Author: Robyn Mulder

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Accepting Loss

I lost something special this week.

My favorite Black Hills Gold earrings are no longer a pair. I wore the jewelry while I showered and caught one with the towel as I was drying off. I heard it hit the floor, and I even rescued the back of it—still behind my ear. I couldn’t see the earring on the floor, but I wasn’t too worried. This had happened countless times before and I had always managed to find the tiny piece of metal.

The earrings were special to me because they were one of the first gifts Gary ever gave me after we started dating. He gave me the heart necklace on Valentine’s Day and the heart earrings on my birthday a few weeks later.

I thought I had lost them for good once before. When the kids were quite young, we went to an event at Camp Geneva in Holland, Michigan. I thought I had lost one in their pool. We searched all over and reported it to the staff, asking them to contact us if it showed up.

I cried as we drove home because I felt so bad that I had lost something so special to me. I berated myself for my carelessness and kept rehearsing all kinds of negative thoughts about myself.

Imagine my surprise when I got undressed later that night and the earring fell to the floor as I took off my underwear. My favorite earring was back.

I was hoping for the same kind of outcome this time. A little searching and my jewelry would be found. But this time it didn’t happen. I looked all over the floor. I looked under the vanity. I checked behind the toilet. I emptied out the garbage can. I stuck my hand down the floor vent. I took the cover off the drain in the shower.

No luck. It was gone.

But this time, thirty-two years after I received those special earrings, I didn’t cry.

I felt terrible, of course. I wished I would have taken them out before I showered. But I didn’t berate and punish myself for my mistake. (It also helped that Gary didn’t do either of those things when he heard that I had dropped it. He helped look, but he didn’t get upset with me.)

I had to accept my loss and move on. It would have done me no good to cry and mope around my parents’ house for the rest of our visit. I did everything I could and then I had to let it go.

We have to learn to do that in many areas of our lives.

Life throws us all kinds of losses.

We can lose easy things like earrings, car keys, and remotes.

We can lose harder things like money, time, and job opportunities.

We can lose unthinkable things like health, friendships, and family members.

In all of those things, we have to get to a place of acceptance before we can find contentment. Of course, we’ll grieve some losses more than others. The pain of the loss may never completely go away, but God can give us the strength we need to get to a place of acceptance and the ability to keep living in spite of the loss.

I’ve accepted this loss, but I think I’ll go check my underwear one more time.

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:12–13 NIV)

Do you handle losses well? How can focusing on God help you to accept a loss—whether it’s big or small—and move on in life?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Getting Back to What Matters

I haven’t posted for a while. You may have noticed, or maybe you didn’t.

I know, if you’re like me, that your inbox is probably full of people telling you about their latest post, their latest product, their latest thoughts. I read some, I skim some, I delete some.

To be honest, I got into a “What’s the use?” kind of mindset after my last post.

I wondered if what I had to say really made a difference to anyone, especially with the chaos of the coronavirus situation weighing us down. There were other people posting humorous videos, providing free online concerts, and giving inspirational insights to get us all through this difficult time.

And then, about a week or so after I didn’t write, I heard someone quote Jeff Goins: “Just because something is successful doesn’t mean it has to keep going.” Now, I don’t know if I’d call my blog “successful,” but that got me thinking that maybe I had done weekly blog posts long enough. Maybe “Focus Friday” had run its course and it was time for something different.

Every week that went by just made it that much easier to not write the next week.

It’s not that I was getting depressed (although I’ve dealt with a few more ups and downs during this pandemic), but I was definitely questioning my purpose. I kept spending time every morning reading my Bible, but it felt harder to share what I was learning.

I can’t say that I’m back because I had some big epiphany. If anything, it feels a little more difficult to add my voice back into the mix right now. But this week, I have felt an urgency to get back to what matters.

God calls each person to different tasks and issues. For me, it’s writing and speaking about mental health. Even though I don’t have all the answers, I want to be someone who encourages people to hold onto hope and reach out for help so they can get (and then stay) emotionally healthy.

What matters, for me, is learning to love God, live for Jesus, and let the Holy Spirit work in me. If I focus on those things, the rest of this chaotic life will fall into place (or the unimportant things will just fall away).

It’s good to be back. If you’ve gotten off course, I pray you’ll find your way back to what matters, too.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly” (Matthew 11:28-30 The Message).

Have you strayed away from what matters? How can focusing on God help you to get back to finding your purpose in life?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Rufous-Sided Towhees

There was a bird hopping around in our garden a while back. I had no idea what it was. I combed through my bird book and tried to match up its features with the pictures I saw. I thought I was close a couple of times, but I couldn’t figure it out. I saw it often for about two weeks and not knowing was really bugging me.

Finally, I messaged a picture to my mom and texted her to ask my dad if he knew what it was. Seconds later, the reply came back: Rufous-sided towhee.

I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t even know there was such a bird!

Here’s a close-up from Google images (S.D. Stanton, 2009). Isn’t it beautiful?

After I asked my dad and got my answer, I wondered why I hadn’t done that a couple of weeks ago when I first saw it. Growing up, my dad was always getting out the bird book and using binoculars to identify the feathered friends who visited our bird feeder. Of course he would know what bird that was without even having to look it up.

He knew the answer. I just had to ask.

I often do the same thing with my heavenly Father. I stumble along in life, searching desperately for answers to my problems, looking in all the wrong places.

I forget that I have a Father who created the whole world (even the rufous-sided towhee!). He has a plan for each of his created beings (that’s you and me). As we take each step in faith, God will make that plan clear to us. We may not always understand where His plan is taking us, but we can trust Him to lead us exactly where we need to go.

I forget that He loves each of us unconditionally. He loves me, with all of my mistakes, flaws, and insecurities. He loves me, with all of my successes, talents, and accomplishments. He loves others, whether they believe in Him or not. We may not always understand each other’s beliefs and opinions, but God can show us how to love each other, too.

I forget that God cares about each detail of my life. He cares about my health, work, leisure, family, friends, and all the rest. When I get stuck with problems in one of those areas, He knows about it and He wants to help.

God knows all of the answers. I just have to ask.

“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” (Jeremiah 33:3 NIV)

Have you ever seen a rufous-sided towhee? Who do you go to when you have questions or problems? How can focusing on God help you to ask Him for answers first (instead of last)?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on What to Do When We’re Afraid

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise—in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” (Psalm 56:3-4 NIV)

Are you ever afraid?

I’m not just talking about the shock of adrenaline you get when you see a snake or a spider in a place you didn’t expect. Yes, there’s some fear there (for some people more than others), but I’m asking about something deeper.

Do you ever feel afraid down to the core of your soul about some threat to your physical, emotional, or spiritual well-being?

Maybe the doctor has some bad news for you, or you’re worried about what someone thinks of you, or you did something sinful and you’re afraid you’ll never be the same again.

If you’re human, you will be afraid from time to time. The psalmist David says it in Psalm 56:3. “When I am afraid.” Not “if” I am afraid. “When” I am afraid. That means it’s inevitable for the rest of us, too.

It’s not just during a pandemic that we’ll be afraid. That situation has come and it will go, but the things that make us afraid will persist in our lives, paralyzing us if we don’t know how to handle them.

David shows us what to do: “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”

Can we do that? It’s not something that happens automatically. It’s a choice we have to make. The fear wells up inside, and we have to say, “God, I trust you. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I trust you.”

When we do that, the fear goes away. We still don’t know the outcome of the situation, but we can face it without fear.

I think it’s interesting that David writes those thoughts in two ways: “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you” and then “in God I trust and am not afraid.” Afraid, trust, not afraid.

We will have to repeat that cycle over and over as we go through all of the trials that come up in life. That’s okay. As long as we don’t get stuck in the “afraid” phase of the sequence, we’ll keep moving forward in faith.

If we use this time during the pandemic to practice, maybe it will be a little easier to live in trust instead of fear once life gets back to “normal.”

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise—in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” (Psalm 56:3-4 NIV)

What are you afraid of? How can focusing on God help you to choose to trust Him and not be afraid?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on What’s to Come

When I thought about what to write this week, Jeremiah 29:11 came to mind. Yes, that would be a good reminder, I thought. God has good plans for us. We can look forward to the future, even though we don’t understand what’s happening right now.

I decided to look at that verse in The Message version: “I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.”

The end of that verse threw me when I read it. God’s going to give me the future I hope for? So if I just hope that the world is going to go back to normal and that none of my friends and family die from the coronavirus, He’ll give me that? If I just hope for a future with good health and material blessings, I’ll get that?

I realized I needed to look at the verses around Jeremiah 29:11 to make sense of that phrase.

“This is what the Lord says: ‘When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.'” (Jeremiah 29:10-12 NIV)

Oh! So Israel was in captivity in Babylon. The future they hoped for was to come back to Jerusalem. That was God’s plan for them, too, so He was going to make it happen.

It might look like verse 12 says they’ll call on God and pray to Him after they get back to Jerusalem, but verses 13 & 14 make that more clear: “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

The calling on God and praying to Him and seeking Him all would happen while they were still in captivity. They were living as slaves in a foreign land, but Jeremiah gives them the promise that eventually (after 70 years!) they’ll be able to go back to life as normal in Jerusalem. They’re encouraged to settle into Babylon and actually enjoy life there. Verses 5-7 urge them to build houses, plant gardens, eat, marry, have children, and seek the peace and prosperity of Babylon.

The note in my Bible for Jeremiah 29:4-7 includes these interesting thoughts: “Life cannot grind to a halt during troubled times. In an unpleasant or distressing situation, we must adjust and keep moving.” (NIV Life Application Study Bible, Zondervan, 2011)

We are certainly in troubled times right now. We don’t know exactly what’s going to happen, but we can have hope. God knows what He’s doing. He’s got it all planned out. He will take care of us and He won’t abandon us.

We have to adjust and keep moving as we call on Him, pray to Him, and seek Him each and every day. We can even look forward to what’s to come, because we know it’s in His plan.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

Does your future seem hopeless right now? How can focusing on God help you to pray continuously and move ahead in faith instead of fear?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Being Crucified With Christ

I’ve been reading from My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers during my devotional time in the mornings. The verse for April 10 was Romans 6:6, but I decided to read verses 1-14. How fitting that today–Good Friday–I would read about Co-Crucifixion.

That’s a gruesome thought, isn’t it? Most of us have probably seen the movies that show in graphic detail the pain and suffering Jesus went through on that cruel cross. We don’t like to imagine ourselves dying like that. And, of course, we don’t literally have to, because Jesus died for us.

But we do have to be crucified with Christ. Oswald Chambers said, “…it is the great moment in my life when I do decide that just as Jesus Christ died for the sin of the world, so sin must die out in me, not be curbed or suppressed or counteracted, but crucified.”

It reminded me of a song based on Galatians 2:20: “I am crucified with Christ, therefore I no longer live. Jesus Christ now lives in me.” (You can hear it at the beginning of Steve Green’s song Embrace the Cross on YouTube.)

The truth is, I want to live with Christ, but I don’t really want to die with him. I’d rather keep holding on to my selfish little sins and rely on his grace. But Paul asks right here in Romans 6:1, “Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?”

We can’t. I can’t. So today I’ve been pondering that thought. “I am crucified with Christ.” If I truly believe that, then I may feel some pain as I decide to let the sin in me be put to death. I may have to endure some discomfort and I may not feel very good when I deny myself something.

But it’s worth it. When I allow the Holy Spirit to help me, I can be crucified with Christ. Today I’ll think about Jesus’ suffering as he died, and I’ll grieve my own sins that put him there. But I’ll also remember that I have hope.

He didn’t stay dead. On Sunday morning, he rose! And because he lives, I can live, too. He lives in me now, and in each person that believes that he died for them.

It’s almost too much for our human brains to comprehend. Such suffering! Such sacrifice!

Such love!

“For if we have been united with [Jesus] in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his.” (Romans 6:5 NIV)

Have you ever thought about being crucified with Christ? How can focusing on God help you to decide to put the sin in you to death and let Christ live in you instead?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on What’s on Our Minds

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been finding it even harder than usual to concentrate lately.

There are so many thoughts bouncing around in my head. Some are helpful and hopeful. Others are not helpful and they lead to despair if I focus on them too much.

Over the past couple of years, I’ve been learning more and more about how important our thoughts are. I’ve been learning how to look at what I’m thinking and make sure those thoughts are true and that they’re moving me in the right direction in life. It has been interesting, enlightening, and sometimes disturbing to see what’s on my mind.

Our brains are incredibly complex. And when we deal with depression, anxiety, or other mental illnesses, it can be especially challenging to figure out how much of our thinking is under our control and how much is affected by the illness.

I’m a Christian, so I’ve always know how important it is to believe God’s truth instead of Satan’s lies. I’ve done Bible studies about it and practiced it–with varying degrees of success. I even started a Facebook group this week called “Catch Your Thoughts” (based on 2 Corinthians 10:5) because I want to help people learn about and improve their thinking.

So it surprised me when I watched a Facebook live event and heard speaker Brenda Yoder talk about our mind (intellect) being influenced by either the flesh or the Spirit. She said it in the context of how important it is for writers to ask God what they should be writing about, but I latched onto it as the missing piece of the “Thought Life” puzzle I’ve been working on for a long time.

Of course! How could I have forgotten how important the Holy Spirit is when it comes to my thoughts? I’ve learned that. I’ve known that. I’ve experienced that. But lately, I had been relying solely on my intellect (my mind, will, and emotion) to sort out what I was thinking and if it was good for me.

Worse yet, there have been many times when I’ve allowed the flesh (my sinful nature and the world) to control how I’m thinking and feeling.

If you’re a Christian, you don’t have to struggle with what’s on your mind. If you take it to the Lord, the Holy Spirit will help you sort through it and discern what is true. The Spirit will lovingly point out thoughts and feelings that have no value so you can get rid of them and focus on better things.

Our mind is important. We can decide what we choose to think and how we choose to act. But we don’t have to go it alone. We have a Helper who is always ready to guide us.

I’m still figuring all of this out, so I invite you to comment here or go over to my new Facebook group and join the discussion. Together, we can make sure we have a mind controlled by the Spirit, and that will lead to life and peace, no matter what’s going on in our lives or in the world.

“The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.” (Romans 8:6 NIV)

What’s on your mind right now? How can focusing on God help you to take everything to Him and let the Spirit help you sort out your thoughts?

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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Little Victories

I love Wheel of Fortune.

I can solve most of the puzzles pretty quickly.

I yell at the screen when someone wastes money buying a vowel.

When Gary’s around, I say, “I should be on that show!” He always agrees.

Trouble is, I’ve been saying that for years. And I never took the time to fill out an application online and make a little audition video.

I’m sure it was fear (it usually is). What if I actually go on the show and make a fool of myself? What if I get nervous and can’t solve a single puzzle? What if I say “and” when it’s a crossword puzzle?

So I didn’t apply. That was safer. That was more comfortable. Until it wasn’t.

Lately it started to bother me that I hadn’t applied. After I watched every show, I felt a strange sensation inside. What if they stop asking for contestants? What if Pat and Vanna decide to retire? What if I never even try?

I finally decided I’d waited long enough. I didn’t want to have any regrets about not doing my part to try to get on the show. So last Sunday I had Gary record me doing my little one minute audition and I filled out the online application. (See the video here or down below.)

It’s a little victory!

In this uncertain time, it may seem silly to try out for Wheel of Fortune, but maybe there’s something you’ve been putting off for a long, long time.

Instead of binging on Netflix and scrolling your Facebook feed, maybe you can do something to get a little closer to one of your dreams.

You want to write a book? Take a blank sheet of paper and brainstorm all the ideas you can about your topic.

You dream of visiting a foreign country? Well, that one may have to wait a while, but for now you could take a half hour and research the country’s most popular attractions.

You want to lose some weight? Write down what you’re going to do for exercise every day this week.

You want to get more organized? Set a timer for fifteen minutes and clean out one drawer.

When you get those things done, you can celebrate your little victories. And lots of little victories will eventually lead to some giant wins.

At least that’s what I’m hoping for when I get to the Bonus Round.

“Hard work always pays off; mere talk puts no bread on the table.” (Proverbs 14:23 The Message)

Do you feel defeated right now? How can focusing on God help you to celebrate some little victories and get closer to accomplishing your goals?

What do you think? Do I have a shot?
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Focus Friday: Let’s Focus on Our New Normal

Well, it’s been quite a week, hasn’t it?

I think we’re all trying to get used to our new normal.

I’ve heard several friends say it feels like such a long time that we’ve been dealing with this. We have been watching the situation unfold around the world for quite a while, but it has actually only been about a week that it really started to affect us.

Sporting events, conferences, and vacations started getting cancelled. Schools have been closed and online classes are beginning.

Grocery store shelves are sometimes bare as people stock up for the unknown.

We’re washing our hands and dumping on hand sanitizer and trying to stay six feet away from everyone we see when we do venture out of the house.

I’ve been handling it as well as I can, just like everyone else. I have noticed that I’m stress eating way too much (like that helps at all) and I’ve had more trouble concentrating when I’m trying to write or edit.

I’ll get involved in something for a while and kind of forget about what’s happening, and then the realization floods back over me that life is not the same as it was.

There’s a danger out there. We don’t know how bad it’s going to get before it’s over – or even when it will be over. I teared up tonight while watching the news and seeing the emergency room filled with people wearing ventilators over in Italy.

We won’t gather for church this Sunday. Instead, Gary will record a message and we’ll post it on our church website for people to watch. Who knows when we’ll be able to meet together again?

It’s our new normal.

We don’t like it. We don’t understand it. We don’t want to get used to it.

But we will.

We’ll find ways to connect, even if it can’t be in person. We’ll find ways to reach out, even if we need to leave six feet between us. We’ll find ways to help each other, even if we’re not quite sure how to help ourselves.

Hang on to hope, my friends, even when everything seems hopeless. God is in control. Because of that, we can keep choosing peace, even in the midst of chaos.

May that become our new normal, even after this virus is long gone.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7 NIV)

Are you getting used to our new normal? How can focusing on God help you to keep choosing peace in the middle of the chaos and uncertainty?

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Super Saturday: Let’s Focus on Something Other Than the Coronavirus

Wow. I haven’t had a Super Saturday post in a long time. I blame the coronavirus.

Oh, don’t worry. I don’t have it, but I have been dealing with the stress of bouncing from thinking “it’s not a big deal” to the extreme of “we’re all going to die.” I’ve been listening to the news and reading most of the posts people are putting on their Facebook feeds.

On Friday we found out that our son’s college is sending everyone home by Wednesday and they’ll complete the school year with online classes. (Just when we were getting used to the empty nest!)

I’m not going to recap the situation or speculate about all that is happening around the world in regards to this pandemic. I’m sure most of you have heard more than enough about all of this.

Instead, I want us to take some time to focus on something other than the coronavirus.

When fear wants to control our thoughts and actions, let’s focus instead on the fact that God has everything under control and we can move ahead with confidence–no matter what happens.

When Satan whispers that everything is meaningless, let’s focus instead on all that is still right and beautiful and good in this big, wide world.

When anxiety tries to hold us hostage and keep us from getting things done, let’s focus instead on the peace we can choose (over and over again) and the confidence we can gain as we do things in spite of feeling anxious.

When we’re tempted to sit all alone and worry, let’s focus instead on who we can reach out to and encourage. We can do that through a phone call, a handwritten card or letter (remember those?), or even a timely Facebook post.

When it feels like everything is falling apart, let’s focus instead on how God keeps everything together. We may not understand it all right now, but we can trust Him and move forward in faith.

There’s so much more to focus on than . . . wait – what was that thing we were so worried about?

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together [except during the coronavirus pandemic], as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:23-25 NIV – brackets mine)

Are you dealing with extra stress during these uncertain times? How can focusing on God help you to keep living well each day – in spite of the questions you may have?