Category: Mental Health

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Thankfulness

It’s the first day of November, and I’m going to focus on thankfulness this month. Of course, being thankful every day of the year is important, but maybe if we practice extra hard this month it will be easier all of the other days.

As someone who deals with mental health challenges (depression and anxiety), it’s especially important for me to watch what I’m thinking. Too much negativity can really cause me to spiral down into depression.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t believe we can just think our way into better mental health, but positive thinking can be part of our plan for maintaining emotional wellness. Being thankful just might bring us more peace and joy. (But don’t forget about counseling, medications, and a great support group like Fresh Hope.)

I’m going to be doing a daily Facebook live video every day this month. After it gets recorded, I’ll add it to a “Thirty Days of Thankfulness” playlist on my YouTube channel. I invite you to check out one or the other and let me know in the comments what you think about thankfulness. Consider starting a list of things you’re thankful for this month and see how many things you can write down.

Showing thankfulness to others could also be helpful. Write a letter to someone you’re grateful for. Tell them how much they mean to you. It will make their day! Take a minute to really thank the waitstaff or store clerk after they’ve served you. They probably don’t receive enough thanks for the job they do.

In my Facebook live series this month, I plan to share a Scripture verse and a poem every day. I won’t post all of them here on my blog, but I’ll let you read the ones I shared today (you can check it out on Facebook or YouTube if you’re interested in the ones I’ll share the rest of the month).

Here’s my poem:

Lord, I don’t feel very thankful today

Life is busy and my anxious thoughts get in the way

Help me focus this month on the blessings I receive from you

If I’m going to find the strength to persevere, that’s really all that I can do

“So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.” (Colossians 2:6–7 NIV)

Is it time for you to practice being thankful? What are three things you’re thankful for today? Write them down somewhere and keep adding to the list. How can focusing on God help you feel more thankful?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Asking for Help

(Note: This post was originally published on June 29, 2018 at robynmulder.blogspot.com. I’m working on moving those posts here to robynmulder.com.)

I don’t like asking for help.

I’ll struggle with something for far too long before I finally admit that I can’t do it myself.

It can be little things like pickle jars that won’t open or not being able to move a piece of furniture on my own.

It can also be bigger things, usually more emotional than physical.

That was part of the problem when I got so depressed about four years ago. I was struggling with different aspects of a teaching job and I wouldn’t ask for help. Even worse, people were offering help and I was just too sick to accept it.

I’ve been experiencing some of those same feelings lately. Oh, don’t worry, it won’t turn into depression this time. I’m healthy enough to notice how I’m thinking and feeling, and I’m going to do what I need to do to stay healthy emotionally.

Part of that is asking for help.

I need to talk to Gary about everything and not just hope these annoying anxious thoughts go away on their own.

I need to reach out to others when I’m not sure how to do something, so I don’t get stressed out about whatever it is.

Gardening, for example.

I’ve been feeling a bit of stress about “my” garden.

I put my in quotes because it was actually the previous pastor’s wife who planted some flowers in the backyard. Before we got here, some of the ladies weeded the area. Only one plant was blooming, but it looked very nice.

I went out there several times, but I didn’t really know what was growing. Then I was gone last week, and we’ve gotten lots of rain, and suddenly the spot looked like this:

 It doesn’t look so nice, does it?

The thing is, I decided I really do want to keep it up. I’ve walked around Platte and there are so many pretty flower gardens. I want to have one, too!

But I don’t know how. And I’ve been too proud to ask for help. 

I know that some of the things growing out there are weeds, like thistles and grass.

But I don’t know what some of the rest of it is. I didn’t want to pull out flowers, so I left it all alone.

This morning I took a walk, and on my way home I saw my neighbor Suzy working in her yard. She has lots of flowers, so I stopped to talk to her. She showed me how she was cutting some of her plants back so they would keep growing. 

I told her how I wanted to garden, but I didn’t know how. “I didn’t know how at first, either,” she said.

“How did you learn?”

She thought a moment and said that she had a couple of sisters-in-law that gardened and she learned from them.

I went home and spent a little time in my garden. I was dismayed by all of the weeds I saw, but I was also encouraged when I saw buds on some of the plants and realized I’ll see some flowers soon.

(I don’t know what this is, but I think it has buds.)
Look, a lily!
I think these are something, too, but I don’t know what.

It’s time to ask for help. I can keep showing up at Suzy’s and ask lots of questions. I know there are lots of ladies at church that like to garden and would be happy to help me.

It’s just getting past that initial embarrassment of admitting that I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ll have to be willing to laugh at myself if they come over and can’t believe I didn’t know that a certain plant was just a weed. 

I can’t compare my efforts with the beautiful yards some people have. I just need to learn with the small area that someone planted for me and see if I like gardening enough to expand in the years ahead.

I can ask when I get stuck in other areas of my life and I know someone else has the knowledge or talent to help me.

Most of all, I can ask God for help when I’m feeling anxious or uncertain. He’ll show me what to do so I can get back to feeling his peace.

God, do you know anything about gardening?

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” (James 1:5 NIV)

Do you find it difficult to ask for help? How can focusing on God help you to reach out to others when you’re stuck in some area and need help?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Bruises

While on vacation recently, Gary and I went hiking in the Great Smoky Mountains in Tennessee. After hoofing it over six miles to Le Conte Lodge, we headed back down the same trail.

The girls taking our picture thought it was so cute that Gary helped me over the rocks by Rainbow Falls.

At one point, there was a big rock with some moss and a bit of water on it. As I placed my foot, I had the fleeting thought that maybe I should step down further to the right instead of directly on the rock. Just like that, my boot slid out from under me and I landed—hard—on my left hip and shoulder. Gary saw me fall, so he hurried back to make sure I was okay. “I don’t think I broke anything,” I moaned as I pulled myself up and sat for a minute. We continued down the trail. I was sore, but I could still hike.

Amazingly, I didn’t fall down this set of steps!

I figured I would have a bruise after hitting that hard, but we were amazed to see just how big it was the next day. A 6-by-8-inch purple rectangle graced my left thigh. It was still shockingly huge when we got home to South Dakota. I decided to go do my swim workouts, even though people would be able to see it.

“Whoa! What happened to you?” several people commented. I was able to tell them about our long hike in the mountains. I was kind of embarrassed that I had fallen, but I also felt pretty proud of my bruise. As I swam a couple more times this week, I came to think of it as a badge of honor. I had taken a fall, but I got up and kept hiking, and I had the bruise to prove it.

Taken two days after the fall. It got even prettier after this!

When you live with a mental health diagnosis, you sometimes end up with emotional bruises and scars. Sure, people usually can’t see them, but we know they’re there. The tender spots in our lives can be a badge of honor for us—proof that we’ve lived through something difficult and we’re still here.

When we see someone else struggling emotionally, let’s be quick to tell them about our bruises and scars. It may inspire them to keep going as they continue their own journey to better mental health.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV)

Have you ever had a bruise or scar you were kind of proud of? How can focusing on God help you be willing to share your emotional bruises and scars with someone who needs encouragement or inspiration?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Decluttering

I’ve been on a decluttering mission the last couple of weeks. I emptied one of my bookshelves so I could move it across the room, and then I ruthlessly weeded out a good chunk of my collection. I love books, but I don’t have enough time to reread most of them. It’s time to pass them on to someone else.

I keep looking around our home and thinking about what can go. I’m making a big pile. We’ll see if a garage sale is in our future or if I’ll make several trips to a donation center.

When I used to look at my overstuffed bookshelf, it would make me feel stressed. I knew there were quite a few books I hadn’t read yet (I moved those to a smaller bookshelf and I’m making plans to read them in the months ahead and then pass them on). Now my bookshelf isn’t even full, and I can see the titles of books I love and want to keep (at least for now). I feel a sense of peace.

Clutter in our minds isn’t good for our mental health. It’s stressful to hold on to negative thoughts. Maybe it’s time to declutter so we can focus on more helpful, positive ideas. Write down what you’re thinking and decide what has to go. You may need a counselor to help you learn skills for doing that, but it’s worth it.

I started going back to my counselor in Sioux Falls in July to work on a few things that were bothering me. This week we talked about my tendency to seek knowledge from lots of different sources. I read books and listen to podcasts, getting lots of interesting, helpful info. The trouble is, I let all of that good stuff clutter up my mind and I often don’t take action. For me, it can be a form of avoidance.

So my counselor suggested that I go for one week without listening to podcasts. We both had to laugh as my anxiety about that was clearly visible. She could see it all over my face, and I noticed that my right hand started scratching vigorously on my left arm. She had hit a nerve. “But what would I do instead when I’m out for a walk or something?” I asked. “You could listen to music…or just be,” she said.

Just be. What a concept. I don’t do that very well. My mind is constantly analyzing and excusing and chastising and celebrating and planning and wondering.

I think this week without podcasts is going to be good for my mental clutter if I allow the extra time and space to be something healing for me. Instead of filling my brain with more thoughts and ideas from others, I can sort through what I already know and believe. Then I can make sure I’m putting it into practice as I live this beautiful life God’s given me.

I won’t give up podcasts completely after the week is over, but I might be more deliberate about balancing my time, making sure I don’t just listen to tons of episodes and let it all become clutter again.

It all comes down to catching our thoughts, doesn’t it? Learning to focus on things that are excellent and praiseworthy (and true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable as it says in Philippians 4:8). We can get rid of any thoughts that don’t fit in those categories.

You can check out my free, private Facebook group: Catch Your Thoughts with Robyn Mulder (and my podcast with the same name) if you want some support and encouragement in your mental decluttering process.* You’ll feel more peace when your mind is clear.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:19–21 NIV)

Does clutter bother you? Which is easier for you to see…the clutter in your home or the clutter in your mind? How can focusing on God help you get rid of both types?

*If you want help with decluttering your home, I recommend watching YouTube videos by The Minimal Mom and The Life Tidy. (I’m sure there are lots of other great resources out there, but these are two that have inspired me as I’ve started decluttering.)

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on When We Can’t Make It up the Mountain

Gary and I recently attended Rocky Mountain High—a youth event out in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. For my premium rec activity, I attempted to hike Hallett Peak. The summit is 12,720 feet. I had climbed it a couple of times before, but I wasn’t sure if I could make it this time. I was nervous because I knew I wasn’t in tip-top shape, but I really wanted to experience that mountaintop view once again.

The first couple of miles went okay, but I began to struggle. It felt like I was going in slow motion and I started to feel sick. The last people in our group caught up to me and I expressed my desire to make it to the top. “No problem,” they said. “If you keep up this pace, you’ll make it!” I fell in behind them and kept up for several steps, but then I watched them quickly widen the gap between us. I kept plugging away, but when I got to the snow I decided to turn around. I didn’t have the time or energy to make it.

So, I sat on a rock and ate my lunch, gazing longingly at the summit. I could see lots of people from our group moving around up there. It was so tempting to try to push on and make it, but I just had someone take my picture before I headed back down the trail.

My long walk gave me lots of time to think about how I was going to handle this “failure.” Was I going to cry all the way down? Was I going to beat myself up for even attempting it?

I didn’t do either of those things. Sure, I was disappointed that I hadn’t made it to the top, but I tried to be proud of how far I went. With a little more time, I’m sure I would have made it. I got to see some beautiful scenery. I did the best I could, and that was good.

I can’t help but compare my hike to how we can handle our mental health journeys. We might have a goal in mind. Under the right circumstances, we can achieve it. Sometimes we need to be happy with something that falls short of our goal. As long as we’re doing our best, we can feel proud of ourselves and everything we accomplish.

After my hike, I talked to my husband. We figured out that I still had lots of water in my backpack. I hadn’t been drinking nearly enough on my hike, which may have contributed to my slow pace and feeling sick. He wished he could have hiked with me and reminded me to drink more.

We need friends and family to walk along with us when it comes to our mental health, too. They can support us and remind us to take care of ourselves. The journey can be amazing, even if you don’t make it to the top of the mountain.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5–6 NIV)

Are you enjoying your journey through life, or are you frustrated because you haven’t reached the “summit” yet? How can focusing on God help you try your best and be content with how far you’ve come?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Starting a Podcast

Did you know I have a podcast?

Unless you follow me on Facebook, you probably had no idea.

I’ve told some people, and I’ve posted about it a few times in my Facebook group, but I’ve really been pretty quiet about it.

I’m not sure why, but the reasons probably have something to do with the name and the theme of the podcast: Catch Your Thoughts with Robyn Mulder.

I’ve been learning to catch my thoughts over the last several years (as we’re instructed to do in 2 Corinthians 10:5). Distorted thinking was a big contributor to the major depressive episode I had in 2014. I want the podcast to help people learn to recognize the thought distortions that make life more difficult and lead to anxiety and depression.

But it can’t help anyone if I don’t tell people about it.

I’ve finally set a date for a little launch party on Zoom. Come join me on Thursday, June 29 at 6:30 p.m. (Central) and we’ll celebrate the episodes I’ve already created. I’m going to give away two copies of a “Catch Your Thoughts Calendar” I made, and we’ll chat about past and future episodes of the podcast.

As I’ve thought about how I’ve been keeping the podcast mostly to myself, I was reminded of how often we do that as Christians. We have the best news about how much God loves us and wants to have a relationship with us, but we sometimes get busy, or lazy, or scared, and we just keep that good news to ourselves.

We need to be aware of opportunities to share that good news with people in our lives. People we know…and people God brings into our lives that we don’t know yet. We can help other people learn to follow Jesus.

I hope you’ll check out my podcast (click here) and tell a few people about it. It just might help you (and others) catch your unhelpful, distorted thoughts and replace them with true, helpful thoughts instead. It could make a big difference in your life. It could make a big difference in someone else’s life.

While you’re at it, look for opportunities to share your faith with someone. It could make an eternal difference in their life.

Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18–20 NIV)

Do you tend to keep good news to yourself? How can focusing on God help you be more deliberate about sharing the good news you’ve found with others?

© 2023 Robyn Mulder

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Staying Away from the Edge

As you probably know by now, in 2014 I went through a severe bout with depression. Depression and anxiety robbed me of all hope and sent me to the hospital. I’m so thankful for the help I got there.

Now I have joy, confidence, and hope most days, but the negatives often try to creep back in. It catches me off guard and discourages me so much. I’m learning to catch those thoughts and turn them around so that it doesn’t turn into a depression that debilitates me, but it is often difficult.

I’d like to focus on “staying away from the edge” in this week’s post. Have you ever traveled somewhere and experienced that moment of vertigo when you are overlooking some beautiful vista? Niagara Falls, The Grand Canyon, a hike in the mountains with a deep ravine next to your footpath? You realize that one false step could send you plummeting to your death. If you are wise, you make sure you are staying away from the edge so you are safe.

I think we can also do that emotionally. Mental illness can mean the death of us if we keep going in spite of all of the danger signs and fall over the figurative edge. I’d like to explore some of the ways we can stay away from the edge when it comes to our mental health. I’m sure you’ve read some of my posts that deal with that already, but I’ll share some of the ways I do that (again) in an upcoming post.

This time, I’d like to ask for your help. Would you be willing to share some of the ways you “stay away from the edge” as you live with a mental health diagnosis?

 Email me at robyn@robynmulder.com or send me a message on Facebook. I would love to hear from you and share some of your ideas with others who are also working to maintain their mental health. Please share this post with anyone who may also be struggling.

Most of all, please get help if you are teetering on the edge and you don’t feel like it’s worth it to get back to safe footing. Talk to your family, friends, or your doctor. You can also call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline if you need help.

Let’s all make sure we’re staying away from the edge.

“…I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life,….” (Deuteronomy 30:19–20 NIV)

Do you ever feel like you might go over the edge? How can focusing on God help you stay away from the edge and enjoy a fulfilling life in spite of a mental health diagnosis?

© 2016 (and tweaked in 2023) Robyn Mulder

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Community Resources

Last week I attended an event called “Stronger Together: Building Assets for Brookings, A Day for Suicide Prevention.” It was an informative, inspiring day of hearing from speakers and organizations who want to provide help for those with a mental health diagnosis or substance abuse problem in our part of South Dakota.

I was reminded of how important it is to take advantage of community resources when you are dealing with suicidal thoughts or an addiction. Too often, we isolate ourselves and look inward when we are struggling. Reaching out can get us back to a healthy place.

Here are a few resources to check out. Don’t wait until you or someone you love is in crisis. Get familiar with them now so you know where to go when you need help.

*The Helpline Center (helplinecenter.org) – Visit 211.org or dial 211 in your state to get directed to your local resources in your community.

*988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (988lifeline.org) – Call, text, or chat with a mental health professional (free and confidential).

*American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (afsp.org) – Whether you’re thinking about suicide or you’ve lost someone to suicide, this organization can help.

*Fresh Hope (freshhope.us) – Christian peer-led support groups for those with a mental health diagnosis and/or their loved ones. We have a group that meets here in Volga the 2nd and 4th Mondays of the month. You can email me for more info (robyn@robynmulder.com) or visit Fresh Hope’s website to find a group near you. They even have groups that meet online.

Dealing with mental illness doesn’t have to be a lonely endeavor. Check out these resources and get connected with a group or resource that will help you feel supported through the ups and downs of your illness. There is help and there is hope!

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24–25 NIV)

Do you try to go it alone when it comes to your mental health? Consider finding some community groups or resources that can help. How can focusing on God help you improve your health?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Catching Your Thoughts

For several years now, I’ve been working on catching my thoughts, inspired by 2 Corinthians 10:5 (see it written out at the end of this post). Some days I do it well, and other days I fail miserably.

I’ve learned that how I’m feeling is largely determined by the thoughts I’m allowing to stay in my mind. My mood is good when I’m thinking helpful, positive thoughts. My mood suffers when I let negative thoughts take over my brain.

Therapists who use cognitive behavioral therapy call these unhelpful thoughts “cognitive distortions.” Cognitive is basically a fancy word for thinking.

Distorted thinking can lead to negative emotions and is a contributing factor to mental illnesses like depression and anxiety.

The thoughts we need to catch are usually lies we’re telling ourselves. We over-generalize, or we catastrophize, or we filter our experiences through a negative lens. We need to catch those lies and replace them with God’s truth instead.

To help all of us, I decided to create a special calendar. Each month focuses on a different type of thought distortion and gives you an example from my own negative thinking. Then I give you a more helpful thought to consider. There’s room for you to write down your own negative thoughts and then come up with a better thought to replace it.

Here’s an image of the front cover of the “2023 Catch Your Thoughts Calendar.”

(It doesn’t really have a gold border.)

I want to make it available to anyone who’d like a copy. It’s a pdf file you can download and print off. You’ll have two pages for each month. One page has room to keep track of things you want to do, plus the space to work on a certain cognitive distortion. The other page has a calendar for the month where you can write in appointments and events, plus a spot to list monthly goals and important events.

And here’s where I continue to practice catching my thoughts.

I spent lots of time today finishing up the calendar, but I’m not sure how to make it available on my website yet. I want it to be a free resource people can download when they sign up for my email list, but I’ve never done this before. It’s going to take a little more work and maybe some trial and error.

My brain jumps around to lots of negative thoughts:

You don’t know what you’re doing! You should have figured this out before you told people about it! They’re probably going to think it’s stupid and nobody will want it. You can’t even catch your own thoughts, why would anyone listen to you?

And that, my friends, is why I need this calendar. Those are all lies that make me feel terrible if I keep thinking them.

Instead, I need to catch them and turn them around:

I don’t know what I’m doing, but I can figure it out. Sure, I may be jumping the gun a bit, but I’m excited to share this resource with people. Some people might not be interested, but I’m sure many people will see the value in it and it will help them. I’m still learning to catch my thoughts, and that’s why people can listen to me and learn along with me.

I feel better already.

If you’d like a copy of this calendar and I haven’t added a button or link for it somewhere when you’re reading this, just email me at robyn@robynmulder.com and I’ll sign you up for my email list and send you a copy.

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV)

Are you good at catching your thoughts? How can focusing on God help you recognize the lies you may be thinking and replace them with his truth instead?

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Five Ways to Maintain Your Mental Health during the Holidays

Here in the United States, we’re looking forward to the Thanksgiving holiday next Thursday.

I’m starting to see Christmas decorations around town here in South Dakota.

I’m starting to feel some holiday stress.

I figure many of my readers may be feeling it, too, so let’s consider some ideas for maintaining good mental health during the holidays.

  1. Leave time to breathe. Packing our schedule too full of tasks and activities (even if they’re fun) can cause our stress levels to rise. Make sure you plan to set aside some time every day to just relax and breathe. That might look like sitting down to read a book, listen to some music, or take a nap. Whatever helps you recharge your mental batteries.
  2. Make time for support. Whether that means keeping appointments with your counselor, attending a support group like Fresh Hope (find out more at freshhope.us), or just having some conversations with your spouse or best friend, getting support can help you get through the holidays with your mental health intact.
  3. Take time to notice what you’re thinking. If you feel your pulse quicken and your heart pound, take a second to examine your thoughts. You may realize you’re diving into something negative that needs to be turned around. (“Oh my gosh, I’m the worst! I’ll never finish wrapping all these presents!” can change to “Whoa! I’m glad I have such a big family, but I have too much to wrap. Guess I’ll pick up some gift bags tomorrow!”)
  4. Find time for the traditions that mean the most to you. Do the things you love with your family, but let other obligations go if they don’t bring you joy. Sandy Cooper has a great resource called “Creating Your Holiday To-Don’t List” at her website: The Scoop On Balance (thescooponbalance.com). Keeping what you love and letting go of what you don’t just might help your mental health in the next couple of months.
  5. Spend time with the Lord. You might be tempted to throw your devotional time out the window as you get busy with holiday preparations, but that time might be what holds you together through all of the holiday chaos. Jesus really is the “reason for the season,” and spending time with him will help keep our minds and hearts at peace.

This list is not exhaustive, of course. Maybe you have your own ideas for staying mentally and emotionally healthy during the holidays. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” (Isaiah 26:3 NIV)

Do you get stressed out during the holidays? What are some ways you can make sure you’re staying healthy emotionally? How can focusing on God help with that?