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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Not Getting Disqualified

I recently submitted a writing piece for a contest. After I sent it, I realized that I had included my husband’s name at one point. We weren’t supposed to have our own name anywhere on the piece, but I hadn’t considered that his name might identify me to the judges.

I shot off a quick email asking if that could be taken out, but the submissions had already gone to the first-round judges. “Unfortunately,” she wrote, “an identifier will probably disqualify the piece.”

I felt sick.

I cried.

I sent one last email, asking if it could maybe be taken out before it went on to the next round.

Her last email empathized with me, but she said that submissions cannot be changed once they reach the judges.

I guess I’ll just have to see what happens and think harder next time I submit something. (The thing that really pains me is that I had taken it out at one point and then I put it back in!)

This experience has given me some insights into the vulnerable places of my heart. Just reading the word “disqualify” brought such a visceral reaction. I’m supposed to do everything to the best of my ability, and if I do that, I can’t be disqualified, right?

But if I don’t follow the rules exactly, I have to be disqualified.

I’m thinking about competing in a swim meet in April. It’s kind of scary because there are quite a few chances to fail. A false start, touching the wall in the wrong place, staying underwater too long before surfacing. All of these can get a swimmer disqualified.

So should I quit entering writing contests and swim meets because I’m afraid of failing?

No, I just have to try my best to follow the rules and learn from my mistakes.

How much more important it is for us to consider our spiritual lives, following what the Bible says and obeying the Holy Spirit’s leadings. We learn from our mistakes and press on, showing ourselves grace as we do our best. If we sincerely do that, we’ll never be disqualified.

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.” (1 Corinthians 9:24–27 NIV)

Have you ever been disqualified? How did you feel? How can focusing on God help you live well and not be disqualified?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Seeing the End

When I swim on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, the coaches write a workout on the board. After weeks of ignoring it (doing my own thing as I got back into swimming), lately I’ve been trying to follow it.

One day last week it seemed doable:

I think I can do this! So I swam hard, marking off my laps with a waterproof playing card every time I finished 50 yards. (My old brain can’t just keep track in my head.)

The coaches were talking off to the side while I ticked off more and more yards.

I can’t believe I’m going to finish a full workout this time!

And then Coach Cassie stood up and wrote the rest of the workout on the board.

And just like that my confidence was shattered.

Of course that wasn’t the whole thing. I should’ve known I couldn’t do it.

But I kept swimming. I didn’t complete the entire list, but I did swim 1800 yards within the hour I was there. That’s the most I’ve done since I started in January!

When I could see the end, I pushed toward it.

But how can we push forward when we can’t see the end?

When we don’t know how long our relationship problems will last.

When we don’t know how the struggle with cancer will turn out.

When we don’t know if we can ride out the ups and downs of depression.

We push through because we have faith. Even though we can’t see the finish line and we don’t know how things will end, we can keep going as we trust that God will get us through every single step.

I don’t know if I’ll ever win a race in swimming, but I know that if I press on in life, someday I’ll win an even better prize.

“I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:14 NIV)

Is it hard to press on when you can’t see the end? How can focusing on God help you keep going?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Losing Your Voice

You can click play if you want to hear me read this week’s post (even though it’s a little squeaky).

I’ve been losing my voice this week.

On Monday afternoon I got a sore throat.

On Tuesday morning, I missed my swimming because I didn’t feel well.

Things improved after that and I went to swim on Thursday morning. Something was still a bit wonky with my throat, but I didn’t feel bad at all. As the day progressed, my voice continued to change. We visited with a nice family from church in the evening and I tried to ignore how I sounded (of course I wanted to chime in even more than usual, even with my voice being a bit hoarse).

Now it’s Friday and I still feel fine, but my voice is even more squeaky when I talk. (I’m supposed to sing on Sunday and Gary and I are planning to talk about my depression during the church service, so I’m hoping things improve by then.)

So anyway, I’ve been thinking about our voices this week. I’m still me, even if I don’t sound like I usually do when I talk right now.

We can lose our physical voice, but we can still find ways to speak even if we can’t get the words past our lips.

We can write something down on a piece of paper and show it to someone.

We can type lots of words and send them out into the cybersphere.

We can look someone in the eyes and smile to show them that we care.

We can work on different tasks and projects to lighten someone else’s load or brighten someone’s day.

Even if you can’t talk, you never really have to lose your voice. Find a way to speak up today!

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.” (1 John 5:14–15 NIV)

Have you ever lost your voice? How did that feel? How can focusing on God help you to speak up (with or without your actual voice)?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Staying Healthy

There’s something very annoying about living with a mental illness.

You never know when it’s going to flare up and make you deal with its symptoms.

You can be happily going through life one day, enjoying your family, job, and friends. But then there are other days when you have to fight against feelings of frustration, despair, and hopelessness.

I don’t like those days. They scare me. They hold me back from accomplishing my goals and growing emotionally and spiritually.

Thankfully, those moments pass and I feel better again. And in a way, I’m grateful for those times. They remind me of how so many people feel.

There are millions (yes, millions!) of people who deal with depression each year. (See some of the stats at the World Health Organization’s website.)

I’ve got some good strategies and plans in place for when depression hits. Talking to my husband Gary, making sure I exercise, and journaling are just a few of the things I do to stay healthy.

The thing is, it’s up to me to do something when I’m feeling that way. (Please note that I’m at a stable place in my mental health journey. Some people need others to step in and do something for them when they’re in a time of crisis.)

The other day I started feeling some of those troubling symptoms of depression. I couldn’t sleep for a while one night because I started ruminating on some things that were worrying me. When I woke up in the morning, I considered skipping my swim workout (I’ve been swimming twice a week for a while now). I could probably get more done if I stay home. Swimming is kind of a pain since I have to drive there. I could just exercise at home instead.

But more than just those thoughts, I felt a wave of negativity trying to crowd into my mind. A wave that would wash away my hope if I let it.

I was faced with a choice. I could wallow in the negatives or do something positive.

So I drove to the pool, put on my goggles, and dove in!

Twelve hundred yards later, I felt much better. I was tired, but I had not given in to the negative (at least not this time!).

Whether you deal with a mental health diagnosis or not, you can probably remember times when you had to make a choice to do something so you could stay healthy. I’d love to hear lots of ideas for staying healthy: physically, emotionally, and spiritually (*See something fun related to that right after this post).

As much as we possibly can, let’s choose to stay healthy.

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:1–2 NIV)

Do you make healthy choices? How can focusing on God help you to choose activities that will be good for you physically, emotionally, and spiritually?

*I’m going to do a giveaway this week! Comment on this blog post or in my “Catch Your Thoughts with Robyn Mulder” Facebook group (private, but free to join!) and tell me one way you stay healthy. I’ll enter your name in a drawing for an audiobook copy of Life, Repurposed: Stories of Grace, Hope, and Restored Faith. (I wrote one of the chapters!) I’ll go live in “Catch Your Thoughts” and draw for the winner on Thursday, February 17 at 6:00 p.m. Central. My chapter provides a snapshot of my experience with depression, but the other stories are so inspiring, too!

If you can’t wait, or you would rather have a physical copy of Life, Repurposed you can click below to order a copy at Amazon (I am an Amazon Associate, so I will get a small commission if you order through this link, but the cost is the same for you.)

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on the Power of a Life

If you’d rather listen to this post, you can click play here.

Gary is preaching a sermon series* called “A Look at a Life” right now at First Reformed Church in Volga. Not just any life. His life. It’s turning out to be a good way to help the congregation get to know him and also examine their own lives as they listen.

It’s uncomfortable at times, even though I know his story. He willingly reveals the sins that he struggled with before he finally made Jesus the Lord of his life.

I squirm a little bit in the pew when he mentions me, because I’m part of his life, but it isn’t out of embarrassment. I just know everyone’s looking at me when he mentions my name. I’m proud of my husband’s witness and I’m glad I’m part of his story.

In a few weeks I’ll be joining him during the message and we’ll share about my experience with depression. It will be scary, but we’re hopeful that people can be encouraged as they hear our story.

There’s power in a life. We forget that sometimes.

It’s tempting to just make it through each day, getting things done and ignoring the things we don’t want to admit. We stuff down the difficult emotions and memories we don’t want anyone to see.

But there’s power in those things. Sharing about the sins we’ve overcome and the difficult experiences we’ve gone through can be inspiring for other people going through the same things.

Gary and I have been visiting with people from our new church. We sit down with them in their homes or the church office and we listen to their stories. We hear about their families and we learn about the challenges they’ve faced.

There’s power there. We have a new level of respect for them when we realize they’ve made it through something difficult. God’s light shines brighter as we see what God has done in someone’s life.

Let’s never forget the power of a life.

Share your story. Someone needs to hear it.

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:16 NIV).

Do you like to share your story, or is it difficult? How can focusing on God help you know when and where you need to share it?

*You can check out Gary’s sermon series (it started on January 23) if you click here or go to the church website: https://www.firstreformedvolga.org/ and click on “Sermons.”

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Fighting Ourselves

There’s been a war going on in my mind lately.

I feel like I’m fighting myself at every turn.

One part of me wants to do something productive. Another part of me wants to scroll social media.

Some days I want to eat healthy and exercise. Other days I want to snack constantly and skip doing any physical activity at all.

Even more disconcerting are the moments when I waffle between hope and despair. The emotionally healthy side of my brain looks forward to new friendships, experiences, and goals. The mentally ill side of my brain tries to squash all hope and attempts to point out all of the possible failures and flaws waiting for me in the future.

Don’t worry. I’m not depressed. But, thankfully, these warring thoughts are a signal for me. When I notice them I can take action to make sure the right side wins.

I’ll give you one little example.

A few weeks ago, I paid to go swimming on five Tuesday and Thursday mornings at the local high school. I figured that would give me a good idea of whether I could possibly compete in a swim meet for adults in April.

The five mornings are done now and I have started fighting myself.

I really enjoy swimming. / I’m so out of shape and slow!

I think I’d have fun competing at the swim meet. / I’ll make a fool of myself!

It’s good for me to have goals and work toward them. / I may as well give up now and forget about swimming!

I fight myself in so many areas of my life. Over the years I’ve learned that whichever side I focus on more is the side that wins. I have to catch the negative thoughts and recognize the lies.

Sometimes there’s a bit of truth in the negative thoughts (see “I’m so out of shape and slow!” above). We can acknowledge the truth, but replace it with thoughts that will get us heading in the right direction (“I’m out of shape and slow, but if I keep practicing I’ll get in shape and it will be fun to see if I can get faster“).

We can’t give up the fight! And we also have to remember that we don’t fight alone. The Holy Spirit can help us choose the thoughts and actions that will be good for us. Other people (family, friends, doctors) can help us when we feel like giving up.

Time to be more deliberate about what I’m thinking and doing. The fight is on and I know I’ll win!

For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. (Galatians 5:17 ESV)

Do you fight yourself in any area of life? How can focusing on God help you win the fight?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Names

When a pastor accepts the call to a new church, there are lots of names to learn.

It’s pretty easy for people to remember us. I hear “Hi Robyn!” many times before and after church. I’m getting to know quite a few people, but often I find myself thinking, I have no idea who you are!

Names are important.

When you know someone’s name, there is a certain level of intimacy that doesn’t exist when a person is nameless.

It feels good to hear someone call you by name.

It’s not a huge deal, but I always feel a tinge of disappointment when someone spells my name as “Robin.” They don’t really know me, I think.

But then again, we can sometimes mess up someone’s name even when we know them well. Back at Platte, in the last month we were there, two people accidentally called me by the name of the previous pastor’s wife. They were good friends of mine, they just had a temporary lapse in their memory banks.

I felt a bit incredulous about their goofs, until I stood in line for cookies one Sunday and talked to a guy about something that related to his brother. I realized my confusion when one of his nieces came up and started talking to him. Wait a second, I thought to myself, that’s not his daughter? Oh shoot! I got the two guys mixed up!

It was embarrassing to acknowledge my mistake. I didn’t want to admit that after three and a half years, I had forgotten his name and confused him with his brother. (To be fair, I had way too much swirling around in my brain that morning. Something had to give!)

He was gracious and didn’t seem to hold it against me, but I still feel bad about it.

We are fallible human beings and we won’t always get things right. We just have to do the best we can as we get to know the people in our lives.

Thank goodness we have a God who knows our name. He spells it perfectly every single time and he never gets us confused with someone else.

Before we were born, he knew what we would look like and the personality we would have.

He knows everything we’ll ever do in our life here on this earth.

I’m so glad he knows my name. I’ll keep praising him for how much he loves me and how he knows every single person in this great big world.

As for me, do you think I’m old enough to start saying, “Hi Sweetie!” or “Hey Buddy!” whenever I greet someone? I think I might give it a try!

“My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139:15–16 NIV)

Do you have trouble with names? How can focusing on God help you feel grateful that he knows you completely? Do you think focusing on God could help you remember the importance of remembering other people’s names, too?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on a Life Well Lived

Gary’s mom passed away on Thursday, December 30, 2021. She was 96 years old and her health had been failing in recent months, but it was still sad to get the call that she had died.

We’re so grateful that we were able to see her one last time on Tuesday of that week. We stopped in on the way to Lincoln, Nebraska with some of our kids. Erin and Ayden were able to introduce our grandson, Halston, to her. Mom was still somewhat responsive and she smiled when she saw that cute little six-month-old. She tried so hard to repeat “I love you” when Gary said his last goodbye to her.

It’s hard to believe she’s really gone.

In the days since her passing, I have heard so many people talk about how my mother-in-law had lived her life well.

Friends and family expressed it at the visitation on Wednesday night.

Gary brought out many examples of it as he preached at her funeral last Thursday.

Our kids, and our nieces and nephews, have talked about it on social media as they reflect on their grandma’s life.

Mom was a quiet, behind-the-scenes type of person who loved the Lord, her family, and her friends. She didn’t have aspirations to see the world or accomplish great things. She was content with what she had and she prayed often for her loved ones.

In recent years, she experienced short-term memory loss. You could visit with her at the nursing home, but she wouldn’t remember you were there unless you made an entry in her notebook (she wrote herself notes there, too, and referred to it often).

She was a wonderful wife and mother. And I can say she was the best mother-in-law I could have ever hoped to have. She and Dad often babysat our kids when they were young. They never critiqued the way we parented and they were always supportive.

Mom was sweet and caring. She loved to play games like Quiddler and Rummikub with us, and she passed on her love of making puzzles to our daughter, Erin, and several other grandchildren.

In the years ahead, I’m sure God will comfort us whenever we think of her.

When I’m making cooked pudding (one chocolate and one vanilla mixed together).

When we drive through Rock Rapids, Iowa and see the street where she and Dad used to live.

When we remember her laughing as she watched movies like Home Alone with the kids.

I wish I could have been there to hear God say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

What about the rest of us? Do we have to be more like Gary’s mom in order to live well?

Not necessarily.

God created each of us with unique gifts, talents, and personalities.

We can travel the world, write books, aspire to do all sorts of things, or be the life of the party and still live our lives well.

The important thing is to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. God will show us what he wants us to do each day of the life he gives us.

Let’s live that life well.

“The LORD cares deeply when his loved ones die.” (Psalm 116:15 NLT)

Do you ever compare yourself to someone else? How can focusing on God help you live your life well?

Garlene June Mulder (1925–2021)
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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Letting People See Your Stuff

(Yes, that’s our actual stuff!)

We moved to a new city this week.

We packed the majority of our stuff into a U-Haul truck on Monday (with the help of family and friends).

It took way longer than we had estimated. The truck wasn’t full and we had some things left scattered through various rooms of the house, but we had had enough. It was time to go! (We have a small trailer we can use next week to get the rest.)

I was surprised at how embarrassed I felt about some of my things when I realized that people would be looking at them as they carried them to the truck.

So many boxes marked “R – Crafts”!

The beat up old dresser I keep some of my supplies in.

Boxes and boxes of books.

I hid some things, stashing my underwear in a suitcase so curious eyes couldn’t look. Other personal items were boxed up and taped tightly shut so no one could see them.

But most of our stuff was right out there in the open for all to see. No one voiced any opinions about our belongings (although the guys did ask “What is this?” when they contemplated a “unique” wooden box with assorted drawers—Allison had made it in shop class and I can’t part with it). If we wanted help with moving we needed to let people see our stuff.

I think it’s similar with our emotional “stuff.”

Some of the things we feel can embarrass us. Depression, anxiety, anger, shame.

We can try to hide them, stuffing them down where no one can see or covering them up with more acceptable emotions.

But if we want help, we need to let other people see our stuff.

We’re starting a new year. Let’s resolve to get rid of some of our physical clutter in 2022 (I know I moved way too many things I seldom use), but let’s also make plans to be real about the emotional baggage we’ve been carrying for way too long.

Let people see your stuff and ask them for help. That should make this a happy new year!

“Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.” (Colossians 3:9–10 NIV)

Do you try to hide your “stuff” (physical or emotional)? How can focusing on God help you to let people see it and help you with it?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Keepsakes

When you pack up a houseful of belongings, you run across lots of keepsakes.

All sorts of things can be a reminder of the person who gave it to me: photos, cards, books, a rattlesnake rattle.

That last one is a new addition to my keepsake collection.

Gary and I visited a couple from church on Wednesday. They live out by the river, and I reminded him that he was going to show me a live rattlesnake sometime. We had joked about it when we first came to live here, but it had never happened, even though snakes would show up out there quite often.

Judy showed me a picture of a nice-sized rattlesnake (someone had taken the picture while her husband went to get his gun).

Then Bruce dumped a little jar of rattlesnake tails onto the table. We marveled over them, and then he urged me to take one. “Really?” He pointed out a good one and I thanked him as I made it rattle.

On the way back to town, I held my rattle carefully and gleefully shook it every once in a while. “This is so cool!” I kept saying to Gary (he agreed, but I think he had enough after about the first mile).

I thought it was incredibly generous that our friend would give away part of his own rattle collection (he gave one to Gary, too).

Seeing that rattle in the years ahead will always remind me of Bruce and our good times on the Missouri River (thankfully, we never did see a rattlesnake while we were boating).

As I’ve come across other keepsakes recently, I’ve felt grateful for the reminders of friends and relatives.

Physical objects can be nice to display (or store away to look at later), but we don’t always have something tangible to help us remember someone. Maybe we just have special memories of a relative or friend. As we get older, those may start to fade, so consider doing something to make sure you preserve that keepsake.

Write a letter to that person, telling them about your recollections. Keep a copy for yourself so you can look back on it later.

Draw a picture of something that reminds you of a special person. Write their name somewhere in the picture (or on the back) so you never forget.

Take a picture when you see something that reminds you of a friend. Send a copy to them on your phone and say “I saw this and thought of you!” You’ll feel good, and so will your friend.

I’m glad God has given us so many friends. I’ll cherish the keepsakes and memories I’ve collected over the years, and I’ll give God the glory as I accumulate even more. I wonder what other trinkets he has in store for me? I’m guessing not many will beat a rattlesnake tail!

“I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.” (Psalm 77:11 NIV)

Do you like to collect keepsakes? How can focusing on God help you to find creative ways to remember friends and thank God for them?