Tag: choices

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Too Many Choices

I’ve never liked making choices.

I’m usually afraid I’ll make the wrong decision and end up regretting something.

I thought I was making progress in this area, getting a little more confident at making choices, but I found out that I still have some work to do.

Our son is moving soon and I’m planning to make his room into my office. Right now my desk is in the living room. It works, but I’m sure I would get so much more writing done if I had my own room.

I started to dream about what I could do with my own space. A comfy chair? A new bookshelf? Inspiring artwork on the walls?

What about a new color for those walls? My friend said she’d help with the project if I picked up some paint, so I stopped by the store the other day, thinking it wouldn’t take long to grab a gallon.

I thought maybe I’d pick out a color to match the graphic for my online Facebook group.

I made my way to the paint section, pulled up the graphic on my phone, and started to look at the color samples from several brands of paint. Nothing looked even close to my color and it only took about two minutes for me to feel anxious and overwhelmed.

Tears threatened as I pulled a couple of sample cards from the racks. My mind began to spin as I was faced with too many choices. Thankfully, Gary joined me at about that time and suggested I wait until after we moved Blake. Then I could get the paint and do the project right away. I was relieved that I didn’t have to decide, but I was also a bit shaken.

Something I thought would be fun and easy had turned into something stressful and difficult.

I could see some parallels to other situations in my life. As I looked at the paint samples, one of the loudest thoughts in my brain was, “I can’t do this.” I wanted to scrap the whole idea of painting the room just because I couldn’t decide on a color and I was afraid I’d pick the wrong one.

I can think of more than one area of life where I’m tempted to say, “I can’t do this” and I avoid the project because I’m afraid I won’t do it right.

On the way out to the car the other day, I could feel a part of my brain trying to reason with the part that was panicking. “It’s just a color. You can pick anything. It doesn’t have to be perfect.” That’s so true.

I could stick with the neutral color that’s already in the room, but now I think I have to paint it. Going into my robin’s egg blue office (or whatever shade of blue I end up with) will remind me that I dared to make a decision, and I think that will bring me lots of joy.

Maybe it will even inspire me to make decisions in other areas of life where there are too many choices.

“In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.” (John 16:23–24 NIV)

Do you have trouble making choices? How can focusing on God help you to ask him for wisdom as you choose?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Choosing

Life is full of choices.

Some choices are big: which college to attend, which job to apply for, which person to marry (or the choice to not get married at all), when to have children (or not).

Some choices are small: which TV show to watch, what to have for supper, what time to get up, what time to go to bed, what to do with free time, whether to eat the orange or the cookie.

Of course there are thousands of other choices that we make over the course of our lifetimes. We make some choices pretty much subconsciously, gravitating to certain activities, foods, and thoughts out of habit. We agonize over other choices, wanting to choose the absolute best option that will lead to our future health, wealth, and happiness.

When someone has a mental illness, it can become very difficult to make choices. The sicker the person is, the more impossible it can seem to make up their mind about something (big or small).

When I was sick back in 2014 I experienced this. I sat in front of my lesson plan book and couldn’t choose what I would teach my Spanish students the next day. I was paralyzed by indecision, afraid to write something down because I didn’t know if it was the right thing to do.

Years ago, I can remember witnessing someone who was struggling mentally. One of her symptoms was this inability to make a choice. “What kind of donut do you want – white frosting or chocolate?”

“I don’t know!” she wailed. It seemed so strange to the rest of us, but she was petrified of making the wrong decision.

Once someone gets help for a mental illness, gradually their ability to make choices comes back. In Fresh Hope support groups there are three important words that show up in each of the six tenets that group members read together each week: “Therefore, I choose….”

Among other things, the people that have been diagnosed with a mental illness acknowledge that their lives are affected, they may not feel hope, their relationships are affected, they might be temped to use their illness as an excuse, or they might allow themselves to become a “victim.”

They recognize all of those problems, but then they read out loud: “Therefore, I choose…” and they speak out loud the solutions they need to go to. They choose the help of others, they choose to overcome, they choose to believe they can live a full and rich life, they choose help and hope, they choose joy. It’s not easy, but each good choice gets the person more and more healthy.

Loved ones also need to make good choices: getting help from others, learning to communicate well, supporting and encouraging their loved one, finding that balance between pushing their loved one too hard or letting them wallow in their excuses, setting healthy emotional boundaries, choosing their own joy even if their loved one is struggling.

Whether you deal with a mental health diagnosis or not, it takes hard work to make good choices. It’s easier to sit on the couch watching TV than it is to exercise, it’s easier to think the same old negative thoughts than it is to practice more positive thoughts, it’s easier to grab the cookies than it is to peel the orange.

Let me just encourage you, friends, to keep practicing those good choices. No matter how many times you settle for the couch, the negativity, and the cookies, it will be worth it to keep working toward the exercise, the positive thoughts, and the orange*. Those choices will get you healthier and happier in the long run.

Therefore, I choose….

“This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live….” (Deuteronomy 30:19 NIV)

Do you make good choices? How can focusing on God help you to choose well in both the big and little areas of life?

*Oh, and by the way, I’m so proud of myself. After my little photo shoot for this week’s graphic, I put the cookies back in the cupboard and ate one of the oranges. Hooray!