There’s been a war going on in my mind lately.
I feel like I’m fighting myself at every turn.
One part of me wants to do something productive. Another part of me wants to scroll social media.
Some days I want to eat healthy and exercise. Other days I want to snack constantly and skip doing any physical activity at all.
Even more disconcerting are the moments when I waffle between hope and despair. The emotionally healthy side of my brain looks forward to new friendships, experiences, and goals. The mentally ill side of my brain tries to squash all hope and attempts to point out all of the possible failures and flaws waiting for me in the future.
Don’t worry. I’m not depressed. But, thankfully, these warring thoughts are a signal for me. When I notice them I can take action to make sure the right side wins.
I’ll give you one little example.
A few weeks ago, I paid to go swimming on five Tuesday and Thursday mornings at the local high school. I figured that would give me a good idea of whether I could possibly compete in a swim meet for adults in April.
The five mornings are done now and I have started fighting myself.
I really enjoy swimming. / I’m so out of shape and slow!
I think I’d have fun competing at the swim meet. / I’ll make a fool of myself!
It’s good for me to have goals and work toward them. / I may as well give up now and forget about swimming!
I fight myself in so many areas of my life. Over the years I’ve learned that whichever side I focus on more is the side that wins. I have to catch the negative thoughts and recognize the lies.
Sometimes there’s a bit of truth in the negative thoughts (see “I’m so out of shape and slow!” above). We can acknowledge the truth, but replace it with thoughts that will get us heading in the right direction (“I’m out of shape and slow, but if I keep practicing I’ll get in shape and it will be fun to see if I can get faster“).
We can’t give up the fight! And we also have to remember that we don’t fight alone. The Holy Spirit can help us choose the thoughts and actions that will be good for us. Other people (family, friends, doctors) can help us when we feel like giving up.
Time to be more deliberate about what I’m thinking and doing. The fight is on and I know I’ll win!
For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. (Galatians 5:17 ESV)
Do you fight yourself in any area of life? How can focusing on God help you win the fight?