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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Peace

Peace.

How can I write about peace when there is so little peace in the world, our countries, our states, our cities, our churches, and our homes?

If we focus on the chaos, all we’ll feel is stress. Broken relationships, political differences, job pressures, and our own sins and failures can build up and create a hum of doubt and insecurity that buzzes in our minds all day, every day.

I know I’ve tried to silence the hum in different ways: grabbing a snack, scrolling Facebook, watching a movie, reading a book. Those aren’t bad things, but I can’t do them just because I feel the stress of life. When the activity is done, the numbing “peace” is gone and the stress comes back.

I’m going to try some different things when the pressures of life start to overwhelm me.

Spending time in my craft room and creating a card for someone relaxes me and brings joy to someone else.

Getting out my guitar and singing some praise and worship songs brings peace to my soul as I turn my thoughts to God instead of the things that are stressing me out.

And, most of all, opening my Bible and reading God’s promises for me reminds me that there is someone who controls all of the chaos. I may not understand what’s happening, but I can trust that everything will turn out okay in the end.

It’s not easy. I know that.

The easy thing is to just keep fretting about all of the upsetting things happening in our lives.

The more difficult thing is to notice the hum of stress and do something healthy and productive to get back to a place of peace.

It takes practice and persistence, but the end result will be so worth it.

“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” (Isaiah 26:3 Modern English Version)

What things are keeping you from feeling peace right now? What activities help you feel more peace? How can focusing on God help you to experience peace even while distressing things are happening?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on What We Think about Throwing Bowls

Some days are more challenging than others. On those days, you just might have a near-miss when the bright early morning sun gets in your eyes at the 4-way stop in town. You might text the wrong person to reschedule when your husband sets a meeting that begins during your online Bible study (and you’ll get a few texts in before you realize the mistake and have to apologize and say “Sorry, we’re not visiting you today”). You might throw a bowl at a gym full of children.

Maybe I better back up.

I went to Dakota Christian School this morning to do part of chapel. The lesson was from Judges 6:17 and the focus was on Gideon asking God for signs. I put a white towel (I misplaced my fleece) down and explained that Gideon asked God to make the fleece wet with dew and keep the ground dry around it. Then I picked up the “fleece” and placed a bowl under it. I pretended to wring the towel out, and then I picked up the bowl and announced that the fleece was so wet it produced a whole…BOWL FULL OF WATER!

I dramatically thrust the bowl into the air, releasing a shower of little blue pieces of paper to represent the water, and throwing the bowl about fifty feet away from us—where it landed with a clatter.

I laughed nervously and ran to pick it up while the kids erupted in excited chatter. I heard several calls of “Encore! Encore!” We went on with Gideon’s story and they hopefully will remember to talk to God and look for signs from him in the Bible when he calls them to do whatever he has planned for them (and not just think of the silly woman throwing a bowl at them).

I’m not just telling you all this to make you laugh and be glad you’re not me.

I’m sharing it so you can take a look at your own embarrassing moments and make a choice when you decide how to think about them. What’s that? You don’t think you have a choice? I beg to differ with you.

In all three of my situations today, I could have chosen to think negatively about myself.

“I almost had a car accident. I should have put my visor down. I’m so stupid. I shouldn’t be driving.” (I would have been stressed and all shook up on my way to Dakota Christian.)

“I texted the wrong person. She’s going to think I’m an idiot. I should have listened better when Gary told me who we were meeting. I’m so dumb.” (I could have worked myself into a state of shame and embarrassment if I kept replaying my mistake.)

“I just threw a bowl during chapel. I’m so foolish. I thought about that possibility this morning, but I was sure I’d never let go of it. Someone could have gotten hurt!” (I could have gotten so embarrassed that I started crying and ran out of chapel without finishing.)

Instead, I caught my thoughts and decided to laugh about my mistakes. It was a choice.

“Thank you, God, that I didn’t have an accident. I’ll be more careful next time.”

“Our friend said ‘No problem’ when I explained my mix-up. I can laugh and move on.”

“I threw the bowl off to the side. It didn’t break. Nobody got hurt and the kids thought it was great. Next time I’ll use a styrofoam bowl, but for today I can laugh and let it go.”

I know some circumstances and mistakes are more serious than what happened to me today, but we still have a choice. With practice, we can choose true, uplifting thoughts instead of the negative, hopeless ideas we often rehearse over and over.

Catch your thoughts, friend. Take a good look at them. Get rid of the ones that keep you guilty, ashamed, and negative. Keep thinking the ones that help you be more free, confident, and positive.

You may even be able to laugh at something more serious than throwing a bowl.

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22 NIV)

What thoughts do you have when you make a mistake? How can focusing on God help you to think differently and laugh at your errors?

*By the way, did you know I have a little private Facebook group called “Catch Your Thoughts with Robyn Mulder“? I try to share resources and ideas to help us all catch our thoughts over there. Check it out!

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on What We Remember

Gary pulled the plastic center of the bathroom faucet off and told me I had to make a new decoration for it because it was worn out. I protested that I had not made that decoration.

“You did!” he assured me.

“I remember thinking how ugly it was when we moved in!” I shot back.

“You were so proud of yourself when you made it!” he countered.

“If I had made it, I would have chosen different colors and it would have looked nicer!”

Seriously, would I have made something like this?

We were both laughing, but we both were sure we were right. Well, he was. I wasn’t so sure. I wondered if I really had made that silly faucet center two years ago, and how I could possibly have forgotten if I did. Was I losing my mind?

It’s happened before. I can’t begin to count the number of times we’ve started to watch a movie and then realized partway in that we had already seen it. The frustrating thing is that I can never remember the ending. As most of the scenes come up, I think Yes, I remember this, but I have no idea what’s going to happen next.

I’ve been thinking more about remembering lately, especially since Gary’s mom has problems with her short-term memory. When we visit her and ask about anything recent, she just furrows her brow for a second or two and responds, “Hmm, I don’t remember.” I wonder what it would be like to never remember what I had just eaten, the conversation I had just had with one of my children, or what I had done earlier that day. Her memory loss doesn’t seem to bother her, though. She’s content with taking one day at a time.

It’s good to see that she hasn’t forgotten the important things. She still remembers her six children and their families. She recognizes them and she knows that she loves them and they love her. At ninety-six years old, maybe that’s enough.

As I get older, I don’t know how long I’ll have my memory. Maybe I’ll forget all of the places I’ve gone and all of the things I’ve done over the years. That’s why I’m glad I have pictures I can look at to remember special trips and events. I’ve filled journals full of my thoughts on all sorts of things. When and if my memory fades, I can spend time looking and reading to remind myself of the life I’ve lived.

They say that many Alzheimer’s patients can still remember songs long after their ability to recognize family members and participate in everyday activities is gone, because key brain areas linked to musical memory are relatively undamaged by the disease.

All of this got me thinking. What do I want to remember?

I want to remember my family.

I want to remember beautiful sunsets.

I want to remember oceans and mountains and canyons.

I want to remember the friends God has introduced me to throughout my life.

I want to remember that God loves me. I want to remember that he has a wonderful plan for my life, even if I don’t understand it at times. I want to remember that even if all of my other faculties are gone, I can still tune into the song of faith God is singing in my soul.

I better write all of this down.

Oh look, I already did! I guess I just forgot.

“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.” (John 14:26 ESV)

How’s your memory lately? How can focusing on God help you to remember what’s most important?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Compliments

I’ve been doing The 28-Day Prayer Journey as an online Bible study for a few weeks. Chrystal Evans Hurst does a great job with the videos that go with each week’s lesson, and I’ve been challenged and inspired to make prayer more of a priority in my life.

One of the assignments asked us to make a list of five people we could compliment, either in person or by writing them a note, text, or email. We could either thank them for what they do or praise them for who they are.

I had the neatest conversations with two friends that I texted that day. They enjoyed the praise for who they are and I felt so good just because I took a few seconds to reach out to them. I didn’t expect kind words in return, but it was so fun to receive them.

I made a big mistake, though. I felt so warm and fuzzy that I told my husband about our texts and the assignment.

He got a little gleam in his eye as he asked, “Is that why you told me I’m a great pastor this morning?”

Oops. Yes, but I hadn’t meant for him to know that.

I had been sincere in my compliment, but it suddenly seemed fake and manipulative somehow.

The assignment was good, especially as it helped me think about how I can praise God for who he is and thank him for what he does. I just have to remember that I don’t praise and thank God (or anyone else) in order to make myself feel good or brag to other people.

Getting into the practice of praising and thanking God will almost certainly deepen the relationship we have with him.

Realizing how much we like to be praised and thanked, let’s make a greater effort to shower the people around us with compliments. Maybe you could even make a list of five people and decide exactly how and when you’ll compliment them. You may be surprised by the response you get.

Just don’t tell them I told you to do it.

“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Romans 15:5–6 NIV)

When you pray, do you praise and thank God, or do you usually just rattle off your requests? When is the last time you gave someone a sincere compliment? How can focusing on God help you to spend more time complimenting him and others?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Body Image

The other day my beautiful niece shared this quote on her Facebook page:

“It’s crazy how I adore women of all body sizes and shapes but I can’t accept my own.”

It was the last straw, and I knew I had to talk about it here. After hearing several people (in person and online) complain about the extra weight they’re carrying around and joking about overeating and not exercising, I knew I wasn’t the only one dealing with body image issues.

You see, I’ve been more than a little disgusted with myself whenever I look in the mirror. I see extra bulges of flesh and I know how they got there. I’ve gotten into the terrible habit of overeating to combat stress. I know I’m doing it but I can’t seem to stop snacking throughout the day.

I know there are other people who look in the mirror and see fat that isn’t even there. They convince themselves that they shouldn’t eat much of anything because they hate how they look.

Then there are people who don’t seem to mind being overweight. The culture applauds people who love themselves no matter what size they are, even though obesity can lead to many health problems.

So what are we supposed to do about body image?

Maybe it’s too complex to explore in one blog post, but I came across an online course a couple of weeks ago that wants to set women free from their struggles with body image issues. In 21 days, they say we can develop new habits and learn to get our eyes off of our body/weight/size/shape and onto God’s truth.

I thought and prayed about it and then I signed up. I’m ready to get some advice and encouragement so I can get back to eating in healthier ways (instead of snacking all day long).

God loves us just the way we are and he’ll keep loving us no matter what size we wear. But I believe he wants us to love him more than food, or exercise, or anything else.

He created each of us. We’re made in the image of God. That’s the image we should be focusing on; looking more and more like Jesus every day. Then we’ll be able to look in the mirror and see him reflected there instead of our imperfect bodies. Now that’s something to love!

I’m including a link in case you want to check it out and join me on this 21-day journey to a healthier mindset. It starts on Monday, February 1, 2021. (It’s $49 if you sign up by Sunday, January 31 and $59 after that.)

https://comparedtowho.me/refocus-christian-body-image-course-online/

It’s fine if you don’t want to sign up, but take a little time this week to consider your own body image:

Do you sigh (or cry) every time you step on the scale?

What do you think when you see yourself in the mirror?

Are you obsessed with food (either eating too much or depriving yourself)?

Is what you think of your body holding you back from doing things that you’ve always wanted to do?

Are you always comparing yourself to other people?

Consider a few verses that might help you see yourself as God sees you:

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:14 NIV)

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” (Ephesians 2:10 NLT)

“The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7 NIV)

You are beautiful, my friend! Ask God to help you believe that. Try to focus more on your relationship with God than your relationship with food.

That’s what I’m planning to do. I’ll check back in a few weeks and let you know how it’s going.

How much do you struggle with body image? How can focusing on God help you to live a healthy, happy life?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Practicing What You Preach

When I was in 5th or 6th grade, I was a “safety” at East Elementary School. We went through special training and then we were assigned to help kids cross the streets on the way to and from school.

We wore bright orange belts and enjoyed a special degree of respect from the little kids who waited behind our outstretched arms until we determined that it was safe to cross. Then we would step to the side, hold one arm out toward the street, and motion them forward by swinging the other arm while we chanted “Walk” and watched as they made their way to the other side of the street.

We also had the authority to “report” kids who disobeyed our directions or did unforgivable things like walking on the grass.

One day our “safety” group walked down the steps and headed to the intersection of Burlingame and 36th Street. A couple of us decided to take a short cut, until we heard another kid warn, “Hey! Practice what you preach!”

Sure enough, we were walking on the grass. How could we tell younger kids not to do that and then do it ourselves? Especially at that time in my life, it made a big impact on me (oh, the guilt!).

I thought of it again this week because I’ve been wrestling with my emotions.

I’ve wanted to wallow in negative thoughts and bad habits that are not contributing to my health and happiness.

When I got pretty deep in my distress, my old “safety” experience came back to me and I thought: “Practice what you preach.”

What would I tell someone who was feeling the way I was?

Write down your thoughts. Recognize the ones that are negative or lies and replace them with positive thoughts and truth from the Bible.

Show yourself some grace. Take a break and do something nice for yourself instead of focusing on every single responsibility you have and stressing about it.

Talk to someone about how you’re feeling. Feeling supported could help you get to a better place emotionally.

I did some of those things once in a while, but most of the week I let the negative thoughts run amok in my mind.

It’s time to stretch out my arms and say, “Stop!”

It’s time to look around, identify the dangers, and wait until the coast is clear.

Then I can point ahead, motion my thoughts forward, and chant “Walk” as I choose safe paths of thinking.

Whether it’s mental health or some other area of our lives, let’s be careful to always practice what we preach.

“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” (James 1:22 NIV)

Do you say one thing and do another? How can focusing on God help you to live out what you say you believe?

Here’s a picture of me and my younger sisters, around the time I would have been a “safety.”
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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Revisiting Themes

After I uploaded last week’s blog post, I had a funny feeling I had already written about it before. I went to my blog and typed “doing it anyway” in the search box. To my amazement, two posts came up: The one I had just uploaded, and one from January 10, 2020. It had the exact same title and I had written it almost exactly one year before.

I was a little embarrassed at first, and then I got a bit concerned. I’ve written hundreds of blog posts. What if I have nothing new to say and I just start repeating myself from week to week? People will get bored, or confused, or annoyed!

But as I read the two posts, I realized that I had nothing to worry about. The content had the same title, but I was a year older and I was writing from a different place. Yes, I was still struggling with the temptation to quit when things got hard or when I didn’t feel like doing something, but I had moved ahead and done something anyway—two years in a row.

Even though I haven’t accomplished everything I’ve planned to do, I have finished many things in recent years. I have to keep training my mind to celebrate those successes instead of dwelling on the times when I failed and didn’t push forward.

It’s not bad to write about the same things over and over. If I continue to deal with procrastination, doubt, fear, anxiety, and depression from time to time, I can assume some of you need a reminder as you deal with those things as well.

The themes you revisit may be different than mine, but it’s perfectly okay for us to keep going back to the same words, ideas, and struggles. Hopefully, every time we revisit them we’ll be a bit further along in our journey and we’ll have learned some new insights that will help us get unstuck a little more quickly and we’ll be able to see progress.

You’ll probably see me writing about many of the same themes here on this blog, but I’ll try to at least make the titles different from now on.

“For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.” (Colossians 1:9–10 NIV)

Are there certain themes you keep returning to over and over? How can focusing on God help you to grow so you move forward each time you revisit a theme?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Doing It Anyway

Is anyone else having trouble getting things done lately?*

We have lots of excuses, don’t we? Covid-19, political unrest, stressful family situations, gloomy winter weather, and a mountain of other obligations and distractions can get us down and keep us from accomplishing much of anything.

And then we can add the guilt that washes over us after we’ve snacked all day long and wasted way too much time scrolling through Facebook and watching YouTube videos. (Or so I’ve heard…from a friend.)

Truth is, I almost went to bed without writing this tonight. (I feel like I’ve written that before.) The easiest thing to do is go with our feelings, doing (or not doing) whatever sounds good to us (or doesn’t).

But that’s not what’s best for us. Living that way too often could lead to an undisciplined, lazy attitude that won’t help others and won’t get us where God wants us to go.

So I sat down and started writing. Maybe this week it’s just for me, writing to prove to myself that I can do something even if I don’t really feel like it.

Or maybe it’s for you, friends. Maybe you need someone to remind you that it’s good to do something you planned to do, even when everything inside you says “what’s the use?”

Get up! Do something! (I’m yelling at myself, not any of you.)

We can always go back to the ice cream and the scrolling later, but maybe we’ll feel a little better knowing we did something for a while.

As we push ahead and do things anyway, we’ll gain momentum and see progress toward our goals. We’ll also feel a sense of accomplishment that will help us keep going even when life is difficult.

That’s better than any tasty snack or funny cat video, don’t you think?

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9 NIV)

Are you good at doing things even when you don’t feel like it? Do you get weary and avoid doing what you planned to do? How can focusing on God help you to do things anyway?

*Keep in mind that sometimes a lack of interest in doing things you normally enjoy can be a sign of depression. Talk to your doctor if you go through more than two weeks of feeling down and unable to function well.

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Beginning the Year Well

Happy New Year!

It’s the first day of January. We want to eat right, exercise, read the Bible in a year, keep our finances in order, never lose our temper with our kids, have the perfect marriage, and be the best friend anyone has ever had. Everyone’s social media posts inspire us (or depress us) as we see what they plan to do this year.

May I humbly suggest a few ideas that could help us begin the year well?

  1. Live your own life. It can be tempting to compare our own plans to those of our friends, neighbors, and relatives. If we think someone else’s lofty goals seem better than ours it could lead to confusion, desperation, and despair. Pray about what God wants you to tackle, then move ahead, being willing to adjust as he leads you.
  2. Live for others. Make sure to include some ways to help others in the coming year. Self-centered lives seldom bring much joy, but reaching out to others will improve our own emotional well-being and theirs.
  3. Live for God. As a Christian, this is of utmost importance to me. (If you want to know more, go to The Robyn’s Nest and click on “About Me.”) If you are a person of faith, try to set some time aside each day to read the Bible and pray. It can make a world of difference in how we interact with others and react to the circumstances that come up daily.

The first day of the year is exciting, but too often we feel pressure to do everything “just right.” Let’s push aside that pressure, friends, and begin the year well.

“Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always. Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced.” (1 Chronicles 16:11–12 NIV)

Are you feeling lots of pressure to do “all the things” in 2021? How can focusing on God help you to begin the year well and feel more relaxed as you do it?

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Meaningful Monday: Let’s Focus on Ending the Year Well

Graphic with calendars and the blog post title by robynmulder.com

Over the last few days, I’ve been starting to reflect on the highs and lows of 2020. Of course, many of those (especially the lows) are common to all of us, but I’ve been thinking about my specific successes and failures.

Because of my temperament and personality, I noticed the failures first.

The stack of Christmas cards from family and friends brought joy as I read each one (and also guilt because I didn’t do cards this year).

Cleaning up my inbox, I came across some emails reminding me of courses I had signed up to take (and haven’t finished yet).

Looking over some credit card statements, I noticed several books I purchased (and haven’t read yet).

It was tempting to get down on myself for these little failures (and I did for a while), but this morning I woke up with a new attitude. I was almost giddy as I thought about possibilities for the new year. It would have been so easy to make a list of all the things I want to accomplish in 2021 and jump into the new year with idealistic goals and plans.

But as the day went on, I sensed the Holy Spirit inviting me to slow down a bit and finish the year well before I begin a new one.

I’m not exactly sure what that looks like, but I’m going to spend some time pondering it in the remaining days of 2020.

I want to look at why I didn’t get to creative projects like Christmas cards, a possible podcast, and completing a book on depression.

I’ll take a look at my plan calendar and see how I spent my time, tweaking it (actually it needs an overhaul) for 2021.

I’ll think about why I still weigh the same, even though I’ve been saying for months and months that I want to get healthier.

And I’ll make my mind acknowledge the successes of the year, even though it wants to belittle everything good I’ve done. I’ll rack my brain and make a list (a long list) of all of the good things that happened this year.

If I go into the new year regretting my mistakes and failures, it will only stifle the potential for future growth and joy. If I can make peace with the things about this year that disappointed me, I can end the year well in spite of them.

“I have considered my ways and have turned my steps to your statutes. I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands.” (Psalm 119:59–60 NIV)

How do you feel about this past year? Are there things you need to do so you can end the year well? How can focusing on God help you to make peace with 2020 before you move on to 2021?