Tag: fear

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Honoring Our Intentions

I was going to call this week’s post “Let’s Focus on Following Through,” but then I did a search and realized that I used that for a title in April of 2022 when I was feeling nervous about my first Masters swim meet. (You can read that post if you click here.)

How funny that I thought about using that title today, because I’m psyching myself up for my second Masters swim meet tomorrow in Sioux Falls.

I’m not quite as nervous this time. I haven’t shed a single tear about it, but I did experience some normal signs of stress when I read through the list of events and checked out my competition on Thursday. Seeing everyone’s ages and times made my heart race and caused my stomach to do a few flip-flops.

I’m trying to think positively. I want to enjoy the day as I spend time with other adults who love to swim. But I have to admit that I did wish for a couple of minutes that I hadn’t signed up for the meet.

I entertained several of the negative thoughts that kept me waffling about whether to sign up until the very last day:

I could be in better shape.

I’m not sure if I can swim any faster than I did at the first meet.

Maybe I should just wait until next spring and make sure I train harder so I’m really ready.

Thankfully, I didn’t let myself ruminate on any of those thoughts for very long. Instead, I reminded myself of the reasons I finally signed up:

I love to swim.

I want to talk to other swimmers and find out how they stay motivated as they train.

I want to challenge myself and see if I’ve improved since April 2022.

I’m kind of proud of myself already, even if I don’t win a single race. I can see improvements in the way I catch my thoughts. That’s something I try to practice (and encourage others to do it, too) in my free private Facebook group: Catch Your Thoughts with Robyn Mulder.

Most of all, I want to show up for this swim meet because I want to honor my intentions. I haven’t always done that, but I’m trying to be more consistent in that area.

I don’t want to miss all of the exciting opportunities in this world just because I’m scared. I found a quote a while back by author Katherine Center:

You have to be brave with your life so that others can be brave with theirs.*

That’s the way I want to live my life. Brave. Hopeful. Honoring my intentions and commitments. That’s why I’m going to go swim my heart out tomorrow.

I’ll report back next week.

“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” (James 1:22 NIV)

Do you honor your intentions? How can focusing on God help you follow through when you say you’re going to do something?

*(Check out her quote in this video: https://katherinecenter.com/defining-a-movement/)

© 2023 Robyn Mulder

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Fighting through Fear

As I write today, I can hear the wind roaring through our neighborhood, blowing around the snow and making the temperature feel like negative forty degrees. I can stay safe and warm inside, but it’s still scary to think about the possibility of the power going out. I also feel some worry for people who have to work outside and those who are traveling.

To be honest, I’ve been a bit of a fraidy-cat lately.

Gary and I went on vacation recently. We enjoyed some warmer temps, but we did have to drive in some snow one day as we left Colorado and headed for Arizona. I was tense as we went through a couple of mountain passes, imagining what might happen if we slid off the road. In another spot, a sign warned of heavy fog ahead. I got pretty anxious, but it was all for nothing. The fog had cleared by the time we got to that spot and we were fine.

We did a few days of hiking in Arizona. It was fun, but I had a few moments of disproportionate fear at a few points on the trail. Some of them were going up—when we had to scramble over some boulders on the way to the summit. Some of them were going down—when I worried that my poles weren’t going to hold me as I picked my way over some rocks.

I was ashamed that I actually cried real tears several times as I got held back by my unreasonable fears.

One of the crying spots. 🙂

Every time, my husband was helpful and encouraging, showing me where to place my hands or my poles so I could keep going.

Looking back later, it seemed silly that I had cried over something that didn’t look as scary in hindsight.

Don’t we do that in life sometimes? I know I do.

I get paralyzed by fear and I can’t move forward because I think about what could happen.

The truth is, God is with us every single moment. He’ll show us how to move forward and he’ll be there with us if something bad does happen. We can live much happier, peaceful lives if we practice trusting him and move forward with confidence.

As we go through the final days of 2022 and look forward to a new year, I hope we can see how God was with us this year. Think about the things you were afraid of. Most of them never happened, did they? We wasted time and energy fretting over things when we could have been enjoying life instead.

As we get ready for 2023, let’s focus on fighting through fear. Let’s look at life realistically and be prudent about the choices we make, but let’s also trust that God will be with us as we tackle new challenges and accomplish our goals.

For me, that includes writing a book. (I can feel the fear rising up, especially as I think about how long I’ve been saying that, but I truly believe this is the year!)

I’d love to hear about something you’re going to do next year. Let’s pray for each other as we fight through the fear and move forward.

Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10 NIV)

Do your fears often hold you back? How can focusing on God help you move forward in faith instead?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Not Giving Up

Fear often keeps us from doing something we really want to do.

I lived with a family in Madrid, Spain during my junior year of college. Early on in my stay, I wanted to go visit a museum that wasn’t within walking distance. My Spanish “Dad” explained that there was a bus stop about a block away where I could catch a certain bus and then transfer to another bus further up the line. I nodded and smiled as he explained, but inside I was a mess. Madrid was a big city and I didn’t have much experience with buses.

When the time came, I walked down to the bus stop, stood there for a few anxious minutes, and then went home and retreated to the safety of my room. When my “Dad” asked how it went, I brushed it off and said I had decided not to go, but he could probably see the shame all over my face.

I was just too scared.

Years later, I decided I wanted to give blood. I had never done it before because sometimes I felt faint just thinking about things like that. On the day of the blood drive, I went to the collection site, walked up to the door, held it open for someone else going in, then let it close and retreated to the safety of my car. I cried in frustration, but I couldn’t go in.

I was just too scared.

I’m happy to report that I didn’t give up in either situation. I had to give myself a little time, but I was determined that I’d try again.

I’ve given blood many times (and I’ve never fainted). Needles aren’t my favorite things, but I’m not too scared to face them so I can help someone who needs it.

In Madrid, I got used to public transportation and used it often to explore that wonderful city. The bus wasn’t my favorite way to get around, though. After I braved the subway and figured it out, I used it so much that my Spanish conversation partner dubbed me the “Queen of the Metro.” I learned to get over my fears so I could have new experiences.

There are many things in life that may scare us—especially the first time we try them.

Think of all we’d miss if we gave up after our first failed attempt.

Let’s try to give ourselves a little time and then try again. Each time it will get a little easier and we’ll feel more confident.

If you really want to do something, don’t give up.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13 NKJV)

Do you want to give up when you’re too afraid to do something? How can focusing on God help you try again (and eventually succeed)?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Following Through

At the risk of annoying some of you, I’m going to talk about the swim meet I’ve been training for once again. It’s tomorrow!

I started training back in the middle of January. While I have seen some improvement, I also realize I’m not in the best shape for a swim meet.

It hit me today and I shed quite a few tears around noon as I worried about how I might do on Saturday. I want to do it, but I feel so nervous. So many things could go wrong (and there I go borrowing trouble, like I wrote about last week).

I talked it through with Gary as we ate lunch and I felt a little better after that.

Really, it comes down to two choices:

Stay home and not risk embarrassment and failure.

Go to the meet and swim my heart out.

And that’s what I’ll do, of course, even though I’m scared out of my mind.

I’m glad I’m writing about it this week because it fits right in with mental health—something I choose to focus on quite often here.

Anxiety and depression can tempt us to not follow through. The butterflies in our stomachs, the trembling in our fingers, and the knocking of our knees can make us want to hide at home and stay away from the goals we’ve set.

It’s too hard! I’m not ready! I need more time!

But if we give in to those thoughts, we might miss out on something wonderful. Sure, it might not go perfectly, but we’ll learn from our experiences and next time it will go even better.

Each time we choose to follow through it will give us one more victory to look back on with pride.

I’m going to follow through and swim tomorrow, even if I don’t win a single race.

“Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means.” (2 Corinthians 8:11 NIV)

Are you good at following through? What tempts you to give up? How can focusing on God help you see things through until you complete them?

My daughter Erin made this for me and I love it!
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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Doing Scary Things

This week I did something scary.

First I signed up to be a member of U.S. Masters Swimming. I filled out the online form, paid my fee, and hit submit. And then I felt a bit sick to my stomach.

I had to do it, because I had to be a member before I could go to the South Dakota Masters Swimming website the next day and sign up for the swim meet on April 9. And then I felt even more sick.

What am I doing?! I’ve only been practicing since January. I’m not in the best shape (although I have improved). I’m scared!

But I will push past my fears and do this scary thing.

I’ll meet other swimmers. I’ll have fun watching other races. I’ll challenge myself in four events. I doubt I’ll win anything, but who knows? It could happen.

Tomorrow I fly to California for the Inspire Christian Writers Conference at Mount Hermon.

What am I doing?! Will I be able to share my writing project ideas clearly? Will my flights go well so I can meet some friends and get to the conference on time? Will everyone else be dressed better than me? Will they like my writing? I’m scared!

But I will push past my fears and do this scary thing.

I’ll spend time with other writers. I’ll get support and inspiration for my own writing and I’ll be able to encourage others. I’ll get a few days to really spend time with God and hear his direction for my book and other writing projects.

For the swim meet and the conference, I’m assuming the fear will turn into a sense of accomplishment once I get to the other side.

I have to keep that in mind when other scary opportunities come my way.

God will be with me, whatever I’m doing. He’ll be with you, too, dear reader, as you face your own scary thing.

That medical diagnosis? He’s there.

That cross-country move? He’s there.

That first date? He’s there.

That speech you have to give? He’s there.

No matter how scary it is (and you don’t have to pretend it’s not), God will help you and get you through it. Do it even though you’re scared.

I’ll make it through my scary things. I just hope I’m not shaking so hard at the swim meet that I fall off the starting block early.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10 NIV)

Do you have to face any scary things right now? How can focusing on God help you to get through them in spite of your fears?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Being Brave

Back in July, I wrote a post about being afraid to choose a paint color for my new home office (Click here to read it). I bet some of you have been wondering if I ever moved forward with that project.

Well, I’m happy to report that I did choose a color, and my good friend Michelle helped me paint last Thursday.

Thank you, Michelle!

She started doing the trim work along the ceiling, window, and baseboards, while I started rolling in the other areas.

It was kind of fun to see the walls turn from beige to blue.

After a couple of hours, my friend had to leave. We made plans to finish on Saturday. Before she left, I asked her to show me how she was doing the trim work. She demonstrated the technique with her angled brush.

“Do you think I could do that?” I asked hesitantly.

“Sure! Go ahead! I’m sure you can do it!”

“Okay, maybe I’ll give it a try,” I said as she was leaving.

I grabbed the brush and took a deep breath as I carefully applied paint along the window. So far, so good.

Then I sat down on the floor and went along the baseboard. That went well, too (even though I kept a rag close by to remove some drips once in a while).

I climbed the ladder and tried along the ceiling. I did it!

Working steadily, eventually I had the entire room covered. I checked for thin spots that needed a little more paint and ran my roller over them.

I stood back to my admire our work and loved it. I’m sure it’s not perfect, but I did most of it myself and that felt so good.

Like so many things in life, painting this room took bravery. It would have been so much easier to just leave it the color it was and not try something new.

I have to remember this experience when I’m feeling hesitant about other opportunities.

Holding back may feel safer, but it won’t lead to the sense of accomplishment and pride that comes from being brave.

I’m moving on to my next scary goal. I’m going to be brave, jump in, and do it!

“Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.” (Psalm 31:24 NIV)

Have you been avoiding anything because you’re afraid? How can focusing on God help you to be brave and do it?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on What to Do When We’re Afraid

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise—in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” (Psalm 56:3-4 NIV)

Are you ever afraid?

I’m not just talking about the shock of adrenaline you get when you see a snake or a spider in a place you didn’t expect. Yes, there’s some fear there (for some people more than others), but I’m asking about something deeper.

Do you ever feel afraid down to the core of your soul about some threat to your physical, emotional, or spiritual well-being?

Maybe the doctor has some bad news for you, or you’re worried about what someone thinks of you, or you did something sinful and you’re afraid you’ll never be the same again.

If you’re human, you will be afraid from time to time. The psalmist David says it in Psalm 56:3. “When I am afraid.” Not “if” I am afraid. “When” I am afraid. That means it’s inevitable for the rest of us, too.

It’s not just during a pandemic that we’ll be afraid. That situation has come and it will go, but the things that make us afraid will persist in our lives, paralyzing us if we don’t know how to handle them.

David shows us what to do: “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”

Can we do that? It’s not something that happens automatically. It’s a choice we have to make. The fear wells up inside, and we have to say, “God, I trust you. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I trust you.”

When we do that, the fear goes away. We still don’t know the outcome of the situation, but we can face it without fear.

I think it’s interesting that David writes those thoughts in two ways: “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you” and then “in God I trust and am not afraid.” Afraid, trust, not afraid.

We will have to repeat that cycle over and over as we go through all of the trials that come up in life. That’s okay. As long as we don’t get stuck in the “afraid” phase of the sequence, we’ll keep moving forward in faith.

If we use this time during the pandemic to practice, maybe it will be a little easier to live in trust instead of fear once life gets back to “normal.”

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise—in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” (Psalm 56:3-4 NIV)

What are you afraid of? How can focusing on God help you to choose to trust Him and not be afraid?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Our New Normal

Well, it’s been quite a week, hasn’t it?

I think we’re all trying to get used to our new normal.

I’ve heard several friends say it feels like such a long time that we’ve been dealing with this. We have been watching the situation unfold around the world for quite a while, but it has actually only been about a week that it really started to affect us.

Sporting events, conferences, and vacations started getting cancelled. Schools have been closed and online classes are beginning.

Grocery store shelves are sometimes bare as people stock up for the unknown.

We’re washing our hands and dumping on hand sanitizer and trying to stay six feet away from everyone we see when we do venture out of the house.

I’ve been handling it as well as I can, just like everyone else. I have noticed that I’m stress eating way too much (like that helps at all) and I’ve had more trouble concentrating when I’m trying to write or edit.

I’ll get involved in something for a while and kind of forget about what’s happening, and then the realization floods back over me that life is not the same as it was.

There’s a danger out there. We don’t know how bad it’s going to get before it’s over – or even when it will be over. I teared up tonight while watching the news and seeing the emergency room filled with people wearing ventilators over in Italy.

We won’t gather for church this Sunday. Instead, Gary will record a message and we’ll post it on our church website for people to watch. Who knows when we’ll be able to meet together again?

It’s our new normal.

We don’t like it. We don’t understand it. We don’t want to get used to it.

But we will.

We’ll find ways to connect, even if it can’t be in person. We’ll find ways to reach out, even if we need to leave six feet between us. We’ll find ways to help each other, even if we’re not quite sure how to help ourselves.

Hang on to hope, my friends, even when everything seems hopeless. God is in control. Because of that, we can keep choosing peace, even in the midst of chaos.

May that become our new normal, even after this virus is long gone.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7 NIV)

Are you getting used to our new normal? How can focusing on God help you to keep choosing peace in the middle of the chaos and uncertainty?

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Super Saturday: Let’s Focus on Something Other Than the Coronavirus

Wow. I haven’t had a Super Saturday post in a long time. I blame the coronavirus.

Oh, don’t worry. I don’t have it, but I have been dealing with the stress of bouncing from thinking “it’s not a big deal” to the extreme of “we’re all going to die.” I’ve been listening to the news and reading most of the posts people are putting on their Facebook feeds.

On Friday we found out that our son’s college is sending everyone home by Wednesday and they’ll complete the school year with online classes. (Just when we were getting used to the empty nest!)

I’m not going to recap the situation or speculate about all that is happening around the world in regards to this pandemic. I’m sure most of you have heard more than enough about all of this.

Instead, I want us to take some time to focus on something other than the coronavirus.

When fear wants to control our thoughts and actions, let’s focus instead on the fact that God has everything under control and we can move ahead with confidence–no matter what happens.

When Satan whispers that everything is meaningless, let’s focus instead on all that is still right and beautiful and good in this big, wide world.

When anxiety tries to hold us hostage and keep us from getting things done, let’s focus instead on the peace we can choose (over and over again) and the confidence we can gain as we do things in spite of feeling anxious.

When we’re tempted to sit all alone and worry, let’s focus instead on who we can reach out to and encourage. We can do that through a phone call, a handwritten card or letter (remember those?), or even a timely Facebook post.

When it feels like everything is falling apart, let’s focus instead on how God keeps everything together. We may not understand it all right now, but we can trust Him and move forward in faith.

There’s so much more to focus on than . . . wait – what was that thing we were so worried about?

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together [except during the coronavirus pandemic], as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:23-25 NIV – brackets mine)

Are you dealing with extra stress during these uncertain times? How can focusing on God help you to keep living well each day – in spite of the questions you may have?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Self-Sabotage

It happens all the time.

I make a plan, set a goal, or say I’m going to do something and it goes well for a while. I see progress and feel great as I see success in sight.

But then, I do something to sabotage myself.

I stay away from snacks for a few days and my pants start to feel a little looser…and then I feed my face constantly for a day – just because I can.

I open up my laptop and work daily on my book…and then I get scared and stop writing.

I start to feel confident about editing and take on new clients…and then I entertain thoughts of quitting just because I’m scared I’ll miss something.

That’s what happened yesterday as I finished up an editing project. I started crying and blurted out all of my fears to Gary (my patient, wise husband who has had many similar conversations with me over the years). He talked me down and reminded me that feeling that anxiety is pretty normal.

Almost everyone deals with it to some extent. He reminded me that perfect is not possible, and the people who think they’re perfect are the ones we usually can’t stand to be around. They’re full of arrogance.

Feeling that tension about doing our best keeps us humble. Pushing on through those fears gets us to where we want to go.

He’s right (he almost always is!).

God says in His word that He wants us to live an abundant life. He wants us to follow Him and love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. He tells us to love others. We can’t do any of those things well if we keep practicing self-sabotage.

John 10:10 in the ESV says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

Satan loves it when we panic and pull away from something good just because we’re scared. He’ll do anything to keep us stuck in our self-sabotaging ruts because he knows how damaging it would be for him if we actually accomplished our goals.

So let’s get to the bottom of why we’re doing these things. Let’s get to the root of it and learn ways to fight past those feelings and stay on the path to success.

It takes hard work to stop self-sabotaging, but it’s worth it. Hopefully we can do it less and less as the years go by and we’ll see more of the successful outcomes we dream about.

“ ‘But my righteous one will live by faith. And I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back [self-sabotages?].’ But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.” (Hebrews 10:38-39 NIV – brackets mine)

Do you often self-sabotage? How can focusing on God help you to stop this and live more abundantly?

*If you struggle with this problem, here are a couple of great resources with more insights and suggestions for combating self-sabotage:

6 Reasons Why We Self-Sabotage (article on thriveglobal.com)

Quick Win: Stop Self-Sabotaging (on the Do It Scared Podcast with Ruth Soukup)