized what was happening in many of the little snippets of her life (and I even saw myself and the rest of the family a couple of times). I was inspired and immediately downloaded the “1 Second Everyday: Video Diary” app (more info at 1secondeveryday.com).

Today I watched Erin’s video again and noticed even more than I had the first time.

I was reinspired, so I opened the app on my phone and added snippets for the first two days of the year. (You’re curious? For Wednesday I added a picture of my 3 big goals for this year and said “Here we go!”; for yesterday I took a video of our cribbage board with a deck of cards spread out in front of it and said “The guys won” – because, of course, I forgot to take a video when our friends were over last night.)

As the days go by, I think I’ll get better at capturing a moment on my phone as it happens and adding it to the app so I can look back at the year and remember it in a cool way.

The exciting and the mundane.

The highs and the lows.

The little moments that make up another year of living.

Even if you don’t get the app and record your 1 second each day, I encourage you to be more aware of each second that goes by. Take notice of it. See what’s happening around you. Who are you with? What are you doing? How are you feeling? What mental snapshot can you take to make sure you remember?

The older I get, the more I realize that our years fly by faster and faster.

If we aren’t deliberate about how we’re living, we’ll look back someday and wonder what we actually did with all of those seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years.

I predict that if I actually use this app, I’m going to be more conscious of all the things going on as I live each day. I might even do some things I normally would be too lazy to do, just so I can add them to my app. I’m going to be more aware of what I’m doing, what others are doing, and what I want to take note of before the day is over.

I can’t wait to see what my little 365 second movie looks like on December 31, but I’m even more excited about being more deliberate about living each second of 2020.

“Teach us to number our days [and our seconds], that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12 NIV – brackets mine)

Does time seem to fly by without you taking much notice? How can focusing on God help you to be more mindful of each second that goes by this year?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Making Christmas Cards

I love making Christmas cards.

There’s something special about designing, preparing, and assembling a handmade Christmas card for family and friends. It’s so relaxing.

Except when you start making them on December 19.

If you begin on that date, with the intention of getting them in church mailboxes by Sunday, December 22, then it’s not very relaxing at all. It’s rushed and tension builds up in your shoulders and neck. Your shoulder burns a bit as you stamp another image and you wonder if you’ll have to visit the chiropractor or physical therapist next week.

There goes anything you might have saved by making cards instead of buying them.

I bought this stamp years ago. I have no idea what my cost per card averages out to, but I have fun!

I haven’t made cards every year, but when I have, I’ve made some beauties.

These are the cards I made from 2003 to 2008. Look at all of the cutting, embossing, gluing, and coloring I did. And I had four kids at home!

This year’s card will be plain and simple. A nativity silhouette with a star above it and the caption: Silent Night, Holy Night. I think there’s a chance I’ll get them done and in the church mailboxes by Sunday morning, but I’ll have to work steadily the rest of today and much of tomorrow to get it done.

Here are my card and envelope piles, ready to be assembled and finished.

As usual, I’m wondering why I didn’t start earlier. I mean, really, I know Christmas is coming every year. There’s no reason I can’t start a few months early and make these at a more leisurely pace.

I got cards done for church last year, but I didn’t send any to family and friends. I made some cute cards during the spring and summer, but I didn’t get them sent out, and here we are back to Christmas again! (Am I a hopeless cause or what?)

I actually made 15 cards like this. So do I send them out now…or wait and send them super late so they make sense?

Maybe you struggle with doing things on time, too. If so, it might be good for all of us to spend some time planning for the new year that will begin soon. We can look at what we want to accomplish, break our goals into smaller pieces, and schedule time into each week to work on those things.

Then maybe we won’t find ourselves:

*making cards on December 20

*figuring out our finances on April 14

*cramming for a test the morning we take it

*trying to lose ten pounds the week before our class reunion

*writing something right up until the midnight deadline

*cleaning madly right before company is scheduled to arrive

The key is doing the work instead of putting it off and doing things that don’t matter as much.

I realize that all of this is subjective. For some people, Christmas cards are far down on their list of priorities. Something else probably rises to the top of their list.

Whatever it is, we need to work hard at it, remembering that God is with us and he’ll help us.

I love making Christmas cards. Next year I’m going to start making them in July.

“‘Be strong, all you people of the land,’ declares the Lord, ‘and work. For I am with you,’ declares the Lord Almighty.” (Haggai 2:4b NIV)

Are there things you feel are important, but you put them off til the last minute? How can focusing on God help you to work hard and get things done on time?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Starting Over

Last Saturday night I did some shopping at our local grocery store. I got the things on my list, but then I checked out the baked goods on my way to the checkout.

There was a package of six donuts. The kind I like. Two were plain chocolate frosting with white cream filling. The other four had sprinkles with white cream.

I caved and stuck them in my cart. I almost turned around and put them back. I mean, I know that much sugar isn’t good for me or Gary. But I really wanted a donut, so I checked out and took them home.

I offered one to Gary and then I returned to the kitchen for my treat.

Here’s where my reasoning went totally haywire. I realized these weren’t quite as fresh as the ones I’ve gotten early in the morning. No, these were just a little dry, and they wouldn’t get any better by the next day, so I decided to put two on my plate and go watch a Christmas movie.

The first donut was delicious, but by the time I got to the end of the second donut I was almost sick. (Don’t worry, I suffered through and finished it.) And then the guilt and self-condemnation poured in…

Why did I buy six donuts when I want to lose weight? Why did I eat two donuts in one sitting instead of waiting until I was hungry again? Why did I give in to temptation like that? Should I just forget about eating better? No. I finally came to my senses.

I had to start over.

Earlier this week I decided to try a new company for my email list. I had paid quite a bit last year for a system that I didn’t learn how to use very well and I hadn’t grown my list much at all. I decided to go to the free level of a quality company and see if I can put more work into using it well as I grow my email list. So I spent quite a bit of time figuring out how to move my precious group of subscribers to the new system and set up new forms for my website.

I had to start over.

Later in the week, my thinking started to get a little messed up. The normal stresses of the holidays, plus some stresses from our specific life started to get to me. Instead of catching those thoughts and turning them into something more positive and hopeful, I started to roll with the negative ideas bouncing around in my brain. It wasn’t good, because all it did was keep me from getting anything done on my list of things to do. I was paralyzed by my negative thoughts and I procrastinated until I finally picked one thing on my list and did it.

I had to start over.

Starting over is not easy. We don’t want to admit that we blew it in some area of our life. We don’t want to spend the time it takes to learn a new program or figure out how to produce something we haven’t done before. We get tired of fighting the negative thoughts in our brains, so we would rather just ignore them or hide from them or, even worse, believe them.

But we must start over. It’s the only way we’ll ever accomplish our goals. It’s the only way we’ll ever learn to do something new. It’s the only way we’ll get better at catching our thoughts and turning them around to something helpful and positive.

I think the more we practice starting over as soon as possible, the better we’ll get at it and the less often we’ll have to do it. But even if we have to start over a hundred times a day, let’s do it. It’s the only way we’ll make it through the marathon of life that we’re on.

Move ahead, fall down, start over. Repeat as needed. (And stay out of the bakery aisle.)

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.” (Hebrews 12:1-2a NIV)

Do you get tired of starting over? How can focusing on God help you to keep moving ahead with perseverance as you live your life?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Being Grateful (Even with a mental illness)

When you deal with mental illness, it can feel pretty hard to be grateful.

Symptoms, situations, and stuff can try to squash any desire we may have to be grateful. The easiest thing to do is to roll with whatever emotion bubbles to the surface.

Anger? Sure, let’s make sure everyone we meet knows how we’re feeling today.

Sadness? You bet, let’s stay in bed and cry.

Fear? Well, of course. No one can expect us to try new things when we’re feeling this way.

Boredom? Ho hum. Let’s see what’s in the fridge to snack on.

None of these emotions are wrong. As humans, we experience a vast array of emotions. (Check out Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions at sixseconds.org) They’re normal, but we can’t stay stuck in any of them. Choosing to be thankful just may get us past the negative emotions and move us closer to maturity and health.

Even without an illness like depression or anxiety, it can be hard to be grateful sometimes. When a mental illness affects someone’s life, it might feel almost impossible to be grateful.

Being grateful is a choice we have to make – whether we’re healthy or sick.

Being deliberate about giving thanks for the things we have can be part of the recovery process for those who are mentally ill, and once we’re healthy it can be one of the things that keeps us well.

Anger? Thank you, Lord, that I care enough about this person or this situation to get upset.

Sadness? Thank you, God, that my heart is tender enough to feel sad.

Fear? Thank you, Father, that you’re always with me and I don’t have to be afraid.

Boredom? Thank you, God, that you gave me a brain that can think of something to do instead of running to food when I’m not hungry.

We might need help processing the emotions we’re feeling. We might need to talk to a professional counselor about the things that are contributing to our anger, sadness, fear, and boredom.

But a good place to start is to get back to being grateful.

“Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.” (Psalm 107:8-9 NIV)

Are your emotions all over the place? How can focusing on God help you to be grateful, even in the midst of the negative emotions of mental illness?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Medications

At the end of July, I blogged about going off my medication for depression. (You can read that post here: Splendid Sunday: Let’s Focus on Going Off Meds)

Now, in case you haven’t read that earlier post, I feel the need to emphasize again that I believe in taking medications for depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses. They can be vital in getting a person to a healthy place emotionally after their brain chemistry gets all messed up.

In some cases, people need to take medications indefinitely to make sure they remain stable and healthy. Sometimes people can go off their medicine once they get to a healthy place and have the tools and skills necessary to stay healthy. (Always check with your doctor and your family before you make a change to your meds, and be sure to wean off your medication over time. Going off cold turkey can be extremely dangerous.)

I’d like to be able to tell you that I’m doing wonderfully without medicine and I’ll never need it again, but the truth is that I’m not sure yet.

I keep seeing this picture in my mind: A tightrope stretches out in front of me and I’m moving slowly along, but I’m scared that at any moment the rope will begin to sway crazily, I’ll lose my balance, and I’ll come crashing down to the ground far below.

The more I focus on that image, the more wobbly I become.

Coming off the medicine back in September, I noticed some changes right away. I cried a bit more easily, but it wasn’t out of nowhere like it seemed to be when I was depressed. I had cried once in a while when I was on the medicine, but I usually had to be very stressed or upset about something before the tears came.

I also realized that my mood got quite a bit higher sometimes than it did when I was on the medicine. (I especially remember laughing hard about something when our daughter was around and she commented on it. It was fun to laugh, but I was a little embarrassed at the time.)

I think I’m still trying to figure out how much crying is “normal.” It feels pretty good to be moved to tears when I watch YouTube videos of servicemen and women coming home and surprising their families. I like tearing up when I watch a sad movie or hear about a sad situation on the news. What I don’t like is getting weepy when I’m frustrated or angry about something. That may be “normal,” too, but I don’t like it.

The jury is still out on whether I’ll need to go back on medication in the future. For now, I’m trying to enjoy both the laughter and the tears as I continue to practice the thinking skills I need so that I don’t get depressed again.

One thing I can do is tear down the tightrope in my mind. That image won’t do me any good if I continue to think about it. It will just set me up for failure as I analyze every little wobble in my life, sure that it will send me careening to the depths of despair.

Instead, I can replace the tightrope image with a picture of me with my feet firmly planted on solid ground, putting one foot in front of the other, and moving forward. If I get off balance a bit I may move a little bit sideways or I might even fall down, but it’s not going to be the catastrophic plunge I would have taken from high above the ground. It will just be a short fall that will be easy to recover from.

What about you? Do you take a medication for depression or anxiety? Have you taken one in the past, but now you don’t? Are you experiencing lots of symptoms and wonder if you should be taking a medication?

Remember, everyone’s experience with mental illness is different. Talk to your family about how you’re feeling. Discuss medications with your doctor. Keep your feet firmly on the ground and make sure you’re learning good skills for dealing with depression and anxiety – whether you take medicine or not.

And, most of all, remember that God loves you and knows exactly what you’re going through. He doesn’t love you more if you don’t take medicine, and he doesn’t love you less if you do. You can trust him to help you work with your family and doctors and do whatever keeps you healthy emotionally.

I’m staying off the tightrope, walking on solid ground, and trusting him to keep me moving in the right direction – with or without medicine.

“For we live [walk] by faith, not by sight.” (2 Corinthians 5:7 NIV)

What do you think about taking medicines for mental illness? How can focusing on God help you to move ahead in faith, with or without the help of medications?