Author: Robyn Mulder

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Making Assumptions

The other day we stopped at Krispy Kreme. As we were walking up to the front door, I heard a man in the parking lot let loose with a very loud, disturbing phrase. I won’t repeat it here, but it shocked me to hear a man swearing in public.

My immediate thought was that he had gotten out of a vehicle and yelled at his wife before slamming the door, but I didn’t actually see that happen. That poor woman, I thought. My husband has never spoken to me like that. This guy must be a complete jerk.

We got our donuts and went on our way, but that situation came back to me later on. I wondered if I could have been wrong about that man. Maybe he was trying to cross the parking lot and the woman in the car had almost hit him. (It still would have been better if he hadn’t sworn, but it would have been more understandable.) Maybe he was a nice guy who was kind to his wife and just used his potty mouth when his life was in danger.

I really don’t know, and it was wrong for me to make assumptions.

When I went to Teens Encounter Christ (TEC) two weeks ago, I interacted with lots of smiling, helpful teens. Some were candidates, hearing the talks and participating in the activities for the first time. Others had been through TEC before and had come back to work behind the scenes. They prayed for the speakers, served the meals, and offered support in all sorts of ways.

I assumed they all had pretty carefree lives, but as we heard talks and discussed them, over and over we heard about difficult times. Some of these teens dealt with anxiety, bullying, depression, and suicidal thoughts. You’d never know it just by looking at them.

But TEC gives them a safe place to share their struggles. Once they voice their challenges, they can count on the TEC community to support them as they learn to trust God and thrive in spite of those hardships.

I cried several times during the weekend because I realized that people are hurting and I’ve often assumed they were fine.

We have to get better at picking up on clues that someone is struggling. We have to ask our friends how they’re doing and be willing to listen when they tell us the truth. We need to share our own stories so people know they’re not alone. Maybe they’ll get help if they know that someone else deals with the same things.

We really don’t know what’s going on in someone else’s life, mind, and heart. We can’t judge and we can’t make assumptions.

But we can pray for eyes to see and a heart that’s willing to walk alongside others.

“Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly.” (John 7:24 NIV)

Do you make assumptions about people you hardly know? How can focusing on God help you to stop judging and reach out in love instead?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Teens Encountering Christ

(These are stock photo teens, but I’m sure they’d love TEC, too!)

Something exciting is happening in Platte this weekend.

Twenty high school students will be gathering at a church on Friday morning.

I’m sure most of them are excited. Some are probably pretty nervous. They’ve heard their friends talk about the fun, intense experience they had at TEC (Teens Encounter Christ) and they aren’t quite sure what to expect as they go through the weekend. (There are lots of surprises that are kept top secret by kids who have attended before.)

A team of adults and students will be working (mostly behind the scenes) to make it a great weekend for the candidates. I’m going to be an adult table leader this time.

I can’t wait to see how God works in the lives of everyone who is there this weekend.

We can grow spiritually as we go through our daily routines, but there’s something special about getting away for a special time where you focus even more on God.

If you get a chance to do something like that, make sure you take advantage of the opportunity (even if it’s a little bit scary).

Oh, and please pray for those twenty students when you think of them this weekend. Thanks!

I’ll close with the theme verse for TEC#18:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:5–6 ESV)

Have you ever gone on a spiritual retreat? How can focusing on God help you take advantage of opportunities like that?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus On Wanting to Be Liked

Back in 1984, Sally Field won an academy award. She joyously ended her acceptance speech with, “You like me! Right now! You like me!” (Often misquoted since then as “You like me! You really, really like me!” but that’s close enough. Scroll down to see the original speech.)

I can sure relate to Sally.

I’ve been noticing a strange desire to ask for reassurance that people like me as I’ve been sitting in various situations the last few months. Our women’s group, Sunday school class, fellowship time at church, family gatherings, and online zoom meetings. The setting doesn’t matter, but the feeling is often there.

I fight back the urge to ask, “Am I doing okay? Do you like me? (Do you really, really like me?)”

I imagine most people have those feelings to some degree as they go through life. We just don’t voice that insecurity because we’re afraid it will clue everyone in to how fragile we actually are. Ironically, we think that if we show our vulnerability, people won’t like us.

Finding that balance between strength and vulnerability may help us feel more sure of ourselves in the long run.

Sometimes we need to act brave in spite of the fears raging inside us.

Sometimes we need to be vulnerable and share our fears with a trusted friend or family member.

Most of all, we need to remember that our worth doesn’t come from what people here on earth think of us. We are valuable because God loves us—in our brave moments, our vulnerable moments, and every moment in between.

He loves us. He really, really loves us! And that can give us all the reassurance we need.

Knowing God loves us might even help us remember to offer encouragement to someone else. “I like you! I really, really like you!”

We all need to hear that once in a while.

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever.” (Psalm 136:1 NIV)

Do you crave affirmation from others? How can focusing on God help you to feel more secure because you know he loves you?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Paying Attention

I had a strange dream the other night. Nothing was going right for me. Obstacles were everywhere, but I kept plugging away, trying to accomplish my goals. As I scurried around, I kept going by two people who seemed upset about something, but I was too busy to stop and talk to them. I was completely focused on my problems.

All of a sudden I took a second to really look at those people and I realized that their car was completely crushed by a huge pole which had fallen from a nearby building. From the trunk to the hood, the pole lay lengthwise on top of their car.

The strangers were freaking out and trying to fish stuff out of their mangled vehicle. (I know they shouldn’t have been able to open the doors if the car was smashed, but hey—it was a weird dream!)

The point is, I finally started paying attention and someone needed my help.

In my waking hours since then, I’ve been pondering how well I pay attention. I’m afraid my focus is often on myself and I don’t pay attention to the people around me who have serious needs.

Our problems are important, of course, but it’s also good to notice the difficulties of others. From now on, I’m going to start paying attention.

I probably won’t have to help people get stuff out of their crashed cars, but maybe I can:

*Send a card or visit someone who is sick or grieving.

*Donate money to a worthy charity.

*Listen to my husband or one of my kids (really listen) when they want to talk.

*Finish writing my book on depression so I can share hope with those who need it.

*Write a blog post to remind all of us how important it is to pay attention.

“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise.” (Ephesians 5:15 NIV)

Are you good at paying attention to the needs of others? How can focusing on God help you to notice and reach out when you can do something for someone else?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Avoiding Legalism

When I moved into my new home office about a month ago I made a solemn vow: I will only bring water into my office. No snacks, no sugary drinks, no food at all.

I figured it was a pretty good rule. You see, I had been getting into the habit of dipping into a bowl of pretzels or a handful of candy while I was working at my computer when I had my desk in the living room. It was a mindless thing and I wanted to stop. I figured if I set that rule for my new office I might get more work done and maybe lose a couple of pounds in the process.

It didn’t work out as I’d planned.

Oh, I avoided bringing food into my office. That was no problem. But what I found happening was that every time I finished an hour of editing I would leave my office, go get a snack from the kitchen, and sit by my other desk in the living room and play a game of cribbage on my iPad while I munched.

And that got to be a very bad habit. Now I was snacking every hour instead of just once in a while throughout the day. Sometimes I would grab my snack and walk with it, making sure I finished it in the doorway before I entered my office.

I’m a very silly woman sometimes.

Seems like it all boils down to legalism. That happens when we say “I will never do this” or “I will always do that.”

Legalism gets us into trouble every time. Either we drive ourselves crazy trying to live up to the impossibly high standards we set for ourselves, or we fall into despair when we fail just once.

Is it possible to live without legalism? I sure hope so.

Avoiding legalism looks like doing our best to love God and others, letting the Holy Spirit guide us through our days.

For me, that may mean trying to find some other things to do that are more beneficial when I’m taking a break from writing or editing instead of snacking too much. Sometimes it may mean enjoying a light snack in the middle of the afternoon (in my office!) while I watch an inspiring video on my computer.

When we’re tempted to “always” or “never” do something, we need to watch out for legalism. Avoiding those extremes will help us live a more balanced, fulfilling life.

“In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome.” (1 John 5:3 NIV)

Can you see legalism in any areas of your life? How can focusing on God help you let the extremes go and follow him more closely?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Things You Can’t See

While we were on vacation recently, there were two times when I couldn’t see something because of fog.

The first time was looking out the window at my parents’ house in Tennessee and not being able to see the mountains we usually enjoyed. I knew they were there, but the fog completely blanketed them for a while.

The second time was when we were going through St. Louis on the way home. The fog wasn’t terrible for driving, but when I looked over at the arch, I could only see a short section of the base. The top was completely covered.

The mountains were there. The arch was there. I just couldn’t see them.

Sometimes that happens in my thought life.

The fog of anxiety, or depression, or confusion, or frustration can completely cover all of the positive thoughts that are normally there. I just can’t see them.

But the positive thoughts are still there.

Just like the sun has to shine and burn off the fog before we can see things around us clearly, the Son has to shine in our hearts and minds before we can see the positives again.

We can burn off that mental fog by talking to God about what’s going on in our lives, reading the Bible and taking note of the truths that have gotten covered up, and basking in the promises of God.

No matter how long that fog stays around, we can be sure that better times are still there. We’ll see them again!

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1 ESV)

Have things seemed a little “foggy” for you lately? How can focusing on God help you to trust that you’ll see better times again someday?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Faulty Memories

Have you ever misremembered something that happened to you in the past?

Maybe you’ve had a certain version of an experience in your mind (it can be a good memory or a bad one). Then one day you talk with someone who was there, hear it from their point of view, and you realize you’ve been thinking about it the wrong way for years and years!

It can be disorienting to realize you’ve been wrong about something that happened to you in your younger years.

Our thoughts aren’t always accurate.

That can be true of past thoughts, current thoughts, and future thoughts.

We can’t do anything about those past thoughts. We just need to recognize that those were faulty and let them go.

Current and future thoughts? We can do something about those.

We can be aware of what we’re thinking and compare it to what God says. If those thoughts are faulty, we can catch them and turn them around.

If we practice doing that, more than likely our future thoughts will keep getting better and better.

“I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands.” (Psalm 143:5 ESV)

Are your memories sometimes faulty? How can focusing on God help you to be more aware of what you’re thinking right now and make sure it lines up with what he says?

*P.S. – Tonight I did a short live video on this topic over in my Facebook group: Catch Your Thoughts with Robyn Mulder. I’d love it if you’d join the group and check it out. It’s free and you’ll find videos and posts to help you be more aware of how you’re thinking.

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Being Brave

Back in July, I wrote a post about being afraid to choose a paint color for my new home office (Click here to read it). I bet some of you have been wondering if I ever moved forward with that project.

Well, I’m happy to report that I did choose a color, and my good friend Michelle helped me paint last Thursday.

Thank you, Michelle!

She started doing the trim work along the ceiling, window, and baseboards, while I started rolling in the other areas.

It was kind of fun to see the walls turn from beige to blue.

After a couple of hours, my friend had to leave. We made plans to finish on Saturday. Before she left, I asked her to show me how she was doing the trim work. She demonstrated the technique with her angled brush.

“Do you think I could do that?” I asked hesitantly.

“Sure! Go ahead! I’m sure you can do it!”

“Okay, maybe I’ll give it a try,” I said as she was leaving.

I grabbed the brush and took a deep breath as I carefully applied paint along the window. So far, so good.

Then I sat down on the floor and went along the baseboard. That went well, too (even though I kept a rag close by to remove some drips once in a while).

I climbed the ladder and tried along the ceiling. I did it!

Working steadily, eventually I had the entire room covered. I checked for thin spots that needed a little more paint and ran my roller over them.

I stood back to my admire our work and loved it. I’m sure it’s not perfect, but I did most of it myself and that felt so good.

Like so many things in life, painting this room took bravery. It would have been so much easier to just leave it the color it was and not try something new.

I have to remember this experience when I’m feeling hesitant about other opportunities.

Holding back may feel safer, but it won’t lead to the sense of accomplishment and pride that comes from being brave.

I’m moving on to my next scary goal. I’m going to be brave, jump in, and do it!

“Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.” (Psalm 31:24 NIV)

Have you been avoiding anything because you’re afraid? How can focusing on God help you to be brave and do it?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Writing Things Down

In my younger years, I prided myself on how much I could remember.

Phone numbers, addresses, Bible verses, trivial facts about the universe. I could keep it all straight and pull up the info whenever I needed it.

In recent years, I’ve clearly lost that skill.

The other day, my friend was helping me paint my new office. (Yes, I finally chose a color. I’ll blog about it soon.) As we worked, she mentioned a couple of books she had loaned me. One of them she wanted back after I had a chance to read it. The other one she wasn’t as concerned about.

I was shocked! I had absolutely no recollection of borrowing those books. I’m usually so good about writing down things I have borrowed and making sure I return them at some point. These books weren’t even on my radar.

I apologized and assured her that I would look for them and get them back to her.

Later that day, I dug into the back row of books on the shelf by my desk. Sure enough, both books were there, buried behind a row of other books I plan to read someday. They are on my desk now, and I’ll make sure I read them both in the days ahead.

It may seem like a silly thing, but things like that can shake me up if I’m not careful. I hate to think of people considering me irresponsible or careless.

My friend was gracious, and I’m so glad she asked. If she hadn’t, who knows how long it would have been before I figured out I had her books?

I didn’t beat myself up over my mistake, but it did remind that I have to write things down (and keep the note in a good place where I’ll be sure to see it).

My brain just doesn’t have the bandwidth to retain all of the info in my life.

I need to write down items borrowed, due dates for bills, times and dates of appointments, and things I need at the grocery store.

I also need to write down other things I don’t want to forget.

Fun things we did on vacation. How I got through a rough day. Times when I can see God working in my life.

If I don’t write it down, I just know I’m going to…

Now, what was I saying?

“This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘Write in a book all the words I have spoken to you.” (Jeremiah 30:2 NIV)

Do you have a good memory? How can focusing on God help you to remember the important things in life (especially when you write them down)?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Fighting the Panic

Gary and I spent some time in the Black Hills of South Dakota this week. We enjoyed some time away and did some hiking.

One morning we started at Mt. Moriah Cemetery and hiked to the White Rocks near Deadwood, SD. The first part of the trail wasn’t bad, but after a while we came to this fork.

Gary headed up the hill and I followed. It got more steep the further we went. I started to imagine my boot slipping and a long fall back down to the road. I went slower and slower and finally I could go no more. I couldn’t take another step and I couldn’t imagine turning around and walking down that steep incline.

Tears came and I finally just turned around and sat down. I scooted forward a few inches at a time, fighting unsuccessfully to stop crying. Gary called down from above, “Just stand up!” He could see another narrow path off to my left that I could take and it wouldn’t be as steep. I scooted a few more feet and finally was able to stand and find the other trail.

Here’s Gary on the trail I eventually took. The burned log to the right was as far as I got on the steep trail.
Here’s the top of the steep trail. We both took the more gradual path on the way down.

I really think I talked myself into a little panic attack before I had to sit down on the trail. Sure, the trail was pretty steep, but I’ve done lots of hiking. It wasn’t super dangerous and I probably wouldn’t have gotten badly hurt if I had fallen, but I kept picturing myself slipping and falling with each tentative step.

When I started crying, part of it was from fear, but a big part of it was disgust at myself for having to turn around and admit defeat.

At least there was another path, and it was only a few feet away. Once I stood up and moved forward again, I felt better.

I’m glad I pressed on. This is the view that we enjoyed at the top:

White Rocks by Deadwood, SD

This experience reminded me, once again, that how we think affects how we feel.

I couldn’t make it up the hill because I was thinking, “I’m going to fall…This is too steep…I can’t do this!”

Gary made it up that trail. Other hikers had gone before us and formed it. Even now, I wonder if I could have made it if I had fought the panic and tried thinking, “I can do this! This isn’t so bad. I’ve hiked in lots of steep places before.”

Maybe I’ll give it another shot if we ever go hiking there again, but for now I can work on fighting the panic* that threatens to derail me once in a while in my everyday life.

In those moments, I can practice saying, “God’s with me. I’m okay. I can figure this out. This isn’t the end of the world. I can handle anything that happens.”

And then I can enjoy a sense of accomplishment once I get through it.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10 NIV)

Have you ever fought feelings of panic? How can focusing on God help you to calm down and move forward in spite of your fears?

*Please note: I’ve never had a true panic attack, and I’m not trying to make light of them at all. If you experience the debilitating symptoms of panic attacks, you may need to talk to your doctor or a therapist and get more help than just thinking positively.