Author: Robyn Mulder

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Rejecting Too Much of a Good Thing

I love to swim.

I started swimming regularly about a year ago when we finally lived close to a pool again. I had fun competing in a Masters Swim Meet last April, and I have continued to swim about three times a week. That’s a good thing.

Last week I signed up for the “100 Mile Swim Challenge.” It wasn’t on my radar until I talked to the guy swimming in the next lane. He was excited about the challenge and was already making sure he swam an entire mile each time he was there (that’s 72 lengths of a 25-yard pool).

I signed up for the challenge. This was going to be great! I would get so much faster and stronger if I swam 100 miles by May 5.

But then I started to do some calculating. In all of my training since last January, I had only been able to swim 72 lengths (1800 yards) one time. Normally I swim about 1300 yards. Oh well, I reasoned, I’m sure I’ll get in better shape and I’ll be able to do more than that as I go along.

Then I remembered that we were tentatively planning a vacation in April. That would take at least ten possible days out. And our daughter is expecting a baby in February so that will take out a few more days. And you never know what South Dakota weather will do, so that might keep me from working out some more days.

I felt panicky all of a sudden. I don’t think I can do this! I wondered if I should quit the challenge right away, so I didn’t feel the pressure to do whatever it took to “win.” Or maybe I should really commit and make it happen. I fought that feeling for several days, going back and forth between despair and determination. I talked it over with Gary (who wisely pointed out the possibility of this becoming an obsession instead of just good exercise).

I think I’m finally to a place of acceptance. I’ll continue to swim a few times a week and log my miles, but I’m not figuring I’ll get the T-shirt unless some miracle happens.

Too much of a good thing can become a bad thing. Swimming was good for some shoulder pain I had over a year ago, but too much might irritate my shoulder again. Swimming three days a week is good for my physical and mental health, but five or six days a week (with the pressure to swim at least 1800 yards each time) might be too much for me, both physically and mentally. I could already see how it affected my mental health this week. I started to feel jittery and anxious whenever I thought about the challenge.

This translates to other areas of my life as well.

Candy and desserts are good, but they aren’t good for me if I eat too much of them.

Playing games on my phone can be fun, but it’s a waste of time if I play them too much.

Watching TV is entertaining, but I lose time for other things if I watch too much.

Almost any good thing can become bad for us if we do it too much.

Let’s try to find more balance in life. Let’s reject too much of a good thing and enjoy healthy amounts of the activities and objects in our lives. Now that’s a challenge we can all win!

“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil [when you have too much of a good thing].” (Ephesians 5:15 NIV, plus my thought in the brackets)

Do you ever indulge in too much of a good thing? How can focusing on God help you find more balance in life? (He’s the only thing we can never get too much of!)

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Confidence

It seems like so many people have a word for the year. One word to summarize what they want to focus on as they go through the next twelve months.

I’ve done that in the past, but I haven’t for the last several years. Lately, though, I’ve been sensing that the Lord wants me to practice having confidence this year.

That’s scary! It’s much easier to move through life in uncertainty, letting other people and life’s situations determine what I do and how I feel. Choosing confidence will more than likely put me in some situations that are out of my comfort zone. Choosing confidence might mean I have to disappoint someone if I confidently turn down their request. Choosing confidence feels like I’ll have to throw away all my excuses for why I haven’t accomplished certain goals.

I’m tempted to list those goals here, but I’m not going to do that. If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you can probably think of a few things I’ve mentioned over the years. (Years!) No, I’m going to make my own list and prayerfully think about next steps for each of those goals.

Maybe you have something you’ve been avoiding because you lack the confidence to tackle it. I encourage you (and me) to move ahead with courage.

The Lord is with us, and he’ll help us accomplish whatever he’s called us to do. We can be confident as we go through each day, knowing he’ll never leave us alone. Jesus also sent us the Holy Spirit to comfort and guide us. Drawing on the Spirit’s power can fill us with humble confidence.

Like it or not, my word for the year is confidence.* Do you pick a word for the year? Let me know in the comments.

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7 NIV)

Do you have a word for the year? How can focusing on God help you move through the year ahead with intention, whatever your word may be?

*To help me grow in this area, I’ve been reading the excellent book Stand in Confidence: From Sinking in Insecurity to Rising in Your God-Given Identity by Amanda Pittman. I’ll let you know what I’ve learned in a future blog post.

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on a Realistic New Year

I tend to be quite idealistic, so thinking about the start of a new year can stress me out.

Instead of being excited about all of the possibilities and potential, I often get overwhelmed by my unrealistic expectations.

This is the year I’m going to . . .

*Get in shape

*Write my book

*Organize all of the pictures on my phone and computer

*Do my devotions every single day

*Send my Christmas cards before Christmas

Before long, my list grows to an impossible length and I wake up on January 1 with a sense of dread because I know I’m probably going to fail at most of my intentions.

I have one day left of 2022. One more day to think this through and get to a more realistic mindset for 2023.

What if I try to let go of my idealism? Instead of an impossible list, maybe I can go into the new year prayerfully. I can ask God to show me a few things to prioritize in 2023, but I don’t have to do “all the things” and I don’t have to do anything “every day.”

Life has an ebb and flow. The more we can acknowledge that, the happier we’ll be. Rather than beating ourselves up for missing a day of devotions or a workout at the gym, we can show ourselves grace and keep living each day doing the best we can.

God loves us unconditionally. He doesn’t care if the Christmas cards go out on time or if you’re constantly pushing up against the storage limits on your computer.

He’ll guide us each day and show us what he wants us to do. Love him and love others—those are the most important commands. The rest of life will fall into place in his timing (I know it takes some work on our part, but that feels like a topic for a future blog post).

Looking forward to a realistic new year just might help us begin 2023 with excitement and joy.

Happy New Year, everyone!

“In you, Lord my God, I put my trust….Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.” (Psalm 25:1, 4–5 NIV)

Do you tend to get idealistic about starting a new year? How can focusing on God help you be more realistic?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Fighting through Fear

As I write today, I can hear the wind roaring through our neighborhood, blowing around the snow and making the temperature feel like negative forty degrees. I can stay safe and warm inside, but it’s still scary to think about the possibility of the power going out. I also feel some worry for people who have to work outside and those who are traveling.

To be honest, I’ve been a bit of a fraidy-cat lately.

Gary and I went on vacation recently. We enjoyed some warmer temps, but we did have to drive in some snow one day as we left Colorado and headed for Arizona. I was tense as we went through a couple of mountain passes, imagining what might happen if we slid off the road. In another spot, a sign warned of heavy fog ahead. I got pretty anxious, but it was all for nothing. The fog had cleared by the time we got to that spot and we were fine.

We did a few days of hiking in Arizona. It was fun, but I had a few moments of disproportionate fear at a few points on the trail. Some of them were going up—when we had to scramble over some boulders on the way to the summit. Some of them were going down—when I worried that my poles weren’t going to hold me as I picked my way over some rocks.

I was ashamed that I actually cried real tears several times as I got held back by my unreasonable fears.

One of the crying spots. 🙂

Every time, my husband was helpful and encouraging, showing me where to place my hands or my poles so I could keep going.

Looking back later, it seemed silly that I had cried over something that didn’t look as scary in hindsight.

Don’t we do that in life sometimes? I know I do.

I get paralyzed by fear and I can’t move forward because I think about what could happen.

The truth is, God is with us every single moment. He’ll show us how to move forward and he’ll be there with us if something bad does happen. We can live much happier, peaceful lives if we practice trusting him and move forward with confidence.

As we go through the final days of 2022 and look forward to a new year, I hope we can see how God was with us this year. Think about the things you were afraid of. Most of them never happened, did they? We wasted time and energy fretting over things when we could have been enjoying life instead.

As we get ready for 2023, let’s focus on fighting through fear. Let’s look at life realistically and be prudent about the choices we make, but let’s also trust that God will be with us as we tackle new challenges and accomplish our goals.

For me, that includes writing a book. (I can feel the fear rising up, especially as I think about how long I’ve been saying that, but I truly believe this is the year!)

I’d love to hear about something you’re going to do next year. Let’s pray for each other as we fight through the fear and move forward.

Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10 NIV)

Do your fears often hold you back? How can focusing on God help you move forward in faith instead?

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Five Ways to Maintain Your Mental Health during the Holidays

Here in the United States, we’re looking forward to the Thanksgiving holiday next Thursday.

I’m starting to see Christmas decorations around town here in South Dakota.

I’m starting to feel some holiday stress.

I figure many of my readers may be feeling it, too, so let’s consider some ideas for maintaining good mental health during the holidays.

  1. Leave time to breathe. Packing our schedule too full of tasks and activities (even if they’re fun) can cause our stress levels to rise. Make sure you plan to set aside some time every day to just relax and breathe. That might look like sitting down to read a book, listen to some music, or take a nap. Whatever helps you recharge your mental batteries.
  2. Make time for support. Whether that means keeping appointments with your counselor, attending a support group like Fresh Hope (find out more at freshhope.us), or just having some conversations with your spouse or best friend, getting support can help you get through the holidays with your mental health intact.
  3. Take time to notice what you’re thinking. If you feel your pulse quicken and your heart pound, take a second to examine your thoughts. You may realize you’re diving into something negative that needs to be turned around. (“Oh my gosh, I’m the worst! I’ll never finish wrapping all these presents!” can change to “Whoa! I’m glad I have such a big family, but I have too much to wrap. Guess I’ll pick up some gift bags tomorrow!”)
  4. Find time for the traditions that mean the most to you. Do the things you love with your family, but let other obligations go if they don’t bring you joy. Sandy Cooper has a great resource called “Creating Your Holiday To-Don’t List” at her website: The Scoop On Balance (thescooponbalance.com). Keeping what you love and letting go of what you don’t just might help your mental health in the next couple of months.
  5. Spend time with the Lord. You might be tempted to throw your devotional time out the window as you get busy with holiday preparations, but that time might be what holds you together through all of the holiday chaos. Jesus really is the “reason for the season,” and spending time with him will help keep our minds and hearts at peace.

This list is not exhaustive, of course. Maybe you have your own ideas for staying mentally and emotionally healthy during the holidays. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” (Isaiah 26:3 NIV)

Do you get stressed out during the holidays? What are some ways you can make sure you’re staying healthy emotionally? How can focusing on God help with that?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Admitting Defeat

I’m going to sing for special music in church this Sunday.

On Monday I picked out a song by Twila Paris to sing and play on the piano. “Throne Room Suite” has beautiful lyrics, but the piano part is pretty intense.

No problem, I thought. I have all week to practice.

And I have practiced. I’ve played it several times each day. It’s gotten better since Monday, but I decided to admit defeat tonight. I just can’t get it ready by Sunday morning.

It pains me to do that, but I think it would pain everyone else a lot more to hear me struggling to play it in church.

Sometimes we have to admit defeat and pivot to something else instead of what we had planned.

We admit defeat in the moment, but we don’t have to feel defeated. We can keep working toward our goal, knowing that it’s just the timing that needs to change. The Holy Spirit will help us decide how and when we are ready to show the world our progress.

I’m not going to let this decision ruin the rest of my weekend. I might wait until Monday to start practicing “Throne Room Suite” again, but I’ll focus on how much I practiced this week and how the lyrics made me feel.

“Search my heart, make me clean…It’s your approval I long for…Rule my life, be my king…Do what you will I belong to you…I will find my hope in you…Hide my heart away…Fill me with your mind…Let the world forsake me…I will find my hope in you…you alone are Lord.”

Admit defeat, but don’t feel defeated.

We can apply this to so many areas of life. Relationships, jobs, hobbies, financial matters, or personal goals. We may need to admit defeat in the moment, but we don’t have to feel defeated. We can keep moving forward as we learn, grow, and practice.

It can even pertain to our faith. We might feel like we’ve failed spiritually on a given day, but we don’t have to feel defeated. Satan will jump on our sins and mistakes and accuse us of being worthless, but the Holy Spirit will lovingly convict us of our sins and help us move past them.

With his help, we can practice and get stronger and more consistent in our godliness. People around us will be able to see a wonderful change in us as we look more and more like Jesus.

Let’s all keep moving forward, even after we have to admit defeat in the moment.

Hopefully I won’t have to admit defeat again as I pick out something else to sing on Sunday morning.

“Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress.” (1 Timothy 4:15 NIV)

Do you ever have to admit defeat? How can focusing on God help you keep going and accomplish your goal in his timing?

(Wish I could sing it like Twila!)
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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Where Our Thoughts Go

I’ve been dealing with scattered thoughts again lately.

My mind spins as I try to decide what I should do each day.

It flits from one task to another, from one obligation or possibility to the next, never settling on one thing. And so, very little seems to get done.

The Holy Spirit has reminded me in several ways recently that there is really only one place my thoughts need to be going. To Jesus.

If I keep my mind set on him, then all the rest will fall into place (or it may fall away, but that’s okay, too).

We watched a video in youth group this week that really drilled that idea home. It’s called “Falling Plates.” (You can watch it at the end of this post.) It reminded me (once again) that Jesus wants us to follow him and not chase after all of the other things that might tempt us if we just think of ourselves and our flesh.

It’s time to get back to my commitment to catch my thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:5). I’m not going to beat myself up for letting my thoughts get out of control, but I’m going to spend more time talking to God about it. I know he’ll help me focus on his truths and the things that are true, lovely, pure, and all the rest (Philippians 4:8).

I hope you’ll consider where your thoughts are going lately, too. Try focusing on Jesus and see if you gain more clarity in life as you go through each day.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33 NIV)

What do you think about most often? How can focusing on God help you gain more clarity and purpose as you live each day?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Getting to the Root of Things

At times we don’t want to admit something is wrong with us.

I had that happen recently when we went down to Tennessee to visit my parents and attend a conference. I was bothered by some tooth pain every once in a while, but the feeling passed and I just tried not to worry about it.

We got to the conference on Monday and enjoyed the speaker and meeting other pastors (and some of their spouses) that evening. Again, a little pain…and I wasn’t feeling like myself.

On Tuesday morning, I had swelling that was noticeable and I really didn’t feel well. I popped a few ibuprofen and sat through the teaching sessions. In the afternoon, we decided I’d better text a friend back in Volga who worked for a dentist (we didn’t have a new dentist yet since we just moved here around January 1).

She graciously texted back and forth and showed the dentist pictures of my swollen jaw.

With that evidence, they were able to prescribe antibiotics out of state and we picked them up later that day. They also directed me to take 800 mg of ibuprofen every 6 hours for pain.

I could really feel it when the pills wore off, and my swelling got worse before it got better.

I wondered if I could make it until the next Monday when I could get in to see this new dentist, but I moved forward each day hoping for the best.

I hoped maybe the antibiotics would take care of it and I wouldn’t need a root canal when I got home, but I tried to prepare myself for that possibility. I had gotten a filling in that tooth before we moved away from Platte and the dentist there had warned me about the possibility of needing a root canal at some point in the future.

It seems that time had come.

Sure enough, after an exam and x-rays on Monday, the dentist referred me to another place in Watertown to have a root canal. I had mixed feelings about how soon they could get me in, but I agreed to show up on Wednesday for the procedure.

I really psyched myself out before I got there. I felt anxious and a bit teary on the way. Once I got there, I tried to act calm, but my insides were doing all sorts of strange things. After they gave me the novocaine, I felt my heart pounding for several minutes while I tried to breathe deeply and calm down (thankfully, it stopped its jumping pretty quickly).

I took my earbuds along and listened to a podcast while they were working on me. With my eyes closed, I could almost pretend I wasn’t there.

I heard the drill and felt a little pressure, but I felt absolutely no pain. It was over in less than an hour and I was on my way home again (trying not to drool because of my numb face).

The experience got me thinking about how important it is to get to the root of things in other areas of our lives.

Sometimes we feel pain in a relationship or we don’t feel good about something going on in our lives, but we try to ignore it. We hope the situation will get better without doing anything, or we numb the pain however we can.

We may struggle with a certain sin that we just can’t seem to let go. It festers and poisons us, but we pretend it isn’t there.

If I hadn’t started taking antibiotics for my tooth abscess, the infection could have spread to other parts of my body and caused some serious complications.

When we don’t address the sin and/or emotional pain in our lives, the negative effects of that can spread to other areas of our lives and cause serious complications in our relationships, our emotional health, and our spiritual health.

We need to let Jesus get to the root.

He may help us get rid of the problem completely, or he may show us who we need to go to so we can get the help we need.

Still a little swollen, but feeling better!

My tooth was dead when I got to the endodontic office on Wednesday. It needed to be hollowed out and filled with something better so the tooth could stay in my mouth.

The Holy Spirit can help us get to the root of the problems in our lives. He’ll extract all the dead and poisonous thoughts and actions, and he’ll help us replace them with life-giving beliefs and convictions.

Now that’s something to smile about!

“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.” (1 John 1:8 NIV)

Have you ever tried to ignore a sin or problem in your life? How can focusing on God help you get to the root of things?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on the Meaning of Life

The speaker in our Sunday school video a couple of weeks ago was expounding on the verse in Hebrews 5 that says, “Though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food!”

Derwin Gray surprised me when he stated that Jesus himself was the solid food we need in order to become mature Christians.

I had always thought that the basics of the faith were the “milk” we started with as new Christians, and that the “solid food” was all of the doctrine we could learn about after we became Christians.

What a revelation to realize that we just need Jesus to become mature and grow as Christians.

This past week Gary and I spent time at a conference at The Cove in North Carolina. One of the main points I took away from the teaching sessions by Jim Cymbala was that Jesus just wants us to be with him.

I forget that so often. I get hung up on if I’m doing enough for God. I worry that I’m not studying the Bible enough. I think about so many things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of life.

The meaning of life? The vitally important activity for a Christian?

Being with Jesus.

When we spend time with him, the rest of life will make more sense. He’ll give us the wisdom and guidance we need. We’ll know how to spend our time and our money. We’ll feel more peace. We’ll show more love.

Jesus is the solid food, the bread of life, that will sustain us every day of our lives.*

“Then Jesus declared, ‘I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.'” (John 6:35 NIV)

Have you been satisfied with just “milk” in your spiritual life? How can focusing on God help you spend time with Jesus—the bread of life?

*If you don’t know Jesus as your Savior, you can read more about becoming a Christian at my other website, The Robyn’s Nest, on the About Me page.

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Putting Down the Bat

Do you ever beat yourself up?

I do.

It used to be much worse in my younger years, but I still have a tendency to punish myself when I make a mistake.

I’ve been talking to a counselor for a few months, and that’s one of the first assignments she gave me. “Focus on putting down the bat,” she urged.

So I’ve been pondering that for quite a while now. The first step was noticing when I felt the temptation to take a swing at myself after some failure. Just being aware of the bat made it a little easier to “put it down” and treat myself with more compassion.

I’m still working on it, but I feel like I’ve been improving. I sure give myself plenty of opportunities to practice!

One day I texted a bunch of middle school students to remind them about our meeting that night. I got a text back from a mom instead of a student, so I responded and said it was nice to meet her and we were looking forward to getting to know her son this year. At the meeting, I saw that student and realized that he goes to our church and I already knew his mom. I saw her every Sunday at church and we had visited the family in their home just a couple of months ago! I texted Sarah after the meeting: “I am so embarrassed!” I explained my incredible lapse of memory and asked her to forgive me. She responded graciously: “I figured you’d put it together at some point!” Amazingly, I laughed at myself and didn’t pick up the bat.

The other night I went to a youth event with our high school group and talked to a couple from church afterward. We chatted a bit, and then I asked about their connection to “Fields of Faith” at SDSU. “Collin!” the woman answered. “Oh, of course! You’re here to support him,” I said. (Collin is one of our youth group sponsors and he’s on staff with FCA, the group putting on the event.) In my head, I started to kick myself. Dang! I did it again! I forgot a connection that should have been obvious! But I only did it for a few seconds. I put down the bat and consciously forgave my error (hopefully they did, too!).

As I think about that “bat,” I’m sometimes surprised at how quickly I reach for it. One morning I took a deep water aerobics class at SDSU. At noon, I got a notification that the deep water well would be closed until further notice. The rest of the pool would remain open. I tried to figure out what I could have done wrong that morning that would make them close that part of the pool. I immediately realized how silly that was. I did nothing wrong. I was still perplexed about why it would have to close, but it was easy to leave the bat alone.

Every day brings plenty of chances to decide whether I’m going to pick up the bat or put it down.

I would never think of using a bat to beat someone else up, so why am I so quick to use it on myself? (Guess that’s part of the reason I’m seeing a counselor for a while.)

In counseling, we’re starting to work on how I can love myself more. I know that’s important, and I’m willing to do that work, but I want to make sure it’s for the right reason.

I don’t want to love myself in a selfish, “look at me!” way. I want to love myself because God loves me so much. When I rest in that love and really accept it, it frees me up to truly love others in a sincere, healthy way.

Not so they’ll love me back.

Not so they’re impressed by me.

Not so I don’t feel guilty.

No, I want to love well so people can see God’s love shining through me. So they feel accepted, safe, and protected.

If I’m going to love others (starting with myself) in that way, then I’m going to have to get rid of this bat once and for all and never pick it up again.

“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:30–31 NIV)

Do you beat yourself up for your mistakes and failures? How can focusing on God help you put down the bat and really love yourself and others?