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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Spoilers

We’re going to see Avengers: Endgame tonight. It released on April 26, but we decided to wait to see it until it came here to Platte.

By some miracle, I haven’t heard any spoilers, even though our sons have both seen it. They’re so nice.

I haven’t accidentally run across anything online, but I’m glad we’re going to go see it tonight. I don’t know how long people typically wait before they start blabbing about plot points in movies they’ve seen.

Our daughter Erin teaches 4th grade in Lincoln, Nebraska. The other day one of her kids got into trouble because he told a girl in his class something from Avengers: Endgame and she got really upset.

Erin took him aside and tried to help him see the error of his ways. “That’s really not nice to spoil a movie for someone else,” she explained patiently.

“How was I supposed to know that she didn’t know that _____________?”

“Hey!” Erin yelped. “I haven’t seen it yet!”

“Oops, sorry Miss Mulder.” The poor kid felt horrible and he kept apologizing to her throughout the day. But the damage was done. He had spoiled it for Erin without meaning to.

I was going to write this post tonight after the movie, but I decided to get it done before we go, so there’s absolutely no way I can spoil the movie for any of you.

We don’t like to have surprises ruined for us, do we?

And most people don’t enjoy spoiling a surprise for someone else.

I recall one time when I accidentally said something about a Christmas present for my brother-in-law. I can’t even remember what I wasn’t supposed to say, but my sister-in-law jumped in with a “He’s not supposed to know that!” I was crushed and I went off to cry somewhere.

We have to be careful with our words, that’s all there is to it.

Sometimes it may just be a movie spoiler that we let slip and we make someone angry. Hopefully they get over it in time. But often we aren’t careful with our words and we do deep and lasting damage to another person’s soul.

Do you think I’m being overly dramatic?

Take a minute and think about some of the things people have said to you over the years. Do any of them bring back massive amounts of pain, even years later?

Now think about something mean you said to your spouse, your child, a friend. Can you remember the look that came over their face, the sadness in their eyes, the time it took for them to feel close to you again?

Hopefully, we apologize and ask forgiveness when we talk to someone that way. There’s grace and forgiveness and healing, with God’s help, but the sting may never completely go away.

Keep that in mind as you choose your words each day. And by all means, no Endgame spoilers, at least for a few more days.


“A fool’s lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating .” (Proverbs 18:6 ESV)
[I’m going to quote that verse to any middle schooler who dares to rattle off any spoilers while we’re waiting for the movie to start tonight!]

“Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” (Proverbs 21:23 ESV)

Have you ever been upset by hearing a spoiler before you wanted to? How can focusing on God help you to watch your words and speak carefully, apologizing and asking forgiveness when you blow it?

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Marvelous Monday: Let’s Focus on Doing It Scared

It’s Monday. Monday evening, to be exact.

I don’t know why I didn’t post anything before tonight.

I think I’d gotten into a pretty good pattern of posting on Fridays, so I almost forgot that I hadn’t updated my blog this weekend. But I remembered. And then I still put it off.

Lots of random thoughts contributed to my reluctance to post.

I don’t know what to focus on this week. Am I doing this right? What if some people want to read about mental health, but others just want spiritual applications for “normal” life? (As if any of us are truly “normal.”) I don’t want to whine about not writing my book again this week…people are surely getting sick of that. Blake graduated from Northwestern College on Saturday, maybe I should write about that milestone. Or maybe I should focus on Mother’s Day. I have a pretty great mom. She’d like that.

And as these thoughts all rolled around in my head, I realized that it all boiled down to fear.

I’m afraid of doing it wrong.

I’m afraid of disappointing someone.

I’m afraid I’ll annoy somebody.

I’m afraid I’ll be judged.

And then I remembered my number 1 Fear Archetype: People Pleaser (fear of what other people will think). My number 2 is Procrastinator (fear of making a mistake), and number 3 is Outcast (fear of rejection).

No wonder I put off writing my post this week!

My fear archetypes were confirmed (because I already knew I battled them) when I took the Fear Archetype Assessment at Do It Scared (DoItScared.com). You can take the assessment yourself and see what fear is holding you back the most.

If you know fear is a big problem for you, you may want to consider purchasing Ruth Soukup’s new book: Do It Scared. It comes out next Tuesday, May 21. I’m part way through the book (I got an advanced digital copy) and I can already tell it’s going to be helpful as I move forward in spite of my fears.

As Ruth says (in her book and in her awesome podcast by the same name):
Courage doesn’t mean we are never afraid, courage is simply daring to take action, despite our fear.

So, whether you get the book or not, I hope you’ll spend a little time today thinking about what might be holding you back from doing all of the things you say you want to do. I won’t bore you with my list. If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you can probably list them for me. That’s my problem, and I need to get brave enough to start taking massive action toward accomplishing all of those goals.

What you need to do today is make your own list of things you’ve been saying you want to do for weeks, months, or even years. What fears are keeping you from doing them? What thoughts are bouncing around in your head, distracting you from stepping out in faith instead of staying stuck in fear?

It’s important to change how we’re thinking if we want to make any progress. I know a big part of that is making sure I’m thinking the way God tells me to think: about myself, about others, about relationships, about the world around me, and about a life that honors Him.

Don’t be scared, friends. You can do it! And if you still feel some fear, just go ahead and Do It Scared.

“I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.” (Psalm 34:4 ESV)

How much do your fears hold you back? How can focusing on God help you to fight those fears and move forward in spite of them?

(This post contains an affiliate link for Ruth’s book…oh, and also, sorry for the picture in my graphic this week. It shocked me every time I looked over at the computer while I was working on it. I guess I nailed the “scared” part!)

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Keeping On

Some weeks are harder to get through than others.

This was one of those weeks, for so many people.

Last Tuesday we received the horrible news that a dear friend’s daughter had died suddenly. I want to tell you more about that, but I just don’t have the words yet. Maybe on another Friday.

For now, let me just remind us all that we must make the choice to keep on going, even after we suffer a shocking loss.

Our friend and his family were constantly in our prayers after we heard the news. I can’t imagine the intense pain all of them are feeling right now.

As for me, it felt wrong somehow to just keep doing what I always did, day after day. My body even rebelled a bit, staying in bed several mornings and just letting the alarm clock ring for close to an hour before I could drag myself out of bed to shut it off.

I guess I just needed that time to ignore the demands of the day before I could face it. Once I got up, I succeeded in carrying out my normal routine, for the most part. A part of my heart was hurting for our friends back in Iowa, but life went on.

And life went on for all of them, as well. We watched on Facebook as they grieved their loss, but they also kept on living. Roller skating after the prom, celebrating another son’s birthday, posting Bible verses of comfort for themselves and friends.

Whether we have heartbreaking losses or minor annoyances in life, we all need to practice keeping on. God understands when we need to stop and grieve and scream and cry because we don’t like or understand what’s going on in our lives. But then we need to get up and take the steps that are in front of us, leading us to whatever God has next for us.

God is right here with us, loving us and giving us the strength to keep on keeping on.

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18 ESV)

Do the hard times of life keep you paralyzed in place sometimes? How can focusing on God give you the strength to keep on going?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on New Growth

It’s finally starting to feel like spring around here. I was so happy to see a row of pretty tulips blooming in front of our house.

I’ve been helping my neighbor clean up her garden this week.

(In case you can’t read it, the sign hanging from the arbor says “Garden of Weeden.” Isn’t that cute?)

Candi and Gerry have a huge garden with lots of fun little surprises sprinkled throughout. All through the spring, summer, and fall there are flowers blooming along paths between displays of petrified wood. It is a sight to behold!

Right now, though, it needs a little extra attention. The old growth has to be cleared away to make way for the plants that are already starting to grow even at this early date.

So Candi and I have been gathering up the dead grasses, leaves, and plants and making big piles.

As I moved from bed to bed, I was impressed once again by God’s great eye for detail and design. Each plant that has begun growing is so unique. Each needs to be cared for in different ways. Some need lots of rich soil, while others thrive with just a bit of dirt in the cracks of a rock.

I took some pictures of one of the peony bushes I was cleaning up. At first it just looked sad with the old stems and leaves hanging, dead, over the wire cage around it.

But when I looked in from the top, I could see new shoots sticking up already.

I leaned over and cracked off the dry old stems and pulled them out, tossing them in a pile behind me. A few more swipes to get rid of the old peony leaves and I was left with just the new growth.

(I think I missed some leaves!)

With the old, dead stuff removed, the plant has access to the sun and room to grow and thrive.

If only we could think of ourselves like all of those plants. We need to get rid of the old, dead stuff in our lives. We can’t do it ourselves.

I’m sure some plants can and do thrive in spite of barriers, but most of them need a caring gardener to make conditions ideal for their growth.

We have the Holy Spirit to help us get rid of bad habits, negative thoughts, and many sins that can keep our growth stunted.

With all of those things removed, we have even more access to the Son and room to grow and thrive. We’ll see new growth in our lives and we can look forward to what will bloom someday.

(We aren’t finished cleaning up the garden yet, but soon it will be beautiful and blooming!)

“But that’s no life for you. You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go. It’s rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.” (Ephesians 4:20-24 The Message)

Do you see any new growth in your life? What do you have to let the Holy Spirit help you get rid of so that you are free to grow and blossom?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Black Dots

Gary and I went to a Pastors’ Retreat at The Cove in North Carolina last week. We had a wonderful time meeting other pastors and their spouses, listening to the inspiring speaker, and enjoying delicious meals.

After some free time on Tuesday afternoon, we got in line for supper.

We visited with the others at our table, including one couple we had eaten with on Monday evening. Afterward, we figured we had a little time before the next session started, so we went to the basement bookstore for a while. Neither of us had our phones with us, so we asked a man in the hallway for the time. He held out his phone and we saw that it was 6:07.

We walked away. Oh good, we thought, we have over an hour before the session. But then we said, no that can’t be right. Our supper time was at 6:05. His phone must be an hour off (we were further confused because he had said that his watch was an hour off before he showed us his phone). Poor guy, we thought. He has no idea what time it is.

We went upstairs, but no one was heading into the auditorium for the session. We walked across the lobby and then we saw people in line for supper. And it suddenly dawned on us: we had eaten at the wrong time!

It really was 6:07 and we had eaten at 5:00 instead of waiting until our assigned time of 6:05. A black dot on each of our name tags marked us as “second group” eaters. Oops!

Such a little thing, but my mind spun as I tried to figure out how that had happened and dealt with the guilt of my sin.

We got on the shuttle and went back to our room to hide in shame (just kidding, but it did take a little work for me to let it go).

Why didn’t the cafeteria staff person point out our black dot and ask us to wait til our correct time to eat?

Why didn’t our tablemates notice? The couple from Monday night must have eaten at the wrong time, too! Was it on purpose, or accidentally, like us? (The next morning we saw that their name tags had no black dots, so they must have eaten late on Monday night)

I started pondering some comparisons between our mistake and the problem of sin.


We were completely oblivious to our mistake. Could it be that some people are completely oblivious to the sins they’re committing? They think they’re doing the right thing so they have no reason to feel any shame or guilt?

Sometimes people don’t believe the truth when they hear it, like we did with the man who told us it was 6:07. He can’t be right, we reasoned. But he was.

People may be very willing to change if they are just made aware of their sin. If someone had pointed out our black dots when we were in line, we would have quickly gotten out and waited until it was the right time to eat.

Rules are there for a reason. The name tags with and without black dots divided our group in half so we all fit in the dining room. It was a good policy. Too bad we didn’t follow it. And while our infraction didn’t hurt anyone, there are many sins people commit that do damage relationships, property, and our relationship with God.

People need to be more willing to point out sin, gently and with love. I’m glad the staff didn’t point at us and yell: BLACK DOTS! BLACK DOTS! But if they had lowered their voice and reminded us of our eating time we would have gladly complied. Can we figure out how to do that with the people in our lives?

On this Friday, this Good Friday of Holy Week, how wonderful that we can focus on Jesus’ death on the cross. His sacrifice covered all of the black dots of sin in our lives.

And when the time is right, we’ll join him for that incredible feast in heaven.

“How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!” (Hebrews 9:14 NIV)

Do you believe that Jesus’ death on the cross takes away all of your guilt and shame? How can focusing on God help you to notice any “black dots” of sin in your life and confess them so you can be forgiven, completely and forever?

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Terrific Tuesday: Let’s Focus on Spring

Yes, it’s Tuesday. I could probably just skip a post and catch up this Friday, but I decided to write a short one just to remind you of spring and all of the wonderful possibilities it brings.

I chose a snowy pic for my graphic because it seemed fitting for the weird weather we’ve “enjoyed” lately. While Gary and I were traveling last week, we missed a snowstorm back here in Platte that dumped about fourteen inches of snow. In April! Thankfully, most of it had melted by the time we got home.

No matter what kind of spring you’re having, I hope you will take time to notice the trees budding, the flowers blooming, the birds chirping, and the world emerging from months of being cooped up indoors.

Spring seems to bring more hope to our hearts, doesn’t it? We see more sunshine and better weather and we just feel better.

As we get ready for Easter this Sunday, I want to also remind you that it can be “spring” in your soul. Thinking about and celebrating Christ’s resurrection reminds us of the living hope we have in him. No matter what kind of “weather” you’ve been enduring in your heart, you need to hold on to the hope you have in Jesus.

The dark times you may have experienced recently can give way to new discoveries in the light of God’s love. God may show you new growth in your life that you couldn’t notice during the winter of your soul.

Praying that God will do amazing new things in your life this spring.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,…” (1 Peter 1:3 NIV)

Have you had a long, hard winter? How can focusing on God help you to experience new growth this spring?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Choosing

Life is full of choices.

Some choices are big: which college to attend, which job to apply for, which person to marry (or the choice to not get married at all), when to have children (or not).

Some choices are small: which TV show to watch, what to have for supper, what time to get up, what time to go to bed, what to do with free time, whether to eat the orange or the cookie.

Of course there are thousands of other choices that we make over the course of our lifetimes. We make some choices pretty much subconsciously, gravitating to certain activities, foods, and thoughts out of habit. We agonize over other choices, wanting to choose the absolute best option that will lead to our future health, wealth, and happiness.

When someone has a mental illness, it can become very difficult to make choices. The sicker the person is, the more impossible it can seem to make up their mind about something (big or small).

When I was sick back in 2014 I experienced this. I sat in front of my lesson plan book and couldn’t choose what I would teach my Spanish students the next day. I was paralyzed by indecision, afraid to write something down because I didn’t know if it was the right thing to do.

Years ago, I can remember witnessing someone who was struggling mentally. One of her symptoms was this inability to make a choice. “What kind of donut do you want – white frosting or chocolate?”

“I don’t know!” she wailed. It seemed so strange to the rest of us, but she was petrified of making the wrong decision.

Once someone gets help for a mental illness, gradually their ability to make choices comes back. In Fresh Hope support groups there are three important words that show up in each of the six tenets that group members read together each week: “Therefore, I choose….”

Among other things, the people that have been diagnosed with a mental illness acknowledge that their lives are affected, they may not feel hope, their relationships are affected, they might be temped to use their illness as an excuse, or they might allow themselves to become a “victim.”

They recognize all of those problems, but then they read out loud: “Therefore, I choose…” and they speak out loud the solutions they need to go to. They choose the help of others, they choose to overcome, they choose to believe they can live a full and rich life, they choose help and hope, they choose joy. It’s not easy, but each good choice gets the person more and more healthy.

Loved ones also need to make good choices: getting help from others, learning to communicate well, supporting and encouraging their loved one, finding that balance between pushing their loved one too hard or letting them wallow in their excuses, setting healthy emotional boundaries, choosing their own joy even if their loved one is struggling.

Whether you deal with a mental health diagnosis or not, it takes hard work to make good choices. It’s easier to sit on the couch watching TV than it is to exercise, it’s easier to think the same old negative thoughts than it is to practice more positive thoughts, it’s easier to grab the cookies than it is to peel the orange.

Let me just encourage you, friends, to keep practicing those good choices. No matter how many times you settle for the couch, the negativity, and the cookies, it will be worth it to keep working toward the exercise, the positive thoughts, and the orange*. Those choices will get you healthier and happier in the long run.

Therefore, I choose….

“This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live….” (Deuteronomy 30:19 NIV)

Do you make good choices? How can focusing on God help you to choose well in both the big and little areas of life?

*Oh, and by the way, I’m so proud of myself. After my little photo shoot for this week’s graphic, I put the cookies back in the cupboard and ate one of the oranges. Hooray!

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on the Real Issue

We’re getting back to talking about mental health this week, but I want to come at it from a different angle than I did a few weeks ago. I told you, of course, about the symptoms and some possible causes, but that’s not really what you want to see here, is it?

I mean, you could google those things and get lots of facts about depression and other mental illnesses. To tell you the truth, that’s what I did while writing those posts. It’s informative, but you can get information like that from many different places online.

What I’d like to share here each week is more personal. It’s not as cut and dried because my experience with depression is my experience. If you have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, or some other mental illness, it won’t look the same as mine or anyone else’s.

That’s one of the worst things about mental illness. Most of the time others have no idea someone is suffering. It’s kind of like the tree in my graphic for this week. It looks fine, right?

But what if I show it to you from another angle?

Now you can see the problem, can’t you? A huge section of the tree is missing, cut away from the power lines.

That’s the real issue with mental illness. So much of it is internal. There’s a darkness, a fear, a hopelessness that can’t be seen from the outside until the illness gets so bad that the person can no longer hide it.

We have to get better at dealing with mental illness.

People who suffer have to speak up and let someone know how they’re feeling before it gets to be a crisis.

Loved ones need to be brave and talk to their spouse, child, parent, or friend when they notice changes in that person’s mood or behavior.

Christians need to live their lives remembering the hope they have in Jesus Christ and reminding others of that hope when all seems dark.

You have no idea what someone is struggling with inside, so be as kind as you can as often as you can. Just like my funky tree, remember that the real issue is internal.

“For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” (Romans 8:24-25 NIV)

Do you often struggle internally? How can focusing on God help you to think better or get the help you need so your mental health can improve? If you don’t struggle, how can you show more compassion to those who do?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Living Life

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Living Life

If you spend any amount of time at all on the internet, you’ll notice ads and offers promising ways to help you live your best life. They invite you to watch free webinars, buy helpful books, and sign up for expensive online courses that will help you finally…write that book, launch that podcast, monetize that blog, declutter your entire house, lose that extra weight, spice up that relationship, etc., etc., etc.

Now, I understand what these people are doing. They want to create a sense of urgency and convince us that we need something better than we have right now.

It hit me the other day when I saw one more ad promising a way to “your best life.”

How about just living your life?

Of course we need to be growing and learning and improving, but we don’t have to be constantly searching for the next magic formula that will finally make us ___________ (pretty, smart, rich, famous…you fill in the blank).

We can be content to just live our lives. We can enjoy the journey. The messy, frustrating, joyful, confusing, and satisfying lives we live.

That’s one of the reasons I’m focusing on this topic tonight. The last couple of weeks I started exploring mental health (Symptoms and causes of mental illness). But I missed this type of writing, focusing on whatever God was saying to me in a certain week.

Don’t worry, I’ll still share often about mental health, but for this week I want to encourage you to just live.

Notice what’s going on in your head, your home, your community, and the world. Help others, and get help when you need it. Remember how far you’ve come. Dream about where you might go in the future. But do all you can to really enjoy where you are right now.

God has you where he wants you and his timing is perfect. Focus on living life.

“So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.” (Romans 12:1-2 The Message)

Are you always grasping for something to make your life better? How can focusing on God help you to enjoy life right now?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on the Causes of Mental Illness

(Note: The lists of causes in this week’s post were taken from an excellent article found at webmd.com/mental-health/mental-health-causes-mental-illness#1 If that link doesn’t work you can do a search for mental illness causes at webmd.com and you should be able to find it)     

When someone suffers from a mental illness like depression or anxiety, it is normal to look for the reason why. Unfortunately, the reason is usually not clear. Any number of biological, psychological, and environmental factors can combine and lead to a mental illness.

Biological:

*Abnormal functioning of nerve cell circuits or pathways that connect particular brain regions, which communicate through chemicals called neurotransmitters. Sometimes these chemicals need to be changed through medicines, psychotherapy, or other medical procedures.

*Genetics (heredity) can also play a big part in mental illness

*Infections can be linked to the development of mental illness or the worsening of its symptoms

*Brain defects or injury

*Prenatal damage – disruption of early fetal brain development or trauma at time of birth may be a factor in the development of certain conditions

*Other factors – Poor nutrition and exposure to toxins like lead may play a role

Psychological:

*Severe trauma as a child

*An important early loss, such as the loss of a parent

*Neglect

*Poor ability to relate to others

Environmental:(Certain stressors can trigger an illness in a person who is susceptible to a mental illness.)

*Death or divorce

*Dysfunctional family life

*Feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, anxiety, anger, or loneliness

*Changing jobs or schools

*Social or cultural expectations

*Substance abuse by the person or the person’s parents

Now, this is a long list of causes.

You may recognize some factors that have possibly caused your own mental illness or that of someone you love. You may never be able to pinpoint exactly what led to the suffering you’ve gone through (or may be going through right now), but it can be helpful to be aware of causes as you get help and begin the recovery process.

We’re just getting started as we explore mental illness and what we need to do to get healthy. In the weeks ahead we’ll keep going deeper into this complex topic.

I understand the despair you can sometimes feel when you are in the depths of depression and other mental illnesses. Remember, the illness is what’s causing that despair.

You may not feel hope, but you have hope. God loves you and he wants what is best for you. Please note, I’m not telling you to just pray and watch all of your symptoms go away. It will take courage and hard work to get back to good emotional health. God is with you through it all. He really is!

“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalm 43:5 NIV)

Is it frustrating to see how many factors could lead to a mental illness? How can focusing on God help you to examine possible causes, but hold on to hope that you can get healthy again?