Tag: depression

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Speaking Up

When I was very depressed* back in September of 2014, I made lots of mistakes in how I was thinking and acting.

One of my biggest blunders was failing to speak up. Gary knew how much I was struggling, but I said very little at the high school where I was getting more and more stressed and upset about the teaching job I couldn’t seem to handle.

Looking back (and isn’t it always easier to see what we could have done in hindsight?), I might have been able to handle things better if I had spoken up and talked to the other teachers about my worries and frustrations.

I could have gotten more help with the technology problems with the online textbook, instead of being determined that I should be able to figure it out myself.

I could have asked how the other teachers handled disruptive students, instead of just heaping more shame on myself because I couldn’t keep everyone happy and attentive every day.

I could have been more open with people at church and asked them to pray for me as I adjusted, instead of keeping it all to myself and slipping more and more into that dark place.

I learned from the mistakes I made back then when I got so sick.

Now I’m much more willing to speak up when I’m going through something difficult. I talk to God about it, and I talk to other people who can help.

I was reminded of speaking up earlier this week at VBS. In the midst of a busy day of herding a group of 3rd and 4th graders through their various activities at Vacation Bible School, I heard one of the other volunteers admit that she had a meltdown one evening as she thought about a commitment she had made for later this summer. She had doubts about whether her faith was strong enough and if she was the right person for the job she had signed up for.

How brave of her to voice that doubt in a group of peers. We could encourage her and now we know how we can pray for her as that commitment approaches.

We all need to get more comfortable speaking up. Let’s not keep our troubled thoughts to ourselves. Let’s talk to God about them and practice speaking up to people in our lives who can pray for us and give us help and encouragement for whatever we’re going through.

God knows our thoughts, but people aren’t mind readers. We have to speak up.

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.” (1 John 5:14-15 NIV)

Do you feel comfortable speaking up, or do you keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself? How can focusing on God help you to be more willing to talk to God and others about your troubles?

*You can read more of my posts about depression over at robynmulder.blogspot.com (search for “depression” or “mental health” to find more posts)

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on the Real Issue

We’re getting back to talking about mental health this week, but I want to come at it from a different angle than I did a few weeks ago. I told you, of course, about the symptoms and some possible causes, but that’s not really what you want to see here, is it?

I mean, you could google those things and get lots of facts about depression and other mental illnesses. To tell you the truth, that’s what I did while writing those posts. It’s informative, but you can get information like that from many different places online.

What I’d like to share here each week is more personal. It’s not as cut and dried because my experience with depression is my experience. If you have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, or some other mental illness, it won’t look the same as mine or anyone else’s.

That’s one of the worst things about mental illness. Most of the time others have no idea someone is suffering. It’s kind of like the tree in my graphic for this week. It looks fine, right?

But what if I show it to you from another angle?

Now you can see the problem, can’t you? A huge section of the tree is missing, cut away from the power lines.

That’s the real issue with mental illness. So much of it is internal. There’s a darkness, a fear, a hopelessness that can’t be seen from the outside until the illness gets so bad that the person can no longer hide it.

We have to get better at dealing with mental illness.

People who suffer have to speak up and let someone know how they’re feeling before it gets to be a crisis.

Loved ones need to be brave and talk to their spouse, child, parent, or friend when they notice changes in that person’s mood or behavior.

Christians need to live their lives remembering the hope they have in Jesus Christ and reminding others of that hope when all seems dark.

You have no idea what someone is struggling with inside, so be as kind as you can as often as you can. Just like my funky tree, remember that the real issue is internal.

“For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” (Romans 8:24-25 NIV)

Do you often struggle internally? How can focusing on God help you to think better or get the help you need so your mental health can improve? If you don’t struggle, how can you show more compassion to those who do?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on the Causes of Mental Illness

(Note: The lists of causes in this week’s post were taken from an excellent article found at webmd.com/mental-health/mental-health-causes-mental-illness#1 If that link doesn’t work you can do a search for mental illness causes at webmd.com and you should be able to find it)     

When someone suffers from a mental illness like depression or anxiety, it is normal to look for the reason why. Unfortunately, the reason is usually not clear. Any number of biological, psychological, and environmental factors can combine and lead to a mental illness.

Biological:

*Abnormal functioning of nerve cell circuits or pathways that connect particular brain regions, which communicate through chemicals called neurotransmitters. Sometimes these chemicals need to be changed through medicines, psychotherapy, or other medical procedures.

*Genetics (heredity) can also play a big part in mental illness

*Infections can be linked to the development of mental illness or the worsening of its symptoms

*Brain defects or injury

*Prenatal damage – disruption of early fetal brain development or trauma at time of birth may be a factor in the development of certain conditions

*Other factors – Poor nutrition and exposure to toxins like lead may play a role

Psychological:

*Severe trauma as a child

*An important early loss, such as the loss of a parent

*Neglect

*Poor ability to relate to others

Environmental:(Certain stressors can trigger an illness in a person who is susceptible to a mental illness.)

*Death or divorce

*Dysfunctional family life

*Feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, anxiety, anger, or loneliness

*Changing jobs or schools

*Social or cultural expectations

*Substance abuse by the person or the person’s parents

Now, this is a long list of causes.

You may recognize some factors that have possibly caused your own mental illness or that of someone you love. You may never be able to pinpoint exactly what led to the suffering you’ve gone through (or may be going through right now), but it can be helpful to be aware of causes as you get help and begin the recovery process.

We’re just getting started as we explore mental illness and what we need to do to get healthy. In the weeks ahead we’ll keep going deeper into this complex topic.

I understand the despair you can sometimes feel when you are in the depths of depression and other mental illnesses. Remember, the illness is what’s causing that despair.

You may not feel hope, but you have hope. God loves you and he wants what is best for you. Please note, I’m not telling you to just pray and watch all of your symptoms go away. It will take courage and hard work to get back to good emotional health. God is with you through it all. He really is!

“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalm 43:5 NIV)

Is it frustrating to see how many factors could lead to a mental illness? How can focusing on God help you to examine possible causes, but hold on to hope that you can get healthy again?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on 10 Symptoms of Depression

Depression Symptoms for blog

How do you know if you’re suffering from clinical depression or just having a really bad day?

Let’s look at ten common symptoms of depression and talk about it.

  1. Loss of interest in things you normally enjoy (hobbies, sports, time with friends, sex). When I was depressed, I lost interest in almost everything and obsessed about how bad I was feeling.
  2. Sleep problems (either sleeping way too much or not being able to sleep). I would go to bed and not be able to fall asleep for a long time, adding to my anxiety because I knew I should be sleeping.
  3. Changes in eating (overeating or loss of appetite). I lost about fifteen pounds in a month because I often had a stomachache and didn’t feel like eating.
  4. Unexplained aches and pains (headaches, back trouble, other problems). Over the years I think some of my back problems happened because of depression I didn’t recognize.
  5. Loss of focus (trouble concentrating, thinking, remembering, making decisions). I couldn’t make out lesson plans when I was teaching because I just couldn’t concentrate.
  6. Depressed mood (feelings of sadness, emptiness, hopelessness, crying, mood swings). I held it together in public, but at home I cried often.
  7. Irritation (feelings of anger, irritability, or frustration – especially common in men). Not in 2014, but I had a year of intense anger when our girls were little. Looking back, I think it was mostly depression.
  8. Anxiety (agitation or restlessness). I just couldn’t relax! When I sat, I would bounce my knees together. I still notice that happening when I’m getting anxious about something.
  9. Lethargy (slowed speaking, thinking, or movements). I had times of this in college, but I never recognized it as depression. I just thought I was tired.
  10. Death (thinking about it often, wishing for it, suicidal thoughts and actions* – the scariest symptom of all). Thoughts like this finally convinced me to talk to my husband and I went to the hospital in 2014 for some help.

Everyone’s illness is different. You may not experience all of these symptoms. If you notice several of them and they last for more than two weeks, it’s time to get professional help.

Talk to someone about how you’re feeling. You don’t have to suffer, thinking it’s a character weakness on your part. That’s what I did for many years, bouncing between the highs and lows, suffering needlessly. I was sure that if I just prayed harder God would take the depression away, but that didn’t happen.

A combination of many things led to a chemical problem in my brain. When it gets to that point, you can’t just think or pray yourself out of it. That’s when it takes medicine, or talk therapy, or a combination of the two to get you back to a healthy place.

We’ll talk more about that in the weeks ahead.

“…while [Elijah] went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. ‘I have had enough, LORD,’ he said. ‘Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.'” (1 Kings 19:4 NIV)

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18 NIV)

Have you been experiencing any of these ten symptoms for more than two weeks? How can focusing on God help you to admit there is a problem and reach out for help?

*If you are having suicidal thoughts, please reach out to someone you trust. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255  

 

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Drilling Down

drilling down for blog

I watched an interview this week with Lindsey Hartz (part of the Flourish Writers Conference). She was talking about how a writer needs to “drill down” into an audience and get really specific about who they want to reach.

That stuck with me, and I even went back and watched the video again. I realized that I’ve been trying to reach all women everywhere. Maybe that’s why it’s hard to decide what to focus on each week. I consider lots of different topics and try to figure out what might resonate with the most people.

There’s some safety in that. If I give everyone a little of what they want to read then I don’t have to dig too deep into painful subjects. 

But I don’t think I want to do that anymore. I say I’m writing a book about depression and how to stay healthy emotionally, but I flit from task to task, distraction to distraction, doing just about everything but writing the book.

I think it’s time to drill down and focus on a narrower audience. 

I think my calling in this season of life is to bring God’s hope to those who are struggling with depression and other mental illnesses.

If that’s you, then come along as we explore mental health in the weeks and months ahead. There is hope for you, my friend.

If that isn’t you, I still invite you to come along. Even if you don’t have a mental health diagnosis, everyone can benefit from learning ways to stay healthy emotionally.

I think this idea of “drilling down” can apply to many areas of our lives. Let’s not be all over the place, jumping from idea to idea and project to project. Let’s drill down, get specific, and get things done.   

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13 NIV)

Are you trying to get everything done instead of drilling down and deciding to target or work on specific things? How can focusing on God help you to narrow your intentions as you go through life?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Weakness

I didn’t write my usual Focus Friday post last week because I was in a pretty dark place that day. My stress level was still extremely high with all of the demands of my new teaching job. Now, mind you, for some people the demands would be stressful, but manageable. For me, for some reason, they became unmanageable.

I don’t think the students realized how uncomfortable I was, but I was stressing way too much when I wasn’t at the job. It was affecting my physical, emotional, and even spiritual health. People tried to help. Gary listened, gave support and encouragement, and hoped I would feel better. Other teachers offered their help and were very supportive, but I didn’t take advantage of their help soon enough. Life became a blur of work and worry. I prayed and tried to read my Bible for help, but my negative thoughts ran rampant and drowned out any comfort God tried to give me.

By Saturday, we decided that it was time to go to the hospital for more help for my depression. I had gone on some medicine the week before, but it wasn’t helping yet and I was thinking some pretty scary thoughts. A stop in the emergency room and a transfer a few hours later to a hospital with an open bed brought me to the Mental Health Unit of one of our regional hospitals. The staff cared for me and all of their patients with the utmost respect, courtesy, and skill. I came home today and am feeling so much better about life.

So…that brings me to my focus for this week: weakness. In some ways it was weakness that landed me in the hospital. I felt too weak to handle the stress and demands. A friend sent a note that said I had done a “brave and smart thing by reaching out for help.” Which is it? Was I weak or was I brave? Could it possibly be both? I know I am in a much better place than I was a week ago after getting some help and care. Maybe by being brave and admitting I was weak I was able to draw on some strength and experience some growth. I know I’ll have to keep going back to that place of strength as I keep getting better and deal with the disappointment of letting the teaching job go.

As you can imagine, I’m still sorting all of this out. I have appreciated the prayers of so many friends and family members during this time. Keep praying. For this week, I just wanted to remind myself and all of you that weakness is not always a bad thing. It can show us what our limits are. It can teach us about ourselves and others. It can knock down our walls of pride and teach us to reach out for help.

Another friend from church wrote out some verses for me and I kept them on my bedside table at the hospital. The one that helped the most was this:

My STRENGTH is made perfect in WEAKNESS
2 Corinthians 12:9 (That’s the way she wrote it on the card)

And on the back she printed the entire verse:

Each time he said, “No. But I am with you; that is all you need. My power shows up best in weak people.” Now I am glad to boast about how weak I am; I am glad to be a living demonstration of Christ’s power, instead of showing off my own power and abilities. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Isn’t that a beautiful reminder? We don’t have to be perfect. We just have to be faithful and people will see Christ’s power in us…even when we are very weak.

I think I’ll end with that. I have so much more to say, but it will have to wait for another Friday.

~Robyn

Do you ever feel weak? Do you accept that about yourself and see how it can show God’s strength or do you fight it and deny that weakness? How can focusing on God help you to “boast” about how weak you really are?