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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Suicide

We don’t like to think about things like suicide, do we?

It’s so dark and scary and…depressing.

Even if your life hasn’t been touched personally by a family member’s suicide, most of us have been saddened to hear about someone’s suicide in the towns where we live or by celebrities like actor Robin Williams, designer Kate Spade, and chef Anthony Bourdain.

And then there are those of us who have actually contemplated ending our own lives.

I got to that place back in 2014 when I became clinically depressed and could find absolutely no hope in life. I was still a Christian and I knew where my hope should be found, but I was too sick to grab hold of that hope and be happy.

Thankfully, I was able to talk to my husband about those frightening thoughts and he took me to the hospital where I could be safe until I felt better.

While I was there I met other patients, people who had actually attempted suicide. I’m so glad they didn’t succeed. We talked and laughed and learned together about our illnesses during our stay. We all had families that loved us and wanted us healthy again.

Since that time, I have worked hard at making sure I do the things I need to do to stay healthy emotionally. If I feel myself starting to get into that downward spiral, I’m quick to reach out to my husband or a friend so I don’t get too far away from hope.

That’s why I want to focus on suicide this week.

Maybe you have a family member or friend who struggles with depression. Watch for the warning signs that their depression is getting worse and reach out to help them before it gets too bad.

Maybe you deal with depression at times. Don’t settle for feeling bad most of the time. You may have gotten so used to it that you think it’s just normal for you. It doesn’t have to be! Medications, counseling, exercise, and changing the way you think and act can all lead to a happier, more fulfilling life. 

Please don’t give up! Talk to someone, reach out to anyone. Hopefully you have a supportive friend or family member, but if you don’t, you can always call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text CONNECT to 741741 at the Crisis Text Line

I’m not a professional, but you’re also welcome to talk to me by email (robynmulder @ hotmail.com) or a private message on Facebook.

We can do this hard thing…this amazing thing called Life…if we just don’t give up.

“The thief [Satan] comes only to kill and steal and destroy; I [Jesus] have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10 NIV – brackets added)

Have you ever had suicidal thoughts? How can focusing on God help you to get support and embrace life again? 

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on a Dear Abbie Letter

*Note: I’m moving some of my old blog posts here to robynmulder.com and I’m starting with this one from January of 2016. It’s a favorite of mine since it came to me so easily and I love this family so much. As an update, Abbie just finished her freshman year of college and plans to do some mission work in Africa (probably next summer, I think her mom said). Her mom is still immensely proud of her. Enjoy!

Dear Abbie,


I saw that look on your face the other morning.


Your mom started crying when she talked about your 16th birthday coming up today. She laughed and brushed away the tears and tried to explain. “It just went by so fast!” She talked a little more and ended with, “I just love her.” Then she turned to you and said, “High five. You’re awesome!”


You smiled and gave her a high five, but then your expression returned to that look.


The look of a fifteen-year-old who wonders if her mother is crazy. I know that look. I’ve seen it on the faces of all four of my children. I’ve worn that look as I wondered about my own mother’s sanity at times during my teen years.


She’s not crazy. Moms cry sometimes and you just have to get used to it. Sometimes we cry because we’re happy. Sometimes we cry because we’re sad. Sometimes we cry because we’re angry. Sometimes we cry because our daughters turn sixteen.


I don’t know everything going on in your mom’s mind and heart right now, but I can imagine some of the things she may be feeling.


I imagine she’s remembering herself at your age.


I imagine she’s mourning the “mistake” she made that resulted in your birth when she was just seventeen.


I imagine she’s reliving the embarrassment she felt when people found out about her “mistake.”


I imagine she’s happy about how life turned out over the last sixteen years. After welcoming you into the world, she went on to marry a great guy and they gave you three little sisters to love (and they love you!).


I imagine she’s afraid for you and the choices you’ll have to make in the years ahead. I imagine she’s afraid you might make some mistakes along the way and she wants to save you from that.


I imagine she’s immensely proud of the young woman you’re becoming and she thanks God every day that He gave you to her.


I imagine she’s grateful for the grace she feels knowing that God loves her and has forgiven every single one of her mistakes. I imagine she’s awed by the realization that you were not a mistake; you were part of God’s great plan for her life.


I imagine she knows that the next several years will go by just as fast and you’ll be out on your own before she knows it.


Abbie, you are special, but it’s not because you were born to a teenage mother. You are special because God formed you in your mother’s womb and He has a plan for your life. You are free to follow Him wherever He leads. Each of us is special to God and we all need to follow Him. Keep going, Abbie. If you make mistakes, there’s grace there and you can get back on the right path. There’s grace for all of us sinful people.


Oh, and your mom? She’s not crazy. She’s just a really good mom who loves you so much.


Happy 16th Birthday, Abbie!


“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)


Have you ever made a “mistake”? How can focusing on God help you to get back on track and follow Him into the future He has planned for you?


*I want to thank my friends Kristen and Abbie for their permission to share this week’s blog post. I am blessed to know them and the rest of their family.

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Memories

I’ve been going through some old pictures and letters in one of my file cabinets lately. It has been really fun to walk down memory lane and read letters from friends, look at pictures people have sent over the years, peruse thank you notes and greeting cards people have given us, and find things I didn’t even remember I had.

Here’s the inside of a Mother’s Day card Erin made for me in 1999:

In case you can’t read it, it says “If I had 3 moms because they kept dying, you would be the best one!” Isn’t that sweet? (She was only 7.)

If I hadn’t gone through my files, I wouldn’t have found that little gem. My heart was warmed by memories of friends that I’ve lost touch with and reminders of friends I’ve made in recent years, as well as friends I’ve corresponded with for years and years. Sure, I weeded out some letters that no longer meant much to me, but there were many that I read over and put right back in the file because they brought a smile to my face and warm feelings to my heart.

I remember when I saw that one of my college friends had ripped up a letter from her mom and thrown it in the trashcan. I was appalled because words meant so much to me. I kept every letter I received from home and treasured it. Now, I realize that my friend and her mom wrote each other much more often than my parents and I did and she probably couldn’t keep every letter. I’ve gotten a bit more selective about what I keep as well. Today I found myself tossing quite a few Christmas letters from years ago. They were interesting to read at the time, but I don’t need all of the facts from 1995. I found it much more difficult to throw away a thoughtful, handwritten letter because it contained much more personal information and memories of times that person and I had shared.

I can’t keep everything anyone ever writes to me, but you can bet I’ll keep most of them so I have something special to read when I’m old and gray (oops, starting to get there already!).

We can’t live in the past, but memories are something we can treasure as we go through life. Our minds start to fail us as we get older, so it’s good to have pictures, letters, and mementos to jog our memories and remind us of special people we’ve known and events we’ve lived through.

I’m so thankful for each and every person God has brought into my life in the last 48 years, and I can’t wait to see who He will arrange for me to meet in whatever years I have left. Life sure is exciting, isn’t it?

“I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:3–6 NIV)

Is it time to look through old letters and photos and relive some memories? How can focusing on memories (and God) give us the strength and confidence to move forward in life and make some new memories?