Author: Robyn Mulder

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Birthdays

Today is my birthday.

I wasn’t planning to write about it. It’s not a “special” birthday. Almost halfway between 50 and 60, I always have to do the math when someone asks me how old I am (I know I’m 54 today, but I’ll probably forget by next week).

Gary and the kids (near and far) wished me a happy birthday this morning. We didn’t go anywhere special (but we’re planning to go out for supper next week). I cleaned a little, did an editing job, and had a pretty normal day.

A friend dropped off a card and a plate of goodies when I wasn’t looking. Another friend dropped off a chicken (for the freezer – not a live one!) and stayed to chat for a while. All day long I heard little pings coming from my phone and I knew birthday messages were coming in on Facebook.

I saw a few of them earlier in the day, but I finally sat down to “like” each of them tonight. So many messages from so many friends and family members. As I tapped and scrolled through all of them, I was overwhelmed by how rich my life is.

There were greetings from people in Michigan (where I grew up), and then from Rock Rapids, Iowa (where we lived after we got married); Orange City, IA (my college years and later, Gary’s); Holland, Michigan (seminary years); Chandler, Minnesota (our first church); Allison, Iowa (our second church); and Platte, South Dakota (where we are now).

I had messages from childhood friends, high school friends, college friends, lots of family members, church and community friends from all over, and so many writer friends.

I needed that reminder of all of the people God has brought into my life over the years.

They have each made my life better in some way, and I hope I’ve added to their lives as well.

Facebook showed me greetings from a small percentage of all of the people I actually know and love in my life. A birthday is a good day to remember, to give thanks, and to look forward to all of the people God will bring into my life in the year ahead.

Thank you for your friendship, whether you wrote on my wall or not. If we haven’t actually met yet, I hope we do that very soon. Oh, and in case I missed yours: Happy Birthday!

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. For through wisdom your days will be many, and years will be added to your life.” (Proverbs 9:10-11 NIV)

Do you ever take time to think about all of the people God has brought into your life? How can focusing on God help you to be grateful for each birthday you celebrate?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Stress Tests

I saw a cardiologist today.

Nothing serious is going on (I hope), but at my doctor’s appointment on Monday I mentioned a few minor symptoms I’d been having, and it was enough to get her attention and suggest doing some tests.

The cardiologist suggested doing a stress test with imaging in a couple of weeks just to rule out any heart problems causing my occasional shortness of breath and a little pain (I tend to think it’s mostly some extra pounds I’m dragging around and a bit of anxiety).

I’ll follow the doctor’s advice because I know my heart is important. A physical stress test will show how well my heart is working and point out any problems.

Later today I had a spiritual stress test.

I guess maybe I was a little more nervous about my heart stuff than I originally thought. And then I started thinking about some projects I wasn’t getting done. And then I worried about one of my kids as they struggled with some problems today. And then I took on the heavy weight of worrying about someone else’s relationship issues. And then I found a task I hadn’t gotten done on time. And then I bought the wrong brand of something at the grocery store and had to go back to return it.

And then I had a meltdown while we ate our supper. Poor Gary had to try to enjoy his meal while tears were rolling down my cheeks and I had to keep wiping my eyes and nose. He thought it was about my grocery store mistake, but it was so much more than that.

I had failed my spiritual stress test.

When the pressures and concerns of life came my way today, my spiritual heart was weak and it couldn’t take the stress. No wonder I became a puddle of tears!

After I had a good cry, I took a closer look at my thoughts and what led up to my meltdown. I realized I had not been opening my Bible very often lately and I had been letting my thoughts run wild instead of catching them and making sure they were true (and everything else in Philippians 4:8).

So I spent a little time in the Word before I started writing this post. God led me to the verse below, a reminder to put on faith, love, and hope as we live each day. I definitely didn’t do that when I went through my spiritual stress test today. That test pointed out a big problem with my spiritual heart. It’s gotten weak and I need to let the Holy Spirit work on it so I’m stronger next time those tests come.

I’m quite confident my physical heart is just fine, and hopefully the stress test will confirm that.

I’m going to try to look at the trials that come my way as a spiritual stress test, and hopefully my spiritual heart will be just fine, too.

“But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet.” (1 Thessalonians 5:8 NIV)

How’s your heart doing? How can focusing on God help you to pass any spiritual stress tests that come your way?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Losing Well

I like to play games. Especially when I’m winning.

Truth be told, I can get just a bit cocky when I’m in the middle of a game and my score keeps getting better. I’m smiling and laughing and teasing my family or friends about how they’re doing.

It’s much harder to stay positive when I get behind and my opponent seems to have all the luck. All of a sudden I get more quiet and the game isn’t quite as fun.

I can remember playing different games with our kids over the years. It seems like quite often we had to talk one of them into continuing to play even though they were losing. They just couldn’t see the point of playing if they couldn’t win. They’d start to pout and storm off to their room.

We spent time trying to teach our kids to lose well. We coached them to keep playing even though they might be losing, because “you never know when the score might turn around!” We even tried to get them to actually cheer for their brother or sister when they won. “Next time it might be you,” we encouraged.

I’d like to think they learned from those games when they were young (although we’ve had a few family fights over the game of Risk when one of us achieved world domination).

I had to practice losing well a couple of times this week.

We went to Rock Rapids, Iowa and stayed with Gary’s mom. The three of us played Rummikub (a tile game) a couple of times and it about killed me when Gary won first, then my mother-in-law, then Gary won again. “It was my turn to win!” I whined. But I got no sympathy from my normally loving husband.

The next day we played again with the same results for the first three games: Gary, Mom, Gary. There may have been just a little too much grumbling and complaining from me as I lost game after game. Finally, I won when we played a seventh round (I wonder if they let me win just so they wouldn’t have to see me pout anymore).

Tonight we played cards with some friends. I did fine on Canadian Salad (Gary was the one who had to lose well on that game), but we ended the night with a game of cribbage. I was giddy and sure of myself while my team was ahead, even pouncing on some points the guys missed while they were counting their hand.

Then, in the final stretch, the guys pulled ahead and I was shocked to find that I missed seeing some points – not once, but twice! What was wrong with me? That never happens!

It was a week of practicing losing well.

It’s kind of fun to trash talk our friends when we’re in the middle of the games we play together, knowing that someone has to win and someone has to lose. Hopefully, we’re not too annoyingly happy when we win and we’re not too pathetically sad when we lose.

We can work on that in other areas of life, too. When things aren’t going our way, it can be tempting to just withdraw and give up trying. We want to stomp off to our room and pout if we can’t win.

Instead, let’s stay in the game. Let’s keep trying and applaud the successes of those around us. Life is more than just a game, and if we believe in Jesus we know that ultimately we’re going to win. We really can’t lose at life, but we do need to practice the same skills we learn by “losing well.”

Perseverance, cheerfulness, kindness, and grace all serve us well as we live our lives. Especially when a 95-year-old woman beats the pants off you in Rummikub.

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12 NIV)

How do you feel about losing? How can focusing on God help you to persevere and have a good attitude, even when things aren’t going your way?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Love

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I’m writing this (as I often do) late on a Friday evening, realizing that not everyone celebrates this holiday.

For some, it’s just too painful. They wish they could spend the day with someone special to love, but they’re alone.

For others, it’s hard because they’re either physically or emotionally far away from the one they love.

We didn’t really do anything special today, but we probably should have. Monday was our 30th anniversary, today is Valentine’s Day, and it’s Gary’s birthday today.

It’s not that we didn’t do anything. We went out to eat on Monday night and I made Blueberry Coffeecake tonight. Boy, does that sound lame, even to me. Truth is, we’re just not big celebrators. We really never have been.

We may not go all out on this holiday, but the love is definitely there.

We’ve enjoyed over thirty years of all of the little things that show we love each other:

Washing the cars, baking the cherry pies, changing the diapers, going to work, taking out the garbage, washing the dishes, taking care of the kids, washing the clothes, paying the bills, taking the dishes to the kitchen, changing the batteries in the smoke detectors, picking up the mail, getting groceries, taking care of each other when we’re sick, driving the rental car on vacation, and yes, even buying each other a few gifts, cards, and flowers along the way.

Of course, that list is not exhaustive. How can you list all of the love shown in thirty years?

We’ve made each other laugh – and we’ve made each other cry – but love always reminds us of what’s important.

I don’t know where you’re at today as you read this, but I hope you have people in your life that you love. I hope there are people who love you. I hope you know God’s great love for you and that you love Him with all your heart.

John 3:16 tells us that God loved the world so much that He gave His only Son. If we believe in Jesus we will have eternal life. He died so we could have that life.

That is love. Sacrifice, selflessness, and giving.

We can’t do it perfectly. We’re only human. But we can sure try to show more love to everyone in our lives. Not just on Valentine’s Day, but all year long.

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.” (1 John 3:16 NIV)

How are you at showing love? How can focusing on God help you to lay down your life in lots of little ways as you love God and the people He’s put in your life?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on More Questions Than Answers

I have good news and bad news this week.

The good news is that I’ve been writing steadily on my depression book the last couple of weeks. I’m seeing my word count go up as I put in the work.

The bad news is that I seem to be getting more confused as I write. I thought this was going to be a helpful book that would tell my own depression story and give people the tools they need to stay healthy emotionally. As I’ve been writing, I’m afraid I’m coming up with more questions than answers.

Telling my story isn’t a problem, but all of the questions come up as I’m trying to write the rest of it.

Can I really suggest solutions to people whose situations are vastly different from mine? Isn’t that arrogant?

Are there some people who can’t ever recover from a mental illness?

When I sit down to write each day, I find myself typing out these questions and others in my manuscript. All of those questions almost make me want to give up the project.

It’s not just writing. I’m hoping you can see where you might experience this in many areas of your life.

You start a new romantic relationship. (Will he/she really love me? How can I trust this person? What if this doesn’t work out?)

You and your spouse decide to have a baby. (What if I can’t handle childbirth? Should we homeschool or send him to public school? What if she ends up living with us until she’s thirty?)

You decide to change jobs. (Can I learn the new computer software they use? What if I can’t stand my coworkers? How am I going to learn all this stuff?)

You decide to start a new hobby. (Can I really learn something new at my age? Where do I get my supplies? Who can teach me to do this?)

It’s tempting to want to quit when you have more questions than answers. It feels safer to pull back to what you know, the things you’re sure about. But nothing ever gets done that way. We stay stuck in our familiar ruts and we miss out. Others may miss out on something we have to offer, too.

We have to press on in spite of the questions. Maybe even because of the questions.

Those questions may lead us to answers. Those questions may help us gain clarity and direction for the goal we’re pursuing.

It may be a little confusing and messy while we’re in the middle of that question stage of our endeavors, but if we push on through we’ll eventually find ourselves with more answers than questions. And that will feel pretty great.

“If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who “worry their prayers” are like wind-whipped waves. Don’t think you’re going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.” (James 1:5-8 The Message)

Do you have more questions than answers in some area of life? How can focusing on God help you to move ahead anyway?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Self-Sabotage

It happens all the time.

I make a plan, set a goal, or say I’m going to do something and it goes well for a while. I see progress and feel great as I see success in sight.

But then, I do something to sabotage myself.

I stay away from snacks for a few days and my pants start to feel a little looser…and then I feed my face constantly for a day – just because I can.

I open up my laptop and work daily on my book…and then I get scared and stop writing.

I start to feel confident about editing and take on new clients…and then I entertain thoughts of quitting just because I’m scared I’ll miss something.

That’s what happened yesterday as I finished up an editing project. I started crying and blurted out all of my fears to Gary (my patient, wise husband who has had many similar conversations with me over the years). He talked me down and reminded me that feeling that anxiety is pretty normal.

Almost everyone deals with it to some extent. He reminded me that perfect is not possible, and the people who think they’re perfect are the ones we usually can’t stand to be around. They’re full of arrogance.

Feeling that tension about doing our best keeps us humble. Pushing on through those fears gets us to where we want to go.

He’s right (he almost always is!).

God says in His word that He wants us to live an abundant life. He wants us to follow Him and love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. He tells us to love others. We can’t do any of those things well if we keep practicing self-sabotage.

John 10:10 in the ESV says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

Satan loves it when we panic and pull away from something good just because we’re scared. He’ll do anything to keep us stuck in our self-sabotaging ruts because he knows how damaging it would be for him if we actually accomplished our goals.

So let’s get to the bottom of why we’re doing these things. Let’s get to the root of it and learn ways to fight past those feelings and stay on the path to success.

It takes hard work to stop self-sabotaging, but it’s worth it. Hopefully we can do it less and less as the years go by and we’ll see more of the successful outcomes we dream about.

“ ‘But my righteous one will live by faith. And I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back [self-sabotages?].’ But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.” (Hebrews 10:38-39 NIV – brackets mine)

Do you often self-sabotage? How can focusing on God help you to stop this and live more abundantly?

*If you struggle with this problem, here are a couple of great resources with more insights and suggestions for combating self-sabotage:

6 Reasons Why We Self-Sabotage (article on thriveglobal.com)

Quick Win: Stop Self-Sabotaging (on the Do It Scared Podcast with Ruth Soukup)

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Speaking Up

We had a mentor meeting after junior high youth group on Wednesday night. After our fearless leader went through some business and asked everyone for feedback and suggestions, another man asked to speak for a minute.

He had been visiting that night and he started out by commending all of us for being willing to mentor these 6th, 7th, and 8th graders. “There’s a lot of energy there!” We laughed because it was true.

Then he went on to reassure us that what we are doing makes a difference, even though we may never know it. Or maybe we would.

He told us about a high school sophomore he had mentored through the kid’s high school years. That student came back and met with him about seven years later and gave his life to Christ because of the seeds this man had planted in youth group.

He reminded us that we are making a mark in these students’ lives as we spend time with them and talk with them about their faith.

It was just what I needed to hear.

I love our group of 7th grade girls, but I was starting to wonder if mentoring was worth it. They’re sometimes silly and easily distracted, so at times it doesn’t seem like they’re getting the message.

This man’s words brought back my hope and reminded me why I signed up to mentor in the first place. They also were a wonderful example of our topic for that night. Our leader had taught about how important our thinking is and how we need to turn our thoughts around when they’re negative. (See Philippians 4:8 at the end of this post.)

After our youth group meeting, this man could have kept his mouth shut. I’m glad he spoke up instead. He encouraged us and gave us hope for what might happen in the lives of the students we’re mentoring.

Just think of the people we could encourage if we chose to speak up instead of staying silent!

I like to do it through this blog, but you could also speak up at home, at work, in Sunday school, at church, at a meeting, or wherever it feels right. Speaking up when God prompts you just might give someone the strength to go on.

To go on taking care of children, to go on doing their job well, to go on growing in their faith, to go on serving in your organization, or maybe even to go on living.

That sounds extreme, but there are many people who lose hope and wonder what their purpose is in life. So many people. Let’s speak up and help them find hope again.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8 NIV)

Do you speak up and encourage the people God brings into your life each day? How can focusing on God give you the wisdom and courage to do that faithfully?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Looking Back

Today a friend messaged me, asking when I had helped start MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) in Rock Rapids, Iowa. The local paper is doing a story about MOPS in Lyon County and they were looking for some more info.

I could remember what year we started, but I did a little digging and finally found my old MOPS files. Our first meeting was September 23, 1997.

As you can see in this post’s graphic, that was a long time ago. I had only three children then (Erin was 4, Allison was 3, and Blake was 2 months).

I looked through my file and found the brochure I had designed and printed myself. There was a schedule for the year with all of the speakers we had lined up. There was a roster of all of the moms and their contact info.

Waves of warmth washed over me as I thought about those two years of leading MOPS in Rock Rapids. The other women who served on the steering team were so faithful. It was fun to meet other moms with young children and have some time together a couple of times a month without our kids (they were taken care of by wonderful volunteers in the MOPPETS program and nursery). We got to eat without little fingers swiping our food. At every meeting we enjoyed listening to a speaker who taught us something new or encouraged us in the job we were doing as moms. At most of the meetings we created something cute to take home during craft time.

But what warms my heart the most is remembering the spiritual growth all of us experienced during those years. Our discussions helped our faith come alive and I know our relationships with our families were better because of MOPS.

So tonight I’m thanking God for that time in my life. It was busy and chaotic at times, as all young mothers know, but it was amazing to see God at work.

Sometimes I’m afraid we get a little too future-focused. What will we get done this year? What goals can we accomplish? What will God do in our lives?

It’s good for us to take a look back once in a while, before we forge ahead. Seeing how God has been faithful in the past will give us confidence and inspiration for the future.

I almost forgot about all of God’s faithfulness during my Mothers of Preschoolers years. How exciting it is to wonder what God will do in this next season of life!

Someday I’ll look back and be just as amazed and thankful, I’m sure.

“I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done.” (Psalm 143:5 NIV)

Do you ever forget to look back? How can focusing on God help you to see His faithfulness in your past and then move forward with more confidence?

*If you are a mom with young children, check out the resources at mops.org It was a lifesaver for me when my children were little! You can find a group that meets near you or just check out their MOPS blog for helpful articles for moms.

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Doing It Anyway

I don’t feel like writing this blog post tonight.

I was going to wait and make it a Super Saturday, but then I started thinking.

That happens way too often.

I don’t feel like cleaning, so I let the dust build up and the floor gets more and more full of crumbs and dirt.

I don’t feel like saying no to myself, so I eat when I’m not really hungry.

I don’t feel like figuring out what to write, so I put it off another day.

Maybe you find yourself doing that, too. Putting off the things you don’t feel like doing until they become more urgent, and usually more difficult.

So tonight I’m doing it anyway. I don’t feel like it, but I’m writing this post.

This week I started to work on overcoming that tendency to not do the things I don’t feel like doing. I wrote at least 500 words every day on my latest writing project, even when I didn’t feel like doing it. They weren’t all brilliant words and many of them may not make it to the final version of the book, but that’s okay. I did it anyway.

As we begin this new year, let’s all work on doing it anyway.

We may not feel like exercising. Let’s do it anyway.

We may not feel like being kind to our spouse, our children, or someone at work. Let’s do it anyway.

We may not feel like working on that goal we set on January 1. Let’s do it anyway.

We may not feel like reading our Bible, praying, or sharing our faith. Let’s do it anyway.

We may not feel like pressing on when our anxiety or depression gets bad. Let’s do it anyway.

Truth is, we usually aren’t going to feel like doing most of the things we do. But if we do them anyway, I can almost guarantee we’ll feel good afterward.

Well, what do you know! I finished this blog post, and that feels pretty good.

“We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized.” (Hebrews 6:11 NIV)

Do you have a hard time doing something when you don’t feel like it? How can focusing on God help you to do it anyway?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on 1 Second

My daughter did something so cool last year.

She downloaded an app and chose a 1 second video snippet to represent each day. On December 31 she posted it to Facebook and all of her friends and family could watch 365 seconds of her life go by. It was so interesting!

Of course, I recognized what was happening in many of the little snippets of her life (and I even saw myself and the rest of the family a couple of times). I was inspired and immediately downloaded the “1 Second Everyday: Video Diary” app (more info at 1secondeveryday.com).

Today I watched Erin’s video again and noticed even more than I had the first time.

I was reinspired, so I opened the app on my phone and added snippets for the first two days of the year. (You’re curious? For Wednesday I added a picture of my 3 big goals for this year and said “Here we go!”; for yesterday I took a video of our cribbage board with a deck of cards spread out in front of it and said “The guys won” – because, of course, I forgot to take a video when our friends were over last night.)

As the days go by, I think I’ll get better at capturing a moment on my phone as it happens and adding it to the app so I can look back at the year and remember it in a cool way.

The exciting and the mundane.

The highs and the lows.

The little moments that make up another year of living.

Even if you don’t get the app and record your 1 second each day, I encourage you to be more aware of each second that goes by. Take notice of it. See what’s happening around you. Who are you with? What are you doing? How are you feeling? What mental snapshot can you take to make sure you remember?

The older I get, the more I realize that our years fly by faster and faster.

If we aren’t deliberate about how we’re living, we’ll look back someday and wonder what we actually did with all of those seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years.

I predict that if I actually use this app, I’m going to be more conscious of all the things going on as I live each day. I might even do some things I normally would be too lazy to do, just so I can add them to my app. I’m going to be more aware of what I’m doing, what others are doing, and what I want to take note of before the day is over.

I can’t wait to see what my little 365 second movie looks like on December 31, but I’m even more excited about being more deliberate about living each second of 2020.

“Teach us to number our days [and our seconds], that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12 NIV – brackets mine)

Does time seem to fly by without you taking much notice? How can focusing on God help you to be more mindful of each second that goes by this year?