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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Accepting Gifts

I received a gift today. I was very glad to get it, but I was surprised at the thoughts going through my head afterward.

Maybe I should tell you what I got first. You see, I’ve been doing some work in the church office this week. Our administrative assistant is fighting non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma and this was a rough week. I was happy to help out so she could rest.

I was working on the bulletin today, when all of a sudden her husband showed up with a vase full of beautiful flowers!

Aren’t they beautiful?

I protested that those weren’t necessary, but to tell her thank you from me. A little while later I texted her to say thanks and I sent her a picture of her gift.

“Thanks for helping out!” the card said. But I couldn’t just accept and enjoy her gift. My brain started doing all sorts of goofy things.

I should send her some flowers since she’s not feeling well. I hope she didn’t waste too much money on me. How can I pay her back for this?

I’m getting a little better at catching my thoughts, so I didn’t let my brain spin on those worries for too long. I smiled as I carried my flowers home when I got done working and I’ve been enjoying them every time I catch a glimpse of them. I’ve taken a few minutes to admire them again and stick my nose deep into one of the roses to enjoy its aroma.

It was a wonderful gift.

Today is Good Friday. Some of us have trouble accepting God’s beautiful gift. Sometimes our brains start doing all sorts of goofy things.

Jesus endured so much pain on the cross. I can’t believe he’d do that for little old me. How can I repay him for his sacrifice?

We have to catch those thoughts that spin and cause us to focus on ourselves. Instead we can think about the love he had for us that sent him to that cross. He wanted to go through that excruciating experience so each of us could have eternal life. It’s amazing!

We can take time today to reflect on the pain he went through and the shame he bore, but we can’t stay there. We have to remember that Sunday morning came and the tomb was empty. He rose from that grave. Death couldn’t hold him! Later he went to heaven to prepare a place for us. We can smile every time we remember what he did for us.

It was a wonderful gift.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16 NIV)

How are you at accepting gifts? How can focusing on God help you to accept Jesus’ wonderful gift ?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Saving Up Encouragement

It’s safe to say that everyone experiences highs and lows in life. There’s an ebb and flow that’s inevitable. We can count on it just like the waves that shape the shorelines of the world’s oceans and big lakes.

If you’re like me, you may be one of the many people who struggle to find hope when the lows come. The tide goes out and you feel dragged from the familiar to the uncertain.

When times like that come, it might help to have some encouragement saved up. In my own life, there are some things I cling to when I’m tempted to give up.

There’s the hug and the simple “You’re so brave” a friend said when she saw me after my bout with major depression. That gives me the will to try when things seem hopeless.

I remember an established author writing “You’re an excellent writer!” in the margin of a project I sent her to look at. That keeps me going when I’m tempted to quit writing.

I see the look of love and concern on my husband’s face when I start talking about whether life is really worth it. I borrow some of his hope and muster up the will to find my purpose again.

These are all things in my head, but I’m wondering if it might be good to write them down and put them somewhere close. I could save them in a pretty box, a file folder, or a special file on my computer. That could be the place I run to when the dark times come. Reading over reminders of people’s words of encouragement could get me through the hard days.

I could sprinkle in special verses to remind me of God’s love and care, too:

Deuteronomy 31:6, Psalm 27:12, Proverbs 3:5–6, Isaiah 40:31, Isaiah 41:10, Lamentations 3:22–23, John 4:18, Romans 8:38–39, Romans 15:13, Philippians 4:13.

Saving up encouragement for the hard times just might be the thing that keeps me from drowning when the undertow of life threatens to drag me under.

I hope you’ll find a way to save up encouragement, too. Here’s one to get you started:

Life is hard sometimes, but you can do this! Don’t give up. You are loved!

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:16–18)

Do you have a special place where you can save up encouragement? How can focusing on God help you to hang on during the hard times?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Getting Away

Gary and I just got back from some time away. We went down to Tennessee to visit my parents and then we attended a conference at the Billy Graham Training Center at The Cove (the picture in this week’s graphic shows the view from the training center).

Just a week away from the pressures and responsibilities of life was so refreshing. I went away feeling tired and maybe even a bit cynical. By the end of the conference I felt inspired and ready to get back to my tasks and projects. I simply had to get away.

Jesus did that. Matthew 14:23 (NASB) says: “After He had sent the crowds away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray; and when it was evening, He was there alone.” If Jesus had to get away from the crowds and be by himself for a while, it must be important for us, too.

But it’s not just getting away that renews us. We can take a break from the everyday pressures of life and still feel tension and anxiety. Connecting with God is what really makes a difference.

“Come Away” is a beautiful song by the group FFH (I’m posting it below). I love the whole Voice From Home CD because all of the songs are written as if God were speaking. Here’s part of “Come Away”:

Come away with me
To the mountain of your dreams
Come away with me
There’s something you’ve got to see
Come away with me,
Come away with me
I will show you who I am
And who one day you will be
Come away, come away with me

If you’re feeling overwhelmed with life, you may need to get away. If you can’t arrange an actual trip somewhere, you may be able to at least schedule some time to get away mentally and meet with God.

He says, “Come away with me.” Spending time with God just might renew your perspective and refresh you for what God has in store for you.

The key to getting ahead may be as simple as getting away.

“Come near to God and he will come near to you.” (James 4:8 NIV)

Are you getting burned out from life’s responsibilities? Can you get away (physically or mentally)? How can focusing on God help you to connect with him and feel renewed?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Peace

Peace.

How can I write about peace when there is so little peace in the world, our countries, our states, our cities, our churches, and our homes?

If we focus on the chaos, all we’ll feel is stress. Broken relationships, political differences, job pressures, and our own sins and failures can build up and create a hum of doubt and insecurity that buzzes in our minds all day, every day.

I know I’ve tried to silence the hum in different ways: grabbing a snack, scrolling Facebook, watching a movie, reading a book. Those aren’t bad things, but I can’t do them just because I feel the stress of life. When the activity is done, the numbing “peace” is gone and the stress comes back.

I’m going to try some different things when the pressures of life start to overwhelm me.

Spending time in my craft room and creating a card for someone relaxes me and brings joy to someone else.

Getting out my guitar and singing some praise and worship songs brings peace to my soul as I turn my thoughts to God instead of the things that are stressing me out.

And, most of all, opening my Bible and reading God’s promises for me reminds me that there is someone who controls all of the chaos. I may not understand what’s happening, but I can trust that everything will turn out okay in the end.

It’s not easy. I know that.

The easy thing is to just keep fretting about all of the upsetting things happening in our lives.

The more difficult thing is to notice the hum of stress and do something healthy and productive to get back to a place of peace.

It takes practice and persistence, but the end result will be so worth it.

“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” (Isaiah 26:3 Modern English Version)

What things are keeping you from feeling peace right now? What activities help you feel more peace? How can focusing on God help you to experience peace even while distressing things are happening?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on What We Think about Throwing Bowls

Some days are more challenging than others. On those days, you just might have a near-miss when the bright early morning sun gets in your eyes at the 4-way stop in town. You might text the wrong person to reschedule when your husband sets a meeting that begins during your online Bible study (and you’ll get a few texts in before you realize the mistake and have to apologize and say “Sorry, we’re not visiting you today”). You might throw a bowl at a gym full of children.

Maybe I better back up.

I went to Dakota Christian School this morning to do part of chapel. The lesson was from Judges 6:17 and the focus was on Gideon asking God for signs. I put a white towel (I misplaced my fleece) down and explained that Gideon asked God to make the fleece wet with dew and keep the ground dry around it. Then I picked up the “fleece” and placed a bowl under it. I pretended to wring the towel out, and then I picked up the bowl and announced that the fleece was so wet it produced a whole…BOWL FULL OF WATER!

I dramatically thrust the bowl into the air, releasing a shower of little blue pieces of paper to represent the water, and throwing the bowl about fifty feet away from us—where it landed with a clatter.

I laughed nervously and ran to pick it up while the kids erupted in excited chatter. I heard several calls of “Encore! Encore!” We went on with Gideon’s story and they hopefully will remember to talk to God and look for signs from him in the Bible when he calls them to do whatever he has planned for them (and not just think of the silly woman throwing a bowl at them).

I’m not just telling you all this to make you laugh and be glad you’re not me.

I’m sharing it so you can take a look at your own embarrassing moments and make a choice when you decide how to think about them. What’s that? You don’t think you have a choice? I beg to differ with you.

In all three of my situations today, I could have chosen to think negatively about myself.

“I almost had a car accident. I should have put my visor down. I’m so stupid. I shouldn’t be driving.” (I would have been stressed and all shook up on my way to Dakota Christian.)

“I texted the wrong person. She’s going to think I’m an idiot. I should have listened better when Gary told me who we were meeting. I’m so dumb.” (I could have worked myself into a state of shame and embarrassment if I kept replaying my mistake.)

“I just threw a bowl during chapel. I’m so foolish. I thought about that possibility this morning, but I was sure I’d never let go of it. Someone could have gotten hurt!” (I could have gotten so embarrassed that I started crying and ran out of chapel without finishing.)

Instead, I caught my thoughts and decided to laugh about my mistakes. It was a choice.

“Thank you, God, that I didn’t have an accident. I’ll be more careful next time.”

“Our friend said ‘No problem’ when I explained my mix-up. I can laugh and move on.”

“I threw the bowl off to the side. It didn’t break. Nobody got hurt and the kids thought it was great. Next time I’ll use a styrofoam bowl, but for today I can laugh and let it go.”

I know some circumstances and mistakes are more serious than what happened to me today, but we still have a choice. With practice, we can choose true, uplifting thoughts instead of the negative, hopeless ideas we often rehearse over and over.

Catch your thoughts, friend. Take a good look at them. Get rid of the ones that keep you guilty, ashamed, and negative. Keep thinking the ones that help you be more free, confident, and positive.

You may even be able to laugh at something more serious than throwing a bowl.

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22 NIV)

What thoughts do you have when you make a mistake? How can focusing on God help you to think differently and laugh at your errors?

*By the way, did you know I have a little private Facebook group called “Catch Your Thoughts with Robyn Mulder“? I try to share resources and ideas to help us all catch our thoughts over there. Check it out!

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on What We Remember

Gary pulled the plastic center of the bathroom faucet off and told me I had to make a new decoration for it because it was worn out. I protested that I had not made that decoration.

“You did!” he assured me.

“I remember thinking how ugly it was when we moved in!” I shot back.

“You were so proud of yourself when you made it!” he countered.

“If I had made it, I would have chosen different colors and it would have looked nicer!”

Seriously, would I have made something like this?

We were both laughing, but we both were sure we were right. Well, he was. I wasn’t so sure. I wondered if I really had made that silly faucet center two years ago, and how I could possibly have forgotten if I did. Was I losing my mind?

It’s happened before. I can’t begin to count the number of times we’ve started to watch a movie and then realized partway in that we had already seen it. The frustrating thing is that I can never remember the ending. As most of the scenes come up, I think Yes, I remember this, but I have no idea what’s going to happen next.

I’ve been thinking more about remembering lately, especially since Gary’s mom has problems with her short-term memory. When we visit her and ask about anything recent, she just furrows her brow for a second or two and responds, “Hmm, I don’t remember.” I wonder what it would be like to never remember what I had just eaten, the conversation I had just had with one of my children, or what I had done earlier that day. Her memory loss doesn’t seem to bother her, though. She’s content with taking one day at a time.

It’s good to see that she hasn’t forgotten the important things. She still remembers her six children and their families. She recognizes them and she knows that she loves them and they love her. At ninety-six years old, maybe that’s enough.

As I get older, I don’t know how long I’ll have my memory. Maybe I’ll forget all of the places I’ve gone and all of the things I’ve done over the years. That’s why I’m glad I have pictures I can look at to remember special trips and events. I’ve filled journals full of my thoughts on all sorts of things. When and if my memory fades, I can spend time looking and reading to remind myself of the life I’ve lived.

They say that many Alzheimer’s patients can still remember songs long after their ability to recognize family members and participate in everyday activities is gone, because key brain areas linked to musical memory are relatively undamaged by the disease.

All of this got me thinking. What do I want to remember?

I want to remember my family.

I want to remember beautiful sunsets.

I want to remember oceans and mountains and canyons.

I want to remember the friends God has introduced me to throughout my life.

I want to remember that God loves me. I want to remember that he has a wonderful plan for my life, even if I don’t understand it at times. I want to remember that even if all of my other faculties are gone, I can still tune into the song of faith God is singing in my soul.

I better write all of this down.

Oh look, I already did! I guess I just forgot.

“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.” (John 14:26 ESV)

How’s your memory lately? How can focusing on God help you to remember what’s most important?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Compliments

I’ve been doing The 28-Day Prayer Journey as an online Bible study for a few weeks. Chrystal Evans Hurst does a great job with the videos that go with each week’s lesson, and I’ve been challenged and inspired to make prayer more of a priority in my life.

One of the assignments asked us to make a list of five people we could compliment, either in person or by writing them a note, text, or email. We could either thank them for what they do or praise them for who they are.

I had the neatest conversations with two friends that I texted that day. They enjoyed the praise for who they are and I felt so good just because I took a few seconds to reach out to them. I didn’t expect kind words in return, but it was so fun to receive them.

I made a big mistake, though. I felt so warm and fuzzy that I told my husband about our texts and the assignment.

He got a little gleam in his eye as he asked, “Is that why you told me I’m a great pastor this morning?”

Oops. Yes, but I hadn’t meant for him to know that.

I had been sincere in my compliment, but it suddenly seemed fake and manipulative somehow.

The assignment was good, especially as it helped me think about how I can praise God for who he is and thank him for what he does. I just have to remember that I don’t praise and thank God (or anyone else) in order to make myself feel good or brag to other people.

Getting into the practice of praising and thanking God will almost certainly deepen the relationship we have with him.

Realizing how much we like to be praised and thanked, let’s make a greater effort to shower the people around us with compliments. Maybe you could even make a list of five people and decide exactly how and when you’ll compliment them. You may be surprised by the response you get.

Just don’t tell them I told you to do it.

“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Romans 15:5–6 NIV)

When you pray, do you praise and thank God, or do you usually just rattle off your requests? When is the last time you gave someone a sincere compliment? How can focusing on God help you to spend more time complimenting him and others?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Body Image

The other day my beautiful niece shared this quote on her Facebook page:

“It’s crazy how I adore women of all body sizes and shapes but I can’t accept my own.”

It was the last straw, and I knew I had to talk about it here. After hearing several people (in person and online) complain about the extra weight they’re carrying around and joking about overeating and not exercising, I knew I wasn’t the only one dealing with body image issues.

You see, I’ve been more than a little disgusted with myself whenever I look in the mirror. I see extra bulges of flesh and I know how they got there. I’ve gotten into the terrible habit of overeating to combat stress. I know I’m doing it but I can’t seem to stop snacking throughout the day.

I know there are other people who look in the mirror and see fat that isn’t even there. They convince themselves that they shouldn’t eat much of anything because they hate how they look.

Then there are people who don’t seem to mind being overweight. The culture applauds people who love themselves no matter what size they are, even though obesity can lead to many health problems.

So what are we supposed to do about body image?

Maybe it’s too complex to explore in one blog post, but I came across an online course a couple of weeks ago that wants to set women free from their struggles with body image issues. In 21 days, they say we can develop new habits and learn to get our eyes off of our body/weight/size/shape and onto God’s truth.

I thought and prayed about it and then I signed up. I’m ready to get some advice and encouragement so I can get back to eating in healthier ways (instead of snacking all day long).

God loves us just the way we are and he’ll keep loving us no matter what size we wear. But I believe he wants us to love him more than food, or exercise, or anything else.

He created each of us. We’re made in the image of God. That’s the image we should be focusing on; looking more and more like Jesus every day. Then we’ll be able to look in the mirror and see him reflected there instead of our imperfect bodies. Now that’s something to love!

I’m including a link in case you want to check it out and join me on this 21-day journey to a healthier mindset. It starts on Monday, February 1, 2021. (It’s $49 if you sign up by Sunday, January 31 and $59 after that.)

https://comparedtowho.me/refocus-christian-body-image-course-online/

It’s fine if you don’t want to sign up, but take a little time this week to consider your own body image:

Do you sigh (or cry) every time you step on the scale?

What do you think when you see yourself in the mirror?

Are you obsessed with food (either eating too much or depriving yourself)?

Is what you think of your body holding you back from doing things that you’ve always wanted to do?

Are you always comparing yourself to other people?

Consider a few verses that might help you see yourself as God sees you:

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:14 NIV)

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” (Ephesians 2:10 NLT)

“The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7 NIV)

You are beautiful, my friend! Ask God to help you believe that. Try to focus more on your relationship with God than your relationship with food.

That’s what I’m planning to do. I’ll check back in a few weeks and let you know how it’s going.

How much do you struggle with body image? How can focusing on God help you to live a healthy, happy life?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Practicing What You Preach

When I was in 5th or 6th grade, I was a “safety” at East Elementary School. We went through special training and then we were assigned to help kids cross the streets on the way to and from school.

We wore bright orange belts and enjoyed a special degree of respect from the little kids who waited behind our outstretched arms until we determined that it was safe to cross. Then we would step to the side, hold one arm out toward the street, and motion them forward by swinging the other arm while we chanted “Walk” and watched as they made their way to the other side of the street.

We also had the authority to “report” kids who disobeyed our directions or did unforgivable things like walking on the grass.

One day our “safety” group walked down the steps and headed to the intersection of Burlingame and 36th Street. A couple of us decided to take a short cut, until we heard another kid warn, “Hey! Practice what you preach!”

Sure enough, we were walking on the grass. How could we tell younger kids not to do that and then do it ourselves? Especially at that time in my life, it made a big impact on me (oh, the guilt!).

I thought of it again this week because I’ve been wrestling with my emotions.

I’ve wanted to wallow in negative thoughts and bad habits that are not contributing to my health and happiness.

When I got pretty deep in my distress, my old “safety” experience came back to me and I thought: “Practice what you preach.”

What would I tell someone who was feeling the way I was?

Write down your thoughts. Recognize the ones that are negative or lies and replace them with positive thoughts and truth from the Bible.

Show yourself some grace. Take a break and do something nice for yourself instead of focusing on every single responsibility you have and stressing about it.

Talk to someone about how you’re feeling. Feeling supported could help you get to a better place emotionally.

I did some of those things once in a while, but most of the week I let the negative thoughts run amok in my mind.

It’s time to stretch out my arms and say, “Stop!”

It’s time to look around, identify the dangers, and wait until the coast is clear.

Then I can point ahead, motion my thoughts forward, and chant “Walk” as I choose safe paths of thinking.

Whether it’s mental health or some other area of our lives, let’s be careful to always practice what we preach.

“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” (James 1:22 NIV)

Do you say one thing and do another? How can focusing on God help you to live out what you say you believe?

Here’s a picture of me and my younger sisters, around the time I would have been a “safety.”
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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Revisiting Themes

After I uploaded last week’s blog post, I had a funny feeling I had already written about it before. I went to my blog and typed “doing it anyway” in the search box. To my amazement, two posts came up: The one I had just uploaded, and one from January 10, 2020. It had the exact same title and I had written it almost exactly one year before.

I was a little embarrassed at first, and then I got a bit concerned. I’ve written hundreds of blog posts. What if I have nothing new to say and I just start repeating myself from week to week? People will get bored, or confused, or annoyed!

But as I read the two posts, I realized that I had nothing to worry about. The content had the same title, but I was a year older and I was writing from a different place. Yes, I was still struggling with the temptation to quit when things got hard or when I didn’t feel like doing something, but I had moved ahead and done something anyway—two years in a row.

Even though I haven’t accomplished everything I’ve planned to do, I have finished many things in recent years. I have to keep training my mind to celebrate those successes instead of dwelling on the times when I failed and didn’t push forward.

It’s not bad to write about the same things over and over. If I continue to deal with procrastination, doubt, fear, anxiety, and depression from time to time, I can assume some of you need a reminder as you deal with those things as well.

The themes you revisit may be different than mine, but it’s perfectly okay for us to keep going back to the same words, ideas, and struggles. Hopefully, every time we revisit them we’ll be a bit further along in our journey and we’ll have learned some new insights that will help us get unstuck a little more quickly and we’ll be able to see progress.

You’ll probably see me writing about many of the same themes here on this blog, but I’ll try to at least make the titles different from now on.

“For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.” (Colossians 1:9–10 NIV)

Are there certain themes you keep returning to over and over? How can focusing on God help you to grow so you move forward each time you revisit a theme?