Author: Robyn Mulder

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Eating the Frog

“Eat that frog!” is a phrase made popular by author Brian Tracy.

The basic idea is that if you have to do something difficult, you might as well do it right away in the morning so the worst part of your day is behind you. (Hopefully none of us have to do anything worse than eating a live frog.) The original quote is often attributed to Mark Twain, but he actually didn’t say it.

Regardless of where the idea began, it can be helpful in beating procrastination.

I finally ate a frog over the last couple of days.

It had been hopping around in my brain for the last week and a half, making quite an annoying racket whenever I tried to relax.

“Ribbit. Ribbit. What about that editing project you’re supposed to be working on?”

I would sigh and get all tense, but I kept right on pushing my frog aside.

This project was tricky. I was supposed to be helping another editor clean up a bunch of pages of complicated footnotes. Every time I looked at it, I wondered if I could do it and do it well. So I put it off another day. (It didn’t help that I got COVID for a week or so in there.)

I finally decided to “eat that frog” and I got started. I immediately felt some relief from the tension that had been building up. I finished today and turned it in. It ended up taking about six hours in total.

I found myself wishing with all my heart that I would have started a couple of weeks ago instead of letting it go. Oh well, too late now. I just have to remember how I’m feeling for future projects.

I wonder how many other frogs I have jumping around in my life? They pop up once in a while.

I see paperwork for something in a pile on my desk and I sigh and push it aside. Ribbit!

I remember a writing project that has a deadline and I find something else to do until the day before it’s due. Ribbit!

I see someone’s post come up on social media and think about writing to them, but I don’t do it right away. Other things seem more important so I don’t get it done. Ribbit!

All of those frogs add stress and guilt to our lives. The paperwork turns into late fees and hassles. The writing projects don’t get submitted and opportunities are missed. The unwritten letters turn to regret when it’s too late someday.

If you’ve been procrastinating (like me!), it’s time to eat the frog!

“All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.” (Proverbs 14:23 NIV)

Do you find yourself procrastinating in any area of your life? How can focusing on God help you “eat the frog” and get things done?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Mental Health in May 2022 (Part 4: Keep Going)

Hopelessness is often one of the symptoms of mental illness.

It can hit some people out of the blue, overtake others gradually when they are going through a difficult experience, or cling stubbornly to certain individuals for a lifetime.

However it happens, hopelessness can tempt us to give up.

Life seems too hard. Evil seems too prevalent. Danger seems too scary. The future seems too uncertain.

It takes courage and determination to keep moving forward in spite of everything we dread.

But we can do it.

We may need to rest a while. We may need to reach out for help. We may need to borrow hope from other people. We may need to move very, very slowly.

But we need to keep going.

I love this quote from Pastor Brad Hoefs, founder of Fresh Hope support groups: “If you’re going through hell right now, don’t you dare stop. If you stop, you’re in hell. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going!”

When you start to feel hopeless, try to think about the positive things in your life. Remind yourself of all of the hard times you’ve come through before. Look for beautiful things, funny things, meaningful things. Put them where you can see them often or write things down and read them every day. You can get to better times.

Keep noticing. Keep talking. Keep working. Keep going.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9 NIV)

How often do you feel hopeless because of your mental health? How can focusing on God help you keep going?

Here’s the video of Pastor Brad Hoefs. (The whole video is good, but the quote mentioned is at about 8:53.)
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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Mental Health in May 2022 (Part 3: Keep Working)

In the last couple of weeks we’ve explored how we need to notice our mental health and how important it is to talk about it with friends, family members, and professionals.

Now it’s time to do the work.

It would be nice if we could just take a nap or watch a little TV as our brains heal, but the reality is that we also need to do some hard things to get to better emotional health.

It’s going to look different for each individual, but here are some things we could work on:

  • Fight to counter any negative thinking with more positive thoughts. (2 Corinthians 10:5 says to “take every thought captive.”) Be realistic about the difficult aspects of life, but try to find ways to think about them that are more hopeful and productive.
  • Be sure to take prescribed medications on time, making sure not to skip any doses.
  • Attend a support group where we can talk to others who know what it’s like to have a mental illness. (Fresh Hope is a peer-led group with online resources at freshhope.us.)
  • Talk to a therapist and learn skills for dealing with stress and anxiety in healthy ways. Work on any homework the counselor gives us so we can apply the skills and maintain good mental health.
  • Don’t isolate. We need to reach out if our symptoms are getting worse. The sooner we can stop that downward spiral, the better off we’ll be.
  • Never give up hope! This will be harder some days than others, but we need to remember that our emotions ebb and flow. We can hold on until the dark times pass.

Living with a mental illness like anxiety or depression means we have to work harder at regulating our emotions than other people.

With practice and perseverance, it can get easier. It’s worth every ounce of effort we give it.

Keep working.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13 NKJV)

Do you find it hard to take actions as you deal with a mental illness? How can focusing on God help you keep working and get more healthy?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Mental Health in May 2022 (Part 2: Keep Talking)

I made a terrible mistake when I got clinically depressed back in 2014.

I stopped talking.

Oh, I was saying lots of words, but not the ones that mattered.

I talked to my students—in Spanish and English—as I taught my classes each day. But I didn’t ask the other teachers for advice and help with the discipline problems and other challenges that stressed me out.

I talked to my friends at church, but I didn’t tell them how much I was struggling as I got more and more depressed.

I was more open with my family, but I didn’t say enough about how I was feeling until the hopelessness almost overwhelmed me. Finally, I told my husband everything and got the help I needed.

As we focus on mental health this month, let’s recognize the tendency to clam up and isolate ourselves when things aren’t going well.

We don’t want to burden others with our problems.

We think we “should” be able to handle things on our own.

We feel like other people get tired of hearing about our struggles.

So we stop talking and get wrapped up in the negative thoughts that prompted this vicious cycle. Staying there all alone will just add to our feelings of anxiety and depression.

Sharing our thoughts and feelings with someone else may help relieve some of that stress and get us moving in a more positive direction.

It could be a friend, a family member, a therapist, or a stranger on a hotline (800-273-8255).

It doesn’t matter who it is. Whatever you do, keep talking.

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2 NIV)

Do you stop talking when you get depressed or anxious? How can focusing on God help you choose to talk to someone instead?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Mental Health in May 2022 (Part 1: Keep Noticing)

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, so we’re going to focus on a different aspect of that each Friday.

Today let’s consider the fact that poor mental health doesn’t get better by ignoring it.

It makes sense in other areas of life, too. Our houses don’t get clean if we ignore the mess around us. Homework doesn’t get done if we ignore it and watch Netflix instead. Relationships don’t get better if we ignore the little irritations and frustrations that crop up from time to time.

We can’t ignore the symptoms that warn us about depression or anxiety. We have to notice what’s going on in our heads and bodies.

Some possible signs: feelings of sadness or hopelessness, drastic changes in appetite, sleeping too much or not enough, extreme irritability, trouble concentrating, loss of interest in normal activities, unexplained physical symptoms like headaches or back pain, thoughts of self-harm or suicide.

You can do an online search for “symptoms of depression/anxiety” and find helpful lists. If you experience many of the symptoms for more than two weeks, it’s probably time to see your doctor and get their opinion about whether you’re depressed or experiencing anxiety. Sometimes there are physical problems (like thyroid disease or diabetes) that mimic the symptoms of depression. Your doctor can help you rule out things like that and prescribe medication if you are clinically depressed.

Perhaps you’ve been diagnosed and you’ve taken steps (like medication and/or counseling) to get to a healthier emotional place. That’s wonderful, but you still need to keep noticing so you can maintain good mental health.

If you’re suddenly irritable or weepy about something that normally wouldn’t bother you, it pays to notice that and make a note of it on your calendar. Keep track of how often it occurs.

If you cancel plans to go out for dinner with a group of friends, take a minute to notice how you’re feeling. Have you been extra busy and you need a night at home alone? Or does your heart start beating out of your chest when you think about going out in public, so you panic and hide in your room?

If you spend an hour reading the same paragraph over and over at work and you can’t move on to the next thing you need to do, it’s time to notice that and consider what’s happening. Is it a one-time thing because of a certain situation at work (or at home) or has it been happening more often? It could be one symptom of a developing depression.

Mental health can be tricky to navigate. Some days we’re up and some days we’re down. Situations at home or work can make things worse (or better). Sometimes medicine is needed. Sometimes talking to someone can get us through a rough time.

I hate to admit that I’m back in a place where I’m noticing quite a few signs that I need to talk to someone professionally. (It’s so tempting to pretend like everything’s just fine.) I’m having trouble focusing on things I want to do (like writing) and I’m eating more than I need to because I feel stress. I need help catching some negative thoughts, so I’m going to make an appointment to talk to someone next week.

As you learn skills to maintain good mental health (we’ll talk about some this month), you’ll get to know yourself better. Certain symptoms will warn you before you begin to spiral downward. But you can’t ignore them.

Keep noticing.

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23–24 NIV)

Do you ever ignore symptoms that warn you about your mental health? How can focusing on God help you notice what’s going on in your mind and body so you can maintain good mental health?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Having a Happy Heart

As someone who deals with depression and anxiety, I’m always on the lookout for tools to help me stay healthy.

I’d like to share some thoughts from the book Heart Happy by Tricia Goyer this week.

She beautifully writes about the practices she’s found for nourishing her soul, even in the midst of chaotic circumstances. That’s something we all can benefit from, even if we don’t struggle with mental illness.

We don’t have to be happy about the hard things happening in our lives. It’s okay to be sad or frustrated, but if we can stay centered in God’s love then we’ll be able to get through anything with a peace and joy the world really can’t understand.

I want you to read the book, but I’m going to whet your appetite with a few quotes to ponder as you cultivate a happy heart:

Page 6: Every small decision to tend your soul and to turn your heart to God WILL bring change. When you draw near to God first, you will make your heart happy in the Lord. Experiencing God in these moments will allow you to know and feel His love. As this happens, you become centered even in chaotic circumstances.

Page 32: The good news is that as we connect with God’s love and give Him access to our souls, change comes according to His wisdom and through His power. Our hearts are not something that need to be beaten into submission by our iron will or flailing fists. Instead, we offer our souls to God to mold and to fill. Fashioned after Christ and overflowing with God’s love, a happy heart then becomes the staging ground where God is given access to every aspect of our personality, emotions, and values—and it’s these things that guide our lives.

Page 67: Our happiness reflects our understanding of where we stand in Christ. [Robyn’s note: This sentence really got to me and made me think. I can see it in my own life. When I’m not close to God it’s much more difficult to feel peace and joy. The opposite is also true. When I’m close to God, I feel peace no matter what’s happening around me.]

Page 162: Turning to God sets our direction; looking to Him allows us to know where He’s looking and where we should go.

I first read this book from a pdf version so I couldn’t highlight anything. I typed out note after note on my phone so I could remember all of the good ideas and thoughts to consider. Now I have a physical copy and I plan to underline all of those quotes as I reread Heart Happy.

I pray you’ll spend some time in the Bible today and let God speak to you in the chaos of life.

God loves us and he understands the pain we feel. He sees our tears and he weeps with us.

He also longs for us to reach out to him in every season of life. It feels easy in the good times, but it’s even more crucial in the hard times. When it seems like everything around us is falling apart, we can still enjoy a happy heart.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23 NIV)

Do you have a happy heart? How can focusing on God help you experience peace and joy in your heart, no matter what is happening around you?

(Get the book Heart Happy by clicking here. This is an affiliate link, so I’ll get a tiny commission, but you won’t pay more.)

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Finding Purpose

It’s been a couple of weeks since my big swim meet in Sioux Falls. After all my worrying, I actually had a great time that day. I won a ribbon for each of the four events I swam. (It really helps when you’re old because there isn’t as much competition!)

Something strange has happened, though.

I’ve continued to swim a few times a week, but it has felt so hard! I don’t feel like swimming fast and I’ve been struggling to even get as many yards in during practice.

The only thing I can think of is that I’ve lost my purpose.

I no longer have a swim meet pressing me to work hard. Next year’s meet is too far away to make a difference right now, so my workouts have felt like a slog.

I’m going to have to remind myself of the good reasons I have for swimming: better physical and mental health.

Sometimes we can lose our purpose in life.

We don’t feel satisfied by our relationships, careers, and extracurricular activities. It seems like we’re just going through the motions for no good reason. We wonder why we should even try.

I was starting to go in that direction recently…but then came Easter.

Our men’s group sang “Because He Lives” for special music, and I teared up when they got to the chorus:

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living just because He lives

There. That’s my purpose. It’s not about ribbons or medals or excitement or even satisfaction. Life is worth the living just because Jesus rose from the dead and lives for me now.

He lives for you now, too. Let’s find our purpose in that.

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20 NIV)

Do you ever lose your purpose in life? How can focusing on God help you get it back?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Following Through

At the risk of annoying some of you, I’m going to talk about the swim meet I’ve been training for once again. It’s tomorrow!

I started training back in the middle of January. While I have seen some improvement, I also realize I’m not in the best shape for a swim meet.

It hit me today and I shed quite a few tears around noon as I worried about how I might do on Saturday. I want to do it, but I feel so nervous. So many things could go wrong (and there I go borrowing trouble, like I wrote about last week).

I talked it through with Gary as we ate lunch and I felt a little better after that.

Really, it comes down to two choices:

Stay home and not risk embarrassment and failure.

Go to the meet and swim my heart out.

And that’s what I’ll do, of course, even though I’m scared out of my mind.

I’m glad I’m writing about it this week because it fits right in with mental health—something I choose to focus on quite often here.

Anxiety and depression can tempt us to not follow through. The butterflies in our stomachs, the trembling in our fingers, and the knocking of our knees can make us want to hide at home and stay away from the goals we’ve set.

It’s too hard! I’m not ready! I need more time!

But if we give in to those thoughts, we might miss out on something wonderful. Sure, it might not go perfectly, but we’ll learn from our experiences and next time it will go even better.

Each time we choose to follow through it will give us one more victory to look back on with pride.

I’m going to follow through and swim tomorrow, even if I don’t win a single race.

“Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means.” (2 Corinthians 8:11 NIV)

Are you good at following through? What tempts you to give up? How can focusing on God help you see things through until you complete them?

My daughter Erin made this for me and I love it!
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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Not Borrowing Trouble

Sometimes we feel unnecessary stress and angst because we borrow trouble.

I do that way too often.

I did it at the writers conference earlier this week. On Monday night I started to worry because my flight was leaving at 4:05 on Tuesday and I was planning to ride a shuttle to the airport at 2:00.

My brain started to spin: What if the traffic is really heavy? What if someone is late getting to the shuttle? What if I have to sprint through the airport? What if I’m the very last person to get on board the aircraft? What if I miss my flight altogether?

I was borrowing trouble.

I had no idea if any of those things would happen, but my brain started to hyper-focus on them and I got really nervous.

I tried to tell myself it would all work out, even if I missed my flight, and I was finally able to enjoy the rest of my evening.

The next day, it was interesting to see how my mood was influenced by other people’s ideas. My friends and I asked one of the directors of the conference if she thought we would make it okay (my friends had an earlier flight and weren’t sure if they were allowing enough time for the Lyft they had scheduled).

“Oh sure, no problem!” she assured all of us. We breathed a sigh of relief and felt better.

Then at lunch I was telling someone my schedule and she got a worried look on her face. And just like that I was back to borrowing trouble. What if? What if? What if?

It all worked out. Everyone got to the shuttle early. We made it to the airport by a little after 2:30 and I had plenty of time to go through security and wait to board. I had worried for nothing.

Sure, there are those times where our worst fears really happen, but we can deal with those things then. There’s no reason to borrow trouble and get all worked up today about the possible mishaps of tomorrow.

As we spend time reading the Bible and talking to God, we’ll learn to trust the Lord. He’ll help us handle each day’s problems.

We may even feel some peace and joy when we decide to stop borrowing trouble.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:33–34 NIV)

Do you tend to borrow trouble? How can focusing on God help you to trust him to help you through the challenges of each day and not worry about the future?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Doing Scary Things

This week I did something scary.

First I signed up to be a member of U.S. Masters Swimming. I filled out the online form, paid my fee, and hit submit. And then I felt a bit sick to my stomach.

I had to do it, because I had to be a member before I could go to the South Dakota Masters Swimming website the next day and sign up for the swim meet on April 9. And then I felt even more sick.

What am I doing?! I’ve only been practicing since January. I’m not in the best shape (although I have improved). I’m scared!

But I will push past my fears and do this scary thing.

I’ll meet other swimmers. I’ll have fun watching other races. I’ll challenge myself in four events. I doubt I’ll win anything, but who knows? It could happen.

Tomorrow I fly to California for the Inspire Christian Writers Conference at Mount Hermon.

What am I doing?! Will I be able to share my writing project ideas clearly? Will my flights go well so I can meet some friends and get to the conference on time? Will everyone else be dressed better than me? Will they like my writing? I’m scared!

But I will push past my fears and do this scary thing.

I’ll spend time with other writers. I’ll get support and inspiration for my own writing and I’ll be able to encourage others. I’ll get a few days to really spend time with God and hear his direction for my book and other writing projects.

For the swim meet and the conference, I’m assuming the fear will turn into a sense of accomplishment once I get to the other side.

I have to keep that in mind when other scary opportunities come my way.

God will be with me, whatever I’m doing. He’ll be with you, too, dear reader, as you face your own scary thing.

That medical diagnosis? He’s there.

That cross-country move? He’s there.

That first date? He’s there.

That speech you have to give? He’s there.

No matter how scary it is (and you don’t have to pretend it’s not), God will help you and get you through it. Do it even though you’re scared.

I’ll make it through my scary things. I just hope I’m not shaking so hard at the swim meet that I fall off the starting block early.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10 NIV)

Do you have to face any scary things right now? How can focusing on God help you to get through them in spite of your fears?