Tag: depression

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Staying Away from the Edge

As you probably know by now, in 2014 I went through a severe bout with depression. Depression and anxiety robbed me of all hope and sent me to the hospital. I’m so thankful for the help I got there.

Now I have joy, confidence, and hope most days, but the negatives often try to creep back in. It catches me off guard and discourages me so much. I’m learning to catch those thoughts and turn them around so that it doesn’t turn into a depression that debilitates me, but it is often difficult.

I’d like to focus on “staying away from the edge” in this week’s post. Have you ever traveled somewhere and experienced that moment of vertigo when you are overlooking some beautiful vista? Niagara Falls, The Grand Canyon, a hike in the mountains with a deep ravine next to your footpath? You realize that one false step could send you plummeting to your death. If you are wise, you make sure you are staying away from the edge so you are safe.

I think we can also do that emotionally. Mental illness can mean the death of us if we keep going in spite of all of the danger signs and fall over the figurative edge. I’d like to explore some of the ways we can stay away from the edge when it comes to our mental health. I’m sure you’ve read some of my posts that deal with that already, but I’ll share some of the ways I do that (again) in an upcoming post.

This time, I’d like to ask for your help. Would you be willing to share some of the ways you “stay away from the edge” as you live with a mental health diagnosis?

 Email me at robyn@robynmulder.com or send me a message on Facebook. I would love to hear from you and share some of your ideas with others who are also working to maintain their mental health. Please share this post with anyone who may also be struggling.

Most of all, please get help if you are teetering on the edge and you don’t feel like it’s worth it to get back to safe footing. Talk to your family, friends, or your doctor. You can also call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline if you need help.

Let’s all make sure we’re staying away from the edge.

“…I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life,….” (Deuteronomy 30:19–20 NIV)

Do you ever feel like you might go over the edge? How can focusing on God help you stay away from the edge and enjoy a fulfilling life in spite of a mental health diagnosis?

© 2016 (and tweaked in 2023) Robyn Mulder

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Mental Health in May 2022 (Part 3: Keep Working)

In the last couple of weeks we’ve explored how we need to notice our mental health and how important it is to talk about it with friends, family members, and professionals.

Now it’s time to do the work.

It would be nice if we could just take a nap or watch a little TV as our brains heal, but the reality is that we also need to do some hard things to get to better emotional health.

It’s going to look different for each individual, but here are some things we could work on:

  • Fight to counter any negative thinking with more positive thoughts. (2 Corinthians 10:5 says to “take every thought captive.”) Be realistic about the difficult aspects of life, but try to find ways to think about them that are more hopeful and productive.
  • Be sure to take prescribed medications on time, making sure not to skip any doses.
  • Attend a support group where we can talk to others who know what it’s like to have a mental illness. (Fresh Hope is a peer-led group with online resources at freshhope.us.)
  • Talk to a therapist and learn skills for dealing with stress and anxiety in healthy ways. Work on any homework the counselor gives us so we can apply the skills and maintain good mental health.
  • Don’t isolate. We need to reach out if our symptoms are getting worse. The sooner we can stop that downward spiral, the better off we’ll be.
  • Never give up hope! This will be harder some days than others, but we need to remember that our emotions ebb and flow. We can hold on until the dark times pass.

Living with a mental illness like anxiety or depression means we have to work harder at regulating our emotions than other people.

With practice and perseverance, it can get easier. It’s worth every ounce of effort we give it.

Keep working.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13 NKJV)

Do you find it hard to take actions as you deal with a mental illness? How can focusing on God help you keep working and get more healthy?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Mental Health in May 2022 (Part 1: Keep Noticing)

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, so we’re going to focus on a different aspect of that each Friday.

Today let’s consider the fact that poor mental health doesn’t get better by ignoring it.

It makes sense in other areas of life, too. Our houses don’t get clean if we ignore the mess around us. Homework doesn’t get done if we ignore it and watch Netflix instead. Relationships don’t get better if we ignore the little irritations and frustrations that crop up from time to time.

We can’t ignore the symptoms that warn us about depression or anxiety. We have to notice what’s going on in our heads and bodies.

Some possible signs: feelings of sadness or hopelessness, drastic changes in appetite, sleeping too much or not enough, extreme irritability, trouble concentrating, loss of interest in normal activities, unexplained physical symptoms like headaches or back pain, thoughts of self-harm or suicide.

You can do an online search for “symptoms of depression/anxiety” and find helpful lists. If you experience many of the symptoms for more than two weeks, it’s probably time to see your doctor and get their opinion about whether you’re depressed or experiencing anxiety. Sometimes there are physical problems (like thyroid disease or diabetes) that mimic the symptoms of depression. Your doctor can help you rule out things like that and prescribe medication if you are clinically depressed.

Perhaps you’ve been diagnosed and you’ve taken steps (like medication and/or counseling) to get to a healthier emotional place. That’s wonderful, but you still need to keep noticing so you can maintain good mental health.

If you’re suddenly irritable or weepy about something that normally wouldn’t bother you, it pays to notice that and make a note of it on your calendar. Keep track of how often it occurs.

If you cancel plans to go out for dinner with a group of friends, take a minute to notice how you’re feeling. Have you been extra busy and you need a night at home alone? Or does your heart start beating out of your chest when you think about going out in public, so you panic and hide in your room?

If you spend an hour reading the same paragraph over and over at work and you can’t move on to the next thing you need to do, it’s time to notice that and consider what’s happening. Is it a one-time thing because of a certain situation at work (or at home) or has it been happening more often? It could be one symptom of a developing depression.

Mental health can be tricky to navigate. Some days we’re up and some days we’re down. Situations at home or work can make things worse (or better). Sometimes medicine is needed. Sometimes talking to someone can get us through a rough time.

I hate to admit that I’m back in a place where I’m noticing quite a few signs that I need to talk to someone professionally. (It’s so tempting to pretend like everything’s just fine.) I’m having trouble focusing on things I want to do (like writing) and I’m eating more than I need to because I feel stress. I need help catching some negative thoughts, so I’m going to make an appointment to talk to someone next week.

As you learn skills to maintain good mental health (we’ll talk about some this month), you’ll get to know yourself better. Certain symptoms will warn you before you begin to spiral downward. But you can’t ignore them.

Keep noticing.

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23–24 NIV)

Do you ever ignore symptoms that warn you about your mental health? How can focusing on God help you notice what’s going on in your mind and body so you can maintain good mental health?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Fighting Ourselves

There’s been a war going on in my mind lately.

I feel like I’m fighting myself at every turn.

One part of me wants to do something productive. Another part of me wants to scroll social media.

Some days I want to eat healthy and exercise. Other days I want to snack constantly and skip doing any physical activity at all.

Even more disconcerting are the moments when I waffle between hope and despair. The emotionally healthy side of my brain looks forward to new friendships, experiences, and goals. The mentally ill side of my brain tries to squash all hope and attempts to point out all of the possible failures and flaws waiting for me in the future.

Don’t worry. I’m not depressed. But, thankfully, these warring thoughts are a signal for me. When I notice them I can take action to make sure the right side wins.

I’ll give you one little example.

A few weeks ago, I paid to go swimming on five Tuesday and Thursday mornings at the local high school. I figured that would give me a good idea of whether I could possibly compete in a swim meet for adults in April.

The five mornings are done now and I have started fighting myself.

I really enjoy swimming. / I’m so out of shape and slow!

I think I’d have fun competing at the swim meet. / I’ll make a fool of myself!

It’s good for me to have goals and work toward them. / I may as well give up now and forget about swimming!

I fight myself in so many areas of my life. Over the years I’ve learned that whichever side I focus on more is the side that wins. I have to catch the negative thoughts and recognize the lies.

Sometimes there’s a bit of truth in the negative thoughts (see “I’m so out of shape and slow!” above). We can acknowledge the truth, but replace it with thoughts that will get us heading in the right direction (“I’m out of shape and slow, but if I keep practicing I’ll get in shape and it will be fun to see if I can get faster“).

We can’t give up the fight! And we also have to remember that we don’t fight alone. The Holy Spirit can help us choose the thoughts and actions that will be good for us. Other people (family, friends, doctors) can help us when we feel like giving up.

Time to be more deliberate about what I’m thinking and doing. The fight is on and I know I’ll win!

For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. (Galatians 5:17 ESV)

Do you fight yourself in any area of life? How can focusing on God help you win the fight?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Moving

Gary and I are in a time of transition. He’s accepted a call to First Reformed Church in Volga, South Dakota. We’ll be moving at the end of the month.

We’re excited, but we’re also sad to be leaving our community and First Reformed Church in Platte, South Dakota.

I haven’t blogged about it yet, but I’ve definitely been dealing with all of the feelings this brings up.

There are times when I look forward in anticipation. What will our new congregation be like? What experiences will we have in our new setting? What will God do in our lives and the lives of those we serve?

There are other times when I start crying because I think about the friends I’m going to miss.

Moving is hard. You’d think we’d be used to it by now. We’ve moved five times before this, but I have to remind myself that every time is challenging. I have to expect the ups and downs and show myself lots of grace when I get a little (or a lot!) emotional.

Unless you’re new to this blog, I’m sure you remember that I’ve dealt with depression for many years. (You can read some of my posts about it by clicking here, here, and here.)

I don’t want to fall apart and get clinically depressed again, so I’m taking steps to make sure I stay healthy.

I’m talking often with my husband, Gary. He’s good at helping me look at things objectively.

I start most mornings with devotions. Reading the Bible and writing down thoughts that comfort and inspire me really helps.

I made some appointments to talk with a counselor online. I don’t think I’ll have to keep seeing someone long-term, but talking things through with a professional helps me get perspective.

I try to exercise almost every morning. Getting those endorphins going is good for my body and my brain.

I don’t beat myself up for getting emotional. Sure, at times it’s a little embarrassing to start crying in front of a friend, but it’s okay. It’s healthy to grieve the connections we’ve made here in Platte.

Most of all, I’m holding tight to hope. I know we’ll get through this move. We’ll miss people, but we’ll also meet new friends. I’m trying to remind myself that God is with us. He has blessed Gary’s ministry here, and he’ll be there as we start over in a new church.

Everything’s going to be just fine.

“I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.” (Genesis 28:15 NIV)

How do you feel about moving? How can focusing on God help you to transition well? (Not perfectly…just doing the best you can!)

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Special New Books

I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die.

How’s that for a catchy book title? It sure caught my eye. I jumped at the chance to get on Sarah J. Robinson’s launch team for this beautifully written book.

If you have ever struggled with depression and anxiety (especially if it often leads to suicidal thoughts), then I highly recommend that you read this book. If you know someone who deals with a mental illness, you can also benefit from Sarah’s honest and helpful words (especially appendix A).

Sarah doesn’t just share her story. She takes the reader on a journey to explore the pain that depression brings and come to a place of acceptance. Sure, she shares lots of great insights and ideas that will help someone with a mental illness get to better places emotionally, but the parts I liked best were the paragraphs that reminded me that I’m not alone. Other people feel the way I do at times. All of us can live wonderful lives in spite of a mental illness like depression.

I’ve written other Focus Friday posts about depression (and I’ll keep writing about it, of course). I want to share my story and help others. Maybe if enough people start reading books like this and go on to share their stories, we won’t feel so alone when we’re pushing through the bad days.

I’m learning more and more that it does no good to fight my depression. I enjoy the good days and I show myself grace on the bad days, knowing they’ll pass and things will get better again.

I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die releases on May 11. I preordered a copy (even though I already got to read a digital copy). I can’t wait to read through it again and use it as one of the tools that keeps me healthy.

Order a copy, too. You’ll be glad you did!

“In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.” (Isaiah 30:15 NIV)

Do books help you accept your depression or other mental illness? How can focusing on God help you to live well in spite of that illness?

Here’s a link to a beautiful short video where you can see Sarah Robinson talking about the book:

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=528058238359999

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Medications

At the end of July, I blogged about going off my medication for depression. (You can read that post here: Splendid Sunday: Let’s Focus on Going Off Meds)

Now, in case you haven’t read that earlier post, I feel the need to emphasize again that I believe in taking medications for depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses. They can be vital in getting a person to a healthy place emotionally after their brain chemistry gets all messed up.

In some cases, people need to take medications indefinitely to make sure they remain stable and healthy. Sometimes people can go off their medicine once they get to a healthy place and have the tools and skills necessary to stay healthy. (Always check with your doctor and your family before you make a change to your meds, and be sure to wean off your medication over time. Going off cold turkey can be extremely dangerous.)

I’d like to be able to tell you that I’m doing wonderfully without medicine and I’ll never need it again, but the truth is that I’m not sure yet.

I keep seeing this picture in my mind: A tightrope stretches out in front of me and I’m moving slowly along, but I’m scared that at any moment the rope will begin to sway crazily, I’ll lose my balance, and I’ll come crashing down to the ground far below.

The more I focus on that image, the more wobbly I become.

Coming off the medicine back in September, I noticed some changes right away. I cried a bit more easily, but it wasn’t out of nowhere like it seemed to be when I was depressed. I had cried once in a while when I was on the medicine, but I usually had to be very stressed or upset about something before the tears came.

I also realized that my mood got quite a bit higher sometimes than it did when I was on the medicine. (I especially remember laughing hard about something when our daughter was around and she commented on it. It was fun to laugh, but I was a little embarrassed at the time.)

I think I’m still trying to figure out how much crying is “normal.” It feels pretty good to be moved to tears when I watch YouTube videos of servicemen and women coming home and surprising their families. I like tearing up when I watch a sad movie or hear about a sad situation on the news. What I don’t like is getting weepy when I’m frustrated or angry about something. That may be “normal,” too, but I don’t like it.

The jury is still out on whether I’ll need to go back on medication in the future. For now, I’m trying to enjoy both the laughter and the tears as I continue to practice the thinking skills I need so that I don’t get depressed again.

One thing I can do is tear down the tightrope in my mind. That image won’t do me any good if I continue to think about it. It will just set me up for failure as I analyze every little wobble in my life, sure that it will send me careening to the depths of despair.

Instead, I can replace the tightrope image with a picture of me with my feet firmly planted on solid ground, putting one foot in front of the other, and moving forward. If I get off balance a bit I may move a little bit sideways or I might even fall down, but it’s not going to be the catastrophic plunge I would have taken from high above the ground. It will just be a short fall that will be easy to recover from.

What about you? Do you take a medication for depression or anxiety? Have you taken one in the past, but now you don’t? Are you experiencing lots of symptoms and wonder if you should be taking a medication?

Remember, everyone’s experience with mental illness is different. Talk to your family about how you’re feeling. Discuss medications with your doctor. Keep your feet firmly on the ground and make sure you’re learning good skills for dealing with depression and anxiety – whether you take medicine or not.

And, most of all, remember that God loves you and knows exactly what you’re going through. He doesn’t love you more if you don’t take medicine, and he doesn’t love you less if you do. You can trust him to help you work with your family and doctors and do whatever keeps you healthy emotionally.

I’m staying off the tightrope, walking on solid ground, and trusting him to keep me moving in the right direction – with or without medicine.

“For we live [walk] by faith, not by sight.” (2 Corinthians 5:7 NIV)

What do you think about taking medicines for mental illness? How can focusing on God help you to move ahead in faith, with or without the help of medications?

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Splendid Sunday: Let’s Focus on Going Off Meds

I need to start this week’s post with a huge warning:

Do not ever, ever, ever go off your prescribed medication without talking to your doctor and your family members first.

There, with that said…I’m going off my medication for depression.

I wasn’t sure if I should blog about this topic already or wait until later after I see what happens. I thought it might be helpful for you to hear about how I came to this decision and what I plan to do to make sure I stay healthy in the future.

It has been almost five years since I was hospitalized for depression. Aside from some trials and tweaking in those first months of getting better, I’ve been on a 10 mg daily dose of generic Lexapro ever since September of 2014. That medicine has been so helpful in getting me to a healthy emotional place again after that very frightening time of hopelessness.

I urge people to take the medicines they’re prescribed for depression and other mental illnesses. I know how much meds can help people stabilize their emotions. So, why would I consider going off my medication?

First of all, Lexapro has a couple of minor side effects for me. Nothing too bothersome, but I’m curious to see if those would go away after I’m off the medicine.

I’m on quite a low dose. Part of me wonders if I can wean off it and still be okay.

I’m a different person emotionally now than I was four or five years ago. I know myself better and I’ve been practicing better ways of thinking and acting. I’d like to try life without the medicine and see how it goes.

I talked with my doctor about the possibility and she thought it would be fine to give it a try. She told me how to go off the medicine safely.

I talked with my husband about it before I even brought it up with the doctor. He’s a bit unsure, afraid I won’t listen to him if he thinks it would be good for me to go back on it. We had a good conversation and I promised to be willing to go back on the medicine if I start getting depressed again. (But I also explained that I don’t want to go back on it the first time I cry over something silly. It may take a few weeks to completely get out of my system. We’ll keep talking about it in the months ahead.)

I have a good support system in place. Gary and I lead a Fresh Hope support group twice a month. It’s a place where I can share what’s going on emotionally with people who understand. They’ll give me good feedback if I start back on that downhill slide and need to go back on the medication. I have other friends, too, that feel comfortable talking with me about mental health. We can all support each other.

To be honest, I haven’t specifically prayed about this decision. I know, that’s probably where I should have started, but I haven’t felt any warnings from the Holy Spirit as I’ve thought about it recently. I’ll try to be a little more deliberate in my prayers about it in the weeks ahead.

I didn’t write this post to shake people up. (She’s going off her meds, maybe I should go off mine!) I wanted to write it to remind all of us that we have to live our own lives. I want to try life without medicine, but I fully understand and support people that need to take medication all their lives. (That may even be me…I guess we’ll find out in a month or two.) We need to learn and grow and figure out how to live the best lives we can, with God’s help and the support of our family and friends.

All of us need to talk to God about what’s going on with us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. That’s the most important thing. If we just rely on our own thoughts and feelings we’ll be bouncing all over the place, unable to move ahead in healthy ways. Staying in constant communication with God will help us be wise and healthy in every possible way.

With or without medication.

“Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.” (Proverbs 3:7-8 NIV)

Do you wonder about going off meds sometimes (or some other big decision)? How can focusing on God help you to make decisions with his wisdom instead of your own (sometimes) flawed thinking?

*And once again…do NOT stop taking a medication without talking to your doctor, especially quitting cold turkey. That can be so dangerous for your mental and physical health! There are safer ways to wean off a medicine if you and your doctor think you may be ready for it.

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Terrific Tuesday: Let’s Focus on Perseverance

I’m so sorry, dear readers.

I couldn’t seem to get myself to write on Focus Friday.

And then I missed Super Saturday.

Sensational Sunday slipped by with no desire to write.

I almost gave up when I got to Marvelous Monday, but here I am.

It’s Terrific Tuesday and I’m taking a few moments to write, even though I’m terribly late.

Why? Because I want all of us to think about perseverance.

Truth is, I’ve been struggling a bit these last few days. I stayed in bed until 9:00 today, something I haven’t done for many months. I’ve been feeling kind of blah and lazy in general lately. It’s discouraging because I had been feeling very good for quite a long time. When you deal with depression, a few down days can lead to feelings of panic if you’re not careful. “Oh no, it’s coming back!”

But I don’t have to panic. I know what to do to stay healthy emotionally, and I know who to reach out to if things don’t get better.

First, I need to think about what may be contributing to my low mood.

I realize there are several things: I missed a couple of days of exercise; I’m stuck back at June 1 in my One-Year Bible; I’ve been going to bed a little later than I should; my thoughts are leaning toward the negative too often; and someone in our community died by suicide recently.

No wonder I’m not feeling the best!

Next, I need to make plans to turn things around.

I’m going to get back to my morning exercise routine; I’ll take the time to read my Bible each morning; bedtime will be close to ten again; I’m going to catch my thoughts and make sure I’m focused on what is true and good; and I’m going to persevere, even when I hear about yet another person who tragically couldn’t do that.

Finally, I’m going to make sure I’m living a focused life.

Letting everything in life push and pull me around so that I don’t focus on one thing will only bog me down in confusion and despair. Focusing on God first, and then the things He leads me to will keep me purposeful and hopeful.

I need to remember that my faith and perseverance may help someone else who is struggling. Sure, it’s not a big deal if I write my blog on Tuesday instead of Friday, but I’m going to do my best to stick as close to that schedule as possible.

Thanks for being patient with me, friends. I’m going to persevere, and I’m praying that you will, too.

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12 NIV)

Do you get tired of trying sometimes? How can focusing on God help you to turn your thoughts around and decide to persevere?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Speaking Up

When I was very depressed* back in September of 2014, I made lots of mistakes in how I was thinking and acting.

One of my biggest blunders was failing to speak up. Gary knew how much I was struggling, but I said very little at the high school where I was getting more and more stressed and upset about the teaching job I couldn’t seem to handle.

Looking back (and isn’t it always easier to see what we could have done in hindsight?), I might have been able to handle things better if I had spoken up and talked to the other teachers about my worries and frustrations.

I could have gotten more help with the technology problems with the online textbook, instead of being determined that I should be able to figure it out myself.

I could have asked how the other teachers handled disruptive students, instead of just heaping more shame on myself because I couldn’t keep everyone happy and attentive every day.

I could have been more open with people at church and asked them to pray for me as I adjusted, instead of keeping it all to myself and slipping more and more into that dark place.

I learned from the mistakes I made back then when I got so sick.

Now I’m much more willing to speak up when I’m going through something difficult. I talk to God about it, and I talk to other people who can help.

I was reminded of speaking up earlier this week at VBS. In the midst of a busy day of herding a group of 3rd and 4th graders through their various activities at Vacation Bible School, I heard one of the other volunteers admit that she had a meltdown one evening as she thought about a commitment she had made for later this summer. She had doubts about whether her faith was strong enough and if she was the right person for the job she had signed up for.

How brave of her to voice that doubt in a group of peers. We could encourage her and now we know how we can pray for her as that commitment approaches.

We all need to get more comfortable speaking up. Let’s not keep our troubled thoughts to ourselves. Let’s talk to God about them and practice speaking up to people in our lives who can pray for us and give us help and encouragement for whatever we’re going through.

God knows our thoughts, but people aren’t mind readers. We have to speak up.

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.” (1 John 5:14-15 NIV)

Do you feel comfortable speaking up, or do you keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself? How can focusing on God help you to be more willing to talk to God and others about your troubles?

*You can read more of my posts about depression over at robynmulder.blogspot.com (search for “depression” or “mental health” to find more posts)